Spoofers!

Jimmy Macnulty · 15-02-2012 12:28PM

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Sentid · 15-02-2012 12:51PM

In primary school we were preparing for the communion, one fella seriously insisted that his grandfather was the pope

Fat ape

gcgirl · 15-02-2012 12:55PM

The amount of spoofers that simply have low self esteem issues is scary, people make up lies to make them selfs feel good about themselves, few of my sons friends are like that, you cannot believe them and what ever they come out with

cloptrop · 15-02-2012 12:57PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

One of the lads - a friend of a friend, really - constantly lies. The thing is, a lot of them are mad lies and don't actually benefit him in any way.

We used to work together in shop. Making boring Monday morning conversation with him, I asked what he'd been up to over the weekend; "Ah, nothing much, just worked. It was fairly busy here on Saturday", he replied. Now, it was a small shop and I knew he hadn't worked over the weekend because I had. What was the fcuking point of that lie? Bizarre.

yep i was in fas with a fella from sligo that weighed about 20 stone even though he played 2 football and 1 hurling matches every weekend . This fella would lie about anything . He called himself chris even though his name was kieran. He had a scar going from his eye to the back of his neck from being bottled by a huge polish fella whom he subsequently got the better of. The funny thing was there was no scar there but he really believed there was you just couldnt see it because his hair was long , even though he had a near raw blade at the back and no hair from his eye to his hair.
Actually he said he was from sligo, coulda been from anywhere I suppose.

foxyboxer · 15-02-2012 12:59PM

...there are no more.

Where To · 15-02-2012 01:04PM

One I always enjoy is the amount of people whose lotto numbers came up the one week they didn't play it.

Riddle101 · 15-02-2012 01:04PM

Friend of mine years ago told me he had a threesome with these two girls in his house. He then heard his mother coming up the stairs so the girls climbed out the window and down a ladder that was placed there. To this day he still insists it actually happened:rolleyes:

Cee-Jay-Cee · 15-02-2012 01:09PM

I work with a lad with a very very vivid imagination, no matter what anyone does, he has done it twice before, if someone mentions a movie, he has seen it even if it isnt in the cinema yet. According to his stories he has owner over 100 cars in his life because as soon as anyone mentions a make/model he pipes up that he used to own one and it was crap/brilliant/whatever. He has been to every country in the world at this rate too.

But the best one he came out with is when i bought a new house last year. The house was a new build and had been on the market for a year or so. I was explaining where it was and showed him a picture of it on daft.ie and he proclaimed that he had looked at it the year before and was going to buy it but backed out of the deal as he found something else he preferred. Now he's been living in the same house for the last 8 years, he owns it and it is not for sale now nor was it for sale in the past.

He simply cannot let anyone tell their story without his input on the matter. Its annoying at times but its more laughable than anything else as he has told so many stories at this stage that he has been caught out several times when he's forgotten something he's previously told.

cloptrop · 15-02-2012 01:14PM

Yep its so irritating you go into work thinkin you have a good story and these saps steal your thunder .

wilkie2006 · 15-02-2012 01:38PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

One of the lads - a friend of a friend, really - constantly lies. The thing is, a lot of them are mad lies and don't actually benefit him in any way.

We used to work together in shop. Making boring Monday morning conversation with him, I asked what he'd been up to over the weekend; "Ah, nothing much, just worked. It was fairly busy here on Saturday", he replied. Now, it was a small shop and I knew he hadn't worked over the weekend because I had. What was the fcuking point of that lie? Bizarre.

Standard Toaster wrote: »

Sounds to me like your friend is in fact your imaginary friend.

If I had an imaginary friend, it'd be a naked Mila Kunis, not some twatty idiot who tells stupid lies

ImpossibleDuck · 15-02-2012 01:50PM

My friend once had a rifle that when you shot it, the bullet travelled so far that (because the earth is round *sigh*) it went into outer space...... *facepalm*

A lot of really dumb stories...a lot of them about girls he'd impregnated...this is all by maybe age 14.

Big Nasty · 15-02-2012 03:00PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

That is one seriously poxy haircut! :eek::eek::eek:

flanders1979 · 15-02-2012 03:01PM

Whenever I hear the word spoofer I always imagine Londoners.

notwise · 15-02-2012 03:13PM

Yesterday on FB, a girl puts up:

"I'm not really one for Valentines Day BUT.....Awww I was in d shop lookin at d flowers and there was an elderly man there and he started talkin to me. He was like "its a great day isn't it, all d flowers are sellin out, its great to see people celebrate it". I agreed and nodded, he had a bunch in his hand and den he said "I'm off to d grave now with these, happy valentines day".. Aww dat melted my heart.. ♥ xxx Happy Valentines Day Everyone xxx "

Cue all her friends "aw hun dats soo cuuute" and other brain dead responses.
My friend in Oz who is australian puts up the same story in different words today(not claiming for it to have happened to her though)

Proving that this knob is a complete lying arsehole (which I'd already known anyway!):D

BraziliaNZ · 15-02-2012 03:16PM

cloptrop wrote: »

I find everyone that comes back from oz somehow undergo a transformation into bull****ters over there.
Countless people who tell you they earned thousands a week over there and you see there mothers and ask how they are getting on and you get the usual
"he was onto me last week lookin for money"
They all worked as a diving instructor swam with sharks and beat up a 20 stone maori bouncer that tried to glass them.

I'll never understand the bitterness some Irish people have towards other Irish people who have been to Australia...

notwise · 15-02-2012 03:19PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'll never understand the bitterness some Irish people have towards other Irish people who have been to Australia...

Tell me about it!!! A shower of begrudgers.

Rastapitts · 15-02-2012 03:21PM

that my name is Chuck Norris

pissblast · 15-02-2012 03:22PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'll never understand the bitterness some Irish people have towards other Irish people who have been to Australia...

whats so good about Australia exactly?

To hot that u sweat even while taking a shower

snakes taranchulas roaming around u bedroom during the night instead of eh nothing except the odd moth

Jobs? yeah ok but ive got one

mconigol · 15-02-2012 03:45PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'll never understand the bitterness some Irish people have towards other Irish people who have been to Australia...

Generally bitter about anyone who has been anywhere and who may have changed since they left secondary school...

4zn76tysfajdxp · 15-02-2012 04:28PM

mconigol wrote: »

Generally bitter about anyone who has been anywhere and who may have changed since they left secondary school...

Surely they're not annoyed because they went to Australia but because they came back and can't shut up about it.

Gracelessly Tom · 15-02-2012 04:37PM

pissblast wrote: »

whats so good about Australia exactly?

To hot that u sweat even while taking a shower

snakes taranchulas roaming around u bedroom during the night instead of eh nothing except the odd moth

Jobs? yeah ok but ive got one

Certainly not as an English teacher.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 15-02-2012 04:41PM

The train driver got ill at Kildare so I drove her in the rest of the way.

An acquaintance of mine who briefly worked with Irish Rail when he was about 14 told me that. He said driving a train is like riding a bike, it never leaves you.:rolleyes:

mconigol · 15-02-2012 04:50PM

Brian Damp Player wrote: »

Surely they're not annoyed because they went to Australia but because they came back and can't shut up about it.

What's there to shut up about though? Somebody talking about their life or are they supposed to ignore those years and pretend they didn't happen as soon as they reach dublin airport??

notwise · 15-02-2012 04:51PM

pissblast wrote: »

whats so good about Australia exactly?

To hot that u sweat even while taking a shower

snakes taranchulas roaming around u bedroom during the night instead of eh nothing except the odd moth

Jobs? yeah ok but ive got one

Yes it's lovely and hot, it's pleasant, you can plan things without having to think of what the weather is going to be like.
I never recall sweating "even while taking a shower"
I never have seen a snake or a tarantula in my bedroom (seriously?!)
And yeah there are jobs and the word 'recession' is rarely heard.
there is nothing wrong with staying in Ireland, but there is certainly nothing wrong with travelling and broadening your horizons either.
I lived in Ireland for 26 years! What's wrong with seeing a bit of the world!

Conall Cernach · 15-02-2012 04:57PM

As a young fella I was given to the odd bit of spoofing too (nowhere near as bad as yer man in The Inbetweeners though). One spoof of mine was that a book that was eagerly awaited by my cousins and me was released in the South a month before the North (they lived in the north and me in the south). So I spoofed that I had read it already. They in turn asked me what happened so I spent the best part of an hour making up the plot as I went along including who from the last book got killed etc. The funny thing is that when the book (Guardians of the West - please avoid it) was eventually released it was terrible and a real let down compared to my masterpiece.

My brother had a friend who was so gullible that you couldn't resist spoofing him. He believed that my father was an international mercenary and that my real name was Leonard (it's not) and that I only called myself my real name because I didn't like Leonard.

cloptrop · 16-02-2012 12:06AM

mas

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'll never understand the bitterness some Irish people have towards other Irish people who have been to Australia...

I have no bitterness against anyone who went to austrailia

mconigol wrote: »

Generally bitter about anyone who has been anywhere and who may have changed since they left secondary school...

It actually irritates me that some people I know from school still live in their , smoke weed and play x box all day listening to rap and sell weed in deals . They are 30 grow up.

mconigol wrote: »

What's there to shut up about though? Somebody talking about their life or are they supposed to ignore those years and pretend they didn't happen as soon as they reach dublin airport??

Ah here we are another post about austrailia yak yak yak . Why does everything have to be about austrailia though . You ask them are they going the shop and you have to listen about the shop they went to in austrailia that was much better. There isnt anything you can do that doesnt end up with a story about austrailia. It was a year have you nothing else in your 20 odd years to talk about other than a year of selling icecreams on a beach and pretending you were a diving instructor. Its just a holiday like any other I allocate you the same amount of time Id allocate someone that went to tenerife. One maybe two stories then it gets boring . Its just a place .

firefly08 · 16-02-2012 12:45AM

Best one is that my friends granddad invented the widget that is in cans of Guiness.

Wait, is that a well known urban myth or something? Coz I know someone who claims that. Wonder if it's the same person, but for the life of me I can't quite remember who it is, I just know it's someone I work with.

stmol32 · 16-02-2012 01:14AM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

..... and I knew he hadn't worked over the weekend because I had.

Are you Tyler Durden?

16-02-2012 01:29AM

When I was in first or second class my mam told me one Wednesday night that we won the lotto.. The next day I went into school and proclaimed that we were now considerably richer thanks to the lotto win.

I got in loads of trouble for telling lies and the principle rang my mam, she denied saying anything about the lotto to me and that I had an overactive imagination.

She now tells the story with glee to anyone who listens. The wagon.

vixdname · 16-02-2012 01:44AM

notwise wrote: »

Yes it's lovely and hot, it's pleasant, you can plan things without having to think of what the weather is going to be like.
I never recall sweating "even while taking a shower"
I never have seen a snake or a tarantula in my bedroom (seriously?!)
And yeah there are jobs and the word 'recession' is rarely heard.
there is nothing wrong with staying in Ireland, but there is certainly nothing wrong with travelling and broadening your horizons either.
I lived in Ireland for 26 years! What's wrong with seeing a bit of the world!

Theres absolutely nothing at all wrong with travelling the world and broadening your horizons, I done it myself a few years back and enjoyed every minute of it.
I think what some of the lads heres are saying, and I have to admit, I've met these types myself over the years, is that there are certain types that go away for a few weeks \ months \ years and when they come back, the have a very negative attitude to Ireland and sometimes look down their noses at acquaintances of theirs that may have stayed at home while they travelled and think that because they've experienced some things their peers may not have, that they can talk true their proverbial H o l e s about their far away escapades and expect the poor fools from home to believe it word for word.
This is by no means a new phenomena, back in the 80s when economic hardship resulted in lots of irish men and women having to travel to england for work with the net result that lads came back from england after spending a year there or less with broader, thicker accents then the english locals themselves, went around splashing their money and buying drink for everyone and wearing their best clobber for the few days they were home and stinking of "Hi Karate" cologne. The reality was that these poor souls had saved as much money as possible for their trip home and wanted to give the impression that they were a "Local Lad Done Well" when in reality lots of them were anything but.

Spoofers!

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