How much to give at a wedding

Colmustard · 19-08-2012 07:05PM

Motorist wrote: »

What do you mean "country wedding trend"? Should all weddings be held in Dublin or beside where you live?

Well that would help.

Most of the country weddings I attended were people from and living in Dublin.

Jame Gumb · 19-08-2012 07:07PM

Motorist wrote: »

Colmustard wrote: »

Easilly I dread getting an invite, when you factor in the stag and the usual B+Bs because of the country wedding trend, the presents the day itself, it can cost a mininmun 500+.

There was 1 year I went to 6 and that year I had no holiday and very little disposable income. People think they are granting you a privilege by giving you an invite and you feel obligated to go.

Another thing is I always hated weddings and I have went to about 40 after the last one in fetard a year ago I announced I am going to no-more.

What do you mean "country wedding trend"? Should all weddings be held in Dublin or beside where you live?

Poster probably referring to the trend of couples getting married in places they've no connection with at all (e.g. Dublin couple in Parknasilla). Very costly for guests.

rainbowtrout · 19-08-2012 07:23PM

Motorist wrote: »

I agree the cost of a wedding can be very high, but thinking about it - it's just a church ceremony and then a hotel reception. I think people expect a decent meal - you would have a decent meal for a birthday, or a colleagues going away party, etc - and then some entertainment after.

It's not all that extravagant, and the typical Irish wedding isn't exactly something you'll see on MTV.

It's unfortunate that a simple day does add so quickly to 15-20K but that just seems to be the reality of the situation. While I detest couples asking for presents or money, I think it's not that much to give around 60 to 75 euro a head. In fairness, if you went out for a meal with your friends or a night out with them, you wouldn't think twice about spending that amount. The line probably starts getting blurred when you're inviting people you haven't seen in years or who you barely know.

The other side of that is that 99% of Irish couples don't think beyond the hotel reception, now with drinks/champagne etc on arrival, meal, band and DJ. Not saying should be complete cheapskates on their wedding, but absolutely outrageous money is spent on one day in this country.

A friend of mine chose to get married in America a few years ago because she knew if they had the big wedding here it would cost an arm and a leg. I was invited to America but she didn't expect me to attend and I couldn't have afforded it anyway. She said her wedding including a honeymoon in America cost 7k, and when they came home they had a party/BBQ in the local pub where they dressed up in wedding dress and suit and had a DJ in the pub and it was great craic. Very casual and everyone still felt like they were someone involved with the wedding because the couple were in their wedding gear.

Weddings don't have to have every frill attached at a cost of 20K, most of which the guests often feel they are paying for with their gifts.

Motorist · 19-08-2012 07:29PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

The other side of that is that 99% of Irish couples don't think beyond the hotel reception, now with drinks/champagne etc on arrival, meal, band and DJ. Not saying should be complete cheapskates on their wedding, but absolutely outrageous money is spent on one day in this country.

A friend of mine chose to get married in America a few years ago because she knew if they had the big wedding here it would cost an arm and a leg. I was invited to America but she didn't expect me to attend and I couldn't have afforded it anyway. She said her wedding including a honeymoon in America cost 7k, and when they came home they had a party/BBQ in the local pub where they dressed up in wedding dress and suit and had a DJ in the pub and it was great craic. Very casual and everyone still felt like they were someone involved with the wedding because the couple were in their wedding gear.

Weddings don't have to have every frill attached at a cost of 20K, most of which the guests often feel they are paying for with their gifts.

I agree every frill does add up and is probably unnecessary. I think a meal and a band, maybe a DJ , and the church is not being extravagant though. Maybe the obscene costs add up also with "exclusive" venues which aren't really all that special, I dont know. Or maybe it's just people inviting they everyone they ever met.

The thing about your friend getting married in the US - fair enough she got it cheap, but how much extra cost did that put on the guests did decide to go? You're looking at around 700 euro, maybe more, on flights alone per person.

rainbowtrout · 19-08-2012 07:41PM

Motorist wrote: »

I agree every frill does add up and is probably unnecessary. I think a meal and a band, maybe a DJ , and the church is not being extravagant though. Maybe the obscene costs add up also with "exclusive" venues which aren't really all that special, I dont know. Or maybe it's just people inviting they everyone they ever met.

The thing about your friend getting married in the US - fair enough she got it cheap, but how much extra cost did that put on the guests did decide to go? You're looking at around 700 euro, maybe more, on flights alone per person.

Herself and her husband paid for their parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen to go. They went in winter at an off peak time to keep costs down. Nobody was under any pressure to go, and if I had been off work I probably wouldn't have gone anyway. I'm not a big fan of having it abroad to keep the cost down, where essentially the cost is transferred to the guests, but in this case the wedding party was very small and as much as possible was covered by the bride and groom.

In terms of the hotel, band, DJ, not saying people shouldn't have these things but there's nothing to stop people having a smaller meal perhaps with immediate family and a party later on that night in a venue (hotel or otherwise). It seemed to be ingrained in people's minds that they have to have a band and a DJ when one or the other might be fine.

tinkerbell · 19-08-2012 07:53PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Herself and her husband paid for their parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen to go. They went in winter at an off peak time to keep costs down. Nobody was under any pressure to go, and if I had been off work I probably wouldn't have gone anyway. I'm not a big fan of having it abroad to keep the cost down, where essentially the cost is transferred to the guests, but in this case the wedding party was very small and as much as possible was covered by the bride and groom.

Well at least your friend paid for their parents and bridal party to go to the wedding. I think it's ridiculous for people to have a wedding abroad and not help the bridal party out because at the end of the day, if you're in the bridal party you HAVE to go to the wedding, whereas if you're strapped for cash as a regular guest, you can decline the invite. Doesn't work the same way with the bridal party.

Motorist · 19-08-2012 07:59PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

A friend of mine chose to get married in America a few years ago because she knew if they had the big wedding here it would cost an arm and a leg. I was invited to America but she didn't expect me to attend and I couldn't have afforded it anyway. She said her wedding including a honeymoon in America cost 7k, and when they came home they had a party/BBQ in the local pub where they dressed up in wedding dress and suit and had a DJ in the pub and it was great craic. Very casual and everyone still felt like they were someone involved with the wedding because the couple were in their wedding gear.

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Herself and her husband paid for their parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen to go. They went in winter at an off peak time to keep costs down. Nobody was under any pressure to go, and if I had been off work I probably wouldn't have gone anyway. I'm not a big fan of having it abroad to keep the cost down, where essentially the cost is transferred to the guests, but in this case the wedding party was very small and as much as possible was covered by the bride and groom.

In terms of the hotel, band, DJ, not saying people shouldn't have these things but there's nothing to stop people having a smaller meal perhaps with immediate family and a party later on that night in a venue (hotel or otherwise). It seemed to be ingrained in people's minds that they have to have a band and a DJ when one or the other might be fine.

4 parents, couple getting married, say 3 bridal party, 2 groomsmen. That's eleven people. Cheapest possible to the US would be 500 return (I doubt you'd get it at that) 500 x 11 people is €5500. She did well getting the rest of the wedding and a honeymoon in for 1.5K.

rainbowtrout · 19-08-2012 08:03PM

Motorist wrote: »

4 parents, couple getting married, say 3 bridal party, 2 groomsmen. That's eleven people. Cheapest possible to the US would be 500 return (I doubt you'd get it at that) 500 x 11 people is €5500. She did well getting the rest of the wedding and a honeymoon in for 1.5K.

Well maybe she hadn't all the costs factored in at the time, and really I wasn't about to question it, but I do know she paid for them. Think they went with some sort of group booking and got a deal. Don't really remember now.

rainbowtrout · 19-08-2012 08:03PM

tinkerbell wrote: »

Well at least your friend paid for their parents and bridal party to go to the wedding. I think it's ridiculous for people to have a wedding abroad and not help the bridal party out because at the end of the day, if you're in the bridal party you HAVE to go to the wedding, whereas if you're strapped for cash as a regular guest, you can decline the invite. Doesn't work the same way with the bridal party.

Totally agree.

Catriona Murray · 29-08-2012 12:13PM

Ned_led16 wrote: »

Well fekin said - u get married u pay for it!!

cheapskate

bamboozle · 29-08-2012 02:09PM

we got married abroad, had a no presents policy, but still many people gave generous presents.

what we have done since going through our wedding process is put a wedding card and cheque for 200 in the post 2 to 3 weeks before the wedding.

edit- from looking above - we paid for groomsmen and bridesmaids party flights and for accommodation for the families (still worked out a lot cheaper than an irish wedding even with having free bar for 2 days and other stuff aimed to keep costs down for guests)

29-08-2012 02:25PM

Motorist wrote: »

One thing I dont understand is this new trend of turning it into a wedding weekend with a meal out the next night. I think one day is enough.

Well I've never been to a meal with the wedding crew the next day but there is always a session the next day or a BBQ back at the house and its always great craic often better than the wedding itself, the cure is usually badly needed after the wedding anyway.

Was at a close friends sisters wedding a few years ago, second night was unreal and was all on the house. More than 100 people back at the parents house of the girl who got married , proper bar setup (Guinness and larger on tap), fully catered and a massive marquee was some craic. We had to get a spare keg of Guinness at the local as we drank 3 of them before the end of the night :eek:

swimming in a sea · 29-08-2012 03:14PM

I've only been to one wedding and for the record gave €150 from the girlfriend and me, i was going to give 250 but she said that was way to much.

The reception was in a country hotel, the manager of the hotel was on microphone welcoming the couple in the hall kept name dropping his hotel in every sentence, for **** sake we knew where we were, it was pure cringe.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 29-08-2012 03:26PM

I was at 4 weddings this year, at 3 of them we gave 150. One of them put one of those fuc king 'we have everything please give us money' rhymes in their invitation and so they got a voucher for 100 which TBH was too much as the cheeky feckers were effectively asking their guests to pay for their wedding. I would have refused to go and give nothing at all except it was a family wedding and had to keep the peace and all that ****e.

opinion guy · 30-08-2012 11:25PM

CJC999 wrote: »

I was at 4 weddings this year, at 3 of them we gave 150. One of them put one of those fuc king 'we have everything please give us money' rhymes in their invitation and so they got a voucher for 100 which TBH was too much as the cheeky feckers were effectively asking their guests to pay for their wedding. I would have refused to go and give nothing at all except it was a family wedding and had to keep the peace and all that ****e.

Yeah the cheek of them not wanting 14 new toasters, 5 new microwaves or a 43rd set of china:rolleyes:

Lighten up - what difference does it make - most people give presents to 'offset the cost of the wedding' anyhow. At least these people are being honest

Cee-Jay-Cee · 30-08-2012 11:43PM

opinion guy wrote: »

Yeah the cheek of them not wanting 14 new toasters, 5 new microwaves or a 43rd set of china:rolleyes:

Lighten up - what difference does it make - most people give presents to 'offset the cost of the wedding' anyhow. At least these people are being honest

The vast majority of people give money as a gift, there is absolutely no need to ask for it. No one buys microwaves or toasters or crap like that anymore and you know that perfectly well. My point is that because they were so cheeky asking for money then they got less. It's a cheek to even ask for a gift at all, what they're basically saying is 'here is your invite, now give me money to cover the cost of inviting you.'

Weddings have become money spinners these days, most weddings pay for themselves plus more. I was at a wedding where there were 480 guests, it was like a cattle mart. The wedding and honeymoon was fully paid for with the gifts of money and there was enough left over to buy a 2yr old Honda accord which are €16k+

Cienciano · 31-08-2012 12:00AM

CJC999 wrote: »

The vast majority of people give money as a gift, there is absolutely no need to ask for it. No one buys microwaves or toasters or crap like that anymore and you know that perfectly well. My point is that because they were so cheeky asking for money then they got less. It's a cheek to even ask for a gift at all, what they're basically saying is 'here is your invite, now give me money to cover the cost of inviting you.'

Weddings have become money spinners these days, most weddings pay for themselves plus more. I was at a wedding where there were 480 guests, it was like a cattle mart. The wedding and honeymoon was fully paid for with the gifts of money and there was enough left over to buy a 2yr old Honda accord which are €16k+

Just imagine they got 480 gifts. They'd have to hire a warehouse or a skip to dump all the crap they got.

opinion guy · 31-08-2012 12:36AM

CJC999 wrote: »

you know that perfectly well

Don't tell me what I know. I've not been closely enough involved with a wedding to know what the vast majority of people give

False Prophet · 31-08-2012 01:36AM

Basically if you go to a full traditional wedding your suppose to give cash (minimum 100€ for single, 150 for 2 ppl).
If you decline a full wedding invite or go to the afters you should give (25-50€ per person).

The reason you should give money/one4all vouchers over presents is that it is more practical for a newly married couple than stuff that they will never use/value.

It's like rounds in a bar,you give money to their wedding, they return the favour for your wedding/your child communion/confirmation,21st,etc).

The reason i imagine that some ppl feel the need to use a present list/state money only is to prevent people(looks like some are on this thread;)) not giving anything or giving rubbish.

31-08-2012 08:47AM

you should give for declining an invite? eh no

Annasopra · 31-08-2012 08:51AM

bluewolf wrote: »

you should give for declining an invite? eh no

Of course you should

Quorum · 31-08-2012 09:20AM

jclally wrote: »

What do people think is the right amount to put in a wedding card?

I always used to give €200. We had three weddings in four weeks last year so cash was tight; the first two got €150. The third got €100 and I was really embarrassed giving it, though my girlfriend said it was plenty.

What would / do you give?

Embarrassed, really? At the last wedding I attended, I gave the couple 50 euro. I had just finished college and seeking employment, so that was all I could afford, considering I had to travel for the wedding and stay overnight. But I think 50 is grand, even if money isn't tight.

31-08-2012 09:51AM

bluewolf wrote: »

you should give for declining an invite? eh no

In most cases yes you should imo, obviously less than if you went though.

31-08-2012 09:55AM

I'm polling my colleagues here and they say no
:pac:
if it's a good friend and you can't make it for some reason yeah sure but your average acquaintance or 5th cousin 10 times removed? no way

cloud493 · 31-08-2012 10:21AM

I find this whole thing ridiculous/ 200 quid to attend a wedding they invited you to? On your bike.

Quorum · 31-08-2012 11:22AM

Melanoma wrote: »

If you are getting a meal and entertainment (church, band, disco) its a good night out so like 50 euro would not really cover it.

Why would you have to "cover" it?

wicklowgal · 31-08-2012 11:31AM

I got married recently and plenty of couples gave us €100. People do not have the money these days, it's not fair saying what you are 'supposed' to give. We were very grateful for all of our gifts. Makes me very angry to see couples getting married and seeing the wedding as a money making exercise.

opinion guy · 31-08-2012 11:33AM

mango salsa wrote: »

Of course you should

Brayden Gorgeous Balcony wrote: »

In most cases yes you should imo, obviously less than if you went though.

Why should you ?

(this is not mean to an argument .....I'm just wondering what your reasoning is)

wicklowgal · 31-08-2012 11:34AM

opinion guy wrote: »

Yeah the cheek of them not wanting 14 new toasters, 5 new microwaves or a 43rd set of china:rolleyes:

Lighten up - what difference does it make - most people give presents to 'offset the cost of the wedding' anyhow. At least these people are being honest

I would have given this couple nothing. How dare they. A gift is a gift.

podgemonster · 31-08-2012 11:37AM

False Prophet wrote: »

Basically if you go to a full traditional wedding your suppose to give cash (minimum 100€ for single, 150 for 2 ppl).
If you decline a full wedding invite or go to the afters you should give (25-50€ per person).

What? If I'm relagated to the Afters list, they'll get a nice card and a handsake.

Sure your costing the couple noting but floor space on the dance floor during Rock the Boat, no reason why you should be giving anything.

How much to give at a wedding

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