The Thread of Sex Adventures

IrishGeordie · 08-04-2012 09:02PM #1

Come on now, the lights are off (or on, who knows), there's a nice set of arms and legs thrown into the mix. Perhaps a chandelier or two, perhaps some wine?

But, jokes aside. This is the thread for sex adventures, where you can detail all the strange sides of the act, from crazy one night standers to dreadfully dreadful partners.

And so we begin....

I once brought a bird back who was into Lord of the Rings in a big way, and made me dress up as Frodo. She had Gollum bedsheets too, and also started screaming what I can only fathom was 'Elvish' mid-act. It was unnerving. I was out of there in a flash, back to my much cooler life of Internetzing.

Mr Benevolent · 08-04-2012 09:03PM

There's no point, every story here will be a complete lie.

galwayrush · 08-04-2012 09:04PM

So OP, you're a midget with hairy toes?

im invisible · 08-04-2012 09:05PM

*I put on my robe and wizard hat*

EDIT post 1999, better make the next one a good one

Tonto86 · 08-04-2012 09:05PM

Confab wrote: »

There's no point, every story here will be a complete lie.

Wats even more annoying is the growing collection of self appointed killjoy police

some random drunk · 08-04-2012 09:06PM

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

mardybumbum · 08-04-2012 09:07PM

some random drunk wrote: »

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

She was trying to get rid of you.

Johro · 08-04-2012 09:07PM

Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2
?
And now this.

Mr Benevolent · 08-04-2012 09:07PM

Tonto86 wrote: »

Wats even more annoying is the growing collection of self appointed killjoy police

Buzz Killington, that's me.

some random drunk · 08-04-2012 09:08PM

mardybumbum wrote: »

She was trying to get rid of you.

Nope, we still got it on.

Jesus Shaves · 08-04-2012 09:09PM

I have an invisibility cloak, when i put it on, the sex adventures begin

al28283 · 08-04-2012 09:09PM

IrishGeordie wrote: »

I once brought a bird back who was into Lord of the Rings in a big way, and made me dress up as Frodo. She had Gollum bedsheets too, and also started screaming what I can only fathom was 'Elvish' mid-act. It was unnerving. I was out of there in a flash, back to my much cooler life of Internetzing.

This didn't happen and nobody here thinks it did

SunnyDub1 · 08-04-2012 09:09PM

Friend of mine went back to a lads house last week , went to have sex with him , the lad started dry humping the **** out her after about 5 mins he gets off her and says "I enjoyed that" she got up and realised he had spunked himself and it was coming threw his jeans.

She then left straight away

im invisible · 08-04-2012 09:10PM

some random drunk wrote: »

Nope, we still got it on.

and the kid?

post 2000

GHOST MGG2 · 08-04-2012 09:11PM

a friend of mine went back to some girls apartment and during the night got up to goto the bathroom...
He went inside and took a tumbler of water from the tap..
next morning your wan is screaming cos she cant find her expensive contact lenses that she left in the tumbler beside the sink...gas:D

Gummy Panda · 08-04-2012 09:11PM

I had sex with a girl and we snuggled afterwards. I was big spoon. I like snuggling.

The end

some random drunk · 08-04-2012 09:13PM

im invisible wrote: »

and the kid?

post 2000

She was put to bed in her own room. Obviously we didn't get it on in front of her.

Sky King · 08-04-2012 09:13PM

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&page=1

/ Thread

My name is URL · 08-04-2012 09:14PM

I remember having sex one time. I hope to do it again some day.

hairyprincess · 08-04-2012 09:26PM

some random drunk wrote: »

I've mentioned it on here before, but I once went back to this girl's house after a night out and went to the bathroom. Came back out and she was breastfeeding her child in front of me. Her child was 5 years old!

Oh no, not another breast feeding bashing thread

The child had to be fed, what did you expect her to do? :eek:

some random drunk · 08-04-2012 09:31PM

hairyprincess wrote: »

Oh no, not another breast feeding bashing thread

The child had to be fed, what did you expect her to do? :eek:

Maybe cook something or get something from the fridge? You know, the way most parents would feed their 5 year old child.

Meauldsegosha · 08-04-2012 09:32PM

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Friend of mine went back to a lads house last week , went to have sex with him , the lad started dry humping the **** out her after about 5 mins he gets off her and says "I enjoyed that" she got up and realised he had spunked himself and it was coming threw his jeans.

She then left straight away

No your mate watched Bad Teacher with Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake because that is a scene from that film.:)

amacachi · 08-04-2012 09:32PM

How long til a story that involves a clear rape?

BopNiblets · 08-04-2012 09:34PM

Define "clear"...

Jesus Shaves · 08-04-2012 09:41PM

some random drunk wrote: »

Maybe cook something or get something from the fridge? You know, the way most parents would feed their 5 year old child.

did you take the other breast?

Snowie · 08-04-2012 09:43PM

i don't have any sexcapades

Mickey Dazzler · 08-04-2012 09:45PM

I went out one night with the misses at the time and proceeded to drink too much. Came home and barely got a lob on and had to thumb it in. After a few moments she said "get off me ye useless prick" so I rolled over and passed out.

I woke up at around 06:00am only to find myself pissing myself. Completely soaked. Terrified of what the missus was going to say I suddenly had a brain wave. I jumped over her and proceed to nudge her onto the side of the bed I had just soiled. Delighted with my stroke of genius I dozed back off to sleep. I awoke around 10:00 to see my lady looking around bewildered. I said "oh Jesus baby do you have an accident? You poor thing, you must be morto."

I said "don't worry baby it will be our little secret".

I'm such a ledge.

amacachi · 08-04-2012 09:46PM

BopNiblets wrote: »

Define "clear"...

When it happens you'll know.

Defiler Of The Coffin · 08-04-2012 09:49PM

I had sex once with a bird with nice long legs and a good long neck. It was an ostrich.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 08-04-2012 09:50PM

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

I went out one night with the misses at the time and proceeded to drink too much. Came home and barely got a lob on and had to thumb it in. After a few moments she said "get off me ye useless prick" so I rolled over and passed out.

I woke up at around 06:00am only to find myself pissing myself. Completely soaked. Terrified of what the missus was going to say I suddenly had a brain wave. I jumped over her and proceed to nudge her onto the side of the bed I had just soiled. Delighted with my stroke of genius I dozed back off to sleep. I awoke around 10:00 to see my lady looking around bewildered. I said "oh Jesus baby do you have an accident? You poor thing, you must be morto."

I said "don't worry baby it will be our little secret".

I'm such a ledge.

what was that you were saying about pubic and civil servants again?

some random drunk · 08-04-2012 10:06PM

darokane wrote: »

did you take the other breast?

It was offered to me but I declined....until both breasts were freely available.

I have another story. A couple of years ago I met a girl online and agreed to go on a date. She was from Belfast and I'm from down south so we agreed to meet in a town near the border. So I meet up with the girl and we go to the cinema. Its a nice sunny day so the cinema is practically empty. We sit in the back row and hold hands, then start kissing, then it leads to more and eventually she sits on my lap and we do the business. Coming out of the cinema afterwards I was praying they didnt have CCTV in there. Date over, I got back on the bus and headed back home. We texted each other a few times, but never did meet again. It was a very brief but certainly memorable encounter.

*She was obese and smelt of chicken curry but I usually don't mention this bit.

The Thread of Sex Adventures

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