On the Dole-A Deal Breaker

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

Might have bothered me before but now It wouldn't as its harder to find employment regardless of what stage of your career you are in. Though for new grads is harder for them than for more experienced people, though those with work experience they have the option to change careers.

later12 wrote: »

Actually I'm starting to date a girl who's unemployed at the moment (teacher on summer holidays) and I'm working for myself.

Is she not just on holidays and still in receipt of a wage from teaching, i.e not in receipt of welfare?

later12 wrote: »

It's not necessarily that.

Most people in employment have a lot more networking opportunities both in work and in their leisure time. They may be better able to afford socialising and widening their circle of acquaintances in pubs/ nightclubs than the unemployed person who socialises at home with his existing circle of friends.

A very valid point. For me personally i dont think ive ever gone out with anyone from my workplace or friends of workmates. Ive always gone out with friends of friends/locals etc but what you have said is very valid.

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

This kind of broad brush false labelling of women irritates the hell out of me - as if women were one big homogeneous group, devoid of any variety regarding personality, outlook, taste, interests, wants, cares and desire.

To blithely state "In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways" is ridiculous. I can't say it doesn't exist at all - maybe it does, in some sections of society - but I can say it doesn't exist in the many groups of female friends I know and am part of. Is it any wonder some men like a_sober_paddy thinks women are shallow little sh!ts, when blatant falsehoods about us are posted as fact on message boards. It's bad enough he felt he needed to start a poll to gauge a small section of women's views on romance and the dole on a message board - with an extremely basic yes/no style of questioning - but now he's being told women care more about what their friends think than how they personally feel when it comes to being attracted to a man.

It's not very unlikely a woman would go out with one of the men on the dole. I didn't vote in this poll because it was oversimplified. I have dated a man who was on the dole. I had to stop dating him because the reason he was on the dole was because he couldn't keep a job. And the reason he couldn't keep a job was because when he was working he partied all his wages away every weekend and regularly missed work on Mondays, and when he was on the dole he partied even more. I stopped dating him because getting wasted every weekend wasn't what I wanted.

I've also dated men who worked too much. One man, in particular, worked as a chef, and as well as his own long hours, he regularly covered when someone was missing. I hated that just as much because I never saw him. I'd have loved for him to go on the dole for a while.

What attracted me to these men was them, not their jobs or lack of jobs. My friends didn't influence my decisions - just as I don't influence theirs. Maybe there are some circles of women, possibly even the kind of circles you are drawn to, whose choices and interests are dictated by trying to 'outdo' their so-called friends, but please, please, please don't (a) believe and (b) tell men whose opinion of women is already rather low that this is a generic watermark of all women.

The relationship goes on a bit further. You want to head off on a well deserved sun/adventure/foreign holiday. There is a briliant gig on in town. Tickets are expensive. You both want to go. Where is he going to get the money?

Are you going to pay for him or resent the fact that he cannot afford to come with you.

I take the point about someone who is between jobs, but someone who hasn't worked in years.... No way.

shopaholic01 wrote: »

A lot of working people are struggling to pay mortgages etc. By that logic, you would only consider dating a working person with a pre-determined amount of disposable income.

Maybe, but I'd be slow to get involved in these circumstances. You cannot live on love. Chances are the relationship is going to go nowhere. Kill it now before I get hurt.

Or maybe wait till a bit later in the relationship and then - "by the way, did I mention that I also have to pay child support and maintenance."

No you didn't. Goodbye!

Mostly I think women make the decision in a very primitive part of their brains. Its all got to do with thinking you are emotionally stable and a good provider for future kids. I dont think its so much greed as fear that they will be left to cope alone at the most vulnerable times of their lives ie childbirth/early child rearing etc. If you watch the nature programs you will see that many of the female species do the same thing in one form or another.
Blame God or evolution.

I've heard stories of wife's taking they're kids and leaving their husband because he's lost his job and is on the dole.

Depends on the woman's age, many women in their late teens-mid twenties would place much more importance on how "cool" a fella is than whether he has a job or not. Their idea of cool could range from him being in a band to being a sports jock to being some macho violent arsehole.

A few years later the same women often have very different priorities and have now become very demanding about a man's career eg only dating men who earn more than they do, pursuing "professionals" like solicitors and accountants etc.