Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

25-07-2012 11:21AM

smash wrote: »

Guess it's the difference between men and women, or maybe it's just me. A woman could be sound and have a great laugh etc but if she's not physically attractive then I'd only ever consider her a friend.

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

eamonnq · 25-07-2012 11:21AM

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Yeah I've heard people say that too actually. Well I said something along the lines of that to my friend because she was saying it's starting to bother her and she was asking me was it shallow. They've been going out over a year now. To be honest I don't think they're very intimate anymore so that's why I'm starting to wonder about it.

I'm single at the moment so don't have anything to go by *tear*

I'm fierce funny so I am.

Abi · 25-07-2012 11:21AM

--LOS-- wrote: »

In a relationship if I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to their personality, looks, everything, if something in their personality changes their looks quickly fade.

This makes sense, I'd be the same.

If the personality /sense of humour isn't there I will never be attracted to a guy. If you go for someone based purely on looks alone shallowness will kick you up the arse time and time again.

It's a bit worrying in the OP's friends case, because if personality doesn't invoke an attraction I can't imagine why she is still with him. It can't be for nice reasons any way.

smash · 25-07-2012 11:23AM

Deleted User wrote: »

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

like boobs and stuff? :pac:

conorhal · 25-07-2012 12:16PM

I'm going to look like a giant gaping vagina for both admitting I've seen the film (let alone admitting to liking it) and being bothered to quote it, but hey, I think it this line from The Truth About Cats and Dogs nicely sums up my feelings on the subject...

"You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them."

jester77 · 25-07-2012 12:41PM

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

That's why alcohol was invented :pac:

mauzo · 25-07-2012 01:01PM

johnwest288 wrote: »

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.

;););););););):o:o:o:o:o:

I love jokes

King George VI · 25-07-2012 01:16PM

I don't think I could start a relationship with someone I don't find attractive but if they have a nice personality I could fall for em quickly. Spend enough time with somebody you enjoy spending time with and you'll eventually start looking at them differently.

flutered · 25-07-2012 01:22PM

it is just taking the friends with benifits/fcuk buddy thing to a higher level

Conbhar · 25-07-2012 01:22PM

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

What do you think?

Is it shallow to think you have to be attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse? Or do you think there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction for a relationship to work?

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all. I actually don't know what the answer to this is but I'm just curious to hear other people's views!

Defo not. Actually tried that out not so long ago. The girl was really really nice but the more time i spent with her the more i realised i just didnt find her that attractive. Was just better to end it before things got to serious.
Dont think that makes me shallow in the slightest, just honest!

kfallon · 25-07-2012 01:23PM

St. Jimmy wrote: »

I don't think I could start a relationship with someone I don't find attractive but if they have a nice personality I could fall for em quickly. Spend enough time with somebody you enjoy spending time with and you'll eventually start looking at them differently.

That's it in a nutshell, well played St Jimmy, the patron Saint of Relationships

charlietheminxx · 25-07-2012 02:08PM

Deleted User wrote: »

But I think that someone can become physically attractive to you just by other qualities, and vice versa.

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

kfallon · 25-07-2012 02:11PM

So the answer is 'Yes' then!

Why didn't we have a poll for this?

charlietheminxx · 25-07-2012 02:16PM

Because it's not really a straight forward yes or no.

Good looking =/= attractive.

Abi · 25-07-2012 02:24PM

charlietheminxx wrote: »

Good looking =/= attractive.

That's it in a nut shell tbh.

smash · 25-07-2012 02:27PM

charlietheminxx wrote: »

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

Can take a while to get to that point though.

bluecode · 25-07-2012 02:28PM

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

I was just thinking about it earlier when a friend of mine said she has no attraction to her boyfriend at all.

Usually that happens after marriage, the wife loses interest particularly after children. The husband makes an issue of it and the wife wonders what his problem is. Funnily enough there was a letter on the very topic in one of the Sundays last week. She lost interest and cannot understand why poor husband just cannot accept that.

In the case of your friend, if she isn't physically attracted to her boyfriend then the relationship is effectively doomed unless he is happy without a sexual relationship. There has to be some form of physical attraction at some point in the relationship unless both people are in their eighties.

It might be OK after twenty years together but not at the first stage of a relationship.

smash · 25-07-2012 02:30PM

bluecode wrote: »

Usually that happens after marriage, the wife loses interest particularly after children. The husband makes an issue of it and the wife wonders what his problem is.

that's one hell of a generalisation...

charlietheminxx · 25-07-2012 02:31PM

smash wrote: »

Can take a while to get to that point though.

I don't know, I think for the most part you know within hours if there's chemistry between you and someone else. Course there are the exceptional times where it creeps up on you.

Now if you asked can you have a relationship without chemistry, my answer would be no. Even if they were good looking and a cool person. It's either there or it's not.

kfallon · 25-07-2012 02:32PM

smash wrote: »

Can take a while to get to that point though.

Yeah and then both parties can be afraid of losing the other as a friend and they never 'go for broke'. If a relationship fails they worry they'll lose that other person forever so are happy to just stay close friends.

smash · 25-07-2012 02:34PM

charlietheminxx wrote: »

I don't know, I think for the most part you know within hours if there's chemistry between you and someone else. Course there are the exceptional times where it creeps up on you.

That all sounds like a bad rom com to me... guy or girl swoons over someone and after months of giving them relationship advice, they actually fall for that person in the end. M'eh

25-07-2012 02:41PM

smash wrote: »

That all sounds like a bad rom com to me... guy or girl swoons over someone and after months of giving them relationship advice, they actually fall for that person in the end. M'eh

I think that's the exact opposite of what Charlie said!!

Someone doesn't need to be good looking for there to be chemistry but you generally feel that chemistry pretty quickly!

smash · 25-07-2012 02:42PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I think that's the exact opposite of what Charlie said!!

Someone doesn't need to be good looking for there to be chemistry but you generally feel that chemistry pretty quickly!

Yea but then it takes ages, and a string of bad dates before you find them good looking.

Abi · 25-07-2012 02:45PM

smash wrote: »

charlietheminxx wrote: »

That was exactly my point! You can have chemistry with someone and fancy the pants off them even if they aren't technically good looking.

Can take a while to get to that point though.

And that's pretty much the divide here. The OP's friend was in a relationship and felt no attraction. If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them. It doesn't really matter in that case.

If you're not really into the ONS scene, then you are going to be looking at the personality side of things. It's said so often, but it's true for me, it's a similar sense of humour, mutual respect, and having each others backs. A foundation of a good friendship will last the distance every time. I think this goes hand in hand in hand with attraction, they grow together.

smash · 25-07-2012 02:47PM

Abi wrote: »

If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them.

Abi · 25-07-2012 02:47PM

smash wrote: »

Abi wrote: »

If you're talking ONS's, then men / women can afford to be a bit shallower, ie not really arsed about their personality, or may even be aware of the fact that they are boring the hole off them.

I give up with you!!

smash · 25-07-2012 02:49PM

Abi wrote: »

I give up with you!!

Well I appreciate the fact that you tried in the first place :pac:

MarthaMyDear · 25-07-2012 03:01PM

Sorry should have stuck a poll on this thread!!! I think the case with my friend is she knows he's not physically attractive but he's a nice guy so she feels like the personality should be enough. It really doesn't seem like it is though if they don't even have sex

. She said herself she's not sure if their in love or just have friend love..

smash · 25-07-2012 03:04PM

MarthaMyDear wrote: »

Sorry should have stuck a poll on this thread!!! I think the case with my friend is she knows he's not physically attractive but he's a nice guy so she feels like the personality should be enough. It really doesn't seem like it is though if they don't even have sex . She said herself she's not sure if their in love or just have friend love..

Sounds like she's just settling for things. Big mistake!

charlietheminxx · 25-07-2012 03:08PM

I agree. She isn't in love with him.

Sad but it happens..... she should end it soon though. She's not being fair to either of them.

Can you have a relationship with somebody without being physically attracted to them?

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