Going for gold.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 01:03AM #1

Was reading in the paper yesterday about a sports event happening in London this July and August where people from all around the world are competing against each other for medals. Could be something to consider for any competitive boards users out there.

As one of the fittest people in central Dundalk, Pighead is seriously considering entering one of the events. Apparently there are 26 of these events to choose from so finding a suitable one shouldn't be a problem.

Pighead's never been one to shirk a challenge but at the same time he'd like to pick an event which maximises his chances of glory and add to his medal collection which includes a silver medal for attendance in primary school back in 89.

Have been looking through the events list and due to having bandy legs, small fists, a lack of balance and a hairy chest, gymnastics, boxing, running and all the swimming races have been ruled out.

Have narrowed it down to BMX, shooting and beach volleyball. Don't own a gun or a volleyball so will probably go for BMX.

Can't understand why pool is not on the list. Much more skillful and exciting than the likes of synchronised swimming or canoeing. They should also consider adding bowls and snooker and get rid of wrestling and trampolining. Not knocking the event but just think there's plenty of room for improvement if they ever want this to take off properly.

So what activities would you add to these games?

Pushtrak · 17-05-2012 01:04AM

Oh, going for gold in the sports sense. How dull.

KeithM89_old · 17-05-2012 01:07AM

Sauve · 17-05-2012 01:09AM

Slaps.

Posy · 17-05-2012 01:09AM

God, I used to LOVE that show!!

Xavi6 · 17-05-2012 01:13AM

Add FIFA 12 to the list and remove regular football.

The fact that the competitors in football are professionals goes against the spirit of the games, and a sports simulation will allow everyone from fat 12 year old Asians to 50 year old Germans to take part.

Much more of a world game.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 01:14AM

Pushtrak wrote: »

Oh, going for gold in the sports sense. How dull.

Nothing dull about pushing your body to its limits in the pursuit of glory. Dedication, determination and another inspiring word that ends in -ion.

Think it was Michelle Smith who said "There's nothing I won't do to become the best" It's that sort of can do attitude that can make Ireland great again.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 17-05-2012 01:17AM

Pighead wrote: »

Nothing dull about pushing your body to its limits in the pursuit of glory. Dedication, determination and another inspiring word that ends in -ion.

Think it was Michelle Smith who said "There's nothing I won't do to become the best" It's that sort of can do attitude that can make Ireland great again.

Oh, well if drugs are on the menu, that widens the choices a little. The tricky bit now is hwo the **** do we get you past the urine test?

I'd like to see mitching off school, conkers, marbles and strip twister added.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 01:17AM

Xavi6 wrote: »

Add FIFA 12 to the list and remove regular football.

The fact that the competitors in football are professionals goes against the spirit of the games, and a sports simulation will allow everyone from fat 12 year old Asians to 50 year old sexy Germans to take part.

Much more of a world game.

Cracking idea. Economical too given you can beat the fat 12 year old Asian and the sexy 50 year old German from the comfort of your own living room. Hopefully the organisers would send your winning medal in the post.

hairyprincess · 17-05-2012 01:18AM

Pighead wrote: »

Have been looking through the events list and due to having bandy legs, small fists, a lack of balance and a hairy chest, gymnastics, boxing, running and all the swimming races have been ruled out.

I'm with you there

Sauve · 17-05-2012 01:18AM

Uh, hello?

I SAID slaps.
Best sport there is.

Mr.Biscuits · 17-05-2012 01:21AM

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 01:21AM

Sauve wrote: »

Slaps.

Would you consider entering Sauve? Remember this is an elite competition where you will be pitted against the absolute best of the best.

Only the worlds greatest slappers will be in London that weekend. It's alright being the best slapper in your village but this is the big time baby.

HazDanz · 17-05-2012 01:22AM

I think there should be a intoxicated drugs event. How much drugs can you put into your body while hopping on one leg before heart failure/passing out. Thats a gold medal for champions. To make sure everything was fair and legite a drug test could be conducted through out the season to make sure everyone had at least a significant level of drugs in their system.

Sharpshooter · 17-05-2012 01:23AM

Pighead wrote: »

So what activities would you add to these games?

Trolling boards, would win Gold!

If that's not allowed then, S'trolling a packed stadium pissing off as many people as you can, before you get disqualified.

Super-Rush · 17-05-2012 01:25AM

I'm quite good at fishing.

Cool_CM · 17-05-2012 01:26AM

HazDanz wrote: »

I think there should be a intoxicated drugs event. How much drugs can you put into your body while hopping on one leg before heart failure/passing out. Thats a gold medal for champions. To make sure everything was fair and legite a drug test could be conducted through out the season to make sure everyone had at least a significant level of drugs in their system.

Isn't that just the Tour de France?

El Weirdo · 17-05-2012 01:26AM

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Oh, well if drugs are on the menu, that widens the choices a little.

Ah yes, competitive yoke-taking - see who can get the most Zannussi'd and end up watching a whole Jamie-Lee Curtis film on a TV that isn't even plugged in - all in the name of sport.

I'm fucking there, man. We should trounce the Yanks at that one.

17-05-2012 01:27AM

If 'Needless Fapping' was an event I'd be Lord Sebastian ****in Coe and they'd make me an Olympic ambassador.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 01:29AM

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Excellent suggestion. We could scrap that rubbish 'Discus' event and replace it with your idea. The 'Biscus'.

Fart · 17-05-2012 01:32AM

Farting competition?

Cool_CM · 17-05-2012 01:33AM

Pighead wrote: »

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Excellent suggestion. We could scrap that rubbish 'Discus' event and replace it with your idea. The 'Biscus'.

Why not combine it with the extreme fapping idea and have extreme soggy biscus?

Sea Filly · 17-05-2012 01:35AM

Posy wrote: »

God, I used to LOVE that show!!

There was always a Didier from France on it, no matter when you tuned in.

Sea Filly · 17-05-2012 01:39AM

Pighead wrote: »

Hopefully the organisers would send your winning medal in the post.

No way, man, NO WAY. I'm standing on that podium. How else will the world see my black power salute?

http://tiny.cc/w2ffew

Lapin · 17-05-2012 01:47AM

I suggest a competition competition.

The person who wins the most competitions wins the overall competition.

In the event of a tie, there would be a competition to determine the winner of the competition competition.

We could have a men's competiton competition and a womens competition competition.

Then we could have a competition between the winner of the men's competition competition and the women's competition competition to find the ultimate champion of all the competition competitions.

I foresee a lot of competition to compete and be the most competitive in all the competition competitions.

Winston Payne · 17-05-2012 01:57AM

Lapin wrote: »

I suggest a competition competition.

The person who wins the most competitions wins the overall competition.

In the event of a tie, there would be a competition to determine the winner of the competition competition.

We could have a men's competiton competition and a womens competition competition.

Then we could have a competition between the winner of the men's competition competition and the women's competition competition to find the ultimate champion of all the competition competitions.

I foresee a lot of competition to compete and be the most competitive in all the competition competitions.

You've just screwed off the top of my head with that. Let's call it a good start.

DB21 · 17-05-2012 02:01AM

I

Pighead

Sharpshooter · 17-05-2012 02:02AM

Fart wrote: »

Farting competition?

Sniffer dogs would be barking mad, security would go into meltdown!

dave3004 · 17-05-2012 02:12AM

A fart control comp.

You give dodgy food to competitor and (s)he has to be in the midst of a group of people around and let out farts without anyone hearing.

Anybody who gets heard farting is disqualified. The competition can take place outdoors in the early rounds, moving up to the office as it gets further into the comp.

The final is held in an elevator.

Pighead · 17-05-2012 02:27AM

The ultimate challenge for Pighead would be to enter the 'Staying awake until 2:30am' event. Have been on this wonderful earth for over 30 years now and have never managed to stay awake that long. Even now as the half two approaches Pighead can feil his hannds starte to fail him and his speeling let him down. Eyes are gettting droopy and systems are beginnning to shutt down.

Pighead did manage to stay awake until 2:29 one night but he got so excited about the prospect of finally breaking through the 2:30 barrier he exploded into a deep sleep and almost died.

Where To · 17-05-2012 02:34AM

I like rhythmic gymnastics.

Not the sport, just the words.

Going for gold.

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