Why do [some] guys cheat on their long term girlfriends - bored, or not in love?

hatrickpatrick

Why did this thread have to turn into a battle of the sexes?
AH knows I feel quite strongly about some of the double standards against guys, but I'm sorry, cheating on your partner no matter WHAT gender you are is the height of selfishness.
If you don't want to be with him/her anymore, be honest about it and break up. By cheating on someone but staying in the relationship and (presumably) keeping it a secret, what you're saying is "it's ok for me to be with whoever I want but I still want you to keep yourself for me". If you want to have an open relationship there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but if it isn't mutually agreed you're being horrifically cruel to the person you're cheating on.

This happens more or less equally in men AND women - if you don't want to be with someone, have the decency to end it so they can be free AS WELL as you being free. Asking someone to save it for you when you're not going to save it for them just being spoiled.

--LOS--

Happens the other way around too, why do women cheat? Why does anyone? Coz they're A-holes, no other explanation really.

stupidusername

Azureus wrote: »

Attachment hormones are released and thats the end of that! We're chemically designed to be crazy.

well then I must be chemically a man.

Azureus

stupidusername wrote: »

well then I must be chemically a man.

I said the majority of women, obviously these things aren't definitive. I dont think its exclusive to women either from what I remember reading but I'm not entirely sure tbh.
I know I couldn't have one night stands or sleep around because emotionally it would feck me up,and after looking into the reasonings behind this apparently its a chemical thing. Sciencey people would be better with the facts on this one though

Eric Cartman

stupidusername wrote: »

well then I must be chemically a man.

your one of the lucky ones then

starlit

They are either insecure, needy, or have commitment phobia. It might just all be about being with another person to full-fill other needs that their partner cannot or is not fulfilling. or that they want something better or want excitement the thrill of it all. If they found out their partner is not happy or relationship is not going well perhaps its ending or that the relationship is too hunky dory and boring.

Or they are just selfish and want want want not give give give. Its all give and take but they take it rather than give. Temptation is just too much for them not to let it go if an opportunity arises.

Doesn't matter whether they are male or female have boyfriends or girlfriends or not.

Tweet0004

Thanks for such great answers. Think there are so many reasons. But when you are in a long term relationship, and looking to eventually marriage. You think, well, is he is in love or not. Will he turn around a few years down the line, and say i am off, and you were planning on marriage and children.
I know some people cheat, and eventually stop as they get older.

But personally, think, one person should be enough for anyone, if this is not what you want,then just be honest and sayit. By cheating, you are not giving your partner the choice to end it and leave. So think it is the lying that bothers me most.:)

jimbobaloobob

Did you start this thread for advice?

Tweet0004

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

Giselle

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

I'd say a large chunk of the time, cheating is caused by opportunity.

Scanlas The 2nd

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he could just love both you and sex with other women.

mariano rivera

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

Neither

The truth might be harder to take

Your long term boyfriend is an asshole

Outkast_IRE

I believe its the lack of "Honour" in the traditional sense in todays society.

Show me a man you would truely say is a honourable man and i will put money down that he does not cheat.

Also guys and girls who cheat on their OH are generally cowards who want out but are unwilling to hurt the other half in order to get out.
Whereas by cheating they are causing far more pain when found out compared to if they simply split up.

XenaLady

candy-gal1 wrote: »

people are just confusing, not you xenalady, just in general

just to clear things out, I never did cheat on anyone and never will, but I dont really judge the ones that end up doing it.

Zulu

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

Well look at it this way: if he was really, really, really happy with you, he wouldn't have cheated. So you are right to blame yourself.

Scanlas The 2nd

Zulu wrote: »

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Wanted to know, if cheating is caused by not been happy or just not in love ,and he was unable to end it.

Well look at it this way: if he was really, really, really happy with you, he wouldn't have cheated. So you are right to blame yourself.

I disagree, he could be really times 100 happy but then he finds himself in a situation where a really sexy woman is seducing him and he just doesn't have te will power not to receive pleasure from the woman in the moment.

Zulu

yeah, but what the likely hood of that?

OP was she a reallsexy woman, or was it actually all your own fault for not trying hard enough to keep him happy??

Tweet0004

Well, have not seen her, but friends have, she is apparently very funny, and pretty. But do not think, it is my fault he cheated. He made the decision and did it on his own. In that case why do more people not cheat. When i have not been happy in relationships, i try to work it out and then leave, if it is not working, i have never cheated, as i am not afraid, to be single, and move on.:)

Zulu

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Well, have not seen her, but friends have

Male friends or female friends?

Scanlas The 2nd

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Well, have not seen her, but friends have, she is apparently very funny, and pretty. But do not think, it is my fault he cheated. He made the decision and did it on his own. In that case why do more people not cheat. When i have not been happy in relationships, i try to work it out and then leave, if it is not working, i have never cheated, as i am not afraid, to be single, and move on.:)

She wouldn't necessarily have to be stunning. Take my analogy, people who go on diets love having great bodies, it doesn't mean they can't be seduced by a Big Mac in a moment of weakness. The Big Mac tastes great in the moment and they succumb to the pleasure, but afterwards they are p1ssed off they are harming the body they love.

cassi

Zulu wrote: »

yeah, but what the likely hood of that?

OP was she a reallsexy woman, or was it actually all your own fault for not trying hard enough to keep him happy??

Thats rediculous! Some of the sexiest women alive have been cheated on, for god sakes Eva Longoria and Hale Berry have been cheated on.

Some people cheat, lack of respect and honour is what makes a cheater in my books. Some people are just assholes and will cheat for the fun. In a long term relationship not having the balls to tell your partner theres something wrong in the relationship before cheating happens is even worse.

Zulu

cassi wrote: »

Some of the sexiest women alive have been cheated on...

...probably by hotter women!!!

otto_26

I agree

otto_26

I have found both women and men to be like all animals on this planet the same!! we all pick our noses, pick our asses, think about sex all the time! The only real reason people 2time is because they just want it with another person they fancy no deep thinking at the end of the day if your in a bad relationship you wont get with a fat old person because of it. Its just people being sleazy and wanting it.

Tweet0004

female friends

Red21

I think it all boils down to randyness some guys are walking hard-ons while others are hardly all that bothered about it. If you were to put men into 3 groups of high, mid and low randyness things make more sense where men and cheating are concerned, I reckon most women never fully get how randy guys in the high bracket get. The thing is that a guy could be the soundest guy in the world but if he's a horndog and good looking, staying faithful is always gonna be a challange.

LH Pathe

Red21 wrote: »

but if he's a horndog and good looking, staying faithful is always gonna be a challange.

horndog, you said it I was out with an old pal after 13yr the reason i avoided him all tha time no interests other than sex - with me it's almost vice versa, anyhow he has 2 kids n veritable wife by now and whaddya know.. Couldn't contain himself. couldn't even disguise himself on one occasion by approaching a poor young girl waiting for her date point-blank instead of just mysteriously disappearing. A la the rest of the night

The other old pal w/ fiancée at home just talked other fanny all night because thats their friendship - whereas the two who should have been doin the chatting of and to; just stood there in disgust watching our potentials get swarmed by the already engaged - some fairly disgusting bastards in this life that shît broke my family up

Tweet0004

Do you think once a cheat always a cheat, that it is usually that they have not really found the right person. That if they found "the one", then they would not cheat.
IS it the relationship and level of commitment that the guy has for the partner, that he is not in love. Or, is it just his make-up.

alandublin33

wouldnt bother cheating ,if things got bad or stale id just say bye now! , no point in stayin with someone if ur not happy , and if it was a long term relationship and you get on with the family etc I think ud owe it to the person to give them there p45 before u start sniffin around , and id rather be alone than bein with someone for the sake of it