Have I outgrown them

highfive · 24-01-2012 08:41AM

I say don't worry about it, u seem to be doing fine with your current strategy, thou how good is a friend if you have to use a strategy to deal with them?

Also, and I don't know if this would be applicable to anyone else, but stay away from people who bring stress into your life. I was unhappy with friends for years and it was only holding me back. Had an argument with one and haven't looked back! I was happy to be free from the group tbh!

Now, I do have a lack of friends but I'm focusing on other parts of my life like career and health for now.

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps!

MrsMcSteamy · 24-01-2012 08:52AM

I have a friend, actually had a friend, who done this to our social group last year. We were very close, got on fierce well with all her family and relations. She distanced completely from all of us, never bothered replying to any of our calls or messages.

That's fair enough she wanted to move on fine. What's not fine with me is the backlash people like her cousins and brother gave me because why weren't we hanging out with her anymore, and we are meant to be her friends so why didn't we invite her on nights out. That hurt a lot that people thought we dropped her where as it was the opposite and we got all the grief for it.

I have gotten over it now and moved on but I just didn't like the way we were made out to be the bad ones when she didn't want us anymore.

conorhal · 24-01-2012 11:15AM

As loathe as I am to quote Baz Lhurmans Suncreen song.......

"Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young."

As several people have said, people often mature at a different pace. There's something a bit cold and utilitarian about your attitude towards your friends. Perhaps you need to spend a bit less time with them but simply cutting them out of your life seems harsh.

Kirby · 24-01-2012 12:14PM

I like orange juice and my friends like apple juice.

Orange juice is much more mature. Clearly, I have outgrown them. :rolleyes:

davet82 · 24-01-2012 01:08PM

they sound pretty cool to me, ya ungrateful bastard

Scanlas The 2nd · 24-01-2012 02:25PM

I notice everyone seems to be outgrowing other people on this thread. Where are the people who where outgrown by others?

OP maybe your friends have outgrown you and your materialistic ways.

I Heart Internet · 24-01-2012 02:43PM

Just enjoy yourself and don't ditch them totally. No need for a big show-down where you explain you've outgrown them and slam the door after you.

Being on your own isn't bad anyway. As I always say, a rock feels no pain and an island never cries. Me and Paul Simon wrote a song about it a while back but it ended up infringing on the copyright of a song he'd written years earlier.

Fear Uladh · 24-01-2012 02:47PM

Shoot them, instead of the clay pigeons.

Hilarity ensues.

Somnus · 24-01-2012 02:49PM

I wouldn't consider it strange OP. I can think of a few people I was very good friends with about 4-5 years ago that I'm not close to anymore.

People change as they grow, some more than others as your case might show, nothing wrong with wanting to hang around with people more in your mindset these days

dermiek · 24-01-2012 03:02PM

Sorry to hijack the thread. I'm in a dilemma.
I've just saved up 40 euro towards a video game, and one of my mates wants to go clay pigeon shooting! Do I spend the money on shooting, for the sake of our friendship, or tell him to f off?

I'm tempted with the game. I've outgrown him anyway. :rolleyes:

Thundercats Ho · 24-01-2012 03:12PM

I was the same OP. Started saving for a deposit on a house in my late 20's. That kinda changed my outlook tbf, in that my priorities had changed and going on the lash every weekend didn't do it for me anymore.

A few of my then mates were a lazy bunch also which made it easier to make the change, insomuch as they couldn't afford to go on holidays or football trips, but could afford to go to the pub a few times a week.

A big group of us met up a few months back (all the old boys back together kinda thing) for supposedly a few pints. Naturally the same fellas were mangled drunk, roaring abuse at people and starting fights etc.

In hindsight it was one of the best decisions i made.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater · 24-01-2012 03:18PM

Big Steve wrote: »

Cheers. I actually like Athlone. any time I'm down there I stay in the Prince Of Wales (Hotel) and hit the nightclub down stairs. Great spot.

Sounds like you would have enjoyed Saturday with me then man. Funnily enough me and my cousin went clay pigeon shooting and then went for a few pints, ending up in the nightclub you mention (Karma is the name BTW)

Stiffler2 · 24-01-2012 04:04PM

I'm in a similiar situation at the mo with my mates.
I matured ages ago ( if you want to call it that ) where as my mates are still in the teeny bopper stage going out to clubs, 1 still hasn't got the roide and he's close to 30.

They all live at home getting mammy to wash their clothes, hell she probably has to wash his balls as well since he's so retarded.

And recently when I go down their he has the football on. I'm like wtf you watching that $hit for, I'd rather watch paint drying.

Previously I would ring this guy every day, go down to his house every day, it was like this for years. Then I don't know what happened but I can barely stand his company any more.

Haven't spoke to him now in about 6 months and if he's reading this I think you're a C**T, please delete my number from your phone.

davet82 · 24-01-2012 04:12PM

Stiffler2 wrote: »

hell she probably has to wash his balls

jealous?

4zn76tysfajdxp · 24-01-2012 04:19PM

Stiffler2 wrote: »

Haven't spoke to him now in about 6 months and if he's reading this I think you're a C**T, please delete my number from your phone.

Ha. Too cowardly to tell him yourself. Who's mature now? :cool:

marcsignal · 24-01-2012 04:22PM

OP you are moving on, and they want to stay put. They are cozy in their clique, and fear change. They feel rejected by you, and rather than see you move on, they want to drag you down, by slagging, and by being pessimistic. Life is way too short for unnecessary baggage. You're not responsible for these dweebs, leave them wallow in their own shit.

Move on and enjoy yourself.

Gannicus · 24-01-2012 10:59PM

Thanks for all your responses.

In regards to the theory that I am being materialistic I find that a moot point. The lads have the money to get 8 or 10 cans at least twice a week each, and 3 or 4 of them also spend approx €150 each a week on weed, so finances aren't really the problem its a matter of their lack of willing to do anything bar drink, get stoned and play video games. They don't even go for a few pints the literally go round to the same house and do this all the time.

deccurley wrote: »

Sounds like you would have enjoyed Saturday with me then man. Funnily enough me and my cousin went clay pigeon shooting and then went for a few pints, ending up in the nightclub you mention (Karma is the name BTW)

You teasing backstard you. Karma is great craic.

Jesus Shaves · 24-01-2012 11:14PM

Big Steve wrote: »

You teasing backstard you. Karma is great craic.

It's great for bringing inebriated girls home

skregs · 24-01-2012 11:15PM

To be fair, If I was playing Skyrim, unless you have a weekend of dragon killing lined up I'd tell you to jog on too.

What ****ing sweatshop do your mates work in that they have to save for games despite living with their Mas anyway?

In a serious capacity, same thing happened to me when I was around 20. My mates wanted to sit around the house drinking cans, I wanted to go into town or weekends away or whatever.
Now I'm married, have a child and my own house and they all still live with their parents and spend their days between the sofa and the gym.

Burn those chumps big time

Azureus · 25-01-2012 08:42AM

I think people underestimate friendships, especially when you live in a city or somewhere and new people are easier to come by. I know some people who have a different social circle every six months, and while its fantastic to meet new people I kinda always think what happened to those people you were besties with last year? They'd walk by eachother in a pub and barely say hi these days...no fallout, just apathy.

Dont get me wrong, I have seen friends come and go a lot, especially over the last few years where you leave college, get a job, people start emigrating etc. But I still have my close 4-5 friends that I make sure stay friends, even if they live on a different continent, which is the case with one of mine. Friendships are a type of relationship and they need effort-it doesnt always come easy. You might not be on the same page as your friends right now, but would they be the kind of people that would try and be there for you if sh!t went down? Can you rely on them? These kind of things are more important than whether they prefer COD to camping, or a night on the tear to a holiday. You said yourself you've work friends etc so do those things with your other mates but you can still leave some room for your old friends in your life.

the_syco · 25-01-2012 09:44AM

Big Steve wrote: »

at the moment out of about 10 or 12 of us

Do you ask all 12 if they want to do X, Y, or Z, or do you ask them by themselves? Also, do you know if any of them like specific hobbies? If not, do you know them as well as you think you do? Do you still share anything in common with any of them?

If I'm planning on doing something, I phone my mates, check what they're up to, and go from there. I'd go bowling with one of them, goto a gig with another, or maybe sit around with cans with another one.

Before you burn bridges, look and see if you get on well with some of them, and maybe just go bowling with some of them midweek?

Have I outgrown them

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