Dirty Stories from people's houses

I moved (temporarily and under duress) into a house in Belfast a few years ago that had clearly not been cleaned in some time. The bathroom had sliding glass doors for the shower, and these had not been cleaned in so long that the inside was green and black from moss and mold - how can anyone feel clean after showering in a moldy cubicle? Hair clogged the drain, and was all over the bathroom, along with at least a year's worth of 3/4 empty shampoo and conditioner bottles. Old damp towels were moldering away in the hallway, and the toilet in the WC had clearly been enjoyed by someone who liked flaming hot takeout curry but did not like cleaning.

The worst thought was the kitchen. Everything had a thin film of grease over it. There were mysterious containers of moldy food and condiments in the refrigerator. There were enough crumbs around the toaster to bread a turkey with. But the most vile thing in the house was the microwave, which looked and smelled as if someone had set a rat on fire inside of it and left it to fester.

I spent over two hours cleaning that kitchen before I would even boil a kettle for tea in it, and another 90 minutes on the bathroom. The landlord almost wept with joy to see me cleaning, but if I were her, I would have been ashamed to have even shown, much less charged anyone money to rent that place given the state it was in. But the saddest thing was, it was actually the cleanest house I'd viewed in that part of town.

Reading some of these posts, I would be quite mortified for any of you to come to my house. Dust, broken windows, lots of old newspapers, crumbs everywhere, wine stains, always the faint smell of horse-shit... and that's just my parents' gaff. Well, some people care less for domestos infused furnishings and Dettol wipes. Personally, I can't feel comofortable in an anally clean environment [ok, poor choice of words, you know what I mean].

And somehow I've rarely been ill, and as a boy, never missed a whole day of school. If you want to focus on personal hygiene, take care of washing your hands and looking after your nutrient intake. No amount of dusting will take care of that for you.