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Chat up lines

  • 11-01-2012 04:20AM
    #1
    stacexD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 587 ✭✭✭


    Probably been done a million times but...
    What's the best/worst/funniest/weirdest chat up lines you've ever heard?

    Weirdest for me was (lad talking about this girl his friend was chatting up)

    "I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire... I'd piss on you though"


«134

Comments

  • #2
    RichieC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,331 ✭✭✭RichieC


    would you like to go for a drink some time?


  • #3
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    The worst chat up line I have ever heard was when I was 11 and a 13 year old asked did I want to shift her in her caravan.


  • #4
    Yakult
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 7,943 Mod ✭✭✭✭Yakult


    .....Did you fart?

    .....Because you just blew me away.



    • Success rate - 0%


  • #5
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Yo babes, you's hot, you wanna fashizzle my nizzle.


  • #6
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Most of mine have been normal I think.though I haven't experienced a whole load.

    It was once roared at me to consider getting a tan,it may have been a pick up attempt,it's hard to know sometimes.


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  • #7
    shrewdness
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,709 ✭✭✭shrewdness


    Was your father a thief?

    Because you look like a knacker


  • #8
    stacexD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 587 ✭✭✭stacexD


    Does your father work in jacobs? Cuz you're a cracker..


  • #9
    Gandalph
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,895 ✭✭✭Gandalph


    Man: You're pretty
    Woman: Piss off.
    Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat bitch


  • #10
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    TBH men like me (alpha males) don't need chat up lines.

    They're for nerds.

    http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm257/tucuman_77/simpsons/nerd-homero-universitario.jpg


  • #11
    Nemanja91
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,814 ✭✭✭Nemanja91


    How do you like your eggs in the morning, fertilised?


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  • #12
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,366 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?


  • #13
    Oranage2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,129 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    'F*ck me you dirty slut' - haven't tried it yet so feedback welcome but im pretty confident of its success come the weekend.


  • #14
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Keno 92 wrote: »
    You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

    Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.


  • #15
    old_aussie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,409 ✭✭✭old_aussie


    Me....G'day young lady, do you fancy an Aussie kiss?

    Young lady......what's an aussie kiss?

    Me...It's like a french kiss, but down under.


  • #16
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,366 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    Sindri wrote: »
    Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.

    WTF people actually believe that? It was just a chat up line.


  • #17
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Keno 92 wrote: »
    WTF people actually believe that? It was just a chat up line.

    I was taking the piss, not literally, in case you mistake that as well. I referenced wolverine in my post, why would you take it seriously.


  • #18
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,366 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    Sindri wrote: »
    I was taking the piss, not literally, in case you mistake that as well. I referenced wolverine in my post, why would you take it seriously.

    Because I always take Wolverine seriously. Wolverine is serious ****ing business.


  • #19
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,646 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    Sindri wrote: »
    Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.

    Stop giving girls logical come backs!


  • #20
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Keno 92 wrote: »
    Because I always take Wolverine seriously. Wolverine is serious ****ing business.

    As do I, as do I.

    If there was one guy I could gay it up with, he would certainly be on my top 20 list.


  • #21
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,366 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    Sindri wrote: »
    As do I, as do I.

    If there was one an I could gay it up with, he would certainly be on my top 20 list.

    Yep along with Morgan Freeman and Ryan Gosling.


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  • #22
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    Keno 92 wrote: »
    Yep along with Morgan Freeman and Ryan Gosling.

    Aww yeah man, Gosling I'd say is an absolute demon in the sack. He was home schooled so you know he's got issues.









    Disclaimer:May not actually enjoy anal sex.


  • #23
    Babybuff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Babybuff


    Hi usually works, rubbing my head like a retarded donkey doesn't work as good. It happens a lot.


  • #24
    TEMPLAR KNIGHT
    Closed Accounts Posts: 961 ✭✭✭TEMPLAR KNIGHT


    I used to be a very charming lad, but then I took an arrow to the knee...


  • #25
    Babybuff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Babybuff


    Doctor Jimbob wrote: »
    :confused:
    I blame alcohol myself (and the fact that I've very short hair and people feel the need to constantly touch it)


  • #26
    dave3004
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 621 ✭✭✭dave3004


    Do you work in NASA?

    Coz you're a lil rocket !


  • #27
    dave3004
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 621 ✭✭✭dave3004


    I'm a pirate hunting for treasure…..May I check your chest?

    I noticed you noticing me. So I just wanna put you on notice, that I notice you too.


  • #28
    massdebater
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,251 ✭✭✭massdebater


    Me: How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Girl: :confused:
    Me: Enough to break the ice.....:cool:





































    Girl: Piss off, you ugly hoor.
    Me: :(


  • #29
    Sindri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,059 ✭✭✭Sindri


    massdebater wrote: »
    Me: How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Girl: :confused:
    Me: Enough to break the ice.....:cool:


    Girl: Piss off, you ugly hoor.
    Me: :(


    Try that one on me.


  • #30
    BarackPyjama
    Closed Accounts Posts: 974 ✭✭✭BarackPyjama


    stupidusername wrote: »
    I haven't experienced a whole load.

    Did that work?


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  • #31
    Hank_Jones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,783 ✭✭✭Hank_Jones


    "Hold my pint while I go for a shit."

    Golden.


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