How would you feel if your child was gay?

humbert · 08-10-2011 02:20PM

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Are we speaking from experience here and if so is there something you want to tell us ?

It's was only for 15 minutes....and there really was nothing else on

Honestly I don't believe it would be no big for most people, coming out or going back.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 08-10-2011 02:21PM

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

He said populist crap, not pluralist crap...so perhaps you didn't read the post as carefully as you think you did.

Look, i am not gonna argue the dudes points for him, I am merely giving my opinion to the people taking shots at him about the kind of father he is or trying to imply he's homophobic. None of it adds up to my experience of the guy.

With regard to the bit i put in bold, where did i say it didn't? I strongly suggest you stick to arguing the points that people are making...otherwise you just look like a twat...and that's not a column i would normally put you in.

I did, I just had the wrong word in my head when I was typing,

apoligies.

If you know him, then his post was badly written and the liberal attack ddin't help. I do argue the points written, but if the point is badly made, I can't be held resonssible for picking him up wrong, so less of the twat crap please. If, as you say, others have attacked him then it's not just me, now, is it?

Regarding the bit in bold; you inplied that no one knows for sure, possible true, but that no one inlcudes you. Theer have been plenty of exacmples where the parents thought there'd be no problem, and there wasn't. I would imagine it's something a lot of parents and would-be parent sconisder at some time.

Beyond that, we're going round in circles until he comes back himself and clarifies what he meant, I am leaning towards misleading than homophobic though. Which means he'd be completely fine with it if the grandchild things wasn't on the table, or he had (which I think you said he does) other kids.

Neyite · 08-10-2011 02:26PM

It would be a concern to me if my son or daughter of the future came to me and said they were gay. Not because I disapprove of homosexuality, or because I am disappointed that I have less chance of being a grandmother, but because I know that he/she will face bigots and discrimination, homophobia, or I would worry that it would be so much harder for them to fall in love, to marry, to have children (if that was their wish) I would fear for them that they get beaten up while on a night out with their boyfriend/girlfriend, just because they are in love and held hands.

That said, I will view their prospective partners whether they are gay or straight with the view that only someone extremely special is good enough for them.

I would worry the same way I will worry if they are not wrapped up warm enough, or that they are not eating right - I will worry about them for life - just the way my mother still enjoys a good worry about her brood, though we are all in our thirties, and doing fine.

But I would hope that in the 20 years or so before my kids enter adulthood, that our society would become more accepting, and that it would not be a big deal if they did announce they are gay.

Pherekydes · 08-10-2011 02:29PM

Oddjob wrote: »

I suppose I could always smother the kid and try again.

He could always improve his odds of being a grandparent by having more children.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

The Big Red Button · 08-10-2011 02:31PM

billybudd wrote: »

But a part of you would feel devestated, mainly because as a hetrosexual you will never be able to understand it, but if your a decent person you will accept it and still have the same unconditional love for your child.

That is such bull****, it's like saying I'd be devastated to give birth to a baby boy, because as a girl I'd never be able to understand what it's like to be a boy!

stovelid · 08-10-2011 02:36PM

4leto wrote: »

How would a gay child feel to have you as a father, devastated I suspect, but he doesn't choose who his father is, so..........

In fairness, I don't see anywhere where he said he was homophobic, just that he would devastated not to have grandchildren.

billybudd · 08-10-2011 02:37PM

chatterpillar wrote: »

That is such bull****, it's like saying I'd be devastated to give birth to a baby boy, because as a girl I'd never be able to understand what it's like to be a boy!

Err it is not, to feel lust for the same sex is something a hetrosexual will never be able to completly understand, its what makes the difference. bu you just proved my point so thanks.

Namlub · 08-10-2011 02:37PM

Blatter wrote: »

I would wager that the amount of 'I'd have absolutely no problem with my child being gay' views in this thread is not a reflection for the majority of people in real life.

It's easy for people to sit on front of their computers and say they wouldn't care less, but it would become a different ball game for most, if it actually happened to them.

Not all, there are of course some that would genuinely have no problem if their child was gay. But those people are definitely overrepresented in this thread imo.

A few people have had the balls to share how they'd truly feel(devastated, and I would be too) and I'm sure many people feel the same way, but alot are
taking the safer option by either not posting at all and just staying out of it. And before someone says 'it's only the Internet', there are many that value their reputation on here and may think it could negatively affect it.

So everyone who says they'd be 'devastated' should be applauded for having the balls to say so, but anyone who says that they'd have no problem with it must be lying or taking the safe option, because they couldn't posdibly, y'know, genuinely not have a problem with the idea? I see.

hondasam · 08-10-2011 02:46PM

Mike 1972 wrote: »

So if a gay bloke has a kid by a lesbian mum theres no way that kid can turn out to be straight (or even bi) right ?

I all ready cleared this up, my reply was in response to Pragmatic who stated it was hereditary.

It's always the same when children are the topic on here, it's the posters with no children who are most vocal.

Matthew23 · 08-10-2011 02:51PM

yeh i know what you mean i wouldnt be happy with a gay child.

another question to people who think this is wrong is wouild you let a gay babysitter take care of your kids?

The Big Red Button · 08-10-2011 02:51PM

billybudd wrote: »

chatterpillar wrote: »

That is such bull****, it's like saying I'd be devastated to give birth to a baby boy, because as a girl I'd never be able to understand what it's like to be a boy!

Err it is not, to feel lust for the same sex is something a hetrosexual will never be able to completly understand, its what makes the difference. bu you just proved my point so thanks.

I didn't say that you'd completely understand it. The same as I will never completely understand how it feels to be a boy. Doesn't mean I'd be devastated if my child was male!

stovelid · 08-10-2011 02:54PM

Namlub wrote: »

So everyone who says they'd be 'devastated' should be applauded for having the balls to say so, but anyone who says that they'd have no problem with it must be lying or taking the safe option, because they couldn't posdibly, y'know, genuinely not have a problem with the idea? I see.

In fairness, I think the point that was being made - rightly or wrongly - was that it's easier to back an popular opinion than an unpopular one.

I would also be willing to bet that there are more than a few people not willing to go against the - to my eyes - liberal consensus of a place like this and admit that they would be devastated to have gay kids. Especially in a situation where you are devastated for non-homophobic reasons and your answer could be judged as homophobic. Even the innocent admission of wanting grandchildren will draw ire from many camps, whether gay or pro child-free.

I'm identifying said liberal consensus factually BTW and not in a sneering way being a full card-carrying pinko liberal myself.

I'm saying this as somebody who would have zero problem with gay children (and I actually have children) but would also be sad if I never had grandchildren, albeit not to the point of ever admitting this to my kids if they chose not to have them.

I'm not offended by the mention of the PC/liberal consensus alluded to at all as I fully know what my feelings on the matter are and stand by my replies on the thread.

Mike 1972 · 08-10-2011 02:55PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

would you let a gay babysitter take care of your kids?

I dont see why not ?

Matthew23 · 08-10-2011 03:06PM

Mike 1972 wrote: »

I dont see why not ?

well some people might think they are pedophiles but they might also influence the child to become gay i dont know

mod:
banned.

stovelid · 08-10-2011 03:07PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

well some people might think they are pedophiles but they might also influence the child to become gay i dont know

Mother of sweet Jaysus.

LeixlipRed · 08-10-2011 03:08PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

yeh i know what you mean i wouldnt be happy with a gay child.

another question to people who think this is wrong is wouild you let a gay babysitter take care of your kids?

Associating gay people with paedophilia, could you have stooped any lower?

Matthew23 · 08-10-2011 03:10PM

LeixlipRed wrote: »

Associating gay people with paedophilia, could you have stooped any lower?

im not saying it im repeating what i heard these opinions are there in the world. i dont have a problem with gay people but i wouldnt want a gay child is all i have said

LeixlipRed · 08-10-2011 03:11PM

You have no problem with gay people once your people aren't gay is it?

dr.bollocko · 08-10-2011 03:12PM

mod:
Matthew23 banned for the above remark. Just to be clear... that kind of crap has no place on after hours.

Killer Pigeon · 08-10-2011 03:12PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

im not saying it im repeating what i heard these opinions are there in the world. i dont have a problem with gay people but i wouldnt want a gay child is all i have said

Lots of opinions that "are there in the world" turn out to be absolute nonsense.

4leto · 08-10-2011 03:20PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

yeh i know what you mean i wouldnt be happy with a gay child.

another question to people who think this is wrong is wouild you let a gay babysitter take care of your kids?

Mother of Gawd, where does this ignorance spring from, why on Earth would you associate gay with paedophile, where is that coming from. Would you associate straight with paedophile. Paedophile is not a gender issue, its a power thing.

A little off topic That twat Norris has really brought this association back, its one of the reasons I can't stand the man.

Mike 1972 · 08-10-2011 03:21PM

Do gay parents worry about having straight babysitters ?

stovelid wrote: »

Mother of sweet Jaysus.

Was she gay too :pac:

Kidchameleon wrote: »

No I've seen plenty of movies where lesbo's love a bit of sausage

I take it the film genre in question was not documentaries ?

Namlub · 08-10-2011 03:23PM

stovelid wrote: »

In fairness, I think the point that was being made - rightly or wrongly - was that it's easier to back an popular opinion than an unpopular one.

Of course, but I think that point could have been made without insuating that those of a certain opinion couldn't know for sure, or are just trying to fit in with the status quo.

billybudd · 08-10-2011 03:25PM

chatterpillar wrote: »

I didn't say that you'd completely understand it. The same as I will never completely understand how it feels to be a boy. Doesn't mean I'd be devastated if my child was male!

Apples and oranges, you are comparing two situations that are worlds apart, first of all I would imagine most people privately would be devastated initially, the psychological affect alone would be initially devastating until you came to peace with it.

Example.

Son: Dad I am gay

Father: ok you’re still my son and I love you and want you to be happy.

which is what any decent humane father would say, but if you think it ends there your wrong, just like it took the son time to realize and accept his sexuality and come to peace with it then likewise it would take the father time as well and I am quite positive it does have a devastating first effect on the father, I know and am friends with allot of gay people and a high percentage of them where devastated to come to terms that they were gay and it took them along time to grow into the proud gay people they are today, the only valid point to your argument is that in both situations you cannot control what nature gives you.

Daftendirekt · 08-10-2011 03:30PM

Namlub wrote: »

So everyone who says they'd be 'devastated' should be applauded for having the balls to say so, but anyone who says that they'd have no problem with it must be lying or taking the safe option, because they couldn't posdibly, y'know, genuinely not have a problem with the idea? I see.

^ This. ^

The accusations of dishonesty for the sake of being "PC" are more than a little bit tiresome. If someone says they don't care about the sexuality of their kid, then they probably don't.

I'm also going to call BS on the idea that you have to be in that position to know how you'd react.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if my (hypothetical) kid came out to me, I'd be fine with it. In exactly the same way as it wouldn't bother me if my kid was a girl rather than a boy, or vice versa.

At the end of the day, you don't get much of a say in the person your child becomes. They might end up straight, gay, bi, transgendered, asexual, or any number of things beyond your, and their, control. It's understandable that some people will have an idea of how they'd like their offspring to turn out. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're happy to see them live their life as they see fit, and don't put unreasonable pressure on them to live up to some impossible standard. All IMHO, of course.

pragmatic1 · 08-10-2011 03:31PM

billybudd wrote: »

Apples and oranges, you are comparing two situations that are worlds apart, first of all I would imagine most people privately would be devastated initially, the psychological affect alone would be initially devastating until you came to peace with it.

Example.

Son: Dad I am gay

Father: ok you’re still my son and I love you and want you to be happy.

which is what any decent humane father would say, but if you think it ends there your wrong, just like it took the son time to realize and accept his sexuality and come to peace with it then likewise it would take the father time as well and I am quite positive it does have a devastating first effect on the father, I know and am friends with allot of gay people and a high percentage of them where devastated to come to terms that they were gay and it took them along time to grow into the proud gay people they are today, the only valid point to your argument is that in both situations you cannot control what nature gives you.

You're assuming that parents dont know their kids are gay until the kid tells them. My nephew came out as gay to his father and mother about a year ago. We all knew since he was about four.

Sonics2k · 08-10-2011 03:35PM

pragmatic1 wrote: »

You're assuming that parents dont know their kids are gay until the kid tells them. My nephew came out as gay to his father and mother about a year ago. We all knew since he was about four.

I remember when a close friend of mine came out to his father during our late teens, I was there for it and couldn't help laugh at the conversation.

Son: Dad, I have something to tell you.
Dad: What's up?
Son: I'm gay.
*slight pause*
Dad: No **** ya fairy, now take out the trash like I told you last night.
Son: What? Is that all?
Dad: Just never fall in love with a ging and I don't care.

Was a fairly epic moment.

4leto · 08-10-2011 03:36PM

billybudd wrote: »

Apples and oranges, you are comparing two situations that are worlds apart, first of all I would imagine most people privately would be devastated initially, the psychological affect alone would be initially devastating until you came to peace with it.

Example.

Son: Dad I am gay

Father: ok you’re still my son and I love you and want you to be happy.

which is what any decent humane father would say, but if you think it ends there your wrong, just like it took the son time to realize and accept his sexuality and come to peace with it then likewise it would take the father time as well and I am quite positive it does have a devastating first effect on the father, I know and am friends with allot of gay people and a high percentage of them where devastated to come to terms that they were gay and it took them along time to grow into the proud gay people they are today, the only valid point to your argument is that in both situations you cannot control what nature gives you.

I go with that, and I concede an earlier post I made, there are gay groups that help someone come to terms with their own sexuality, there are also groups that help parents come to terms with their children's sexuality. So I acknowledge it is a genuine problem for some.

It can be devastating to BOTH parties, but it is getting easier. I hope someday it wont matter at all, we are getting there.

billybudd · 08-10-2011 03:39PM

pragmatic1 wrote: »

You're assuming that parents dont know their kids are gay until the kid tells them. My nephew came out as gay to his father and mother about a year ago. We all knew since he was about four.

right.

My name is URL · 08-10-2011 03:39PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBmw_dvhnpk

How would you feel if your child was gay?

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