Civil ceremonies - personal or cold?

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 11:56AM #1

We're trying to decide whether to have a civil ceremony or a (non-legally binding) blessing ceremony. The reason we're considering the blessing route is that we're worried the civil ceremony might be a cold, stiff, legal matter lacking in romance and warmth (obviously we want the opposite - something very personal, meaningful and romantic - we're big saps!). If anyone here has ever had a civil ceremony or attended one, what was your experience of it? A bit of feedback could really help us out. Thanks!

campo · 25-11-2011 12:00PM

I am doing the Blessing 1st then when that is over popping in next door to get the legal stuff done

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 12:05PM

campo, can I ask who you're getting the blessing with? (i.e. is it with one of the blessings companies?)

John Mason · 25-11-2011 12:06PM

we are having both.

Having a blessing service built around the legal stuff.

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 12:22PM

Who's officiating the ceremony? Someone you know/a civil servant/ a person from one of those businesses that perform blessings?

John Mason · 25-11-2011 12:25PM

Spiritualist Union of Ireland - the only thing you cannot do is mention God.

http://tomcolton.com/?tag=spiritualist-union-of-ireland

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 12:28PM

Thanks Irishbird. The spiritualist people believe they can talk to the dead etc, right? Find that a little dodgy. I heard Tom Colton does nice ceremonies though. Thanks for the answer

Nead21 · 25-11-2011 12:32PM

We're just having a civil ceremony in the hotel. I think it can be done very personal, as you add in your own poems or music.

My aunt had a civil ceremony as couple of years ago, and it was lovely....far more personal that some church weddings imo

John Mason · 25-11-2011 12:39PM

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Thanks Irishbird. The spiritualist people believe they can talk to the dead etc, right? Find that a little dodgy. I heard Tom Colton does nice ceremonies though. Thanks for the answer

we have requested that the ghost whispering part is left out. we are having the hand fasting part and two reading The Veleteen Rabbit and the Dr.S Seuss.

campo · 25-11-2011 12:40PM

irishbird wrote: »

Spiritualist Union of Ireland - the only thing you cannot do is mention God.

http://tomcolton.com/?tag=spiritualist-union-of-ireland

This is who I am getting also ya they believe u can talk to dead an they can invite people who have passed on to the ceremony but you dont have to do that you can make it as personl as you wish ( this is what we are doing )

howamidifferent · 25-11-2011 12:40PM

I had a registry office ceremony with about 40 family members present.
We were both delighted with it. It was a small but still intimate gathering of family only and the registrar made the whole thing very personnal and "soft". Little was made of the "legalese" and more of the "romantic" side if you like...:)

seamus · 25-11-2011 12:48PM

My brother had a civil ceremony in the registry with just two immediate families, about 20 people in total. It was certainly shorter than a traditional ceremony, but not at all lacking in the personal touch as they were allowed have their own music, say their own words and so forth. The only real stipulation is that there couldn't be any religious aspect to any of it, but otherwise they could "beef up" the civil ceremony however they liked.
It was very nice, not at all cold.

The only difference really is surroundings. Another brother did a humanist "blessing" in a beautiful venue. Meant that she got to have the beautiful dress and 120 family and friends in a great venue, but I don't think the ceremony itself was any more personal than the one in the registry office.

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 12:51PM

Thanks all. Good to hear about the different possibilities. It eases my mind to hear that civil ceremonies can be romantic. I'm wondering how much it depends on the particular civil servant...any recommendations for particular people? We're going to marry in Carlingford btw

krankykitty · 25-11-2011 01:59PM

If you're not religious you really don't have much of a choice, so if it is really that unromantic you're fairly screwed then.

In my experience (civil ceremony in hotel, 140 people attending) you can have a nice ceremony with whatever music/readings you want. We had musicians, readers and did a candle ceremony. I think it depends on the registrar but I haven't heard of any being particularly fussy once they aren't religious, however it would probably be 30 minutes max. If you want to pad out the ceremony you could always look at the Humanists or the Spiritualists as mentioned before.

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 02:05PM

I think you've got a lot more choice if it's not religious. There's the humanist society, the unitarian church, the spiritualists, the HSE civil servants, companies that offer non-legal blessings (they do whatever you want) - I've heard of two: blessings ireland and a beautiful ceremony, a friend.

Borderfox · 25-11-2011 02:34PM

Civil ceremonies are far more personal imo, really like some of the effort the couple puts into what they say to each other. I shot one in the city centre and there wasnt a dry eye in the house when the said their vows to each other, I had something in my eye though

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 02:36PM

so you are generally allowed to make a civil ceremony as personal as you want (as long as you don't mention the 'G' word)?

BeardySi · 25-11-2011 02:37PM

Ther'e as personal as you want to make them.

We got married in a civil ceremony in the hotel, we chose some lovely readings and music, and wrote our own vows to fit around the legally required text - there wasn't a dry eye in the house (mine included!) and everyone commented on how personal and how "us" the ceremony was...

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 02:45PM

Great, thanks for that. One more question (:pac:) - was your officiant stiff and cold about it or did they seem to enjoy their work at all? I guess we're just worried we might get a grumpy employee :pac:

Borderfox · 25-11-2011 03:35PM

I have met a load of registrars and on the whole they are really nice and friendly and work well with the couples, most of the stuff is done by the couples though.

Monife · 25-11-2011 04:14PM

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

so you are generally allowed to make a civil ceremony as personal as you want (as long as you don't mention the 'G' word)?

Or the "H" word... Heaven. Anything God/Bible related.

We had our wedding in the registry office. We were going to have it on my Dad's grounds but we didn't get it HSE approved in time. We didn't want a really long wedding, and seeing as my own wedding was the first wedding I had been to, I didn't really know what to add in etc. So we just went with a personal song when I walked in and another one when we walked out together.

I wouldn't call the ceremony cold at all and (cheese alert) the love you have for each other would make it far from a cold experience. The only thing I would say, is if you do have it in a registry office, perhaps decorate it with flowers or something as the rooms can be pretty bare apart from the odd painting. They are like conference rooms.

Morlar · 25-11-2011 04:19PM

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I think you've got a lot more choice if it's not religious. There's the humanist society, the unitarian church, the spiritualists, the HSE civil servants, companies that offer non-legal blessings ....

I was at a Unitarian Church wedding, I would have thought it was still a religious ceremony, no ?

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 04:29PM

@ Morlar, that's a good point about the Unitarian church - I guess I see 'religion' as pertaining to rule-laden, dogma-based systems (where everybody's supposed to believe the same thing, perform the same rituals the way they're told etc) whereas the Unitarian church seems more about faith (variety of belief)with general guiding principles and a personal spiritual approach

Kooli · 25-11-2011 05:21PM

We did a civil ceremony with just immediate family and then a humanist service at our 'wedding' the following day. However, I would have been happy to have the civil ceremony as our wedding day apart from the fact that you can't have a civil ceremony on a Saturday, so that made our decision for us as we didn't want to have a wedding on a weekday.

Our civil ceremony was only 5 minutes (by choice - we could have added any non-religious extras we wanted but we were saving it all for the humanist ceremony the next day). But I have to say I loved it. Even though it was only the bare minimum, it still felt really special and definitely didn't feel cold or too 'legalese'. It helped that our registrar was just so lovely and warm. So if you wanted to pad it out to the full half hour (and I don't see why anyone would want it longer than that!!), you would have a fabulous, romantic and personal service.

Remember that if you are worried about the personality of the registar, I'm sure you could ask them to just do the bare minimum legal bits, and then all the rest of the readings and ceremonial parts could be led by friends and family.

Good luck!

LeeHoffmann · 25-11-2011 05:27PM

our registrar was just so lovely and warm

that sounds lovely Kooli. Any chance you could tell me his/her name? Don't know if he/she is in 'our' part of the country but he/she might be able to travel

Kooli · 25-11-2011 05:35PM

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

that sounds lovely Kooli. Any chance you could tell me his/her name? Don't know if he/she is in 'our' part of the country but he/she might be able to travel

Can't remember her name but I'm sure it's on the marriage certificate.
But I don't think they work outside their jurisdiction? You might want to check that. (she was Dublin)

Keary1979 · 25-11-2011 10:39PM

Whats the unitarian church like for wedding

Keary1979 · 25-11-2011 10:51PM

Whats the unitarian church like for wedding

Borderfox · 29-11-2011 01:31PM

Keary1979 wrote: »

Whats the unitarian church like for wedding

Very nice, I think its €750 for a wedding there. City centre is really nice for a ceremony with Stephens Green on the doorstep and so many nice places to eat and hotels too.

XmasProposal · 29-11-2011 01:40PM

Kooli wrote: »

However, I would have been happy to have the civil ceremony as our wedding day apart from the fact that you can't have a civil ceremony on a Saturday, so that made our decision for us as we didn't want to have a wedding on a weekday.

Anyone know if this is still the case?

Are there any of the non-religious bodies that will marry you on a Saturday? Other half will be gutted if we have to have a weekday wedding...

LeeHoffmann · 29-11-2011 02:27PM

^ It's still the case, but that's only if you're doing the legal civil ceremony. You could do a religious, humanist or symbolic ceremony separately.

Civil ceremonies - personal or cold?

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