Boyfriend in long term relationships cheat is he not in love or just not happy ??

I would think that forgiveness is very much up to the individual, and the circumstances involved - for instance, was it a once off or was it a series of events, such as an affair? In that case, a once-off may be forgivable, yet an affair, which allows plenty of time for reflection, and ongoing lies may not.

As IAAF says, his reaction to being caught is also a big indicator of where you need to go - did he confess, did you catch him out? was he remorseful of cheating, or remorseful of getting caught.

For me personally, trust is a massive issue. I dont believe I could maintain a relationship with someone no matter how much I loved him if I could not trust him, so I would cut my losses. Other women might not. Its a very individual decision, however you have the right to take as much time as you like to decide what to do with him/ the relationship.

Tweet0004 wrote: »

I found out he cheated by his phone. read the texts and he even had a file, with all the texts this girl sent him. We broke up for a few months, and he met her. Then we got back together and he continued to see her four times. Have not confronted him, as it was Christmas. But wanted to understand first and then confront him. Agree with last post, guys/girls cheat if they are not really into someone, as he has not cheated in the past on any of his other ex's.

He's continued to do it because you took him back, and he knows you're a pushover and that he can walk all over you. He has no respect for you because you have shown him that you have no respect for yourself [by taking him back, by enabling him to cheat] so there is no point respecting you. You are there to provide him with easy always available sex, or perhaps some companionship, but I highly doubt he pictures you as the woman he'll spend his life with. He's just sticking it out until you finally get sick of it and dump him, and he'll barely even notice because he has some other more fun/exciting girl to keep him company. He respects you so little that he can't even be bothered to break up with you - he'll just continue living like a single man but with the benefits of a 'relationship' available to him when he wishes without any effort on his part. A lot of men would be delighted with this option.

I would question why you are living in denial, why you would sit quiet while he cheats, afraid to disrupt Christmas? Who cares what time of year it is? That's just an excuse.

Are you afraid of being alone? Afraid to live your life without a man by your side? Not interesting enough to exist as an individual? Do you not care about yourself enough to demand respect from others? Are you walked all over in most areas of your life or is it just with men this happens?

Before entering another relationship, work on the above areas to make sure you are ready to be involved with the opposite sex.

seachto7 wrote: »

I am always more surprised by people who stay in relationships when the other cheats. They "take them back". If someone has cheated and is caught, then there is automatically a part of that trust taken away. It can never be regained. That stain will always be there. I think if someone cheats, it's best to end the relationship. The trusy and loyalty has broken down. The "lets give it another try" line is just papering over the cracks.....
The line to use is "if you wouldn't like it done to yourself, then don't do it yourself".
If I were with someone, and they cheated, that's it. Over. Cheerio. Good luck. Tough luck.

Men cheat because they can. There have never been more available women out there for them and it's human nature for them to take advantage. I am convinced that the men who don't cheat are in a minority.

I have been single for some time now and whenever I do "date" I know I'm not the only one the guy is seeing. There is no such thing as exclusivity in dating now. I believe that we have to change our thinking around relationships and adapt to the current demographic of several women to one man. That means that women should be open to the option of sharing her man with other women.

There is more to a relationship than fidelity. I know of successful relationships which are open and both partners are free to explore themselves with other people. Usually it's the man who does the exploring purely because there's more women out there to explore, so to speak.

There are hundreds, if not thousands of marriages and relationships in Ireland where women (or men) take back a partner who has strayed and accept the infidelity because the relationship benefits them in other ways. In other words, they would prefer to be in a relationship where their partner strays rather than be single.

In some countries fidlelity isn't as important as it is in anglo-saxon cultures like Ireland, the UK and America. I would argue that relationships in anglo-saxon cultures are no healthier than those in Latin cultures where it is more accepted when partners stray.

If I met somebody tomorrow and he told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me but it wouldn't necessarily be exclusive I would accept that if other things in the relationship worked.

Cheating where one or both partners stray behind the others back is dishonest and I don't approve of that, but lots of couples don't see fidelity as the number one thing in their relationship. As long as all concerned are honest and practise safe sex what's the big deal?

Perhaps when the population balances out in years to come and there is an equal number of men for an equal number of women, men might not be so tempted to stray. However, at the moment there is a surplus of women to men so it is likely that women, particularly those who are single, may not get to be in an exclusive relationship.

This post may cause contention, but I would like to emphasise that I am against dishonest cheating, however a relationship where one or both partners are free to be with other people but have an underlying agreement might work. In my opinion there is more to a relationship than fidelity.