Fed Up with Religion and Fed up with No Religion - Any Alternatives?

I do have a sconce at the Christianity Forums and the Agnotstic Forums and hey even the Athiest Forums from time to time.

They all seem like bollox to me.

Christianity they are all arguing over the colour of unicorns farts. It's like ultimate Chinese whispers. They argue over the most self rigeous bigoted crap. My favourite recent thread was homosexuality is the gateway to paedophilia and only God can forgive us so we is all going to hell, Great, I'll pack my swimsuit.

It doesn't help they have a bi-polor God who is all Batman on everyone's ass in the old testament and Oprah in the new one. It's a book. A crap book written by Iraq's and Palestinians. It's genius is it's vagueness. And it's policed by a cult of closet gay old men who protect the church before all national laws. Yeah- because we all want to be lectured to on morals by a crowd of closeted archaic old men.

What's the alternative?

Judiasm?- The religion is basically based around waiting for a dude to conquer the world and give it to them. Fact

Islam- Forget the twenty wives, it's kinda like Christianity with a prophet and some dirty stories and loads of fighting between the various off shoots. Christianity 2.0 I guess.

Mormans- These guys I like- Not only the original chuggers but they believe an omnipitent being that created the universe requires 330 odd of their elders to asend into heaven and become the Board. Sure- Best of luck with that.

Buddism- Not only fashionable, but the worst you'll get is passing out from all the chanting and breathing, but I'm too lazy to be re-incarnated. And speaking of this is kinda where stuff gets ridiculous- the Dali Lama and the Panchen Lama are supposed to recognise each other but the Chinese have the Panchen locked in a dungeon with a pretender in the wings so looks like their religious leaders are going to be MORE political soon. Nice.

ANY Religion when you step back and look at it is ridiculous. And they are all technically wrong.

What happens when you die- Your heart stops. Sin e. If there is energy or whatever that moves on- well who knows. Instead of stopping there we have to pull down a religion cereal with a list of beliefs on the side and proclaim this to be "our" faith. No it's not. I didn't base it on my beliefs. I was born into it or took up a subscription like Sky. That's not a belief that's an acceptance of someone else's beliefs.

Then the other side we have the Athiests- There is no God. They run around all superior licking Dawkings ball sack proclaiming science to have all the answers and being all smug and superior. Yeah, guess what, you have basically subscribed to a belief system written in a book- sound familiar?

Not only is there no God- they have to tell you at every occasion. If you are so sure then why spell it out in such elaborate detail- are you trying to convince others or yourself? I don't go around telling everyone there is no Bosom Higgs Particle- oh wait, there isn't. Crap. Well back to the theoritical physics drawing board.

And then we have the rise of the pseudo science- pseudo religions. Where a fat hippy who smells a bit like cabbage whose brats are running around in cloth nappies basically holds her hands over you and you will be cured! Magic. No- not magic. Bullsh1t.

People are flocking to this crap. Christina Gallagher is opening new mini cults everywhere spreading a message of paranoia and imminent doom and and and buy this rosary bead- only 20 Euro. Ca Ching!

So - Religion is bollox. No Religion is Bollox. Agnostic's are basically- "I dunno"

What's left? There must be something outside the box- Yes and being boards obviously we are going to get the flying spaghetti monster and Jedi but at the moment if I had to pick something to worship my religion would be described as "vagina" seeing as I spend more time trying to get into that than some intangible heaven.

Anyone else have any ideas or you want to join my genitalia based belief system??