You've lost your job.You now live at home..again

Pherekydes · 08-01-2012 01:10PM

Azureus wrote: »

Possibly because I dont come from an upbringing where this would be an option, I dont understand the mentality of seeing my parents house as 'home'. It's not home to me-you make your own home when you become an adult.

As a parent, this is the attitude I'd hope my kids would have when they get older.

I want them to be independent above all else. I'm not going to be around forever.

Dudess · 08-01-2012 01:12PM

Being independent/living at the folks' place - not always mutually exclusive.

Gary ITR · 08-01-2012 01:17PM

I moved home a few years ago, I had just split with my long term gf and we had been living together so I was stuck. I get on really well with my folks and they live very close to Dublin City Centre but I only lasted 4 days and had to go again.

I went out one of the nights to play snooker quite late, they knew where I was going and who I was was with yet my mother was sitting up waiting for me at 2am. I was 24 at the time!

Liam Byrne · 08-01-2012 01:22PM

im invisible wrote: »

Been at home on the dole for a year, my father said to me last night that one of would end up having to move out, and if i didnt, he would...

Not living up to your name enough ?

KERSPLAT! · 08-01-2012 01:25PM

IPAM wrote: »

I moved back home and was welcomed with open arms. I wish I didn't have to, I loved having my own place, but I was always told there's a place for me if I ever need it

Just to add, I do give money to my mother for upkeep and I help out around the house

Dudess · 08-01-2012 01:30PM

Gary ITR wrote: »

I moved home a few years ago, I had just split with my long term gf and we had been living together so I was stuck. I get on really well with my folks and they live very close to Dublin City Centre but I only lasted 4 days and had to go again.

I went out one of the nights to play snooker quite late, they knew where I was going and who I was was with yet my mother was sitting up waiting for me at 2am. I was 24 at the time!

They can see you as a kid no matter what age you are. My grandmother says stuff like "Will you close the window there like a good boy" to my 66-year-old dad.
Hated being seen as a child by them when I was a teen/in my early 20s but I think it's kinda cute now.

Johnny Foreigner · 08-01-2012 01:35PM

My parents were both killed 6 years ago by a drunk driver.
I don't have the option of moving back home to live with them.
Some of you need to remember that you are very lucky to have somewhere to turn to. Its easy to say you can't stand living with your parents, but you would soon miss them if they were gone.

SeaFields · 08-01-2012 01:56PM

very well said johnny and sorry to hear of what must have been a horrific time for you.

08-01-2012 03:10PM

up for anything wrote: »

Where did I say that I didn't accept it. I am just puzzled by the fact that there seem to be more people who would not or could not move back home then there are people who can and would. My home was not and is not always rosy or Waltony but it is home.

Ok cool I was just saying. Obviously people have very different view on it.

Micky Dolenz · 08-01-2012 03:15PM

I left home and never went back. Getting to the stage where it's more likely a parent will move into my house.

I pray that day never comes

TPD · 08-01-2012 03:56PM

Lived with parents till finishing college at 21 and getting a job. Renting a place now but would have no qualms about moving back in with the parents if everything went tits up. They've said the same themselves.

Shryke · 08-01-2012 04:03PM

I'm back home at the minute. I would have said in the past that I wouldn't like to move home again but when it comes to the crunch it's great to know there is always a bed for me. It's a big comfort really.
I understand some people won't have ideal home situations but I think a lot of people do and they're just a bit snooty at the idea. Admitting weakness or some nonsense. I hope to move out in a few months but until then I'm here and I might as well do my best to get on with my family. God knows they've put up with a lot from me over the years. What a pain in the arse I was!

AIR-AUSSIE · 08-01-2012 04:06PM

EUSSR wrote: »

I can see the front page of the Herald now. If I had the chance, I would make these rags illegal. Not only that, but force people to read only the Irish Times, The Times or the Examiner. That would learn em. Would eradicate slop journalism over the long term.

Those papers are bullsh!t too :rolleyes:

chucken1 · 08-01-2012 04:10PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I know people on AH often get annoyed at journalists or reporters making threads on here to try and get people's opinions on things (so other people will essentially write their pieces for them), and despite the OP having a fair posting history, I can't help but feel that this is exactly that kind of thread.

What's your opinion on it, OP? How do you feel about this subject that you've asked about in a very demeaning manner to get people up in arms?

Im as far removed from a journalist you can find. I didnt mean to sound demeaning.
I ask because Im just interested to know how young people feel if they have to move back home.
In my case,Im the mammy and both my adult offspring have had to come home.
Of course this is their home,Ive no problem with them being here,though it has been difficult to get used to them being here all the time.

Karona · 08-01-2012 04:16PM

I'm moving back to Louth soon because I cannot afford to rent anymore, situations changed and all that, but my Mam is welcoming me home with open arms. I really don't think she can wait to have me back in her house so she can see what I'm up to. I do look after myself when I am there though, I pay her for upkeep, I cook my own meals and buy my own food and clean up after myself so really she is just a live in landlady that I'm related to and that doesn't bother me one bit.

Gotta love the mammy.

Micky Dolenz · 08-01-2012 04:23PM

chucken1 wrote: »

Im as far removed from a journalist you can find. I didnt mean to sound demeaning.
I ask because Im just interested to know how young people feel if they have to move back home.
In my case,Im the mammy and both my adult offspring have had to come home.
Of course this is their home,Ive no problem with them being here,though it has been difficult to get used to them being here all the time.

No more naked Tuesdays?

chucken1 · 08-01-2012 04:26PM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

No more naked Tuesdays?

...or Wednesdays

Dravokivich · 08-01-2012 04:28PM

My parents would take me back in if needed and I'd pay my way with it. But they'd know I wouldn't want to be there, not becasue I don't get on with'em, because I do. I just want to be able to be responsible for myself without having to fall back on someone else for a prolonged period of time.

up for anything · 08-01-2012 04:49PM

EUSSR wrote: »

I can see the front page of the Herald now. If I had the chance, I would make these rags illegal. Not only that, but force people to read only the Irish Times, The Times or the Examiner. That would learn em. Would eradicate slop journalism over the long term.

Such old-fashioned ideas you have the the broadsheets are any better than the tabloids. Kate Fitzgerald's parents would probably laugh themselves silly before they cried if they read your post.

starlit · 08-01-2012 05:03PM

Yes, I am still here since!

I am independent do my own thing (even that could cause issues at home and it shouldn't no matter how old you are!), pay my own bills. Do a bit of chores and pull my weight a bit not majorly but I don't depend on others and parents totally. I'm my own boss!

Some areas yes, but I very much lead my own life for the most part well I try to and its hard when living back at home again.

It varies from day to day I do my own washing, ironing, own cooking and always clean and tidy after myself even if I leave it a while before doing it I do it eventually but still get nagged to do other things but still I do look after myself for the most part and don't always expect mammy to do it yet she interferes in wanting to do it. Its like too many chefs spoil the broth sometimes.

If I clean and tidy the house differently or not enough or not right to the way she does it or how she want it done she don't be happy the way I do things around the house so basically instead of arguing I let her do it the way she wants to do it. I do clear out the dishwasher from time to time is not like I don't. I do a few jobs around the house from time to time. But if do it she just comment that I don't do it right so can't win. I do favours and so on so like its an endless battle sometimes. I rather live on my own though I miss the company though I guess.

Me and the kitchen don't see eye to eye, so less is more. I don't do much cause I just screw up so what's the point I do my bit she does her bit and all happy then. Keeps the peace!

I at least make my own bed and most of my meals but then again there are times you need your parents for some things.

I pay my own way for the most part and pay my own bills. I buy my own clothes and stuff like that. I don't expect my parents to pay for my nights out or anything big. Since quiet young I have learnt to pay for my own things and still do.

jillyb · 08-01-2012 05:59PM

I think its definetly different for everyone and their family dynamic.

I have to stay at home 2 nights a week as i moved away with my other half and commute back home for work- its manageable but cant see it working longterm.

My parents are very loving but they are bit like jekyll and hyde.

One minute treating me like a child as in asking will i be home for dinner etc?even though i say im fine but my mother tries to insist and then after a while turns around and becomes resentful as im stayin there using electricity etc

Even though im barely there as im working. also cant afford to hand up as paying petrol to commute, rent and bills etc in own place and its only part time work!

wish i didnt have to stay there but at the moment its only solution!!

Lord TSC · 08-01-2012 06:26PM

My Mom point blank refuses to take money off me for rent. Hell, we had a big arguement the other night when I wanted to pay €40 for a dinner and she was getting annoyed with me cause I insisted paying.

Still, I am heavily involved with all cooking of all meals in the house, I regularly pay for shopping goods and I buy all my own clothes and stuff. I may not pay rent but I move my weight round the house and try not to be a hinderance when I can...

stovelid · 08-01-2012 06:48PM

Like everything it should be on a case by case basis. If you get on with your folks and you're both happy with the arrangement, why not. Each situation is different and I know a few people who have had to fall back on their parents for help, even at an age where they hoped they would be independent.

While I would hope my kids would be quite independent, my home is always their home. I feel sad reading about parents that automatically turf their kids out at 18, early 20s or whatever.

One thing that does get on tits though is grown men and women -often with jobs - opting to live at home but dissing their folks at length on boards. If you hate them enough to run them down to strangers, then man up and quit living off them.

Eve_Dublin · 08-01-2012 06:50PM

I moved home for 5 months after travelling and getting the funds together to move country. First time in 10 years. My dad was delighted..I think he'd love me to move in again permanantly but my step-mam stated she wouldn't want me home again. Nothing malicious about it just my brother lived at home into his late 30s on and off (more on than off) and I suppose she had enough. He was a handful. If I'm honest, I didn't pay rent or help with the bills (I was broke) but I did buy my own food and clean etc. They insisted I kept the money for moving. I think if push came to shove though,they'd take any of us home. They're both great so there were no problems living there. It's more the location of where they live that'd turn me off as I'm used to living in the city.

starlit · 08-01-2012 07:35PM

For me I had no other choice but to move back home again after college and after a job contracted ended. I can't afford to leave otherwise when I've no job either. I contribute my own bit but at the same time I can only afford so much to keep my going. What I get from SW is enough to keep me going while living at home but leaving home I be scrapping. Different when a college student accommodation isn't as expensive compared to those who work.

If accommodation wasn't so expensive I be living away from home but even at this I cannot afford to live away from home. Haven't a full licence either so limited from that point of view where I can live.

Everyone is different as other posters have said.

kowloon · 08-01-2012 08:52PM

There's a family back home where there's currently four generations living in the same area. All the children have moved out and had families of their own but their homes are within walking distance of their parents.

I don't know if this is unusual, although an ex of mine further into Dublin lives/lived around the corner from the estate her parents and her grandparents (just the Mother's side) lived in.

A friend has told me Italian families are much more closely knit and they wouldn't think twice about living together.

Seeing parents and grandparents living in close proximity to their children I wonder if everyone living together is such a bad thing. I know it's slightly different to everyone living in the same house, privacy being an issue, but I really like the idea of an extended family living close together.

I grew up knowing barely any of my extended family because my folks moved away from their families as soon as they could afford a place.

saa · 08-01-2012 10:38PM

No I would never, spent about two years on and off during college being homeless on and off moved about 20 times, came to Dublin with two bags and within a year had 20, but I am so glad things are sorted now and I've got my own set up.

If someone has to move home and everything is good there just don't get sucked into the shame thing, no its not the ideal situation, it doesn't mean you're a bad person or you've failed and sure there is probably a time limit to it but we're going through some rough times, from what I've seen most parents seem to be grinning and bearing it with a minority secretly loving it (empty nest and all that).

previous user · 09-01-2012 01:10AM

moved out before christmas, tis goin well, nice to have ur own space an all.

Krieg · 09-01-2012 01:22AM

Moved back home for college, now about to move out again. Parents are actually sad about it, im the youngest and last to go so I guess its kinda the official end to raising kids for them.
They tried to convince me to stay a while longer, which was tempting since another year of work and Id have enough money to buy a cheap gaff, but no, I need the independence.

You've lost your job.You now live at home..again

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