How much to give at a wedding

later12 wrote: »

Why do people give money as wedding gifts?

When my brother got married, a it was the first time I realised people actually do this, a lot. I think it's a terrible gift. The bride & groom basically just use it as a deduction from the cost of their wedding, which they were quite happy to pay for anyway.

Completely disagree, People gave presents before as the couple went from a wedding to their first house which needed to be furnished. Not the case anymore. The only gifts I got that im delighted with would be framed photos of a day I hadnt my camera with me, other presents while very nice are typically things that we already have something similar. The cash is always handy but most important is that people take the time to come.

Personally I love the odd wedding, great way to catch up with different groups and a grand excuse to get away for a weekend.

greenbicycle wrote: »

That does sound like fun but is possibly not ging to suit everyone at the party. I am thinking of some of the oldies in my family!

Also that just sounds like the barbeque that you described, something that will/may happen frequently in your life. Most people want soemthing s little special for their weedding, something a little different to what they would normally do for a party.

Oh and i live in an apartment, no chance of having everyone back if it were my wedding.

I live in dublin, no chance of fitting everyone into most houses i know if were to even borrow a house for the day.

But despite what every bride and groom think about their wedding, it's not that special to anyone else. All of the weddings I've been to in the last 10 years have involved 1.5 hours in a church, drive to a hotel, drinks at hotel on arrival, meal at 6pm, speeches, band for a couple of hours, DJ. Every single one. They've all rolled into one big wedding at this stage.

Have a BBQ out the back is more likely to be less stressful on bride and groom and guests who are more likely to remember it. Most brides and grooms seem to spend their day posing for photos and going from table to table making sure they've spoken to all their guests. It looks wearisome to be honest.

rainbowtrout wrote: »

But despite what every bride and groom think about their wedding, it's not that special to anyone else. All of the weddings I've been to in the last 10 years have involved 1.5 hours in a church, drive to a hotel, drinks at hotel on arrival, meal at 6pm, speeches, band for a couple of hours, DJ. Every single one. They've all rolled into one big wedding at this stage.

Have a BBQ out the back is more likely to be less stressful on bride and groom and guests who are more likely to remember it. Most brides and grooms seem to spend their day posing for photos and going from table to table making sure they've spoken to all their guests. It looks wearisome to be honest.

Might be like all other weddings but its not about being different from other weddings its about being different from other parties you have over the rest of your life.

Speaking to your guests is not wearisome at all, its what you want to do, why invite someone you dont want to try and talk to?

Yes photos i admit can be the least enjoyable bit of a day but its not that bad, no one would do them if they were that bad!you want to capture images of you looking amazing, who doesnt? Most of my photos were not posed though so we didnt spend a lot of time getting formal photos done, it was grand!

A harden party might be fun but it is not feasible, certainly not in my case in an apartment and i wouldnt fit all my guests into my patents garden....

Anyway my point was that the cost was not going to be minimal at a garden party or hog roast....

We are getting a bit off topic though are we not?

Gave €200 to a married couple at the last wedding i went to. I knew them both very well, though i knew the guy longer and was a close mate.
He told me some of his mates he knew longer than me gave them nothing! Thing is though, we haven't spoken in over 2 years now, i don't really know what's going on there but the ball is in his corner. One tends to get tired of doing all the contacting after a while, so when you leave it for a while and nothing comes back, it gives you an idea how little you meant to them. Out of sight, out of mind.

kylith wrote: »

One hog costs about €600, and will feed up to 150 people, from the place one of my brothers got it. That doesn't include any salads but I think they'll lay on a full spread for about €10pp. We got a keg of Carlsberg and a keg of Guinness too, so you can factor in however much that would be.

I have no idea how much any of their weddings came to. I didn't ask and they didn't volunteer the information. I can't imagine it came anywhere near the 10K that some people would consider normal.

Sounds like a good deal for the roast. No wine at the party for the non beer drinkers?

Your in dublin 8 are your brothers there too? How did you fit 150 people, you must have a massive house!

Still, ask them how much their wedding was in total, bet youll be alittle surprised...

Anyway, i didnt care too much about the amounts of gifts i got, some was cash some wasnt, some cash was in excess of 1000 from one person others gave 100 between two people, we were delighted with evertying. Its the one or two who gave nothing who had no ties, full time well paying jobs, no family, mortgage etc. really wanted them at the wedding but thought of them as a little scabby....

Gifts in no way paid for our wedding at all, not even half but we didnt expect it to.

finbarrk wrote: »

€150 is loads for a couple these days. Even €100 would do some of them depending on how well you know them.

Yeah, I think that's fairly standard. If you're both really close to them and have the cash €200.

TBH op, don't feel embarrassed, if the bride and groom think you're "scabby" for giving €100 they're assholes. They'll be happy with anything. Unless you get them a shíte present like a footspa when they request money.

Jame Gumb wrote: »

It depends on your means.

€500 for a brother wouldn't be off the wall for someone with a decent job but if someone's under the kosh financially, they shouldn't feel under pressure to come up with that sort of cash.

I gave a bit more than that at a siblings wedding. And I was broke. I had to save for 3 months to cover the cost of the gift and the wedding. But it wasn't like an old mate or someone I work with. It was a very close family member.

I went to a friend's wedding last year. I gave them €50. It was all I could afford, I'm a student, people seem to forget that it does often cost you to attend a wedding as well. She was delighted with it (well to my face anyway!) She wouldn't be the type to be snobby about a present. I'd be the same if I were getting married - 50 quid from my parents would feel a tad measly, but from my friends I'd be touched to get anything really.

As for the thing of actual gifts - that was common practice when people sorted their first homes after getting married. It's much more common now for couples to live together before they get married, so they'll often have everything. And as someone said, how do you know that ten other people haven't already thought of a toaster? Also, if they have their own homes they probably have their own colour schemes etc. so if they have a muted green and white kitchen then your red and black toaster isn't even getting out of the box anyway. I think gifts are best left to close friends and family and should be sentimental non-money type things - filled photo albums or whatever.
I think that when my siblings get married - it'll be a long time after me as there's a big age gap - I'd like to do something like pay for their photographer. Same thing as giving them money really but then they can think, my wedding photos are courtesy of my big sis.

Generally, as someone else said I think it's a matter of how much you can afford and how close you are to the couple. I do think in this day and age that 200 is a bit extortionate. Tis a recession after all, people don't have heaps of money to give and the couple will be keeping it cheaper too. I really do think it's particularly unreasonable if you're travelling and staying over, that shizz doesnt come cheap.