Read the book "Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes"

Logical Fallacy · 02-10-2011 11:15PM

westendgirlie wrote: »

What's the book about? Did she really get sold for a packet of fags?

Yeah.

In a west end town and a dead end world.

Dodd · 02-10-2011 11:16PM

mackg wrote: »

I grew up in the 80/90s :pac::pac:

And you were born in the 50's.:)

westendgirlie · 02-10-2011 11:17PM

Its a scandal scandal

Namlub · 02-10-2011 11:17PM

I've heard about that book before, I thought it was a joke?

dollyk · 02-10-2011 11:18PM

westendgirlie wrote: »

What's the book about? Did she really get sold for a packet of fags?

yes her stepdad got 5 woodbines off a man who sexually abused her.

Dodd · 02-10-2011 11:19PM

westendgirlie wrote: »

What's the book about? Did she really get sold for a packet of fags?

I think she was sold to work and the pay was fags.I'm not sure though.

westendgirlie · 02-10-2011 11:19PM

dollyk wrote: »

yes her stepdad got 5 woodbines off a man who sexually abused her.

Jeez! And are you saying this was the norm for you and all others where you lived?

rainbowdrop · 02-10-2011 11:20PM

When you grow up in a fairly well off household, you don't realise that other people have grown up in houses where there was never enough food/money is what the OP is trying to say (I think). If you grew up seeing your Dad drink his wages every Friday and then came home and kick the shit out of his wife, you will think this is normal. You wouldn't realise that this is not normal. Everyone's childhoods are different.

I just finished reading that book a few weeks ago, a very good read. Maybe a lot of people did have crappy childhood, but Martha Long (the author) managed to write about it. How many of us could write a book? Not many I bet!!

PS - I'm finished with my copy of the book OP is talking about, if anyone wants it, they are welcome to have it, just send me a PM........

westendgirlie · 02-10-2011 11:23PM

dollyk wrote: »

ok so read the book , and realised the girl lived on my road.
Now im not knocking her, but i could have wrote the same book word for word.
What im saying is . That was life for most of us in the 60s.
And for the most of us it was the "NORM"
So why write a book , it was life in poverty Ireland at the time.
Can anyone else relate to this, or am i just being hard.

This was your opening post. I can't relate to child abuse. If I asked my parents sure they couldnt either. That's not the NORM in any decade

du Maurier · 02-10-2011 11:23PM

dollyk wrote: »

ok so read the book , and realised the girl lived on my road.
Now im not knocking her, but i could have wrote the same book word for word.
What im saying is . That was life for most of us in the 60s.
And for the most of us it was the "NORM"
So why write a book , it was life in poverty Ireland at the time.
Can anyone else relate to this, or am i just being hard.

But you didn't. Gotta love this type of attitude. It's reminds me of a story I heard a number of years ago where some aul fella penned a book on the history of some rural village he lived in. The book was received really well and he probably earned a nice few bob for it and a positive reputation to boot.

But all that was ever mentioned in relation to his success was an attitude like the above by disgruntled old sconers who knew him assuring anyone that would listen 'Sure, anyone could have written that'!

dollyk · 02-10-2011 11:23PM

rainbowdrop wrote: »

When you grow up in a fairly well off household, you don't realise that other people have grown up in houses where there was never enough food/money is what the OP is trying to say (I think). If you grew up seeing your Dad drink his wages every Friday and then came home and kick the shit out of his wife, you will think this is normal. You wouldn't realise that this is not normal. Everyone's childhoods are different.

I just finished reading that book a few weeks ago, a very good read. Maybe a lot of people did have crappy childhood, but Martha Long (the author) managed to write about it. How many of us could write a book? Not many I bet!!

PS - I'm finished with my copy of the book OP is talking about, if anyone wants it, they are welcome to have it, just send me a PM........

thank you xx

westendgirlie · 02-10-2011 11:30PM

I'm feeling a bit sick reading this thread. I'm really sorry you went through what you did. **** I dunno what to say. An entire road??? Surely the abusers are still alive and should be imprisoned for what they done to you all?

mrsdewinter · 02-10-2011 11:31PM

Hi OP. I take on board what you're saying, that the book covers terrain which was widely known 45 years ago. I think the point some of the others are trying to make is: Because so many of us grew up in a 'different' Ireland, perhaps this book is a way of ensuring nobody forgets how harsh life could get in a country where the Catholic church maintained such a grip.

Dodd · 02-10-2011 11:31PM

westendgirlie wrote: »

This was your opening post. I can't relate to child abuse. If I asked my parents sure they couldnt either. That's not the NORM in any decade

Yes but priest abuse was not normal either but it did happen a lot then.
Times were different then when people get away with this sort of thing.
The man of the house was the boss at home.

westendgirlie · 02-10-2011 11:38PM

Well it puts my silly problems into perspective.

Standard Toaster · 02-10-2011 11:46PM

Try telling that to the kids of today!! :mad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

looksee · 03-10-2011 12:14AM

I have been lucky in that, while I grew up in a working class household, I have never been deliberately mistreated. However I do think you have to move on with your life.

You can always look back and say - that was wrong, why did I not complain/object etc. And the answer is often that times were different. That does not make it right to abuse children of course. But things were not reported, there was not the available authority to report to. There was not the overwhelming amount of information available that there is today about rights and where to go for help.

I have no doubt at all that things are happening today that in 40 years time people will say - why was that allowed? And the answer is that public opinion has to catch up with issues.

Maybe in another 40 years time people will say - how is it that people (in 2011) were allowed to keep having children that they could not afford to educate, or there were no jobs for?

There are several issues in that sentence that we take for granted - people are entitled/don't need permission to have children, education is free, people can choose where and whether to work. But in 40 years time possibly some of these will be impossible for people to understand. Certainly if it was suggested now that the number of children a person could have should be limited it would be seen as a ridiculous and impossible concept.

In the same way, 40 or 50 years ago it was pretty well impossible to interfere with a family and how children were reared. Adults had authority, and some adults - clergy, teachers, police had total authority. Children were the responsibility of their parents, and if the parents did not look after them, well that was the way it was.

By today's standards it was wrong, but at the time, again, that is just how it was.

chucken1 · 03-10-2011 01:38AM

looksee wrote: »

I have been lucky in that, while I grew up in a working class household, I have never been deliberately mistreated. However I do think you have to move on with your life.

The book obviously triggered memories with the OP,If you have never been in the situation,thats a very hard thing to understand. You may have been 'moving on' but the smallest thing can bring back absolute horror!

OutlawPete · 03-10-2011 01:51AM

The OP has a point in fairness.

Take ..

It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times'.

Sure I could have wrote that.

Karona · 03-10-2011 01:52AM

I have read the book and thought it was amazing. I grew up in the 80's/ early 90's. It's an insight for younger people to actually see the hardships of what a family went through back then, especially when an illegitimate child is conceived.

So OP i can see where you are coming from, but don't be so hard on the author, I think she just wanted people to see what she had to go through in her life and how she came out the other end.

Jaxxy · 03-10-2011 01:53AM

I don't think Martha Long really grasped that what was happening to her wasn't "normal" or that it shouldn't be accepted until she was a little older and gained experience of different families and what life can be like outside the circle of abuse she was born into.

I'm not at all saying that what happened to her was rare during the time in this country. What I'd like to say though is that people deal with these things in different ways. Perhaps writing that book was something she needed to do. Perhaps her story spurred others to come forward and acknowledge that yes, they can relate to what she was subjected to.

If your way of dealing with things OP is just to get on with it or deal with it as you say, then that's perfectly fine. Her way of dealing with it was obviously different to yours. It doesn't make her experience, or your experience any less or more important.

dollyk · 03-10-2011 10:31AM

Karona wrote: »

I have read the book and thought it was amazing. I grew up in the 80's/ early 90's. It's an insight for younger people to actually see the hardships of what a family went through back then, especially when an illegitimate child is conceived.

So OP i can see where you are coming from, but don't be so hard on the author, I think she just wanted people to see what she had to go through in her life and how she came out the other end.

Oh im not being hard on marta, not at all.
I think im amazed that what we went through then " wasnt right "in any shape or form,
But until i read the book i didnt see that.

madmammy · 03-10-2011 10:49AM

the writer of the book martha long just started writing down her life story just to help her deal with some issues she had and the person helping her write it down suggested that she made it all into books so that it might help others who was in that situation
it wasn't just to say she was the only one going throgh it
the story goes from when she's about 3/4 till she grows up......she has 4 books out at the moment
yes there was many people who went though the same thing then but this was her way of dealing with it

im invisible · 03-10-2011 11:25AM

OutlawPete wrote: »

The OP has a point in fairness.

Take ..

'It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times'.

Sure I could have wrote that.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times...

Jumpy · 03-10-2011 11:34AM

dollyk wrote: »

ok mags i read this book lately, and although as i said im not knocking her.
My family of 14 went through the same thing. and we all came out ok. Im just saying i thought it was the same for all kids , but i realise now it wasnt.:(

Family of 14?

I just had the Monty Python song "Every Sperm is Sacred" running through my head while reading that.

mud · 03-10-2011 11:40AM

Sorry OP, I must be a bit slow this morning, but are you telling us that you just realised that you and your whole family were sexually abused?

If so, that is absolutely awful, and I hope you can get help.

sbsquarepants · 03-10-2011 01:21PM

dollyk wrote: »

My point is i thought it was the same for everyone, and until i read this book and seen how other people see it, it was far from the norm.

dollyk wrote: »

Oh im not being hard on marta, not at all.
I think im amazed that what we went through then " wasnt right "in any shape or form,
But until i read the book i didnt see that.

I think you've answered your own question.
Sounds to me like you're lucky you read that book!

Giselle · 03-10-2011 01:26PM

I can understand why someone would want to write a book like that, assuming their memories are accurate, as a means of excising or exorcising the bad memories.

I don't understand is reading them. Paying money to read what seems to be absolute horror, made worse by it supposedly (in many cases of misery lit, the main protagonists are dead and its written many years later, making it hard to verify) being true.

I read for entertainment or information. How can it possibly be entertaining to read about graphic abuse? What do you learn from it? What does anyone get from it?

I suppose that the person who wants that voyeuristic look into someone elses private hell is the same person who slows down to look at a car crash, or stands around watching while someone has a heart attack in public.

looksee · 03-10-2011 01:31PM

chucken1 wrote: »

looksee wrote: »

I have been lucky in that, while I grew up in a working class household, I have never been deliberately mistreated. However I do think you have to move on with your life.

The book obviously triggered memories with the OP,If you have never been in the situation,thats a very hard thing to understand. You may have been 'moving on' but the smallest thing can bring back absolute horror!

I was not intending to dismiss the OP's issues or memories, and I understand what you are saying chucken. What I am trying to suggest is that what seems outrageous now, did not appear the same then. That is not to say that people were not damaged, of course they were, but at the time nothing could or would have been done about it. For that reason it is better to try not to hang on to old injuries but to let them go.

I could work myself up to a state of anger about treatment surrounding a sick baby who subsequently died. If it had happened recently I could have sued people all around the place, but at the time, nearly 40 years ago, I would have just added to my grief for no purpose, in fact it did not occur to me to go down that route. And even now, all that anger and stress for money? No individual behaved deliberately badly, it was just the way specialists were at the time. Wrong - yes. Of their time? - yes also.

dollyk · 03-10-2011 01:51PM

mud wrote: »

Sorry OP, I must be a bit slow this morning, but are you telling us that you just realised that you and your whole family were sexually abused?

If so, that is absolutely awful, and I hope you can get help.

no no, she wasnt sexually abused in her home, her stepfather sold her for 5 woodbines to a man who sexually assaulted her.
Its the rest of her book, like the beatings, having not a lot of food, and been made miserable and afraid on a daily basis , thats what i thought was the norm growing up.

Read the book "Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes"

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