Constantly drunk friend beginning to get abusive

daveyeh

So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

I could smack him about a bit i suppose but it might make things worse.

25c prize money for the best suggestion.
(I get to pick!)

starbelgrade

Just stop being friends with him.

hondasam

Ignore him, don't go out with him. leave his company before he gets drunk.

uberwolf

daveyeh wrote: »

So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

I could smack him about a bit or i suppose but it might make things worse.

25c prize money for the best suggestion.
(I get to pick!)

AA membership

My name is URL

Be straight with him and tell him you're not willing to put up with his shit

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Drunken friends I do not tolerate. And they know it.

Out of interest, what does he think of his behaviour when he's sobered up?

Temptamperu

Have you tried talking to him while he is sober? Try and let him know hes hurting everyone around him by his actions.
If that dont work, just stop hanging with him sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.

Ditch

Temptamperu wrote: »

Sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.

Or, as likely, drink alone

Seachmall

When he's sober tell him you won't put up with his ****.
When he's drunk shout at him that you won't put up with this ****.

Keith in cork

Temptamperu wrote: »

If that dont work, just stop hanging with him sooner or later when everyones gone away and hes on his own he will get the message.

This is NOT the answer. If the guy is showing signs of suffering from alcohol abuse (which he is, like it or not) the abandoning him will only drive him towards drink, not away.

I do agree with this posters advice to speak to your mate when he's sober. It plants the seeds in his mind for when he's drunk. Trust me, i know, i'm an "alcho"

MistyCheese

Seachmall wrote: »

When he's sober tell him you won't put up with his ****.
When he's drunk shout at him that you won't put up with this ****.

Whilst continuing to put up with this ****? I don't see this working.

daveyeh

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Out of interest, what does he think of his behaviour when he's sobered up?

Sometimes apologetic, but mostly in denial and/or passing the blame.

daveyeh

Ditch wrote: »

Or, as likely, drink alone

This is a definite.

Saila

drink: the best excuse for **** to be themselves and get away with it

Keith in cork

Saila wrote: »

drink: the best excuse for **** to be themselves

A person who knows it all, but knows naff all

CrackisWhack

Keith in cork wrote: »

This is NOT the answer. If the guy is showing signs of suffering from alcohol abuse (which he is, like it or not) the abandoning him will only drive him towards drink, not away.

I do agree with this posters advice to speak to your mate when he's sober. It plants the seeds in his mind for when he's drunk. Trust me, i know, i'm an "alcho"

+1 Whats with all the people saying abandon/ignore him? Some friends you'd make, personally I would like to try and help my mates through any difficulties they had, there must be an underlying issue OP, try and talk to him about it

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

daveyeh wrote: »

Sometimes apologetic, but mostly in denial and/or passing the blame.

Sounds like he knows it's a problem but hasn't admitted it to himself yet (especially if it's apologetic).

If it's a regular thing, there's only so much blame he can pass. After that, it's either moderation or AA.

Bill G

Video him when he is pissed and at his worse.

Show him the video when he is sober.

jackie1974

Sit him down sober and tell him how he is behaving, dont get angry or he'll have an excuse for getting defensive. Tell him he needs to quit drinking and that you'll give him all the support you possibly can but you wont be going drinking with him anymore. Think of things ye can do that doesn't involve alcohol. The ball is in his court after that. Support him but don't get dragged into all the drama that goes with alcoholism.

Temaz

I had a friend like that, massively abusive when drunk. Just cut contact.

JupiterKid

OP - When you say that your friend is "constantly" drunk do you mean that he drinks to excess every time you go out to socialise with him or that he is intoxicated every time you see him?

In the case of the former - he has issues with drinking - especially binge drinking - and needs to seek help.

In the case of the latter - he has serious problems with alcohol and needs immediate help from professionals and groups such as AA and LifeRing.

This is coming from someone who has had serious problems with alcohol in the past.:o

Dangerous Man

daveyeh wrote: »

So, how do you handle a pissed up friend starting to spiral out of control on the drink and being verbally abusive?

I could smack him about a bit i suppose but it might make things worse.

25c prize money for the best suggestion.
(I get to pick!)

Could you elaborate on the above? I see a lot of people offering advice on your situation, which is always well meaning but there's very little information there. So...

You say he's verbally abusive - is it just to you or others in your group? Does he become abusive to people he doesn't know? Do you, your friends or others feel physically threatened by him?

Have you tried suggesting other activities that don't involve alcohol?

Amber Lamps

Like most here are saying, have a chat with him when he's sober about it. A friend of mine gets like this a bit but recently he checks himself a bit more now when he goes down the fightin road.

....and i'll just leave this here :pac:

daveyeh

JupiterKid wrote: »

OP - When you say that youe friend is "constantly" drunk do you mean that he drinks to excess every time you go out to socialise with him or that he is intoxicated every time you see him?

In the case of the former - he has issues with drinking - especially binge drinking - and needs to seek help.

In the case of the latter - he has serious problems with alcohol and needs immediate help from professionals and groups such as AA and LifeRing.

This is coming from someone who has had serious problems with alcohol in the past.:o

I know for sure he has serious problems with alcohol. Drinks every day, and to excess when in company. That's when the piss taking starts, all very jovial to begin with but gets more nasty as the night goes on. I nearly punched him last time he crossed the line. But i know this isn't the answer.

Andromeda_111

Spike his drink with more alcohol. That way he'll fall into a drunken stuper quicker and he'll stop being abusive. :pac:

lisasimpson

record them show him when he is sobber and if he doesnt like it drop him.

daveyeh

Dangerous Man wrote: »

Could you elaborate on the above? I see a lot of people offering advice on your situation, which is always well meaning but there's very little information there. So...

You say he's verbally abusive - is it just to you or others in your group? Does he become abusive to people he doesn't know? Do you, your friends or others feel physically threatened by him?

Have you tried suggesting other activities that don't involve alcohol?

Nobody is physically threatened by him, it's all verbal put-downs and nasty comments on whoever he's picking on. And always with people he knows well.

daveyeh

Bill G wrote: »

Video him when he is pissed and at his worse.

Show him the video when he is sober.

Front runner for the 25c prize money!

4leto

I had a friend like that he was absolutely sound and great company when sober, but an absolute arsehole with drink.

I am afraid there is nothing you can do, he has to realise it himself. But you could tell him when he is sober what an arsehole he is with drink, but it wont make a difference.

My brother was like that as well, to a lesser degree, but his wife clipped those wings, he still drinks but just doesn't get drunk/pissed.

Seachmall

If does have serious problems you need to have a serious talk with him or with his parents/misses/etc.

To be honest I wouldn't blame you for just cutting all ties but that might be a bit cold (depending on how well you know him, presumably he's a good friend).

daveyeh

Amber Lamps wrote: »

....and i'll just leave this here :pac:

:pac::pac:

chickenbutt

I was physically attacked once by a close friend who had issues with binge drinking. It shocked him fairly well that he had gone that far and our friends who had witnessed it were very protective of me from then on around him. He was ashamed and kind of went into a hole after that, ignoring everyone. Abandonment isn't an option I think... He probably won't acknowledge how bad it is until he sees it for himself. He needs help and support...

af_thefragile

He needs therapy and counselling. That sounds like alcohol abuse.
There could be some underlying problem like he's depressed or something.

/non-AH response.

Dangerous Man

daveyeh wrote: »

Nobody is physically threatened by him, it's all verbal put-downs and nasty comments on whoever he's picking on. And always with people he knows well.

Okay. The first thing you need to do, right now, is reign in your own emotions on this. By your own admission this guy is not physically threatening. You said a couple of times that you wanted to punch him. I'm sure you know this but hitting him won't solve anything; it will make matters much worse.

Generally speaking, people don't get constantly drunk because they're happy in life. There's likely something underpinning this behaviour. Some have said you should cut your friend off and others have said don't. The answer, I feel, is somewhere in-between. Try to avoid situations where your friend can access alcohol but more than anything, get your friends together, those that actually care and are affected by this behaviour to sit down and calmly talk to the guy. Be supportive and offer your help.

Having said all that, it seems to me as though your friend could use some professional advice.

Capt'n Midnight

Only he can stop. And unless he wants to stop it ain't going to happen. Don't be a support mechanism for him. There is a whole load of co-dependency crap down that road and no one benefits.

All you can do is try to provide the wake up call.

cosanostra

Try this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xi-P-HWubbI

BlackRoom

I have a friend like this, he alienated everyone and nobody would drink with him anymore because of it, except me, because he wasn't abusive to me. He got the message and last time out with everyone he had previously alienated he was the perfect gent, except to me who he made a couple of slyly abusive remarks to. I guess he needed an outlet. I've just not bothered to get back in contact with him since, but i will.. eventually.

Capt'n Midnight

you can make $'s of this


















bumwars

Green Back

First thing you should do is inform him (not face to face) that you have written this OP and get him to read the reponses on his own. I think that it might help him recognise that his drinking/drunkeness is a genuine problem and give him some time to reflect.

In my experiece face to face 'confrontations' with people who have issues around drinking can be counterproductive if you havent really broached the subject before.

After that, well it depends how deep his problem actually is.

Best of luck to both of ya.

Kirby

Alot of after school special comments in here. Lets be a bit more realistic.

Tell him it's bothering you and how abusive he gets. Ask him to take it easy next time out. If he doesn't listen, it's not your fault. Stop going drinking with him. He isn't a friend worth having if he keeps that crap up.

It really is that simple. Ignore the people insisting you need to "help him or you aren't a friend". You aren't his mother and you aren't there to solve his problems. You can't.

maxxie

ride him

ejmaztec

In the good old days when this place was fields, someone would have suggested blasting him with piss.

Temptamperu

ejmaztec wrote: »

In the good old days when this place was fields, someone would have suggested blasting him with piss.

i got a post removed for posting that yesterday

daveyeh

maxxie wrote: »

ride him

:pac::pac:

Sooopie

I used to have a friend like that - she was dreadful when drunk - and she'd be physically abusive to her boyfriend too

She got married there recently I heard - I pity the husband

Shiner11

Have an Intervention I'd say. Sit your friend down some day when he's sober. Invite over his close friends and family, and tell him what he becomes when intoxicated. If he starts roaring and shouting, telling ye "to go Fúck yerselves etc.", have some photographic or video evidence from a night out.






I'll have that 25c please................I'll buy a freddo with it.

Mr. CooL ICE

When he passes out, cover his face in yellow marker. When he wakes up, tell him he has jaundice

moomooman

Have a word with him when sober, tell him your not putting up with it anymore.

Keep in mind that if he is an abusive drunk and you continue to hang out with him then people who dont know you well will eventually associate your presence as approval of his behaviour and you'll be tarred the same as him.

q2ice

Read though the first two pages but lost interest!!
If the *friend* has verbal abuse issues then it is a psychological issue! something that you can help with!!

If he was being physically abusive then its an ingrained trait.(I hate that term but in this case its hard to change) A person who reacts voilintely is a person who grew up with that type of inherent violence and feels trapped in their own mind. That is a type of person you cant help on your own. No matter how much you try..

If the *friend* is just being verbally abusive, as you initial post suggests, then what he needs is mental support. Its a matter of states. He probably got into a state of depression which is a spiral. If you ever are afflicted with mental depression you will know that the slightest thing sets you off - a sideways look, a dismissal. etc. The only thing you can do is be there for that person in daily activities. And if you cant be there just send a text saying "Hi How are you?" You would be surprised at how well that technique works. Feck you 25c but if you try that then after 3 weeks that person will be a changed individual.

The approach above is a continual process, ao if youre not willing to put in the effort then forget it and completely ignore the person.



YOURE CHOICE

Chucken

****Read though the first two pages but lost interest!! ****Quote.

...but failed to see the thread is 15 months old