Living next door to a toilet

TeddyTedson · 07-02-2012 12:16AM #1

I live next door to a toilet and it's absolutely disgusting. I'm about to go to bed now soon, so there will be total silence while I'm getting to sleep. Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night crap. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.
How do you even bring something like this up with someone? "Oh by the way could you stop taking noisy long ****es at 1AM in the morning please"...:rolleyes:

I've considered getting ear plugs but a lot of pressure builds up or something in my ears then and I get a throbbing pain.
I just can't seem to win.
Anyone else ever have this issue.
At least it's not as bad as when I lived in an apartment briefly where many mornings I was woken by the people next door banging off the headboard. I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

drunkmonkey · 07-02-2012 12:17AM

I'd say you can nearly taste what they had for tea.

Sweet dreams:D

senorwipesalot · 07-02-2012 12:19AM

Disgusting.Hope you washed your hands before posting.

billymitchell · 07-02-2012 12:19AM

While they are taking a shíte in the jacks, you go in and take a dump on their bed! That'll learn them

Johnny Foreigner · 07-02-2012 12:19AM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I live next door to a toilet and it's absolutely disgusting. I'm about to go to bed now soon, so there will be total silence while I'm getting to sleep. Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night crap. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.
How do you even bring something like this up with someone? "Oh by the way could you stop taking noisy long ****es at 1AM in the morning please"...:rolleyes:

I've considered getting ear plugs but a lot of pressure builds up or something in my ears then and I get a throbbing pain.
I just can't seem to win.
Anyone else ever have this issue.
At least it's not as bad as when I lived in an apartment briefly where many mornings I was woken by the people next door banging off the headboard. I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

Karma.

John Doe1 · 07-02-2012 12:20AM

have you considered self-immolation?:)

Pacifist Pigeon · 07-02-2012 12:20AM

Poor Teddy, poor, poor Teddy.

My name is URL · 07-02-2012 12:21AM

Then just as I'm drifting off someone next door will slam the door and start having a late night 'crap'. I can hear all the grunting and horrible sounds it's absolute horrendous. They might be in there for over 20mins too.

Go take a shit on the parent's bed while they're busy bumpin' uglies in the loo

Jesus Wept · 07-02-2012 12:21AM

I have a sofa bed that you are welcome to, surprisingly comfy.

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

Karma.

What a shit post.

tvercetti · 07-02-2012 12:21AM

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I'll try record it maybe later and upload the sound file so you can hear how loud it is.

This has legendary thread potential if you actually record him or her.

Archeron · 07-02-2012 12:24AM

The house on one side of me is in a different estate, so at a weird angle. One night, I was outside my house and somebody in their en suite let a fart akin to an anal version of a barney gumble belch. Me and a mate burst out laughing, and then heard laughter coming from the toilet as well. It was a beautiful moment as we shared a laugh with somebody we'd never even seen.

jimthemental · 07-02-2012 12:24AM

Thread title mislead me, I thought you had no toilet and had to sneak into other peoples in order to relieve yourself.

bobbytables · 07-02-2012 12:24AM

If you don't know them or don't care, loudly cheer them on, drum on the wall & burst in to applause when they flush. Half the battle is letting them know you can hear them, the rest is up to your creative genius.

But yeah if you want to upload the sounds, no doubt someone will remix it in to the next funky meme feat. OMG cat.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 07-02-2012 12:25AM

You really just have to be forthright in these situations because its an intolerable instance to have to endure on a nightly basis.

So what I'd do would be just to give a rap on the wall or door and say something like Keep it down in there will ya. The person will most likely be embarrassed but I'm sure they won't do it again or even raise the issue with you in the morning.

Badgermonkey · 07-02-2012 12:25AM

Reminds me, I miss Flutt's ability to convey toilety tales of colonic evacuation in a prose that was an odd mix of Hunter S. Thompson meets PG Wodehouse.

Gods speed Sir, wherever you are.

eth0 · 07-02-2012 12:27AM

I have a toilet inside my house. Jaysus can you imagine the torment I must go through

and next door is another house with a toilet inside in it. as well as actual people who use the said toilet.

you should count yourself lucky that next door is merely a stand-alone toilet

TeddyTedson · 07-02-2012 12:29AM

eth0 wrote: »

I have a toilet inside my house. Jaysus can you imagine the torment I must go through

and next door is another house with a toilet inside in it. as well as actual people who use the said toilet.

you should count yourself lucky that next door is merely a stand-alone toilet

Are you ****ting me?

frozenfrozen · 07-02-2012 12:29AM

Following thread with interest in said recordings.

Seren_ · 07-02-2012 12:29AM

The-Rigger wrote: »

I have a sofa bed that you are welcome to, surprisingly comfy.

no safo bed is as comfy as the one in my house. It's awesome.

OP, my room is next to the bathroom too, but for some reason I can never hear anythinfg (which is good). 0aybe move your bed to an opposite wall or something?

FatherLen · 07-02-2012 12:30AM

everytime you hear them taking a dump late at night play a song, preferably one you wouldn't hear often so it would be memorable. only play when they are taking late night dumps but play the same song everytime. they will eventually spot the pattern and realise you know what they're up to and it might deter them to be so loud.

woodoo · 07-02-2012 12:30AM

That sounds pretty s**t

Jesus Wept · 07-02-2012 12:31AM

Your Text Here wrote: »

no safo bed is as comfy as the one in my house. It's awesome.

OP, my room is next to the bathroom too, but for some reason I can never hear anythinfg (which is good). 0aybe move your bed to an opposite wall or something?

pics/gtfo...

phasers · 07-02-2012 12:33AM

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?

/get one of them white noise machines and play gentle sounds of the rainforest or something.

antodeco · 07-02-2012 12:35AM

There's nothing better than vacating your bowels with a decent noisy nut loaf at 1am. If size and speed are accurate, the resulting mushroom cloud splash can half wash you, saving plenty of washing time, so you don't need to sway in a standing slumber, after using your night energy to crack a diamond.

TheZohanS · 07-02-2012 12:38AM

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

Karma.

:rolleyes:

Teddy you're going to have to kill one of your housemates and take their room...

TeddyTedson · 07-02-2012 12:39AM

phasers wrote: »

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?

/get one of them white noise machines and play gentle sounds of the rainforest or something.

I actually had something like this for sleeping before and it was great. Played gentle drum beats, a crackling fire, the sea, crickets. Amazing. I really must get this again.

boomkatalog · 07-02-2012 12:41AM

I had a room beside a toilet too before, in college.

Always woken up Wednesday mornings to the sound of someone vomiting

(Hangovers, not eating disorders)

Splashy

Jesus Wept · 07-02-2012 12:41AM

phasers wrote: »

Doesn't everybody have a bathroom near their bedrooms? Is there no wall between you and the toilet?

Many do but noise levels vary depending on the ****ness of the build quality, in Ireland we it ranges from 'Not as **** as I would have thought' to 'Teddy's predicament'.

antodeco wrote: »

There's nothing better than vacating your bowels with a decent noisy nut loaf at 1am. If size and speed are accurate, the resulting mushroom cloud splash can half wash you, saving plenty of washing time, so you don't need to sway in a standing slumber, after using your night energy to crack a diamond.

Did Flutt change his name?

TeddyTedson · 07-02-2012 12:48AM

I remember in my Grandads house having to walk outside to take a poop. It was actually a much better system than we have now. I would go out in to the cold and into the little room trying to find the light late at night. The cold would really get business done and dusted asap. Also you don't have anyone elses smell of ****e floating around the house. We should go back to this IMO.

RonMexico · 07-02-2012 12:48AM

Get a copy of Exodus by Bob Marley. Every time someone is pinching off a few logs play the part where sings - "Exodus, movement of Jah people.". Repeat as necessary.

antodeco · 07-02-2012 12:50AM

The-Rigger wrote: »

Did Flutt change his name?

Think of it as an ode to his work

Living next door to a toilet

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