Things the OH claims

28-05-2012 03:22PM

Plazaman · 28-05-2012 03:23PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

I gave up on that song years ago after branding it Voodoo as it has the same tune as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Alphabet Song (ABCD etc).

Twinkle Twinkle, EFG
Yes sir, yes sir, what you are
QRS, the world so high, and one for the little boy
Y and Z......

You can see the black magic at work......

The Big Red Button · 28-05-2012 03:29PM

chatterpillar wrote: »

"I don't even know all the words to Bla Bla Black Sheep!"

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

That's the joke.

28-05-2012 03:33PM

Hot girl walks by.
Me: "Even if I was just a skeleton I wouldn't be as skinny as her"
Him: "Course you would, sure everyone has the same sized bones"

What. The. Fcuk was I thinking.....

Nothingbetter2d · 28-05-2012 03:35PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

i know im sad

fasttalkerchat · 28-05-2012 03:38PM

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

i know im sad

Nothing better to do? :P

28-05-2012 03:38PM

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

Not an OH. My mother

"who won, Hibs or Hibernian"
:rolleyes:

Quazzie · 28-05-2012 03:42PM

Plazaman wrote: »

I gave up on that song years ago after branding it Voodoo as it has the same tune as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Alphabet Song (ABCD etc).

Twinkle Twinkle, EFG
Yes sir, yes sir, what you are
QRS, the world so high, and one for the little boy
Y and Z......

You can see the black magic at work......

And Gotye - Somebody that I used to know

fasttalkerchat · 28-05-2012 03:43PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Not an OH. My mother

"who won, Hibs or Hibernian"
:rolleyes:

"Do you support Spurs?"
"No, Tottenham Hotspur"

Feisar · 28-05-2012 03:46PM

OK, here's one and I promise i didn't make it up!

A discussion about FARC and the IRA came up.

Me: Yea so the IRA were supposed to be out in Columbia teaching FARC guerrillas how to build mortors. Complicated stuff that.
Herself: Well if it's that complicated why are they trying to teach gorillas how to do it? Surely that's a waste of time.

It took me a minute to realize she was thinking about Silverbacks!!!

Nothingbetter2d · 28-05-2012 04:08PM

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Nothing better to do? :P

i always have something better 2 do.... its just i procrastinate far too much

Mr Benevolent · 28-05-2012 04:16PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Three gems from an ex. There were loads more.

Can trains go round corners?
Can trains go up hills?
Can turtles swim?

You really shouldn't be dating a 10 year old.

fasttalkerchat · 28-05-2012 04:20PM

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Three gems from an ex. There were loads more.

Can trains go round corners?

I would have told her yes but there's a a 50/50 chance they will tip over. Watch her face when she's next on a train

newport2 · 28-05-2012 04:29PM

Was once asked if I could blue-tit a photo from my phone to hers

Ficheall · 28-05-2012 04:53PM

newport2 wrote: »

Was once asked if I could blue-tit a photo from my phone to hers

I hope you said yes and capitalised on the slip.

newport2 · 28-05-2012 05:03PM

Ficheall wrote: »

I hope you said yes and capitalised on the slip.

It was me mum who asked me

Old Tom · 28-05-2012 05:06PM

Lando Griffin wrote: »

The OH sometimes comes out with the most amazing statements that she believes are facts.
Google is my friend when trying to explain the reasons and truths about things.
Am I the only one that has to explain things to their OH or do you be left gob smacked by things your Ohs say.

Landette on plastics :
Landette “ Wash the underneath of the lawnmower because it will rot if you don’t”
Lando “ Its built with a plastic body so I doubt it will”
Landette “Plastic rots too you know”
Lando “Only after about 2000 years”
Landette “ Who says?”
Lando “Science says”

Landette on Mechanics (in winter)
Landette “You better check the engine for water”
Lando “You don’t put water in the engine, you put in antifreeze / coolant”
Landette “Well just put in antifreeze so, don’t bother with the coolant”
Lando “It comes as one”
Landette “But if you put coolant in wont it cause it to freeze faster?”
Lando “No, it stops it from freezing in winter and over heating in summer”
Landette “Well I only going to get antifreeze so”

Landette on the chances of rain.
Landette “Check if there is going to be rain tomorrow”
Lando “it says 50% chance of rain between 8am and 11am tomorrow”
Next morning at 11 and no rain
Landette “That weather you got is rubbish sure there is no rain”
Lando “It said 50% chance of rain and we got the 50% chance of no rain”
Landette “Yea, but it said rain it didn’t say no rain”

Landette on the Beautiful game
In the shops and all the Ireland Euro 2012 merchandise.
Landette “Ha, there still trying to flog off the Paddys day stuff in May”
Lando “That’s for the Euros in Poland”
Landette “I thought they were in London?”
Lando “That’s the Olympics love”

So there you have it blond seems to be growing inward too.

Am I alone with Ohs saying silly things?

Ha, and I thought my OH is stupid...
I have to apologise and get her some flowers.

28-05-2012 05:18PM

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

OH: Is there nothing else on the telly?
Me: No, I want to watch this match.

An hour later...

OH: Oh that was a good goal!
Me: Do you even know who is playing?
OH: Err, is that Manchester United?

A friend of mine, sitting in a pub eating Sunday lunch when the premiership is on behind us, was years ago, just after Beckham left United for Real Madrid... Chelsea playing some team or other, can't remember who... Chelsea score....

Friend: "Haha, England are still winning without David Beckham!"
Me: "David Beckham still plays for England."
Friend: "No he bloody doesn't, he plays for Spain now, he moved out there, it was on the news!"
Me (turns around to look at the telly out of confused curiousity): "That's Chelsea."

stoneill · 28-05-2012 06:26PM

Works both ways - I made a terrible and unpardonable gaffe when I said it must be difficult to walk in those Ballet shoes.
Imagine my embarrassment when I was informed that I should have known they were Pointe shoes!
Sheesh!

Funglegunk · 28-05-2012 06:29PM

newport2 wrote: »

It was me mum who asked me

Your Mum is your OH?

28-05-2012 08:30PM

The things my foreign ex came out with would be funnier if it wasn't kinda sad.

Him (on the Mohammad drawings): "When do you ever see a cartoon of Jesus?"
Me: "Well see, it's ok for us to have pictures depicting Jesus."
Him: "Never is the answer, never ever!"
Me: "He's a long standing character in a cartoon called South Park."
Him: "It might look like Jesus but it isn't him."
Me: "........

"

Me: "I should have left school in 1999, but I ended up finishing in 2000."
Him: "Do girls go to real schools here?"

Him: "Irish people's heads look like walnuts, Pakistani people's heads look like watermelons." (I have no idea, honestly, what this was about, and I can't put it into context cause it doesn't have one.)

He thought my firstname was my surname and my surname my first name; because we "do it backwards here". He was baffled when he saw my passport.

He thought June and July were monsoon season in Ireland because it rained every day.

He thought snow was just broken up ice and icicles. (He'd never seen any - guessing winter 2009 and 2010 probably taught him different).

The saddest of the lot was me teaching him the actual goddamn facts of life; he was 34. He said that once every month the woman loses all the "dirty water" that built up inside her. Also, woman have sperm and come just like guys do, it's when they come together that the sperm mixes and babies are made. Also, woman always want sex and are always turned on, men find it harder and women have to work extra hard to make a man come; apparently the only way to make a woman come is by touching her boobs. He learned all this from a porn movie, cause porn is real.

Oh, and, 33% of all women are lesbians. He learned this reading men's magazines, one third of all the "true" stories in there were abut lesbians. He had three sisters, so I said by his reasoning, one of them must be a lesbian, and he replied "It's the youngest, I always knew it." That made me laugh, got to admit.

forfuxsake · 28-05-2012 08:34PM

Deleted User wrote: »

The things my foreign ex came out with would be funnier if it wasn't kinda sad.

Him (on the Mohammad drawings): "When do you ever see a cartoon of Jesus?"
Me: "Well see, it's ok for us to have pictures depicting Jesus."
Him: "Never is the answer, never ever!"
Me: "He's a long standing character in a cartoon called South Park."
Him: "It might look like Jesus but it isn't him."
Me: "........"

Me: "I should have left school in 1999, but I ended up finishing in 2000."
Him: "Do girls go to real schools here?"

Him: "Irish people's heads look like walnuts, Pakistani people's heads look like watermelons." (I have no idea, honestly, what this was about, and I can't put it into context cause it doesn't have one.)

He thought my firstname was my surname and my surname my first name; because we "do it backwards here". He was baffled when he saw my passport.

He thought June and July were monsoon season in Ireland because it rained every day.

He thought snow was just broken up ice and icicles. (He'd never seen any - guessing winter 2009 and 2010 probably taught him different).

The saddest of the lot was me teaching him the actual goddamn facts of life; he was 34. He said that once every month the woman loses all the "dirty water" that built up inside her. Also, woman have sperm and come just like guys do, it's when they come together that the sperm mixes and babies are made. Also, woman always want sex and are always turned on, men find it harder and women have to work extra hard to make a man come; apparently the only way to make a woman come is by touching her boobs. He learned all this from a porn movie, cause porn is real.

Oh, and, 33% of all women are lesbians. He learned this reading men's magazines, one third of all the "true" stories in there were abut lesbians. He had three sisters, so I said by his reasoning, one of them must be a lesbian, and he replied "It's the youngest, I always knew it." That made me laugh, got to admit.

WTF?:eek:

Big Nasty · 28-05-2012 08:40PM

Where was this dude from Budgese - Leitrim?

28-05-2012 08:43PM

forfuxsake wrote: »

WTF?:eek:

Yep, shocking as hell how liberal and secular he was, yet so very, very naive and sheltered!

28-05-2012 08:51PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Where was this dude from Budgese - Leitrim?

Post of the day for me!

Sorry Leitrim!

Diego Maradona · 28-05-2012 09:11PM

Domo230 wrote: »

Spill the beans. What country was he from?

I'm curious.

I'm guessing Pakistan

28-05-2012 09:12PM

Domo230 wrote: »

Spill the beans. What country was he from?

I'm curious.

Pakistan. Raised in Karachi though, with wealthy parents, where it's a lot less oppressive and most families do raise sons and daughters equally, there are co-ed schools and colleges, but still, the stuff they don't teach them is just shameful. At least he got an education eventually, even if it frightened the crap out of him to begin with.

ETA: Some of his friends were better educated and more liberal again, drank, were sleeping with their girlfriends, etc. My ex was admirable in his resolve to keep marriage as the holy union or whatever, I'd no problem with it. Don't want this to become something like "Themz dumb Pakistanis" or something, because depending on their upbringing, some of them were even less exposed to western life as he was, but some were much more so.

puzzle factory · 28-05-2012 10:28PM

if I keep picking my nose my head will cave in, bolax to that.

28-05-2012 11:17PM

Not something he claimed, just something incredibly dumb he said (and facepalmed right after).

Talking about Seth McFarlane's near miss on 9/11. (For those who don't know, he should have been on one of the two planes that hit the WTC but he was too hungover and missed the flight.)
Me: "I think it was Boston to San Francisco. I'm not sure, but I think the flight took off in Boston."
Him: "Boston is south of New York isn't it?"
Me: "Um, yeah, I believe so?"
Him: "Then why was that plane flying over Manhattan?"
Me (pauses for a moment.... just not sure wtf he's asking): "Eh, because it was hijacked?"
Him: *facepalm*

ETA: current boyfriend, not the ex from Asia.

dj jarvis · 28-05-2012 11:34PM

BunShopVoyeur wrote: »

"Women can have orgasms too you know"

Nonsense

obviously you have never bought one a BMW - works a treat

Things the OH claims

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