Who will be AH Masterchef 2012?

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 01:32AM #1

As a single man,living in a bedsit, on limited means, I tend to have to play Aldi best before bingo.

I can't abide waste, or throwing stuff out. So, I tend to try to cook stuff (make stuff), that will ensure that everything gets used.

So, here's what's in my larder:

1 jar of medium curry sauce
500g of chicken breast fillets (no recession in that bedsit)
1Kg of crinkle cut chips
1 ltr. of orange juice (with bits)
1 carton of mushrooms
1 pack of salted crackers
350g of Mature Cheddar cheese
A packet of back rashers (I'm tired of measurements)
A pack of back sausages
Plenty of tea-bags
Butter
Coleslaw (needs to be used in at least three dishes)
Cherry tomatoes (won't last forever)
Bisto granules (Ok generic meat granules)
Multiseed farmhouse bread (award-winning. Oh, well lah-de-****ing-dah)
1 Stone-Baked Pizza

2 packets of noodles(that I didn't realise were there)
2 Tins of baked beans
1 can of Tuna
The scrapings of a jar of marmalade

So, AHer's, how would you make sure that none of this stuff went to waste? It's as mathematical as it is culinary. Btw, you don't have to use my larder. Post your own larder and how you intend to use it. I'd love to hear from families with a four stone bag of spuds. (They'll eat what's put in front of them. It's well to know they were never hungry!:pac:)

Open to rich AHers too. Lobsters, prawns and scallops go off quicker.

Choco

Btw, bonus points for all posts that include exactly what Rachel Allen can do with her affected accent, and how far she can shove it up her

Choco

Usual rules apply. Most thanked post will be AH Masterchef/humourist.

El Weirdo · 20-04-2012 01:35AM

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 01:39AM

Btw, while I've spent money on condiments and herbs (spits in disgust) they come free for all recipes.

Chuck Stone · 20-04-2012 01:40AM

Just get a girlfriend and get her to make sammiches out of your stuff.

hondasam · 20-04-2012 01:41AM

Who will be AH Masterchef 2012?

Not me cause I can't boil an egg. Sorry choco you are on your own.

Babybuff · 20-04-2012 01:42AM

I don't understand the question

policarp · 20-04-2012 01:47AM

Do what I used to do years ago when I was in a flat.
Put everything into a big pot and boil for about 3 or 4
hours.
Re-heat everyday until stew is finished, then do the
same thing week in week out.

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 01:47AM

El Weirdo wrote: »

That's fcuking brill.

And AH masterchef champion for 2012 is El Weirdo for his toast and butter (with the scrapings of the marmalade) and a cup of tea.

marco_polo · 20-04-2012 01:50AM

Take Stone-Baked pizza, put in oven. Sell rest of Ingredients for alcohol. Drink with pizza.

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 01:56AM

policarp wrote: »

Do what I used to do years ago when I was in a flat.
Put everything into a big pot and boil for about 3 or 4
hours.
Re-heat everyday until stew is finished, then do the
same thing week in week out.

Oh, I forgot to mention, There's also rice, pasta and a jar of bolognese sauce in the larder. Cheers for that policarp. I can tell you went to the same parisian Cordon-bleu school of culinary excellence that I am currently attending. I look forward to seeing you at the past pupils' re-union.:pac:

It's hardly Masterchef standard though, is it? Unless you're going to serve it with some nice Brioche (stale buttered bread) on the side? And maybe an Earl Grey infused hand-crafted icecream? (cup of tea and a choc-ice).

Adyx · 20-04-2012 02:00AM

Halo sucks.

IM0 · 20-04-2012 02:01AM

hondasam wrote: »

Who will be AH Masterchef 2012?

Not me cause I can't boil an egg. Sorry choco you are on your own.

nonsense, making sammichs is in your genes

policarp · 20-04-2012 02:07AM

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Oh, I forgot to mention, There's also rice, pasta and a jar of bolognese sauce in the larder. Cheers for that policarp. I can tell you went to the same parisian Cordon-bleu school of culinary excellence that I am currently attending. I look forward to seeing you at the past pupils' re-union.:pac:

As I said everything into the pot.
Animal, vegetable or mineral.
That way you get a very balanced diet. . .

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 02:10AM

Babybuff wrote: »

I don't understand the question

Figure out your budget, the best-before dates, the need for there being no waste, and then come up with the best recipes/funniest recipes to make sure you throw nothing in the bin.

As the BB date gets closer your imagination/madness should hone itself.;):pac:

policarp · 20-04-2012 02:18AM

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

pac:

It's hardly Masterchef standard though, is it? Unless you're going to serve it with some nice Brioche (stale buttered bread) on the side? And maybe an Earl Grey infused hand-crafted icecream? (cup of tea and a choc-ice).

Sorry, missed the edit.
AH after all. . .
First course:- Pick out the meat.
Second course:- Pick out the veg.
Third course:- Lap up the liquid.
Wash it all down with a glass or
two of Dun Laoghaire Rathdown
Co Co still water. . .

Babybuff · 20-04-2012 02:20AM

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Figure out your budget, the best-before dates, the need for there being no waste, and then come up with the best recipes/funniest recipes to make sure you throw nothing in the bin.

As the BB date gets closer your imagination/madness should hone itself.;):pac:

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1839,144174-244206,00.html

you said you have condiments, just need garlic and ginger

Mr.Biscuits · 20-04-2012 02:22AM

A 'bedsit' with a 'larder' ??

Fcuk the Celtic Tiger!! :mad:

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 02:28AM

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

As a single man,living in a bedsit, on limited means, I tend to have to play Aldi best before bingo.

I can't abide waste, or throwing stuff out. So, I tend to try to cook stuff (make stuff), that will ensure that everything gets used.

So, here's what's in my larder:

1 jar of medium curry sauce
500g of chicken breast fillets (no recession in that bedsit)
1Kg of crinkle cut chips
1 ltr. of orange juice (with bits)
1 carton of mushrooms
1 pack of salted crackers
350g of Mature Cheddar cheese
A packet of back rashers (I'm tired of measurements)
A pack of back sausages
Plenty of tea-bags
Butter
Coleslaw (needs to be used in at least three dishes)
Cherry tomatoes (won't last forever)
Bisto granules (Ok generic meat granules)
Multiseed farmhouse bread (award-winning. Oh, well lah-de-****ing-dah)
1 Stone-Baked Pizza

2 packets of noodles(that I didn't realise were there)
2 Tins of baked beans
1 can of Tuna
The scrapings of a jar of marmalade

So, AHer's, how would you make sure that none of this stuff went to waste? It's as mathematical as it is culinary. Btw, you don't have to use my larder. Post your own larder and how you intend to use it. I'd love to hear from families with a four stone bag of spuds. (They'll eat what's put in front of them. It's well to know they were never hungry!:pac:)

Open to rich AHers too. Lobsters, prawns and scallops go off quicker.

Choco

Btw, bonus points for all posts that include exactly what Rachel Allen can do with her affected accent, and how far she can shove it up her

Choco

Usual rules apply. Most thanked post will be AH Masterchef/humourist.

Babybuff wrote: »

I don't understand the question

Sorry Babybuff. I thought, what I meant to say; is in this scenario, obviously, the pizza has to go first.It's taking up space, in a very limited fridge. It's not compact, and it doesn't get along with the other ingredients.

Also, the coleslaw goes very well with it, and the coleslaw has a limited shelf-life. And a third of the coleslaw needs to be used fairly lively.

Whether it makes sense to open the cheese at this stage, and shave some over the pizza is a matter of opinion, but, logistically the pizza has to go. Ask Bluewolf. She knows a lot about sums.:pac:

Babybuff · 20-04-2012 02:38AM

why is the pizza not in the freezer.
ok, sausage butties and orange juice go first. eat them now .

bacon and tomato butties after that.

make mushroom soup or grill/bake them with a bit of garlic herby breadcrumbs

beans on toast?

chicken should go in freezer too until you need it and am guesing you're going to use with curry sauce.

There. btw, you need more fresh fruit in your diet.

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 02:38AM

marco_polo wrote: »

Take Stone-Baked pizza, put in oven. Sell rest of Ingredients for alcohol. Drink with pizza.

If only I hadn't done that yesterday, I might still have my mushrooms.:(

Smidge · 20-04-2012 02:42AM

Crumble salted crackers with salt, black pepper etc and coat chicken strips with said mixture. Either fry or oven bake and it tastes like KFC(if you do it right:D)

Smidge · 20-04-2012 02:46AM

Toast the farmhouse bread.
make mixture with tomatoes, cooked bacon, bit of olive oil(if you have it at the back of the press)and you have a pretty decent crostini:D

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 03:09AM

policarp wrote: »

Sorry, missed the edit.
AH after all. . .
First course:- Pick out the meat.
Second course:- Pick out the veg.
Third course:- Lap up the liquid.
Wash it all down with a glass or
two of Dun Laoghaire Rathdown
Co Co still water. . .

Yes, but that takes the sort of technical ability that can only come with years of training.

I had to cut my master's short as it simply wasn't financially viable for me to stay on in college.

I won't bore you with my problems, but, I was left with no option but to take up that commis chef job in "Le Gavroche".

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 03:30AM

Babybuff wrote: »

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1839,144174-244206,00.html

you said you have condiments, just need garlic and ginger

I hope to Jaysus it freezes. And even, if it does, I'd love to know how I'm going to fit it into a single drawer freezer.:pac:

Unless, of course, I could interest you and your mates, in some marmalade chicken, crinkle cut chips, and petit pois? :cool::pac:

Policarp's doing the dessert.;)

Niice.:D

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 03:51AM

Babybuff wrote: »

why is the pizza not in the freezer.
ok, sausage butties and orange juice go first. eat them now .

bacon and tomato butties after that.

make mushroom soup or grill/bake them with a bit of garlic herby breadcrumbs

beans on toast?

chicken should go in freezer too until you need it and am guesing you're going to use with curry sauce.

There. btw, you need more fresh fruit in your diet.

The freezer drawer in my fridge is very small. It won't take a pizza. I also have some chips and frozen peas in there already.

Beans on toast. With you on that. Was talking to a friend earlier and just talking about how cool it is to have inexpensive tastes. I love beans with toast. I don't like it on them, because I think the toast gets soggy and I like the crunch. I also love scrambled eggs with toast. Again cheap enough.

I spend a couple of quid on Lea&Perrins though to "Irish them up".:pac:

But, keep coming with the recipes.Have you any ideas as to how to use a head of lettuce if you're living on your own? I haven't come up with anything yet, and so I've stopped buying lettuce, and also scallions.

And, while I can go "meh" to the lettuce, I love scallions, but they only go in the bin, after a top-notch salad sandwich.

Everything else I could use them for only requires more space.

mackg · 20-04-2012 04:08AM

Scallions are lovely with scrambled egg.

If you want to get rid of the coleslaw, you could have chips, cheese and coleslaw.

If you do get some eggs then the bacon, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and cheese would make a savage omelette.

ToddyDoody · 20-04-2012 04:39AM

Throw out the tuna and coleslaw. The rest takes care of itself.

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 05:40AM

policarp wrote: »

Do what I used to do years ago when I was in a flat.
Put everything into a big pot and boil for about 3 or 4
hours.
Re-heat everyday until stew is finished, then do the
same thing week in week out.

I fookin' love stew. Don't have a big enough pot or a big enough freezer.

Have you any idea how many apples and walnuts I had to buy to use up the celery?

It's a spiral man!

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 06:02AM

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

A 'bedsit' with a 'larder' ??

Fcuk the Celtic Tiger!! :mad:

Through lack of cupboard space, I've been obliged to keep a certain amount of the produce in my pants.

And,so, the use of poetic license.

Hence, the "mature", the "well aged", and "perfectly seasoned".

When I start calling them "Artisan" products, it'll be time to ring the health inspector.

(and not a moment too soon)

Choco

AskMyChocolate · 20-04-2012 06:24AM

mackg wrote: »

Scallions are lovely with scrambled egg.

If you want to get rid of the coleslaw, you could have chips, cheese and coleslaw.

If you do get some eggs then the bacon, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms and cheese would make a savage omelette.

I'm in your debt Mac. I'd forgotten an omelette. And they are savage ingredients. And I've bread or chips depending where the day may take me. Wish I'd bought some scallions now.

*throws fry in the bin*

\ eatin' that crap?

jimthemental · 20-04-2012 07:14AM

This week I will mostly be eating turnip.

Who will be AH Masterchef 2012?

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