How honest should you be when dumping someone?

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 01:59PM #1

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

SEPT 23 1989 · 07-02-2012 02:02PM

Brutally honest

gcgirl · 07-02-2012 02:03PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Wow I apologise for the sisterhood there she sounds like a right twat
Personally I would just say its not working out and exit

Rasmus · 07-02-2012 02:04PM

Be honest, but not needlessly bitchy.

kfallon · 07-02-2012 02:04PM

She sounded like quite the catch!!! :pac:

lastlaugh · 07-02-2012 02:04PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

Well if I was ever slapped I'd be telling her to F*ck right off straight away.

Seachmall · 07-02-2012 02:05PM

You're dumping them and probably never going to see them again (or are unlikely to).

No need to be a cunt about it, but be firm and honest as well.

"It's not you, it's me... I just can't fucking stand you".

See, best of both worlds.

candy-gal1 · 07-02-2012 02:05PM

OP fair play for getting her out of your life, sounds like a complete bitch just wanting someone to do whatever she says, no matter what, and a really big liar too :eek: karma should come knocking!

yep, being completely honest to why you dont want to be with them anymore is the best way to go imho, otherwise its just confusing tbh

if your breaking up with someone you were in a serious relationship with then also just say it if youve cheated on them or whatever, its a whole lot easier in the long run, i mean your going to hurt them/make them angry anyway so just get everything out there is what i think, and certainly dont lie and say dont worry i never cheated on you at all, if you did :rolleyes:
maybe just try and sugarcoat it a little if needs be, but lying is just going to end up in more hassle down the line id say.

btw ive never broken up with anyone, so far, ive either been broken up with or its been a very mutual thing, im just speaking from experience and what i would like to happen, if it had to.

smash · 07-02-2012 02:05PM

"I'm boning your sister"

kfallon · 07-02-2012 02:07PM

Tbh her levels of geebaggery (I made up a new word :pac:) are only matched OP by your levels of stupidity for having any kind of relationship with this person!

I hope you learned your lesson!

starbelgrade · 07-02-2012 02:10PM

When your dumping an ex-partner, just make sure you add plenty of ballast to the sack, otherwise they tend to float to the surface very quickly.

Mickey Dazzler · 07-02-2012 02:10PM

Sure you might as well have kicked her in the clunge for good measure.

IvySlayer · 07-02-2012 02:11PM

lastlaugh wrote: »

Well if I was ever slapped I'd be telling her to F*ck right off straight away.

Slap me and I don't deserve it, I'll be slapping right back, man or woman.

And to the OP, honesty is the best policy, always.

Underdraft · 07-02-2012 02:12PM

I'd say there's no point. I've found people like that generally don't take criticism well (actually they don't even take it at all) and just turn the whole conversation back on you making out like they're fine the way they are and that any fault you may have found with them was precisely because you don't know how to behave 'correctly' in society (ie their way).

Plus why would you want to help such an individual anyway with constructive criticism? Let them find out they hard way, by getting beat down day after day by life.

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 02:12PM

gcgirl wrote: »

Wow I apologise for the sisterhood there she sounds like a right twat
Personally I would just say its not working out and exit

Cheers

It's gets even worse though; for about three weeks after we broke up she pretended she was pregnant :eek:

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 02:13PM

kfallon wrote: »

She sounded like quite the catch!!! :pac:

If you're interested, she's probably single

lastlaugh · 07-02-2012 02:13PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

Cheers

It's gets even worse though; for about three weeks after we broke up she pretended she was pregnant :eek:

You should have pretended you had AIDs.

TheZohanS · 07-02-2012 02:14PM

If she was that bad I say feck her, why the hell should you bother your ass giving her any criticism at all.

A simple "it's not me, it's you" would suffice.

She's somebody else's problem now.

IvySlayer · 07-02-2012 02:14PM

smash wrote: »

Fcuk it

"I'm boning every female member of your family"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfPvnjJKuzc

Reminds me of this

kfallon · 07-02-2012 02:15PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

If you're interested, she's probably single

You need to turn on your sarcasm detector Wilkie

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 02:15PM

Rasmus wrote: »

Be honest, but not needlessly bitchy.

Where's the line between honest and bitchy lie though? I mean, I think that my rant was pretty harsh but would have been honest and - if she ever wants another boyfriend - pretty necessary.

GASMANN · 07-02-2012 02:16PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

A few years ago I went out with a complete and utter bit£h. She was fcuking horrible. Unlike most relationships, the more I got to know her, the more I disliked her. By the time I broke her with her, I realised that - a relationship aside - I wouldn't have even wanted to be her friend.

At the time of the break-up, I asked one of my female friends how to handle it: brutally honest or saccharine and generic. She counseled me to go easy on the girl, which I did.

However, I wonder whether my ex could have benefited from some "constructive" criticism? What I would have liked to have said was:

- You're controlling, neurotic and clingy.
- You're really obnoxious when you're pi$$ed (and a bit racist too)
- You're really tight with money and it pi$$es me off that you expect me to buy everything (including drinks for your friends on a night out).
- You could do with reading a few more books and newspapers to knock the edges off your ignorance
- Slapping your boyfriend when you're pissed (for no reason) is not okay.
- Boyfriends are not butlers/handymen that can be called over to your house - on the pretext of "hanging out" - to fix stuff or help you to clean.

So how do other users break-up with people; "It's not you, it's me" or "I just can't fcuking stand you"?

pics/gtfo

Snowie · 07-02-2012 02:16PM

i'll be honest its not you its me...

starbelgrade · 07-02-2012 02:18PM

wilkie2006 wrote: »

Where's the line between honest and bitchy lie though? I mean, I think that my rant was pretty harsh but would have been honest and - if she ever wants another boyfriend - pretty necessary.

Not necessarily. Some people go for partners who treat them like lap dogs. You see it all the time and for all intents & purposes, both people who willingly partake in a dominant / submissive relationship like that can be perfectly happy.

crystalmice · 07-02-2012 02:20PM

Honesty is generally the kinder policy IMHO..seen far too many friends absolutely wreaking their heads trying to figure out why someone dumped them because they were give some half arsed, unintelligible reason..it might hurt more at the time but people move on faster of they know why; it's just as quick and can't be overanalysed if you just admit its cos they annoy you/don't have anything to talk about/no longer fancy them/want to try it on with someone else rather than the usual generic 'it's just not working but for no exact reason' rubbish
And if the problem isn't too ingrained in the person, they might just learn from it for the next relationship
Though in your case, she sounds too far gone for that to have been any use

pragmatic1 · 07-02-2012 02:21PM

Depends on how much of a cnut you are. Its better to tell gentle little lies.

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 02:27PM

Originally Posted by kfallon View Post
She sounded like quite the catch!!!

wilkie2006 wrote: »

If you're interested, she's probably single

kfallon wrote: »

You need to turn on your sarcasm detector Wilkie

Haha. I think you might need to fine-tune your sarcasm detector

kfallon · 07-02-2012 02:27PM

hairyprincess wrote: »

You could have blasted her with piss

Your username is giving me all sorts of bad mental images!

Can see the break up line now, "it's not you, it's the hairy gee" :P

TheZohanS · 07-02-2012 02:30PM

crystalmice wrote: »

Honesty is generally the kinder policy IMHO..seen far too many friends absolutely wreaking their heads trying to figure out why someone dumped them because they were give some half arsed, unintelligible reason..it might hurt more at the time but people move on faster of they know why; it's just as quick and can't be overanalysed if you just admit its cos they annoy you/don't have anything to talk about/no longer fancy them/want to try it on with someone else rather than the usual generic 'it's just not working but for no exact reason' rubbish
And if the problem isn't too ingrained in the person, they might just learn from it for the next relationship
Though in your case, she sounds too far gone for that to have been any use

Aye but if you tell the other person why it didn't work out and it's pretty much their fault you're giving them a stick to beat you with. You can end up getting drawn into an argument that's not worth it.

In my opinion, in some cases, it's better to break up with the person, then say nothing and just walk away.

44leto · 07-02-2012 02:31PM

Just lie
Nobody wants or likes the truth.

wilkie2006 · 07-02-2012 02:36PM

kfallon wrote: »

Tbh her levels of geebaggery (I made up a new word :pac:) are only matched OP by your levels of stupidity for having any kind of relationship with this person!

I hope you learned your lesson!

It was a fairly short-term thing, just a few months.

I certainly have learnt my lesson though! :pac:

How honest should you be when dumping someone?

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