Did your school ever have a phantom crapper?

some random drunk · 22-05-2012 09:58PM #1

Was having a conversation with a mate the other night about our schooldays and oddball characters we went to school with. The subject of "phantom crappers" came up. For those not familiar with the term, a phantom crapper is anyone who gets their jollies from taking a dump somewhere other than a toilet. Now most often this may be some lad thinking its funny to sh*te in a urinal or something like that.

The one in my school took things a little further. Indeed it started off with a mysterious turd turning up in the urinals. A few fellas found it funny and there was some tutting from the teachers but it was forgotten by the end of the day.
About a week later the crapper struck again. This time leaving a deposit on the floor, in front of the sinks. The vice principal questioned a few lads, but no one knew anything.

The third time it happened, it was a little more sinister. One of my classmates came in from playing football at lunch, to find a fresh turd in his shoe. (just to explain this, in my school people would bring runners with them to play football, change into them and leave their school shoes in the classroom). There was also a note, made from letters cut from magazines, which read "I poo in your shoe!" or something similar.

The school held a big investigation. Everyone was questioned. Speeches and threats of punishment were made. Classrooms were locked at lunchtime. But in the end no one was caught and the mystery of the phantom crapper went unsolved.

My friend told me a similar thing happened at his school, but with no notes or anything, someone just fancied taking a crap in the urinals and once in the communal shower area.

So folks as the thread title asks, did you ever experience a phantom crapper in your school? Know any unhinged or intoxicated individuals who pooed somewhere they shouldn't have? Have any theories about why some lads like to do this? Any thoughts?

TL, DR version: some young fella crapped in various places around my school, any similar stories?

Martyn1989 · 22-05-2012 10:01PM

Yeh we had one at our school, at a mates party we had a towel bandit aswell, its his own fault for leaving no toilet paper in there.

galwayrush · 22-05-2012 10:03PM

We were all toilet trained when i was in school.

dodderangler · 22-05-2012 10:03PM

This is south park with the hardly boys all over again
Who took a duke in the urinal

FANTAPANTS · 22-05-2012 10:04PM

had 1 in the army when we were in kosovo every sunday morning after the canteen full of beer!!!!

Agricola · 22-05-2012 10:04PM

Yep some lad took a dump in the middle of the boys toilets. When the VP found out he rounded up as many lads as he could and got us all standing in a circle around the offending turd. Then he made threats of violence until someone owned up!

mattjack · 22-05-2012 10:05PM

Martyn1989 wrote: »

Yeh we had one at our school, at a mates party we had a towel bandit aswell, its his own fault for leaving no toilet paper in there.

:eek: We had one in our school too,....... and and a towel bandit visited too at a house party I was at years ago.......... I found out who the towel bandit was years later.

Monsieur Folie · 22-05-2012 10:07PM

The Inbetweeners Movie will give a fresh bunch of young lads this idea, the same way South Park did a few years back..

"You sh*t on floor, €50 fine!"

Deus Ex Machina · 22-05-2012 10:08PM

There was a Pat Mustard style renegade janitor in my school who was fired under mysterious circumstances. Over the course of his last few days he took to taking sweaty hairy dumps all over the school in secret locations. I'd say there's still moldering piles of his faeces in dusty fire escapes and under pianos as he cackles wearing his Aviators.

Tractor_Pat · 22-05-2012 10:10PM

My school had a phantom crapper who used to drop the brown trout in a tayto packet and leave it on the footpath, just hoping for someone to draw a kick on it.. And boy was he successful.

PogMoThoin · 22-05-2012 10:13PM

Yep, my secondary school had a story about a phantom crapper who crapped in the woodwork room.

Mr. Rager · 22-05-2012 10:13PM

Some lad used to take a dump in a bucket and leave it in random places around the school.

Yes, actual "****e in the bucket", not this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL6aDrzs3Fs

klose · 22-05-2012 10:14PM

The hardly boys, 2 young wippersnappers with a taste for solving mysteries.

The_fever · 22-05-2012 10:16PM

In our school it got out of hand someone left one in the hand dryer , with the tunnel thing turned up low and behold someone turned it on and got a phantom turd in the eye.

Dr Turk Turkelton · 22-05-2012 10:17PM

Yep and he took it one step further and shat in the confession box in the church.

Never heard anything about him since but he was a strange individual at the time.

Martyn1989 · 22-05-2012 10:19PM

mattjack wrote: »

:eek: We had one in our school too,....... and and a towel bandit visited too at a house party I was at years ago.......... I found out who the towel bandit was years later.

Oh yeh, does JT mean anything to you?

Fluorescence · 22-05-2012 10:20PM

Not quite, but someone in my primary school drew pictures on the bathroom wall in poo...

boomkatalog · 22-05-2012 10:22PM

We had a 6th year boy (or so rumour has it...) take a crap on the floor in the lady teachers bathroom. He also left half a bible covered in ****, having apparently wiped his arse with the rest. Classy guy.

22-05-2012 10:25PM

Someone took a shi*e in the leaving cert woodwork project of another lad in my leaving cert year. It wasn't really a phantom crapper though as everyone knew who did it.

Monsieur Folie · 22-05-2012 11:11PM

whippedcream wrote: »

The hardly boys, 2 young wippersnappers with a taste for solving mysteries.

I've got a big clue!

admiralofthefleet · 22-05-2012 11:17PM

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

up for anything · 22-05-2012 11:17PM

There's probably a reason for phantom crapping. My son won't crap in school because the chance of having the cubicle door kicked open for laughs by a bunch of lads is two to one. They must be the cleanest toilets in town from lack of use.

mattjack · 22-05-2012 11:18PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

Were his initials MC ?

Frynge · 22-05-2012 11:19PM

Channing Prickly Thinner wrote: »

Someone took a shi*e in the leaving cert woodwork project of another lad in my leaving cert year. It wasn't really a phantom crapper though as everyone knew who did it.

'johnny in the woodwork room with a poo'.....

....maybe it could catch on in cluedo

admiralofthefleet · 22-05-2012 11:19PM

mattjack wrote: »

Were his initials MC ?

i cant remember but his younger brother joseph was in my year. it was a school in the raheny area

antodeco · 22-05-2012 11:23PM

I never once did a brown bomber in school. My main inability was due to the lack of both a toilet seat and no locks on doors. The toilets were always seriously manky

Admldj · 23-05-2012 12:22PM

we had one of these at a house party about 12 years ago slamming party everybody wasted and sleeping anywhere and everywhere i got up early the next morning with the guy who's parents own the house and low and behold a rather large s#'e sitting neatly under the desk in his dads office the weirdest thing was there was a jacks literally 4 feet from the desk to this day no one has ever owned up to that one probably get a deathbed confession or something like that

mattjack · 23-05-2012 07:32PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

mattjack wrote: »

Were his initials MC ?

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i cant remember but his younger brother joseph was in my year. it was a school in the raheny area

Very strange, I went to school in Lucan with a fella called Pully , he was caught crackin' one off in the toilets.

The caretaker had polished the floor so much that you could see your reflection in it. Pully was caught when two young gentlemen decided to have a smoke in the toilet and saw his refection under the door furiously yankin' away at his todger in the cublicle.

Pully had three brothers known as Fart,Pop and Fish.

Nodin · 23-05-2012 07:49PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

....I remember some lad in Synge Street was caught at it, and was dubbed (rather imaginitively) "The Wanker". There was a good deal of disbelief around the story, until one day word went round the local pool hall that a relative of The Wanker was in. This led to a young lad being surrounded and asked a question I've never forgotten - "Are you The **** brother"?

susita06 · 23-05-2012 08:19PM

Not in school but every few weeks we find a pile of s*** in theres of the ladies toilets in work :-/ people are crazy :-o

susita06 · 23-05-2012 08:19PM

Not in school but every few weeks we find a pile of s*** in theres of the ladies toilets in work :-/ people are crazy :-o

Did your school ever have a phantom crapper?

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