Extremely Difficult Relationship with Parents

attik · 23-08-2012 01:04AM #1

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has any advice- I'm a 23 year old girl and I'm living with my Dad. My parents have been split up for years and both of them have really severe personal issues. My mother has had a very stressful life (her father was an alcoholic, gambler, and all round awful person) and she now drinks quite alot every evening, and is on medication for anxiety and depression. This depression has led to the house being horrific- the fridge is full of rotting food, and you can't walk in alot of the rooms because of the mess. A few monthes ago, I decided to move in with my Dad due to the awfulness of the situation.

My Dad though is genuinely insane- he frequently tells me to get the **** out, that he never wanted me, goes through my personal things, and so on. Its really all very random though- nothing provokes it, he just has an absolutely rage for no real reason. Its incredibly stressful, and I frequently just shake due to the strain of it. Due to my pretty crap financial situation (I'm working part-time), I can't move out however. But I also really really can't live like this- I feel like I'll have a nervous breakdown due to the strain of it. Does anyone have advice on how to cope with this better? Any advice at all would be much appreciated.
Thanks.

jimmycrackcorm · 23-08-2012 01:19AM

Can you even afford to house share? It's not a good environment to be in and I doubt you can change it from within that.

Otherwise if not possible then it sounds like you can be better off with your mother. At least there you can do something about the fridge and the rooms to make it a bit better.

curlzy · 23-08-2012 09:19AM

Hey OP,

That sounds just awful OP. I'm not sure if this would help but as your situation sounds so severe perhaps a woman's refuge would help you? At the end of the day your father is abusing you, he may not be hitting you but he is abusing you. It certainly sounds as if you are headed to a bad end, the fact you shake just from the stress of it sounds like it's starting to take a physical impact. I know the women's refuge's are usually for victims of domestic violence by husbands I'm sure they would at least advise you on how to get out of your situation.

Here's the number for women's aid: 1800 341 900. Give them a ring and I'm sure they'll be able to help.

Big hug and best of luck.

username123 · 23-08-2012 12:24PM

You are 23. Move out. Check with citizens info what entitlements you can get re rent allowance etc.. You cant stay in that environment.

attik · 27-08-2012 08:06PM

Thanks for the advice all. I did, as curlzy suggested, call womens aid, and they told me to call social services and see about rent allowance. I did, and they basically told me I don't qualify because me parents seem willing to support me. I'm just at a lose end here- I can't even focus in my job because of the stress. I'm not suicidal, but I really feel that this is a hopeless situation that just has no chance of improvement.

She Who Dares Wins · 27-08-2012 08:51PM

I agree that in the short term you should move back in with your mother. It sounds safer. At the very least start spending as little time as possible in the house, take up running or join a library or something.

Is there any hope of getting a second part time job, try on jobs.ie or fas.ie. Anything that would let you scrape a bit of cash together. Would there be any chance of getting a letter from the gp that your mother gets her prescription from recommending that you move out due to mental health risks and take that to the social welfare, maybe the community welfare officer?

Keep the chin up and remember things do change, just dont lose sight of that.

Extremely Difficult Relationship with Parents

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