What age would you tell your kids about Santa?

Noo · 30-12-2011 09:23PM

MungBean wrote: »

Noo wrote: »

Wow believing in Santa must have really fooked you up!

I for one never felt deceived or lied to, i am grateful for the magical Christmases i had and i turned out fine.

You never felt deceived or lied to when your parents confessed to deceiving and lying to you ? Yeah ok.

Glad to see you were raised to be an intelligent and rational human being. :rolleyes:

No because i kinda figured it out before i was told anyway, and plenty of kids do, kids arent as stupid as you think. The feeling of deceit and lies never crossed my mind and why should it, i was a bit sad but got over it, its more the of accepting reality which won't mess up most children.

Being told about Santa was obviously very traumatic for you and you are still holding these feelings against your parents but believe it or not most children get over it and then see Christmas in a new light and realise all the things their parents have done for them over previous Christmases

I have a gorgeous bell my neighbour gave me one Christmas saying she found it in her garden and that it must have fell off one of the reindeer. Well i thought it was the most fantastic thing in the world and told everyone about it. I still have that bell, and when i look at it i don't think of lies and deceit, i think of a wonderfully amazing thing to do for a child.

MungBean · 30-12-2011 09:45PM

Noo wrote: »

No because i kinda figured it out before i was told anyway, and plenty of kids do, kids arent as stupid as you think. The feeling of deceit and lies never crossed my mind and why should it, i was a bit sad but got over it, its more the of accepting reality which won't mess up most children.

I dont think kids are stupid and I hope you dont think that of kids who dont figure it out for themselves.

Being told about Santa was obviously very traumatic for you and you are still holding these feelings against your parents but believe it or not most children get over it and then see Christmas in a new light and realise all the things their parents have done for them over previous Christmases

It wasnt overly traumatic for me, there was a mixture of "The kids at school say he's not real" and then eventually the parents telling me when they realised the jig was up. I seen it for what it was after though which was lies and figuring out your parents lied rather than being told doesnt change the fact that it was lies. And I have seen it with a lot of relatives over the years and without fail it was tough for every one of them.

I dont feel the need personally to create a fantasy to give a child nice experiences. I think the truth can do the job just as well if not better considering it wont end in heartbreak and confusion and the experiences will be real for the rest of their lives.

I have a gorgeous bell my neighbour gave me one Christmas saying she found it in her garden and that it must have fell off one of the reindeer. Well i thought it was the most fantastic thing in the world and told everyone about it. I still have that bell, and when i look at it i don't think of lies and deceit, i think of a wonderfully amazing thing to do for a child.

I'm not saying nice stories cant come from the lies but its still lies. Nice stories and fond memories exist without deceiving a child into believing that a present has a significance that it doesnt have.

TerrorFirmer · 30-12-2011 10:39PM

I'm 24, my sister's 21 and we still get 'santa' presents; that is to say, obviously it's been well over a decade since either of us believed, but my mother refuses to let go of the notion of her children being showered with gifts each Christmas morning to the point that I honestly don't even know what to ask for anymore, I feel embarrassed and try to point out that I'm a little old and they've better things to spend money on, but she absolutely insists. Can't say I mind, really, Christmas always has been and still is my favorite day of the year hands down.

Paddy Cow · 30-12-2011 11:04PM

MungBean wrote: »

It wasnt overly traumatic for me, there was a mixture of "The kids at school say he's not real" and then eventually the parents telling me when they realised the jig was up. I seen it for what it was after though which was lies and figuring out your parents lied rather than being told doesnt change the fact that it was lies. And I have seen it with a lot of relatives over the years and without fail it was tough for every one of them.

Seriously, that's all you took out of it? Instead of realising the amount of effort your parents went to to provide great Christmas's, saving all your happy memories, all you thought was that they lied?

Parents lie about a lot of things (remember when they told you your drawing was brilliant? It wasn't, it was ****e but they didn't want to crush your spirit). If parents never lied to their kids they would be Victor Meldrew before they do the leaving cert. You get roughly ten years where you get to be a kid and unless you come from an abusive/disfunctional family, it's supposed to be a carefree time where your imagination rules and you are going to grow up to be someone with superpowers (I was going to go and join the turtles in New York and me and April would become best friends

).

Santa, the easter bunny, tooth fairy etc are awesome and letting go of them is a part of growing up. I remember I felt sad finding out that Santa wasn't real but I also felt like a more grown up kid and did my best to make is special for the younger kids. I have younger brothers and sisters and used to help them put out cookies for santa and carrots for the reindeer. I think that is a great part of it too. When the kids try and keep the magic alive for the younger ones it teaches them about creating magic/special times for others. I can't stand the little sh!ts who find out and then go and try to ruin it for the smaller kids.

MungBean · 30-12-2011 11:18PM

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Seriously, that's all you took out of it? Instead of realising the amount of effort your parents went to to provide great Christmas's, saving all your happy memories, all you thought was that they lied?

Where did I say that was all I took out of it ? I said it was lies which it was. Think you may need to read my posts again.

Parents lie about a lot of things (remember when they told you your drawing was brilliant? It wasn't, it was ****e but they didn't want to crush your spirit). If parents never lied to their kids they would be Victor Meldrew before they do the leaving cert. You get roughly ten years where you get to be a kid and unless you come from an abusive/disfunctional family, it's supposed to be a carefree time where your imagination rules and you are going to grow up to be someone with superpowers (I was going to go and join the turtles in New York and me and April would become best friends ).

I think your confusing lies with encouragement there. Telling your kid they drew a brilliant picture isnt lying its validating their efforts and encouraging them. Telling them a magic man will bring them whatever they want for Christmas on the other hand is a lie. You can be a kid and play turtles or cowboys or whatever you want. But your parents never convinced you that you were an actual turtle or that the turtles really existed only allowed you to find stuff out on your own and have fun doing it. Creating this long running fantasy isnt necessary and the same experiences and feelings of Christmas wonder will be there without it.

fungun · 31-12-2011 12:13AM

Wow. Just wow.

I think what others are saying (which about 3 posters do not seem to be getting) is that they remember a fantastic magic about Christmas as kids. They also remember figuring out/being told about there being no Santa and were not overly traumatised by this: and (perhaps in time) saw it for what it was - an effort put in by their parents to give their kids something to look forward to at Christmas and make it more magical.
Most people have very fond memories of their childhood Christmases (a large part of which was Santa) and want their kids to have the same......and think that the 'lying' is worth the happiness it brings.

You never felt deceived or lied to when your parents confessed to deceiving and lying to you ? Yeah ok.

Glad to see you were raised to be an intelligent and rational human being

To suggest that s/he must not be intelligent or irrational because s/he didnt feel deceived when his/her parents told them the truth about Santa is ludicrous. Its tantamount to saying the way you feel is the only rational feeling to have....you need to accept other people feel differently

Acacia · 31-12-2011 12:14AM

When I can tell that they're just pretending to still believe in order to get expensive gifts.

Realistically though, I suspect the seeds of doubt have been firmly sown around 9. . And then they finally find out down the back of the school bus that their parents have been lying to them for their entire life, around the the same time as they find about sex, condoms and periods, and their whole childhood crumbles around them in a miserable heap.... that's what happened to me anyway.

MungBean · 31-12-2011 12:40AM

fungun wrote: »

Wow. Just wow.

I think what others are saying (which about 3 posters do not seem to be getting) is that they remember a fantastic magic about Christmas as kids. They also remember figuring out/being told about there being no Santa and were not overly traumatised by this: and (perhaps in time) saw it for what it was - an effort put in by their parents to give their kids something to look forward to at Christmas and make it more magical.
Most people have very fond memories of their childhood Christmases (a large part of which was Santa) and want their kids to have the same......and think that the 'lying' is worth the happiness it brings.

Oh I get it all right, the problem is that some people dont get the fact that its not actually necessary for people to create this fantasy to have fond memories. I have not done anything but defend my own decision not to tell my kids that Santa is real.

To suggest that s/he must not be intelligent or irrational because s/he didnt feel deceived when his/her parents told them the truth about Santa is ludicrous. Its tantamount to saying the way you feel is the only rational feeling to have....you need to accept other people feel differently

I accept people feel differently but you cant dismiss the fact that its lies. You cant. To say "Well it doesnt seem like lies to me" when it is unarguably lies is irrational. And if someone wants to dismiss my posts by claiming I have been "fooked up" by an aspect of my upbringing then I dont think it unfair to question if they themselves were not affected by the methods of their own upbringing.

fungun · 31-12-2011 12:55AM

Im not dismissing the fact that its a lie, that would be strange. I think what the other poster said was that they didnt feel deceived when told about it - which is completely different.
Its like knowing a lie was told to you to protect you or to make things better for you - which is pretty common in parenting, from sex to finance to all worries really. If I didnt know where the next money was coming from, Id lie to my kids about it to protect them from that....and if years later I told them the truth I think they would accept why I lied to them - for their benefit. I see the same in the Santa lie.

I accept you dont see it this way - just your post at the top of this page suggested you couldnt see why people would do it at all.

MungBean · 31-12-2011 01:17AM

fungun wrote: »

Im not dismissing the fact that its a lie, that would be strange. I think what the other poster said was that they didnt feel deceived when told about it - which is completely different.
Its like knowing a lie was told to you to protect you or to make things better for you - which is pretty common in parenting, from sex to finance to all worries really. If I didnt know where the next money was coming from, Id lie to my kids about it to protect them from that....and if years later I told them the truth I think they would accept why I lied to them - for their benefit. I see the same in the Santa lie.

I accept you dont see it this way - just your post at the top of this page suggested you couldnt see why people would do it at all.

The conversation went like this.

Explaining how I seen Santa vs Fairy Tales/Playtime

Backing up Santa as fact to a child and creating physical evidence that he exists is not the same as tea time or tomb thumb. You are lying and deceiving a child into believing something that isnt true.

Poster seemed to me to be challenging my use of the word lies and deceit in relation to what I had said. Dismissing what I said as words of someone who has been "fooked up" by past experiences.

Wow believing in Santa must have really fooked you up!

I for one never felt deceived or lied to, i am grateful for the magical Christmases i had and i turned out fine.

So I highlight the fact that she/he has an irrational argument. And throw in the (perhaps a bit unnecessary ) reference to their own upbringing and question whether or not that had a role to play in there irrational arguments.

You never felt deceived or lied to when your parents confessed to deceiving and lying to you ? Yeah ok.

Glad to see you were raised to be an intelligent and rational human being.

I hear everything your saying though and I know theres no malice in any of this and its all to created for wonder and excitment for the kids. But personaly I think it can be done without lying to them and I think that experience gained that were based on reality would be real experiences ever more.

I'm half asleep so apologies if thats a bit all over the place.

Paddy Cow · 31-12-2011 01:26AM

MungBean wrote: »

Where did I say that was all I took out of it ? I said it was lies which it was. Think you may need to read my posts again.

I agree that it is lies. Maybe you should read my post again. I have no problem with my parents lying to me. The first time I found out there was no Santa I was about to turn 9. I had my doubts and I woke up on Christmas Eve and went to go into my parents room and there was my parents with my older brother and sister wrapping all our presents. I knew then that Santa wasn't real but instead of being all upset and stuff, I went back to bed and in the morning I pretended to be really excited about the presents that "Santa" got me. Even thought I knew he wasn't real, I still wanted to believe.

I honestly don't understand why someone would reduce the whole thing to basically parents lying. It wasn't a lie that ever harmed me in any way and gave me many great memories. Now that we are all grown up and none of us have kids yet, come Christmas morning there are still loads of presents under the tree and even though I appreciate that each present cost someone money to give me, it's not the same as when I believed in Santa.

I think your confusing lies with encouragement there. Telling your kid they drew a brilliant picture isnt lying its validating their efforts and encouraging them. Telling them a magic man will bring them whatever they want for Christmas on the other hand is a lie. You can be a kid and play turtles or cowboys or whatever you want. But your parents never convinced you that you were an actual turtle or that the turtles really existed only allowed you to find stuff out on your own and have fun doing it. Creating this long running fantasy isnt necessary and the same experiences and feelings of Christmas wonder will be there without it.

For someone who puts a lot of stock in parents lying, you're splitting hairs here. Some (well most) kid's drawings are sh!t (they look like scribbles) and they are never going to end up in a career where they need to draw but you don't sit them down and tell them the cold, hard truth that they are crap. It's the same when they are trying to learn a musical instrument. It sounds like noise but you lie and tell them it's great, keep doing it (even though you know they will probably give it up).

Why do parents lie to their kids and let them believe they are great at things when they are not? Because parents and adults know that you only get a short amount of time to indulge your imagination/fantasy before the cold, harsh realities of life set in and before you know it you are working to pay bills/mortgage etc. Santa is just as much for parents as it is for kids. It's a bit of harmless fantasy and while I respect that you and others might not be fans of him, personally I love him. He is not real but what he represents is and I would not ruin that for any child. I think it is a brilliant, even if he never did bring me that helicoptor that I wanted

MungBean · 31-12-2011 02:02AM

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I agree that it is lies. Maybe you should read my post again. I have no problem with my parents lying to me. The first time I found out there was no Santa I was about to turn 9. I had my doubts and I woke up on Christmas Eve and went to go into my parents room and there was my parents with my older brother and sister wrapping all our presents. I knew then that Santa wasn't real but instead of being all upset and stuff, I went back to bed and in the morning I pretended to be really excited about the presents that "Santa" got me. Even thought I knew he wasn't real, I still wanted to believe.

I honestly don't understand why someone would reduce the whole thing to basically parents lying. It wasn't a lie that ever harmed me in any way and gave me many great memories. Now that we are all grown up and none of us have kids yet, come Christmas morning there are still loads of presents under the tree and even though I appreciate that each present cost someone money to give me, it's not the same as when I believed in Santa.

For someone who puts a lot of stock in parents lying, you're splitting hairs here. Some (well most) kid's drawings are sh!t (they look like scribbles) and they are never going to end up in a career where they need to draw but you don't sit them down and tell them the cold, hard truth that they are crap. It's the same when they are trying to learn a musical instrument. It sounds like noise but you lie and tell them it's great, keep doing it (even though you know they will probably give it up).

Why do parents lie to their kids and let them believe they are great at things when they are not? Because parents and adults know that you only get a short amount of time to indulge your imagination/fantasy before the cold, harsh realities of life set in and before you know it you are working to pay bills/mortgage etc. Santa is just as much for parents as it is for kids. It's a bit of harmless fantasy and while I respect that you and others might not be fans of him, personally I love him. He is not real but what he represents is and I would not ruin that for any child. I think it is a brilliant, even if he never did bring me that helicoptor that I wanted

I'm not reducing the entire argument to the fact that its lying. You just jumped into a conversation that was focusing on the fact it was lies.

Its not splitting hairs in regards to other stuff. A child painting is a child learning something new, the picture may not be to a very high standard but that doesnt make it shít. Most people when they say "well done, good job, thats lovely" are validating their kids efforts and encouraging them. A kid wont be a genius over night and its a pretty small minded ignorant person who thinks the truth of it is that their kid is useless and the drawing are actually shít.

Lavezzi · 31-12-2011 02:28AM

Santa = Satan. Just like how Obama named his daughter Natasha = Ah Satan.

Temptamperu · 31-12-2011 03:30AM

I told them on the last day of school in junior infants... They werent my kids I just held a sign up outside the school.

starlit · 02-01-2012 01:50PM

I will tell them when they come to an age when they might find out. I would tell them before they are 10, I still believed in santa till around 9 or 10 but I knew before 11 that he didn't exist and I let my parents on that I still believed in him but stopped believing by then. It came clear to me at 7 or 8!! I am so curious I spotted presents under the master bed.

Mam had to hide them better! I spotted my brother fixing a dolls house for me I was half asleep but still believed santa existed kept looking out the window for him lol. Got a card from santa too and was a bit too much like my mother's writing but didn't still hit me on the nail on the head for a few years it was my mother who wrote it after all! I was just too excited about presents and santa to care!

What age would you tell your kids about Santa?

Comments