I get sad and worried over really minor things

LegacyUser · 30-01-2012 10:34PM #1

Hello everyone.

I'm a 23 year old single female. My life is very ordinary. I'm in my final year in college. I have a group of friends. I have a nice extended family.

I recently noticed a long-standing pattern in my life. I get very upset over minor issues - more so than major ones.

I'm referring to occurrences such as the embarrassment of having said something silly, friends not replying to a message, cancelled plans or the possibility that I've offended someone.

The funny thing is I actually have bigger problems, but it's almost as though they don't bother me because it's ok that they bother me, if that makes any sense.

I sort of enter a cycle of small thing happens, I overthink it, it bothers me, I tell myself I'm being silly, then I get annoyed that I'm annoyed about it, then I feel sillier, I overthink some more etc.

If I could tell myself to snap out of it, I would. I have tried and I'll keep trying. The problem is that it genuinely gets me down. I know how ridiculous it is.

To clarify, I'm not unhappy or anxious overall. I'm just bothered, and honestly a bit perplexed by all this. Any insights or tips welcome.

LegacyUser · 31-01-2012 09:14PM

Thank you for the reply.

The 'bigger' things are for the most part things I can't change (things I literally have no physical control over). So I don't think I'm 'avoiding' the big things by worrying about small things. I did try to focus my thoughts on the bigger things, but kept deviating back to the small stuff. So I don't think I'm emotionally avoiding things either. To be honest, I'd much, much rather feel down over the things that matter than such insignificant things.

Maybe it's that many of the small things I fuss over are my own doings? However, quite a few of my small things are also things I can't control, so it's not hugely different. I can't hand on heart attribute it to that.

I rationally know that I can't be expected to do everything perfectly and that everyone else makes mistakes too. The thought of getting something wrong doesn't affect me hugely. There's a large sense of having nothing wrong but feeling like there's something wrong - I feel like a bit of a fraud to be honest (all the while being aware that this isn't the case).

I'm quite confused by this.

pandaboy · 01-02-2012 02:38AM

First and foremost, don't make yourself out to be a fraud because you're not. You're human just like the rest of us and sometimes it might not feel like that but it's true.

Looking at the situations where you find yourself quite anxious there seems to be a pattern. Just as a question to one of these situations; when plans are cancelled, do you in any way blame yourself or feel responsible for the cancelled plans or is it more that you are being let down by someone?

From what I can see with regards to the smaller problems, it seems to be that you are angry with yourself and cannot find a way of getting over this. I've suffered from this in the past, I still do at times and it can be tough to see the bigger picture but usually trying to find something to distract you can help. A text message, cancelled plans or the thought of offending someone can be remedied quite quickly and well it's not a case that you should punish yourself.

Looking at this further it seems that you could be insecure about yourself or your relationship with your friends/people in question. You may not be an insecure person but we can all have our moments and sometimes it can be quite hard to see, especially when it comes to admitting it on a personal level with just yourself.

You did say that you are in final year of college and to be honest it's a gigantic step to make. A lot of people feel the pressure that they are now an adult and must find the career/objective of their life immediately. You've noticed this recently and this could be a case of self reflection whereby you expect something out of yourself but have not achieved what you've expected. This is purely assumption and I'm speaking from personal experience also. I found myself getting a lot more introspective towards myself and found that I became my own worst enemy. Again, this is a tough thing to realise and it may not be solved quickly but you do have the support of others around you and I think that you should share this with someone you trust and are close with. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Overall I think you are loading a lot on yourself and especially at this time of year things are going to get stressful and well if things do not work out as we expected then we blame the person closest to us which is usually ourselves. Though you may not be able to control the bigger things, you can control how you perceive them. This can be stressful also and will of course affect the little things in life.

I don't know if this post has been of any help but I do hope it has offered you some time to relax. I do recommend speaking with someone to just let go of the wind in your sails. Every day can be a challenge and well that's one of the main reasons as to why we stay close to our friends and family.

wylo · 01-02-2012 12:21PM

Heres some tools/things I would recommend to ending your problem:

- Byron Katies The Work exercise , ( on starting a new life of not believing your thoughts)

- Liberation Unleashed (brings you into "enlightenment")

- mindfulness (a good type of meditation, Eckhart Tolle)

- Vipassana meditation,and concentration practice

- Write out your problems as they occur, everything to do with the, what will happen , whats happening now, what you are worried about, all the worst possible scenarios, keep writing them, IN HAND WRITING ,they will seem sillier and sillier as time goes on, this is an actual practical exercise, not some silly advice. You are taking on the thought instead of allowing the loop to keep reoccurring.

- Exercise (improves your mood,which can have knock on effects, it wont be a cure , just another contributor)

All the advice above highlights the absurdity of most thought, the more you highlight this in your life, the more chilled out and peaceful your life becomes.

If you wanna really give it a go and completely transform your life you could aim to become completely liberated from thought.

It may all sound a bit hocus pocusy and spiritual, but all of the above are very real and a very practical techniques for engaging with reality more than your own mind if you get me.

I get sad and worried over really minor things

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