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How do I get him back?

24

Comments

  • #32
    number10a
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭number10a


    Don't wash for a fortnight, break into his house at night and sit on his face.


  • #33
    Crann na Beatha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,763 ✭✭✭✭Crann na Beatha


    This post has been deleted.


  • #34
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Nope he dumped me. Totally out of the blue. That's why I can't get my head around it

    Maybe he's a dick? And your better of.


  • #35
    Jesus Shaves
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,959 ✭✭✭Jesus Shaves


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Nope he dumped me. Totally out of the blue. That's why I can't get my head around it

    He's with me now


  • #36
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Nope he dumped me. Totally out of the blue. That's why I can't get my head around it

    Counseling to get some closure on this, he's not coming back.


    What reason did he give, and how long ago was this? Not that I think it will make any difference to your odds of getting him back, just background building.


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  • #37
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Aquila wrote: »
    Have you tried Steak with a side of BJ?.

    I tried that once. Got peppercorn sauce spilt on me cock & second degree burns.


  • #38
    LH Pathe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭LH Pathe


    I'm sure lots of us here send many a txt to which there's no reply. Texts compound stuff like that - n I know if I were to actually stalk someone I just get up n physically do it; like it used to be. We have guys crying wolf in this sense too now :/ usually pussywhipped.


  • #39
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    You actually need to make a shrine to him and tell him about it.

    Guys love a ego boost


  • #40
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    How do I get him back?

    Sniff his undies. That would suggest your loyal to him and he'll come to his senses.


  • #41
    Doc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    Okay I think I have the perfect answer to this!

    Build a time machine then wait two months then get in the time machine and go back in time a day. Then you and old you go round to his house. Old you should hide nearby and you should go tell him if he takes you back you will be willing to have a threesome with him and that you have found a girl willing to do it. When he says yes signal old you to come in and away you go. Tell him on special occasions you can organize up to 60 of you to satisfy his every whim then travel back to the future leaving old you to keep the relationship going.

    Also if you lezz it up with your old self its not gay its just masturbation! Win! Win!


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  • #42
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    Kidnap him, that will get him back.


  • #43
    Uriel.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,058 ✭✭✭Uriel.


    Get some of his DNA and grow a new one in your underground laboratory.

    Then don't make the same mistakes again. Sorted


  • #44
    Bruthal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,370 ✭✭✭✭Bruthal


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Junior Jacon Jeese Jurger wrote: »
    With a username like that I'd suggest you start with a shave.
    I knew that one wouldn't take long

    Now to do the other one


  • #45
    Rabies
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,257 ✭✭✭✭Rabies


    spike his drink when you're out stalking him one night.
    Carry his limp body home.
    Strip him naked with you.
    Allow him to wake up with his arms around you in the morning
    Then say you agree with everything he said last night and you'll try anal again just for him



    Done


  • #46
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Sky King wrote: »
    Are you trying to get him back so you can be together or get him back for something he did to you?

    If the latter then defecate in the cistern of his jacks.
    Pml. I want to be with him forever and ever but he don't want me so maybe revenge is a good idea. Thanks Sky King, I'll be sure to tell the Gardai it was your idea ;-)

    Why do you want to (forever and ever) be with someone who doesn't want to be with you ?
    Because I think he does but he's scared of his emotions. I dunno maybe I should give up

    If so, then best of luck.....my only point to you is that wanting to be with him forever and ever should be dependent on you being 100% on the above, because otherwise you will come across as a stalker.


  • #47
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    A mixture of looking for pity, sexual enticement and outright bullying has worked on me more often than not. I'm dumb though.
    The second one is the most important really. The other two usually just serve to trigger enough attention/emotional engagement for that one to work.
    This post is ironic. I know I'm undermining it by pointing that out - but I dont want to monitor the thread to check it hasn't come across wrong.


  • #48
    Uriel.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,058 ✭✭✭Uriel.


    trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

    if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong


  • #49
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Stitch back up all the clothes that you told us you cut on here last night :P

    If I were you I'd move on tbh


  • #50
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    Follow him across the world, and manipulate two guys to help you abduct him, then tie him up and have sex with him for weeks.
    Wait that didn't work when Miss Wyoming tried it..


  • #51
    the_syco
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,308 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Get him back on S&BJ day, in about a months time.


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  • #52
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    Uriel. wrote: »
    trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

    if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

    Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

    OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/


  • #53
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,300 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    Uriel. wrote: »
    trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

    if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

    Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

    OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/
    No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.


  • #54
    Doc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.

    So you’re not going to build a time machine then?


  • #55
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    Uriel. wrote: »
    trick him / or drug him into sleeping with you one "final" time. tell him you are on the pill no need for condoms. Get pregnant and guilt him into staying with you. simples.

    if you don't get pregnant the first time try again with the promise of some anal thrown in. can't go wrong

    Sorry, but that's a horrendous post and not even remotely funny.

    OP - hopefully you're not in an actual stalker mindset but bear in mind that you are in AH so you'll get lots of crap and downright sickening replies as attempts at humour/
    No worries sir, I posted here for some humours replies to cheer myself up. Definitely won't be taking most of the 'advice' given.

    Phew! Good to hear!

    Pity a lot of the reply standards didn't oblige, though! ;) :P


  • #56
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,300 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    I never thought AH would help me deal with something but it apparently has! Thanks everyone for your honesty and laughs here, I think its time I let this fish swim.....


  • #57
    working fool
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭working fool


    Tell him U bought a strapon
    And ask which end would he like to be on ?


  • #58
    ilovesleep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,619 ✭✭✭ilovesleep


    Send him a pair of your bloody period knickers in the post - obviously used, stained and unwashed.


  • #59
    davet82
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,753 ✭✭✭davet82


    no no no everyone... she needs to grab his attention, find a really tall building and ring RTE threatening to jump, nothing better than telling him and the world... that you really really are a big stalker ;)


  • #60
    ilovesleep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,619 ✭✭✭ilovesleep


    Put a death notice up in the paper for yourself and send him a copy of the paper and death pullout pages with your name in it - dead!
    He might phone you to see if you are dead or not.


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  • #61
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    get him pregnant


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