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Why do [some] guys cheat on their long term girlfriends - bored, or not in love?
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not fancying the person theyre with long term anymore and staying with them till something else comes along but also telling the long term one that they love them and will always be with them etc etc, cheating on them, and then breaking up with them seems to be the way to go for some people ive heard :rolleyes:
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candy-gal1 wrote: »not fancying the person theyre with long term anymore and staying with them till something else comes along
Thats the whole point, depends on how much ya like the other half. Wouldnt want to upset anyone if it matters, but if it doesnt... ah well...
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Ya can't say all that and not tell us how it ended!! Unless she's on boards of courseI dated a girl for four years in and after college. She was great and we had a good relationship. We spent three of those four years living together.
I cheated on her a lot.
My problem was that I really liked being in a relationship with her but I also really liked the excitement of meeting someone new. Some of the best memories of my life include the first time I kissed a new girl. The first touch, the first look, starting a relationship, getting to know the girl - I couldn't have any of that with my girlfriend - because we ALREADY had it. We already knew each other.
At first, I tried to just 'suck it up'. I was with a girl, so I didn't get to do those things. But after six months or so, it really bothered me. I thought about breaking up with her - but I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want to lose the good relationship we had. I truthfully didn't know what to do. In 5 years - I could imagine her and I married with kids - but I was young and in college....I wanted to 'party' a little too.
The first time I cheated on her, I didn't set out to do it (but I allowed it to happen). It was at a big party at another school, visiting an old friend. Nobody knew me. I met a girl and made out with her. It was awesome.
When I got back I felt great. And my relationship with my girlfriend was even better. I was in good mood, I appreciated her again. And it was so *easy*.
I didn't feel any guilt. It was easy to rationalize it. She didn't find out, so she didn't get hurt. I didn't even sleep with this other girl - it was just making out. Nobody got hurt. And I had a wonderful time. It was great. Life was good.
I realized that I could have EVERYTHING I wanted by cheating. I could have a mature relationship with my girlfriend *AND* have the thrill of a new girl by cheating. It seemed so easy.
And truthfully, it was.
I'm not some super attractive, smooth guy, that can just pick up girls whenever he wants. I'm just a regular guy (at best). But I started going out of my way to not mention my girlfriend outside of the circle of people she interacted with. I was in a club sport in college and my girlfriend never interacted with those people, so I told them all we broke up.
When I wasn't around my girlfriend - I was single.
When she was around - I was with her.
Over the months, every now and then, I'd met some new girl. And I'd pursue her. And it was *so much easier* to hit on a girl when I knew I had a girlfriend. Maybe it means I have low self-esteem or something - but I was way more successful with women at bars and parties when I had a girlfriend.
Some of the times, it would be a one time thing. Other times, I'd meet a new girl and end up 'dating' her for a few weeks/months. In my head though, I knew that the new girl was just a fling.
The really ironic part of it all, was that in many ways (aside from the actual cheating) I was a better boyfriend while I was cheating. Before I started cheating, I wasn't even really sure if we should be dating. I felt bad and resentful for missing out on the experiences I wanted in college....but once I was cheating, I thought our relationship was perfect. I appreciated her more and I was more caring and more attentive.
This went on for years. She never found out and was never negatively impacted by any of the cheating I did.
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Thats the whole point, depends on how much ya like the other half. Wouldnt want to upset anyone if it matters, but if it doesnt... ah well...
well maybe thats just me then, but imho if your with someone long term, with many ways of commitment, tell the person you love them, will be with them forever if youll have them :rolleyes: , etc etc then why cheat tbh, also why cheat on someone if your already planning on breaking up with them anyway, then lie that you never cheated even though your breaking up so you may as well say it now tbh
people are just confusing, not you xenalady, just in general0 -
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Ya can't say all that and not tell us how it ended!! Unless she's on boards of course
Ultimately, after about four years we did break up (I ended it). She never learned of the cheating and we're still friendly with one another via e-mail.
I expected that, as I got older, I'd grow out of the desire to cheat. But that didn't seem to happen. When we finished school, our plans to get married were getting closer and I still didn't feel 'ready' to get married. And, we learned that we both had slightly different expectations for how our life together should be.
So I ended it.
Most relationships, particularly those amongst younger couples, end in a break up or divorce. I'm not sure if that means it was a failed relationship. Without the cheating, we might have broken up sooner.0 -
Why do guys cheat on long term girlfriends, if they have no children, and are not married, and are free to walk away, as they are not married. I know girls do too. Not all guys cheat, i am aware of this, but just seems so common now adays, and think that they are afraid of been on their own.
The thrill of knowing they can get away with it.0 -
Ya can't say all that and not tell us how it ended!! Unless she's on boards of course
Ultimately, after about four years we did break up (I ended it). She never learned of the cheating and we're still friendly with one another via e-mail.
I expected that, as I got older, I'd grow out of the desire to cheat. But that didn't seem to happen. When we finished school, our plans to get married were getting closer and I still didn't feel 'ready' to get married. And, we learned that we both had slightly different expectations for how our life together should be.
So I ended it.
Most relationships, particularly those amongst younger couples, end in a break up or divorce. I'm not sure if that means it was a failed relationship. Without the cheating, we might have broken up sooner.
"without cheating we might have broken up sooner"
so you measure how good a relationship is based on how long it lasts?
Also, the absolute arrogance off that statement. Do you not think your ex deserved to be with someone who didnt cheat on her? Who thought being with just her was enough?0 -
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I've never cheated on any of my gfs. Never see the point in it.
My friends always cheat though, I find it really strange but ive become accustomed to it.
In my experience and reasoning on this topic over the last decade, I believe its due to 3 reasons.
1.People are too weak to shape thier life how they want it to be. They'll stay in manogomous relationships sa they dont want to be alone, or they dont want thier gf/bf to be with anyone but them, even though they dont actually want to be manogmous.
2.Alot of people are not naturally suppose to be manogamous. Some people are really suited to it, but if you find yourself wanting to be with others while in a relationship, and cheat or feel incredible urges to cheat. Then Its simple, manogamy is not for you.
3.Drunken mistakes. I am loath to admit this can be a reason, but sometimes some people do just get so incredibly ****faced that they havent a clue what they are doing. Rare though. Most of the time its reason number 2.
I myself, dont belong in a manogamous relationship. Im in my first open relationship now and its working out pretty darn well. Having the freesdom to spend any type of time with any one i choose is quite liberating, and my gf is just someone who im crazy about. So its nice to have both.
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, but there is a difference between boys and men 
![[Deleted User]](/applications/dashboard/design/images/defaulticon.png)
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