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Constantly drunk friend beginning to get abusive

  • 19-09-2011 04:50PM
    #1
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭


    So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

    I could smack him about a bit i suppose but it might make things worse.

    25c prize money for the best suggestion.
    (I get to pick!)
    Tagged:


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Comments

  • #2
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Just stop being friends with him.


  • #3
    hondasam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,418 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    Ignore him, don't go out with him. leave his company before he gets drunk.


  • #4
    uberwolf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,581 ✭✭✭uberwolf


    daveyeh wrote: »
    So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

    I could smack him about a bit or i suppose but it might make things worse.

    25c prize money for the best suggestion.
    (I get to pick!)
    AA membership


  • #5
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,610 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Be straight with him and tell him you're not willing to put up with his shit


  • #6
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,779 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Drunken friends I do not tolerate. And they know it.

    Out of interest, what does he think of his behaviour when he's sobered up?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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  • #7
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    Have you tried talking to him while he is sober? Try and let him know hes hurting everyone around him by his actions.
    If that dont work, just stop hanging with him sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.


  • #8
    Ditch
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Ditch


    Temptamperu wrote: »
    Sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.

    Or, as likely, drink alone :(


  • #9
    Seachmall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    When he's sober tell him you won't put up with his ****.
    When he's drunk shout at him that you won't put up with this ****.


  • #10
    Keith in cork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 338 ✭✭Keith in cork


    Temptamperu wrote: »
    If that dont work, just stop hanging with him sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.

    This is NOT the answer. If the guy is showing signs of suffering from alcohol abuse (which he is, like it or not) the abandoning him will only drive him towards drink, not away.

    I do agree with this posters advice to speak to your mate when he's sober. It plants the seeds in his mind for when he's drunk. Trust me, i know, i'm an "alcho"


  • #11
    MistyCheese
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,006 ✭✭✭MistyCheese


    Seachmall wrote: »
    When he's sober tell him you won't put up with his ****.
    When he's drunk shout at him that you won't put up with this ****.

    Whilst continuing to put up with this ****? I don't see this working.


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  • #12
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    Out of interest, what does he think of his behaviour when he's sobered up?

    Sometimes apologetic, but mostly in denial and/or passing the blame.


  • #13
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    Ditch wrote: »
    Or, as likely, drink alone :(

    This is a definite.


  • #14
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    drink: the best excuse for **** to be themselves and get away with it


  • #15
    Keith in cork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 338 ✭✭Keith in cork


    Saila wrote: »
    drink: the best excuse for **** to be themselves


    A person who knows it all, but knows naff all ;)


  • #16
    CrackisWhack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 852 ✭✭✭CrackisWhack


    Keith in cork wrote: »
    This is NOT the answer. If the guy is showing signs of suffering from alcohol abuse (which he is, like it or not) the abandoning him will only drive him towards drink, not away.

    I do agree with this posters advice to speak to your mate when he's sober. It plants the seeds in his mind for when he's drunk. Trust me, i know, i'm an "alcho"


    +1 Whats with all the people saying abandon/ignore him? Some friends you'd make, personally I would like to try and help my mates through any difficulties they had, there must be an underlying issue OP, try and talk to him about it


  • #17
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,779 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    daveyeh wrote: »
    Sometimes apologetic, but mostly in denial and/or passing the blame.

    Sounds like he knows it's a problem but hasn't admitted it to himself yet (especially if it's apologetic).

    If it's a regular thing, there's only so much blame he can pass. After that, it's either moderation or AA.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #18
    Bill G
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 150 ✭✭Bill G


    Video him when he is pissed and at his worse.

    Show him the video when he is sober.


  • #19
    jackie1974
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 486 ✭✭jackie1974


    Sit him down sober and tell him how he is behaving, dont get angry or he'll have an excuse for getting defensive. Tell him he needs to quit drinking and that you'll give him all the support you possibly can but you wont be going drinking with him anymore. Think of things ye can do that doesn't involve alcohol. The ball is in his court after that. Support him but don't get dragged into all the drama that goes with alcoholism.


  • #20
    Temaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,758 ✭✭✭Temaz


    I had a friend like that, massively abusive when drunk. Just cut contact.


  • #21
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Paid Member Posts: 14,081 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    OP - When you say that your friend is "constantly" drunk do you mean that he drinks to excess every time you go out to socialise with him or that he is intoxicated every time you see him?

    In the case of the former - he has issues with drinking - especially binge drinking - and needs to seek help.

    In the case of the latter - he has serious problems with alcohol and needs immediate help from professionals and groups such as AA and LifeRing.

    This is coming from someone who has had serious problems with alcohol in the past.:o


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  • #22
    Dangerous Man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,674 ✭✭✭Dangerous Man


    daveyeh wrote: »
    So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

    I could smack him about a bit i suppose but it might make things worse.

    25c prize money for the best suggestion.
    (I get to pick!)

    Could you elaborate on the above? I see a lot of people offering advice on your situation, which is always well meaning but there's very little information there. So...

    You say he's verbally abusive - is it just to you or others in your group? Does he become abusive to people he doesn't know? Do you, your friends or others feel physically threatened by him?

    Have you tried suggesting other activities that don't involve alcohol?


  • #23
    Amber Lamps
    Closed Accounts Posts: 282 ✭✭Amber Lamps


    Like most here are saying, have a chat with him when he's sober about it. A friend of mine gets like this a bit but recently he checks himself a bit more now when he goes down the fightin road.

    ....and i'll just leave this here :pac:


  • #24
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    OP - When you say that youe friend is "constantly" drunk do you mean that he drinks to excess every time you go out to socialise with him or that he is intoxicated every time you see him?

    In the case of the former - he has issues with drinking - especially binge drinking - and needs to seek help.

    In the case of the latter - he has serious problems with alcohol and needs immediate help from professionals and groups such as AA and LifeRing.

    This is coming from someone who has had serious problems with alcohol in the past.:o

    I know for sure he has serious problems with alcohol. Drinks every day, and to excess when in company. That's when the piss taking starts, all very jovial to begin with but gets more nasty as the night goes on. I nearly punched him last time he crossed the line. But i know this isn't the answer.


  • #25
    Andromeda_111
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 252 ✭✭Andromeda_111


    Spike his drink with more alcohol. That way he'll fall into a drunken stuper quicker and he'll stop being abusive. :pac:


  • #26
    lisasimpson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,927 ✭✭✭lisasimpson


    record them show him when he is sobber and if he doesnt like it drop him.


  • #27
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    Dangerous Man wrote: »
    Could you elaborate on the above? I see a lot of people offering advice on your situation, which is always well meaning but there's very little information there. So...

    You say he's verbally abusive - is it just to you or others in your group? Does he become abusive to people he doesn't know? Do you, your friends or others feel physically threatened by him?

    Have you tried suggesting other activities that don't involve alcohol?

    Nobody is physically threatened by him, it's all verbal put-downs and nasty comments on whoever he's picking on. And always with people he knows well.


  • #28
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    Bill G wrote: »
    Video him when he is pissed and at his worse.

    Show him the video when he is sober.

    Front runner for the 25c prize money!


  • #29
    4leto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,940 ✭✭✭4leto


    I had a friend like that he was absolutely sound and great company when sober, but an absolute arsehole with drink.

    I am afraid there is nothing you can do, he has to realise it himself. But you could tell him when he is sober what an arsehole he is with drink, but it wont make a difference.

    My brother was like that as well, to a lesser degree, but his wife clipped those wings, he still drinks but just doesn't get drunk/pissed.


  • #30
    Seachmall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    If does have serious problems you need to have a serious talk with him or with his parents/misses/etc.

    To be honest I wouldn't blame you for just cutting all ties but that might be a bit cold (depending on how well you know him, presumably he's a good friend).


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  • #31
    daveyeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭daveyeh


    Amber Lamps wrote: »
    ....and i'll just leave this here :pac:

    :pac::pac:


This discussion has been closed.
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