How much to give at a wedding

kylith wrote: »

If they can't afford to pay for people they're inviting then they should invite only the amount of people they can afford. I throw a big BBQ for my birthday every year, but I sure as hell don't stand at my door with my hand out for people's contribution to the food bill. Red21, there, has handed out about €4,000 to people at weddings, which is more than enough to pay for one of his own.

Expecting people to pay 'x for the dinner and a bit more' is what has people landing themselves in debt when the expected monetary contributions aren't quite as good as they hoped.

Give what you can afford, people. Don't get carried away with how much you're 'supposed' to give. And if you can't give anything then give your best wishes.

I only said it's what I heard. Besides, if you're supposed to give X amount and you know it, you can always refuse to go.

later12 wrote: »

Why do people give money as wedding gifts?

When my brother got married, a it was the first time I realised people actually do this, a lot. I think it's a terrible gift. The bride & groom basically just use it as a deduction from the cost of their wedding, which they were quite happy to pay for anyway.

Don't your parents have any wedding gifts in your house that they like to look back on and say "this was from ______, as a gift for our wedding", with all of the happy memories that go along with that?

Although I'm not a believer in marriage myself, I think that tangible wedding gifts like this actually create warm and lasting memories of what many people would describe as the most important day of their lives. It's only right & proper that the people who are close to you commemorate their participation in this day with a real and meaningful gift, not some bank giro:eek:

I never actually realised until now that people give money so much

mattjack wrote: »

Yep .. I do that too, but I tape a torn bit of fancy wedding paper to the envelope and announce loudly that the present must have got separated from the envelope and sure it'll turn up shortly.

On a more serious note , I've a friend getting married for the third time shortly and she's not even 40 years old....should I ask for refund on the other two wedding presents ?

If you want to reveal your true cheapskate stinginess then yeah

mango salsa wrote: »

If you want to reveal your true cheapskate stinginess then yeah

I was thinking that... so I got mrs Mattlack to ask her the secret to her sucess.

kylith wrote: »

Red21, there, has handed out about €4,000 to people at weddings, which is more than enough to pay for one of his own.

Eh more than enough? Not really..... Well, you could i suppose. Would be fairly basic though...

I hate these threads where people Start all this crap about your presence alone should be enough and a card is sufficient as the couple should be happy to see you on the day. Course the couple are delighted you are there but they are putting a lot of effort in to try and make sure you have a good time. That doesnt come cheap! And takes a lot of time and planning! Give them something a bit worthy!

I thought we were doing so well in this thread and everyone was normal but i can see it descending into one that attracts those people who say they expected no presents at all but in secret they are really thinking about how scabby people are....ugh!

I got invited to a wedding and was told by the groom to get something for the new house instead of a cash gift. They ended up with loads of family name plaque mirror things and bed sheets to last a lifetime. I didn't want to go to heatons for a present so i gave them 100e and a card.

Haroldinio wrote: »

I got invited to a wedding and was told by the groom to get something for the new house instead of a cash gift. They ended up with loads of family name plaque mirror things and bed sheets to last a lifetime. I didn't want to go to heatons for a present so i gave them 100e and a card.

i had a mate who registered with a big shop and made a list. You could buy something off the list and the shop delivered it with a card you signed. I as a poor student at the time so a few of us bought one of the more expensive items by chipping in together. the guy specificly made the list include a load of cheap things so that everyone who was coming would have something in the correct price range.

Grayson wrote: »

I only said it's what I heard. Besides, if you're supposed to give X amount and you know it, you can always refuse to go.

No-one has ever told me that I'm 'supposed' to give a certain amount and I've always assumed that people have asked me to the wedding because they want me there, not solely for my monetary contribution, so I'll continue to give what I can afford and going anyway.

later12 wrote: »

Why do people give money as wedding gifts?

When my brother got married, a it was the first time I realised people actually do this, a lot. I think it's a terrible gift. The bride & groom basically just use it as a deduction from the cost of their wedding, which they were quite happy to pay for anyway.

Don't your parents have any wedding gifts in your house that they like to look back on and say "this was from ______, as a gift for our wedding", with all of the happy memories that go along with that?

Although I'm not a believer in marriage myself, I think that tangible wedding gifts like this actually create warm and lasting memories of what many people would describe as the most important day of their lives. It's only right & proper that the people who are close to you commemorate their participation in this day with a real and meaningful gift, not some bank giro:eek:

I reckon it's because, most people live together before they get married these days, and the giving of presents was previously for the furnishing of their first house. I remember my brother's wedding just as the giving of gifts was on the wane; they got four toasters and some of the most criminally ugly lamps I've ever seen in my life.

Muckit wrote: »

What would people think of friends invited to the whole wedding 'chipping in together' to buy you a present? (like a gift card?) .... I have 5 friends from work and I'm sure that they will do this.... and they'I be bringing partners!!!

Sounds like a good idea

Grayson wrote: »

But you still have an idea. most places are 40-60 per head. swankier places will be up to 100 a head. So when you're giving a gift, it's supposed to be enough to cover the cost of them inviting you, plus a little bit extra so It's actually a gift.

I'd disagree a bit with you. If someone spends 100 on the dinner then they are having a great day but they should pay for the honour like of being so swanky.

Its not up to the guest invited to pay over the odds.

greenbicycle wrote: »

Eh more than enough? Not really..... Well, you could i suppose. Would be fairly basic though...

So? If someone wants a big wedding, that's grand, but they shouldn't count on their guests covering the cost. It'd be great if they did, but you shouldn't depend on it.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been, as you put it, basic; a trip to the registry office and back to the house where's there's a slab of beer and a hog roast in the garden is, imo, much more fun than an hour's ceremony in the church, hanging around for photos afterward, and a seating-planned carvery meal with interminable toasts.

kylith wrote: »

So? If someone wants a big wedding, that's grand, but they shouldn't count on their guests covering the cost. It'd be great if they did, but you shouldn't depend on it.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been, as you put it, basic; a trip to the registry office and back to the house where's there's a slab of beer and a hog roast in the garden is, imo, much more fun than an hour's ceremony in the church, hanging around for photos afterward, and a seating-planned carvery meal with interminable toasts.

That does sound like fun but is possibly not ging to suit everyone at the party. I am thinking of some of the oldies in my family!

Also that just sounds like the barbeque that you described, something that will/may happen frequently in your life. Most people want soemthing s little special for their weedding, something a little different to what they would normally do for a party.

Oh and i live in an apartment, no chance of having everyone back if it were my wedding.

I live in dublin, no chance of fitting everyone into most houses i know if were to even borrow a house for the day.

later12 wrote: »

It may not be uncommon, but I would suggest that yes, it certainly is unusual.

I'm not judging anyone who thinks this way, I just don't understand it. If you cannot afford the day, why not do something else equally (or more) fun and memorable with the people who really matter and the money you have?

I find it hard to believe that getting drunk and dancing to Abba hits in the function room of a Celbridge (or wherever) hotel is the most fun that someone could have with their friends and family for €30k, but different strokes for different folks I suppose.

I agree. I hate the idea of having a reception that costs 50 quid a head with warm chicken and ham for dinner and ice cream for dessert. A crap band and as you said, an abba medley to finish with. Not to mention those stupid irish dancers people get to perform.

I'd far prefer to do something different. Go abroad somewhere sunny and maybe rent a resteraunt for the night. The plus side to that is I can invite feck loads and they won't come unless they actually want to be there.

kylith wrote: »

No-one has ever told me that I'm 'supposed' to give a certain amount and I've always assumed that people have asked me to the wedding because they want me there, not solely for my monetary contribution, so I'll continue to give what I can afford and going anyway. .

You're right. But wrong too

They invite you because they want you there. But you still cost them money. And you're not the only one. A small wedding could still have 50 guests. And having 100+ at a wedding is not too unusual. That's 2.5-5k before you consider the costs of the wedding, dresses and everything else. A small wedding can still cost 10k. So it's nice to help out and make sure that they don't end up regretting inviting everyone they wanted there.
To put your argument the other way. If you didn't go, you wouldn't cost them anything. If you go and help cover costs, then they're not gaining anything. The only thing they're actually gaining is your company.


And when i say supposed, I mean in the way an engagement ring is supposed to be a months salary etc... No-one's telling you how much to give, it's just a social convention. And although i disagree with the months salary for an engagement ring, i can agree with the idea of giving the cost of your meal. At least you have a ballpark of what the minimum is and you know that your being there isn't costing a young couple money when they're starting their life together.