What if a tiger jumps into my back garden

xoxyx · 05-06-2012 10:06PM

ollie1 wrote: »

I remember years ago a tiger escaped from Booterstown circus and got on the train tracks :eek:

So always be prepared for a tiger attack :pac:

Exactly!!!!!

Lyaiera · 05-06-2012 10:09PM

Your mind sounds like fun xoxyx. Do you mind if I holiday in it for a little while. I'll be careful and take my shoes off and I imagine it's fluffy and warm like a cloud.

Also, write a book. Or start a blog. I'd read it.

PhlegmyMoses · 05-06-2012 10:09PM

I reckon that I could probably beat a tiger in a straight up fight.

Pros and cons:

Cons:

The tiger has longer nails and teeth so could bite and scratch me.
It would be more ferocious and less fearful for its own well-being than the average human.
It would probably be marginally stronger than me.

Pros:

I am smarter than the tiger so could probably think up strategies on how to beat him, off the cuff. The tiger only has instinct to go on.
I have faster hands byfar due to weight\muscle density ratios.
Although not as strong as a tiger, I am still easily strong enough to get him into a choke hold or to palm him off if he came running at me.
Opposable thumbs means that I can use the various weapons that would be at my disposal. Something like a glass bottle, garden rake or ornament like a gnome are lethal in the right\wrong hands.
As I said previously, the average human would be fearful. But having rationally considered the possibility of having to fight a tiger, I would be confident that at the very least, the tiger would be scared off by my fighting acumen.

As you can see, it is clear that I have the requisite nous and wherewithal to at least damage a tiger in a fight to the point that he would flee the scene knowing that there was easier prey in greener pastures.

Markcheese · 05-06-2012 10:11PM

What u need to do is get a load of tiger **** (scat) and spread it all over the garden.... I mean all over the garden never have a prob with tiger attacks again , except at mating season if you've spread the opposite sex's scat ....

some random drunk · 05-06-2012 10:11PM

xoxyx wrote: »

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Hehe, I think about this too, everytime I walk by the Liffey. Or else I think, what would I do if I saw someone fall in? Glad I'm not the only one.

Regarding the tiger, (I know this is far too sensible an answer), I'd leg it in the back door, run upstairs into a bedroom, shutting all the doors behind me, and observe the tiger from the safety of the bedroom window. I reckon the emergency services would be able to tell from the panic in my voice that I was serious. Probably a few other people would have reported seeing an escaped tiger too.

BillyMitchel · 05-06-2012 10:12PM

Are you sure you dont mean Tiger Woods?? Maybe he's looking for your misses!

05-06-2012 10:15PM

OP, this was made for you.

checkyabadself · 05-06-2012 10:16PM

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

dodderangler · 05-06-2012 10:21PM

I thought bout that myself a while ago so I went down to secret pet shop and got myself a dinosaur that knows muay Thai and eats tigers everyday he's dead sound If you want a loan of him let me know

stupidusername · 05-06-2012 10:22PM

This is why we need a tiger tax.

crosstownk · 05-06-2012 10:22PM

xoxyx wrote: »

No weed. My relaxed self is very similar to that of stoners, so even a little bit of green puts me on Mars.

If you smoked some weed imagine the potential of this thread.

Elephant's

Aliens

Boardsies

BillyMitchel · 05-06-2012 10:26PM

checkyabadself wrote: »

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

great book!

xoxyx · 05-06-2012 10:28PM

Lyaiera wrote: »

Your mind sounds like fun xoxyx. Do you mind if I holiday in it for a little while. I'll be careful and take my shoes off and I imagine it's fluffy and warm like a cloud.

Also, write a book. Or start a blog. I'd read it.

That's really nice - you're more than welcome! There's also a swing.

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

I reckon that I could probably beat a tiger in a straight up fight.

Pros and cons:

Cons:
The tiger has longer nails and teeth so could bite and scratch me.

It would be more ferocious and less fearful for its own well-being than the average human.

It would probably be marginally stronger than me.

Pros:
I am smarter than the tiger so could probably think up strategies on how to beat him, off the cuff. The tiger only has instinct to go on.

I have faster hands byfar due to weight\muscle density ratios.

Although not as strong as a tiger, I am still easily strong enough to get him into a choke hold or to palm him off if he came running at me.

Opposable thumbs means that I can use the various weapons that would be at my disposal. Something like a glass bottle, garden rake or ornament like a gnome are lethal in the right\wrong hands.

As I said previously, the average human would be fearful. But having rationally considered the possibility of having to fight a tiger, I would be confident that at the very least, the tiger would be scared off by my fighting acumen.

Marginally stronger? Jaysus - your upper arms must look like paint cans. Those guys are super-strong and are pure muscle (except the fat ones). I have a ladder in the back garden, but it would be unwieldy as a weapon. You're right about the smarts though - I slaughtered (figuratively) the last tiger I played at chess. Dunno if I'd put those smarts against his teeth though. Taking all things into consideration, I am not going to fight the tiger.

Markcheese wrote: »

What u need to do is get a load of tiger **** (scat) and spread it all over the garden.... I mean all over the garden never have a prob with tiger attacks again , except at mating season if you've spread the opposite sex's scat ....

How am I supposed to explain the tiger crap in the garden when friends and family come over?

some random drunk wrote: »

Hehe, I think about this too, everytime I walk by the Liffey. Or else I think, what would I do if I saw someone fall in? Glad I'm not the only one.

I do that one as well! Especially after that homeless guy had his rabbit thrown into the Liffey. I always wonder what would I do - but I hope I would give my bag to a passerby and jump in to help. Won't be sure unless it actually happens though.

some random drunk wrote: »

Regarding the tiger, (I know this is far too sensible an answer), I'd leg it in the back door, run upstairs into a bedroom, shutting all the doors behind me, and observe the tiger from the safety of the bedroom window. I reckon the emergency services would be able to tell from the panic in my voice that I was serious. Probably a few other people would have reported seeing an escaped tiger too.

I don't have an upstairs though - it's only a little bungalow. I reckon the cops would send somebody out, but they wouldn't give it high priority. I never even thought about other people having seen the tiger though - that's a very good point.

gerard65 wrote: »

Just give him his golf ball back.

mackeire wrote: »

He'd just be looking for his golf ball

What golf ball?? This is a reference I don't get. I only have a snooker cue belonging to an anteater.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Are you sure you dont mean Tiger Woods?? Maybe he's looking for your misses!

Is this a golf ball joke??

CajunPenguin · 05-06-2012 10:31PM

xoxyx wrote: »

So, I was sitting out in the back a while ago. Reading my Kindle and enjoying the long evenings. When suddenly, in the middle of a paragraph, I thought, what if a tiger jumps into my back garden. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I spent the next five minutes or so going through what might happen.

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house, but let's say I could. If I rang the guards, they'd never believe me, and it could take ages to convince them to come out. And what if the tiger broke through a window? I'd have to run out the front door and close it behind me and then race up to the local Centra. But they wouldn't believe me either until the tiger arrived and, by then, it would be too late to close the doors against it. So, I'd be trapped in Centra with a tiger, and you just know it would go for me first.

Totally ruined my peace sitting outside and I kept thinking about it until I gave up and came back in. I know it's probably not going to happen, but every time I tried to go back to reading, my mind would wander to the tiger again.

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Obviously I'm completely batshit crazy, and, so far, I've never been attacked by a tiger, fallen through a bridge or been thrown into the Liffey, so there's no basis for my fears.

Just wondering if anybody else gets these random thoughts. They're not always negative either. I'll get good ones too like what if I find a winning Lotto ticket or a friendly puppy and get to bring it back to a loving owner and then spend some time going through the different things that could happen.

Anyone else???

It happens me all the time, most of my day is taken up by it. It actually makes life a bit more exciting tbh

xoxyx · 05-06-2012 10:32PM

checkyabadself wrote: »

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

great book!

Very good book. That's actually one of the things I thought of when I was going through my scenario. Just need to find a zebra with a sore leg, a hyena and an orangutan and I'll be fine.

frozenfrozen · 05-06-2012 10:34PM

Always happens to me. Then I go through explaining whatever it is im thinking about to an imaginary person in my head, who is me, but I'm playing both parts in the conversation, do you know what I mean? (LIKE THAT OH LORD ITS HAPPENING)

Archeron · 05-06-2012 10:38PM

Just catch that tiger by his toe. Eenie meenie miny mo.

imelle · 05-06-2012 10:42PM

avada kedavra.

xoxyx · 05-06-2012 10:44PM

frozenfrozen wrote: »

Always happens to me. Then I go through explaining whatever it is im thinking about to an imaginary person in my head, who is me, but I'm playing both parts in the conversation, do you know what I mean? (LIKE THAT OH LORD ITS HAPPENING)

Yep. I do that too. This is what I love about AH!

TeddyTedson · 05-06-2012 10:52PM

This happens to me a lot too. You could be on the top floor of a building, lets say it has 5 floors and you're on the roof admiring the view, suddenly you think, "Oh my god, what if I can't control my body and throw myself off". I'd die! Well I'm actually skeptical I'd ever die, but I'm most likely wrong about that. I'm almost sure of it.

But dying like that would be tragic, your keeps would get to go through all your possessions. They'd find my notebook and probably read the whole thing, ****ers.

Plazaman · 05-06-2012 10:53PM

This is why it is important to have a copy of Twilight downloaded to your Kindle thereby if a Tiger does jump into your back garden start reading it aloud.

You will find by the end of the second paragraph, the Tiger will have hung itself leaving a touching yet eyeopening suicide note for his Tiger Wife and Tiger Kid about the horrors of the human race and their Kindles leaving the Tiger Kid with an irrational fear of a human jumping into his back garden with a Kindle.

TeddyTedson · 05-06-2012 10:55PM

xoxyx wrote: »

Yep. I do that too. This is what I love about AH!

Does everyone do this or are some of us slightly mental?
For example last night, lying down, everything turned off, an original classical song started playing in my head, I remember thinking that in the morning I must memorise that because it would be one of the best classical pieces of music of all time . None it's feckin' gone.

TeddyTedson · 05-06-2012 10:58PM

I have a kindle, it reads me the first chapters of many books I'm not prepared to buy. Then I get angry at myself that I hate buying ebooks.
The internet is meant to be free. You only pay if you want access to the sex and sexuality forums.
Where might one acquire really really really really cheap ebooks for a kindle to read to me at night...?

golden lane · 05-06-2012 10:59PM

pause for a second.....then pretend you are a saint.....

never heard of a saint being eaten by a tiger.....

cocoshovel · 05-06-2012 11:01PM

I dont think tigers would try to break through, or even be able to jump through a double glazed window. You'd be grand

Local-womanizer · 05-06-2012 11:04PM

I was thinking the other while driving past the Olympic torch relay, what if terrorists attacked or set of a bomb and I was caught in the middle of it?

Would I help out or just be worried about self preservation?!

I then concentrated on driving again.

(It could have been the Tamill Tigers attacking me!)

Itwasntme. · 05-06-2012 11:19PM

xoxyx wrote: »

So, I was sitting out in the back a while ago. Reading my Kindle and enjoying the long evenings. When suddenly, in the middle of a paragraph, I thought, what if a tiger jumps into my back garden. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I spent the next five minutes or so going through what might happen.

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house, but let's say I could. If I rang the guards, they'd never believe me, and it could take ages to convince them to come out. And what if the tiger broke through a window? I'd have to run out the front door and close it behind me and then race up to the local Centra. But they wouldn't believe me either until the tiger arrived and, by then, it would be too late to close the doors against it. So, I'd be trapped in Centra with a tiger, and you just know it would go for me first.

Totally ruined my peace sitting outside and I kept thinking about it until I gave up and came back in. I know it's probably not going to happen, but every time I tried to go back to reading, my mind would wander to the tiger again.

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Obviously I'm completely batshit crazy, and, so far, I've never been attacked by a tiger, fallen through a bridge or been thrown into the Liffey, so there's no basis for my fears.

Just wondering if anybody else gets these random thoughts. They're not always negative either. I'll get good ones too like what if I find a winning Lotto ticket or a friendly puppy and get to bring it back to a loving owner and then spend some time going through the different things that could happen.

Anyone else???

OP, marry me. I am perfect for you. You see, I've spent many years devising super hero manoeuvres. I just haven't had the chance to put them into action yet. We would be good together. You would get attacked, I would save you (in style) and then we would have mind boggling danger sex.

imelle wrote: »

avada kedavra.

Best answer yet.

af_thefragile · 05-06-2012 11:21PM

I'ld feed it cat food and pet it...?

Itwasntme. · 05-06-2012 11:22PM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I have a kindle, it reads me the first chapters of many books I'm not prepared to buy. Then I get angry at myself that I hate buying ebooks.
The internet is meant to be free. You only pay if you want access to the sex and sexuality forums.
Where might one acquire really really really really cheap ebooks for a kindle to read to me at night...?

It's your lucky day. I have about 4000 kindle books. I bought them from some random dude for a song. PM me for the list.

Tzar Chasm · 06-06-2012 12:02AM

4 pages and no one has made reference to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg12PHed0zc

What if a tiger jumps into my back garden

Comments