Friends of different sexualities?

Alopex · 25-10-2011 12:13PM #1

Just wondering do many guys have mates who are gay?

I hang around lads mostly in the 20-24 age bracket and none of us are gay. Whenever there is a gay guy at a party he is inevitably there with a girl.

Is this typical? Must be pretty sh*t for gay guys just having female friends. Or do they just hang out with other gay lads? Could see that being annoying for a gay guy too. If I'm honest I think most of my mates would always see a gay guy in a different light. Always being seen as "the gay guy" first rather than an individual. I only ever had one mate who was gay and that came to an end when he started having feelings for me.

Also to the posters who are gay - do you typically hang out with straight guys/girls/other gays or a mix?

Dravokivich · 25-10-2011 12:21PM

It's never been something I've really thought about when it comes to getting to know people.

Although to be honest, I do find that when some gay people really throw themselves out with the diva mentality it can be rather off putting. But that's as a result of their personality not their persuasion.

Otis Driftwood · 25-10-2011 07:17PM

One of my closest friends is gay and Ive known that pretty much for as long as Ive known him.

Speaking from knowing him,the majority of his friends are either female or gay men.I dont know whether thats by design or by circumstance but I know it does bother him a wee bit.

Last New Years,myself,himself and two other mates (1 gay,1 straight) went on the piss and did what Ive often taken for granted with my own friends ie played pool,played some darts etc.A great night was had.

About a week or so later we were sitting in the house and he told me how much it ment to him to be able to go and do stuff like that as its what regular guys do,(his words not mine btw) so I was glad to be a part of it with him.He also told me I was the most open minded straight man he had ever met,one of the single nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

Kinski · 25-10-2011 07:23PM

People really shouldn't be making an issue of this anymore. Judge people by their personality and character, not their sexual orientation. It isn't something that's foremost in my mind when I'm socialising with any people I know who happen to be gay.

On a side note, I overheard a woman in my college library the other day saying, "Two of my best friends are lesbians!" Lesbians must be the new black...:P

minidazzler · 25-10-2011 08:29PM

No male gay friends really. I have a few mates and what not but wouldn't hang out with them often and mainly would just stop to say hi on the street. Have a couple of gay female friends. Nothing against gay people at all, I guess it's just the circles we run in that means I have only a few acquaintances who are.

maherro · 25-10-2011 09:11PM

I've a couple of mates who are gay. It's not a problem. I think it's only an odd thing if you act like it is.

26-10-2011 10:50AM

Given my current relationship which is a little odd I have quite a circle of gay friends as a result.

I have not really noticed any of the issues being mentioned here. They have the same demographics among their friends as I do. Straight, Gay, Male, Female and so forth. Their sexuality simply is not a factor in making friends or deciding how or with whom to socialise.

However this of course is just by own anecdote among many and I have no doubt there are people of alternate sexualities who find those sexuality a barrier in creating the kind of social circle they wish to. The reasons for this are many and are as often about the straight people around them as about the gay people themselves. Often too it will be - to reuse the phrase another person did on this thread already "a result of their personality not their persuasion" too.

In many ways I am lucky. Over time I have amassed a group of friends for whom, like me, the sexuality of others is not an issue of concern and as such we treat our gay friends no different than any other. As such I have not really experienced the phenomenon of gay guys who only have females or other gay guys as friends.

JohnK · 26-10-2011 12:39PM

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Speaking from knowing him,the majority of his friends are either female or gay men.I dont know whether thats by design or by circumstance but I know it does bother him a wee bit.

I've quite a few gay friends and yeah I have noticed that similar to the above some of them tend to have almost exclusively gay or female friends, but at the same time not all of them would be like that though.

For the ones who do tend to have only gay or female friends it doesnt seem to be accidental, at least to my eyes, as they also tend to be the same people who'll go out of their way to find gay bars or clubs and often times think its a huge inconvenience to go anywhere else. They only seem to be interested in being in places that are specifically "gay" or "gay-friendly" and should they find themselves anywhere else its only a matter of minutes before they try and get the group moving to a gay bar.

stargazer 68 · 26-10-2011 12:43PM

JohnK wrote: »

They only seem to be interested in being in places that are specifically "gay" or "gay-friendly" and should they find themselves anywhere else its only a matter of minutes before they try and get the group moving to a gay bar.

Have to agree. My single friends are gay and anytime we go out they want to go to gay bars - which is okay once in a while but I do get a bit fed up with it!! :rolleyes:

noby · 26-10-2011 01:02PM

OP, I'm curious about two things: why did your friendship come to an end when he started having feelings for you? And is that the record for the most times the word 'gay' was mentioned in a post?

JohnK · 26-10-2011 01:58PM

Dovies wrote: »

Have to agree. My single friends are gay and anytime we go out they want to go to gay bars - which is okay once in a while but I do get a bit fed up with it!! :rolleyes:

Well to be honest in that situation, where they're single, I can understand it since if they want to meet someone they probably have a much better chance in a gay bar than anywhere else but the guys I was talking about werent single so its not as if they were trying to meet someone. And I dont mind gay bars so long as they're good bars but when you're somewhere good already and they want to move on just because the place you're in isnt "gay" it does get a bit annoying.

26-10-2011 01:59PM

noby wrote: »

OP, I'm curious about two things: why did your friendship come to an end when he started having feelings for you?

I think it's usually difficult for a friendship to continue when one side has unreciprocated feelings for the other

Otis Driftwood · 26-10-2011 02:07PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I think it's usually difficult for a friendship to continue when one side has unreciprocated feelings for the other

+1 to this.Ive had hetero friendships where Ive developed unrequited feelings for my friend or them me and it put paid to them.Some friendships have been redeemed since though so its not all bad.

krudler · 26-10-2011 07:19PM

noby wrote: »

OP, I'm curious about two things: why did your friendship come to an end when he started having feelings for you? And is that the record for the most times the word 'gay' was mentioned in a post?

could just as easily happen between a straight guy and girl when one develops a crush or feelings for the other but the other doesnt feel the same.

One of my good friends is gay, have a few aquaintances through him, would happily go on nights out with them and he comes on "lads nights" out with us even though he isnt considered an odd one out or anything, he wouldnt be the feminine/diva type so its not obvious he's gay and most people are surprised to find out he is. Have often gone to gay bars with him and his friends and would have no issue meeting hom for a drink by myself or coffee or whatever, he's just my friend, who he sleeps with has no bearing at all on our dynamic.

pragmatic1 · 26-10-2011 08:31PM

Have a few gay friends. One is fairly camp and almost exclusively hangs out with girls and other gay men. Another is in the army and you wouldnt know he was gay unless he told you flat out. Both deadly craic and sound people. Bit of a non-issue for me personally.

noby · 26-10-2011 10:39PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I think it's usually difficult for a friendship to continue when one side has unreciprocated feelings for the other

Ok, fair point. I read the OP differently earlier today. My bad.

Will · 26-10-2011 11:54PM

Few gay friends, really is a non issue. If I get on with the person couldn't care who they wanna get jiggy with.

Stocking Drinks Whiskey · 27-10-2011 09:27PM

I know a gay guy, I'm not friends with him but some of my friends are, now that I think of it he does seem to hang around with girls more often than men.

An extreme of this was this annoying gay guy I knew in primary, he was like a total diva with the most annoying voice and laugh, surrounded himself with all the girls in his class.

Artur Foden · 27-10-2011 10:42PM

I think I've got a bi friend, he hasn't said anything though so I won't assume, but I'm pretty sure he is. It wouldn't bother me if he were to confirm it

Anyway, I've noticed that he does often hang out with female colleagues but most of his friends are male.

Alopex · 28-10-2011 03:27PM

noby wrote: »

OP, I'm curious about two things: why did your friendship come to an end when he started having feelings for you? And is that the record for the most times the word 'gay' was mentioned in a post?

Friendships never work when one person has more feelings for the other. Just leads to jealousy and resentment. In fact I only found out because I was kissing a female friend of his and he got pissed off.

Your second comment? Are you just being sarcastic? I don't know what other word I should have used.

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

One of my closest friends is gay and Ive known that pretty much for as long as Ive known him.

Speaking from knowing him,the majority of his friends are either female or gay men.I dont know whether thats by design or by circumstance but I know it does bother him a wee bit.

Last New Years,myself,himself and two other mates (1 gay,1 straight) went on the piss and did what Ive often taken for granted with my own friends ie played pool,played some darts etc.A great night was had.

About a week or so later we were sitting in the house and he told me how much it ment to him to be able to go and do stuff like that as its what regular guys do,(his words not mine btw) so I was glad to be a part of it with him.He also told me I was the most open minded straight man he had ever met,one of the single nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

That's what I was thinking, they must feel left out I think not having the same circle of male friends as most guys, as far as I know there is a higher level of depression and suicide among gay men, perhaps this is a factor

Aikon2009 · 28-10-2011 04:23PM

I’m a gay guy and I have two group of friends that I hang around with the straight lads and the gay lads.

So best of both worlds I think!

The straight lads I have been friends with for years since school even before I realised I was a homo, since I came out noting changed at all. We still do the same things ect. Only on nights out I don’t pull girls like they do I love hanging around with these lads going to Coppers and whatever.

Then there is the gay lads I hang around with they are just the very same as only we go out to gay places mostly together on the pull as well and over time my friendship with some of them as changed from that been the only thing we had in common.

One of my gay friends is one of these types of people who only has gay male friends and straight female. He has no straight male friends what so ever. I remember when I didn’t really him and he was wasn’t talking about all these girls and I asked have you no straight males friends? His answer was no gay boys and straight boys shouldn’t mixed. I was couldn’t believe he said such a extreme thing. Now he would be a bit on the camp side loves fashion ect and I think it mostly these type of gays who are only friends with girls, as straight lads don’t like this over the top way these gays go on.

I love the gay lads I hang around with but wish life was easy and on nights out in Coppers ect I could just pull lads like they do girls!

baby and crumble · 28-10-2011 04:28PM

I'm a lesbian and most of my friends are straight girls and straight guys, which sometimes bugs me... I'd like a few more lesbian friends, just because it's nice to be able to talk about certain things.

But I get on with most people, and can talk to most people. What I find funny is how lots of straight girls will flirt with lesbians given half a chance... especially a lesbian who's in a relationship; i think it's a really safe way for girls to get an ego boost or something, I don't know.

petebricquette · 28-10-2011 11:10PM

I'm friends with a couple of gay guys; one was one of my very good friends before I moved college. It's not really an issue at all, to be honest. Then again, it was while I was on a music performance course so there tends to be a big mix of people from all walks of life in a really small student base.
None of my best friends are gay but it's just the way things worked out in school I think. Anyway there's no reason for gay guys not to hang out with heteros. Although, I know a few lads that might bother/make them feel uneasy.

Gingko · 28-10-2011 11:18PM

I've two male bisexual friends, however they are not open about this. I don't have a problem about their sexuality, it's their business at the end of the day, but what does get to me is the lying, bull****ting and whispers! Just come out FFS! Irish Society has changed and these guys are living in a city.

Finding it very irritating of late!! I know I know! I am straight and it's easy for me to say this, but these guys are both 40 now?

dsmythy · 30-10-2011 01:10PM

Gingko wrote: »

I've two male bisexual friends, however they are not open about this. I don't have a problem about their sexuality, it's their business at the end of the day, but what does get to me is the lying, bull****ting and whispers! Just come out FFS! Irish Society has changed and these guys are living in a city.

Finding it very irritating of late!! I know I know! I am straight and it's easy for me to say this, but these guys are both 40 now?

Why do they have to 'come out'? If you really don't care then this shouldn't bother you either.

magneticimpulse · 30-10-2011 11:18PM

I remember when I was 19 some college friends came out with a random number saying 1 in 10 people are gay!!! I counted everyone and there was about 12 of us in the group...I told the person they were wrong because none of us were gay. (just to clarify, the reason i was so quick to say none of us were gay in the group was because at that age i never had a bf and people were sending around rumours on a holiday one time that i was lesbian...which im not...that i am against being quick to judge peoples sexuality just because they are still a virgin/no bf/gf)

Fast forward 10 years later and my friend told me he was gay (who was with us that day in college). He was not a camp gay so it wasnt obvious and he dated girls in college. It makes sense now thinking about the amount of nights we shared a bed together in hostels/camping and he never made a move...how i was so naive.

Maybe people come out earlier these days...but at least around college people didnt come out until we were finished (21, 22) and some as I said as recently as their early 30s. So maybe some of the guys have not come out yet??

Overall I dont care if people are LGBTT or straight. I dont have anybody in my life, male or female so I think fair play if they have company. I dont think sexuality should be ever an issue or define a person. It should be just as a non issue as say not liking pickles or other types of food etc.

Also people should be friends based on common interests, if they get on etc. Not based on whether who they may or may not be shagging.

ICANN · 31-10-2011 09:24AM

I think it depends on the person. Gay guys who are a bit more camp will probably have less straight male friends- that's the case for my friends anyway- they hang around with other gays guys and a load of girls. Maybe they just have more in common.

efb · 31-10-2011 09:33AM

Gay guy with straight male and female friends, and gay male and female friends.

LegacyUser · 31-10-2011 11:26AM

I'm a gay guy with virtually no gay male friends. my straight friends have no problem whatever with my sexuality although, i am beginning to feel a bit lost in the group in that everyone now thinks i'm straight too and it's making it bloody impossible to meet people. i think i'm accidentally 'de-gaying' myself!!!

Captain Graphite · 31-10-2011 04:01PM

I'm gay-ish (have never been able to work out if I'm gay or bi) and I would say most of my friends are female. I've always just found girls easier to talk to for whatever reason.

I do have straight male friends too; my sexuality has never been an issue, really. We have enough shared interests (love of music, passion for science, apathy towards sport) that sexuality never comes up. And when it does (usually after alcohol :pac:) it's always a light-hearted tone of conversation.

I actually wish I had more gay friends though; I have met some of my bf's friends but I don't really know them that well. Like baby and crumble said, it would be nice to talk about certain things with people of your persuasion. I've no problem going to gay bars but being honest I tend to prefer places that are gay-friendly but not specifically aimed at gay people (mostly because the music is mostly shíte in any gay bar I've been to!)

At the end of the day I wish I had more friends in general. Since finishing college and moving back home I'm kind of isolated from everyone.

If I met someone who was willing to be my friend, their sexuality wouldn't matter a damn to me.

Typh · 31-10-2011 07:32PM

Aye, I’ve quite a few gay friends, although we’re not exceptionally close, I still enjoy their company as much as I would any other friend. I would echo what Will said, sexuality just fades into the ignored tones and becomes a non-issue. If they’re good people, their sexuality shouldn’t be some mitigating factor that disabuses them of the fact that they’re good people. When alcohol is involved with some of the guys I'm closer to, the tide of the conversation never stutters or falters, the same as with any other friend, even when they try and test me.
'My god, Brad Pitt is beautiful...' Their eyes turn on me.
'Brad Pitt IS beautiful...' I added, as if it was some type of gender-neutralising eureka moment, and the world kept spinning. It's the one story they describe my attitude with I guess.

Years and years ago, in the Castro District in San Fran, seven of us on a J1 were ushered past a queue of sixty odd people to a gay club. Initially two of the more conservative friends were uneasy about urinal etiquette, yet it descended into one incredible night. It most certainly wasn’t the last days of Sodom and Gomorrah. Elaborate cocktails were had, several muscular men in white navy outfits danced on tables, and I had the one, single opportunity in my life to say ‘My eyes are up here, cowboy,’ to a man who looked like Tom Selleck.

It never fails to make me laugh at how absurd some of the stereotypes are. Sexuality is part of who you are, and while it is an integral trait, it doesn’t define you as much as some people think, just my take. Some standardised sexual pigeon-hole shouldn't be such a discerning influence on who you keep company with. Ehh, gay guys- great bunch of lads.

Friends of different sexualities?

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