Would you wear black at a wedding?

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 10:15AM #1

I'm a little chocked to see how many people are going to weddings wearing black dresses (and/or black tights). Perhaps it's just the cultural difference as I am not Irish myself, but I would hate it if my friends showed up at my wedding (which is a happy occasion) dressed in black. Even a little bit offended

So I thought I'd find out what you think about wearing black to weddings? Would you do it? When is it appropriate? Isn't it a little funeral-like

?

I don't mean to offend anyone who's wearing black at weddings, since clearly it's in fashion, I would just like to know what this is all about

g'em · 24-08-2011 10:20AM

I wore black to a wedding recently, there were a fair few other girls wearing it too, and I've a wedding coming up the weekend after next that I may or may not wear black to as well. While I think the whole not wearing white or black thing was a big deal a few years back it's not at all as big an issue now. Sure I've seen plenty of black bridesmaids dresses too, it's a much more popular choice now that people are cash conscious and want to wear outfits that they can re-wear a few times. I don't see it as disrespectful or dour or anything like that.

Maybe not so much with white, that's a bit of a no-go still but black? Feic no. It all depends how it's worn too - I'd dress it up with colourful shoes and accesories for example.

Malari · 24-08-2011 10:20AM

Yeah, I've worn black to weddings. They were winter weddings I think, so felt normal. I don't really put a whole lot of thought into what I "should" wear though, as long as I look formal and nicely dressed and accessorised! I mean, I don't do the tan, nails, hair thing, and have never worn a hat or flower, or even bought a dress specifically for a wedding.

I've never been to a funeral either, though, so I'm not sure but I would assume as long as you are wearing subdued clothing, you don't have to wear black?

RhubarbCrumble · 24-08-2011 10:25AM

I don't see any problem with wearing black to a wedding. I wouldn't wear white though. I think that's just bad manners.

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 10:35AM

Thank you so much for all your answer. I too have seen bride's maids wear black. It seems to be the latest thing

g'em wrote: »

Sure I've seen plenty of black bridesmaids dresses too, it's a much more popular choice now that people are cash conscious and want to wear outfits that they can re-wear a few times.

I dare to say what you rewear doesn't only come down to the colour, though. There are plenty other colours than black you can pick - and it would still be subtle enough for other occasion and not too "out-there"

(Not saying you must, of course)

pinkypinky · 24-08-2011 11:20AM

I'm amazed at how often this question comes up on the forum. I wore a black dress as bridesmaid a couple of years ago. It was her idea. I don't know why people make a big deal, or even any deal, about it.

fendigal · 24-08-2011 11:23AM

I had black bridesmaids dresses for my own wedding, it was my choice but they loved it also. They looked classy an fabulous (in my opinion) we had a black and white kinda colour scheme so it worked. Once somebodies comfy in what they wearing then it shouldnt matter what colour it is! Ive worn black to manys a wedding

sallydan · 24-08-2011 11:26AM

I think black is fine to wear to a wedding, always seems to be an old reliable with me! White however I wouldn't! Like somebody else said I think its rude!

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 11:54AM

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 11:57AM

pinkypinky wrote: »

I'm amazed at how often this question comes up on the forum. I wore a black dress as bridesmaid a couple of years ago. It was her idea. I don't know why people make a big deal, or even any deal, about it.

In this case, it's a cultural clash and I'm just trying to learn and understand.

Mr. Presentable · 24-08-2011 11:59AM

In some European countries white is the colour of mourning. I guess it's a small sign of the homogenisation of European culture

Oh, I wore black to mine :pac:

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 12:02PM

Mr. Presentable wrote: »

In some European countries white is the colour of mourning.

I thought that was China

But then again, I haven't been around a lot in Europe.

Malari · 24-08-2011 12:05PM

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

To be honest, it never even occured to me that it might be a problem! No-one made any comment on my black dress, and I'm sure there were others there wearing black too...

Novella · 24-08-2011 12:06PM

I would definitely wear black to a wedding if I found a dress I loved that happened to be black. The thought of not wearing it honestly wouldn't even cross my mind. What I would deem suitable attire for a wedding is possibly a million miles away from what I think appropriate to wear to a funeral though, so other than colour, no similarity.

I also would not be in the least offended if I was getting married and guests turned up wearing black.

fendigal · 24-08-2011 12:07PM

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

And would you ever consider asking the bride if it's okay to wear black before hand? Or would you just feel "comfy" in your black and go for it?

Nope i cant say iv ever consulted the bride on what im going to wear to her wedding! i personally think that would be ridiculous! Having been a bride myself i didnt give a hoot what anybody wore aslong as they came and enjoyed and celebrated out day with us they could wear any colour they like. My own sister wore a white outfit and it didnt bother me in the slightest.
Maybe it is a culture difference as you said or difference of opinions..but i think any bride that has problem with what colour people wear is being a bit selfish..people should be allowed to wear what they feel comfortable in..thats my opinion anyway.

Caraville · 24-08-2011 12:12PM

Have to say, if a bride was annoyed at me for wearing black to a wedding i'd be questioning why I was at the wedding of someone so fussy!

Wearing white is a no-no alright, and just bad manners. But black? Never even heard of anyone not being ok with that.

I don't like the whole wearing black tights thing though- nothing to do with manners, just personally I wear black tights to either work or nights out, and I just wouldn't feel formal enough in black tights for a wedding. Wouldn't care if someone else wore them though.

Lady Chuckles · 24-08-2011 12:29PM

I find this discussion has been very intriguing

I've learned that you love your black dresses and that brides who have opinions on your black dresses are selfish/not very good friends.

I don't see myself wearing black to a wedding, but that's just out of my own principles and culture. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think I'm keen on having plenty of people dressed in black at my own wedding (if I am to ever get married) as I associate it with grief and would want my wedding to be a colourful feast. But if so, I guess I'd specify it on the invitation cards... Be decent about it like

I wouldn't do it because I'm a selfish bride or a poor friend, but simply because where I'm from we don't wear black dresses to weddings

Malari · 24-08-2011 12:32PM

Novella wrote: »

I would definitely wear black to a wedding if I found a dress I loved that happened to be black.

This is how I feel about dresses too! I mean, if the style is what I like, and the colour is not just woeful, then I'm happy

Mostly when I mention dresses during those "what are you wearing" conversations, I'm much more likely to describe them as shift or stripey or 50s style or backless or strappy, rather than by colour primarily. Like cars

fendigal · 24-08-2011 12:37PM

Each to their own i suppose. I think one poster hit the nail on the head when she said what we wear to funerals and what we wear to weddings are completely different (well in my experience). Ive also seen lots of girls wearing coloured shoes, shawls, bags etc with black dresses so that would bring colour.
To be honest, being invited to a wedding can put financial pressure on some people so for them to come and celebrate in the day is the most i would have ever expected from them.

Everyone's different though..And as you said Lady Chuckles its probably a cultural difference.

Toto Wolfcastle · 24-08-2011 12:43PM

I'd wear black to a wedding without thinking twice about it. I actually don't necessarily wear black to funerals so I would never associate it with grief. (I wore a light grey dress and a light green dress to my granny's removal and funeral.)

I wont be offended if someone wears black or even white when I get married. They're just colours. As long as style of clothing is appropriate for the occasion I don't see the problem.

amdublin · 24-08-2011 12:45PM

The only colour you should not wear to a wedding is white.

Simples.

lainey316 · 24-08-2011 08:35PM

I wouldn't wear black to a wedding. It was traditionally a no-no I guess so perhaps that is why. I also wear an awful lot of black dresses to work, I just don't think it's very interesting or wedding-y. But it's just opinion. It's very common to see in the last 5 or 6 years anyway.

DebDynamite · 24-08-2011 08:48PM

I don't get the problem with wearing a black dress to a wedding. Sure won't most the men be wearing black suits anyway!

I couldn't give a toss what colour anyone wears (including white) to my wedding as long as they look smart.

Isn't there "a rule" that you shouldn't wear red either. :rolleyes:

bills · 24-08-2011 08:50PM

I got married this summer & there were loads of girls at my wedding in black.
I was not at all bothered & they all looked great & added colours with accessories or whatever.

baby and crumble · 25-08-2011 01:08AM

I was at a wedding there last week and I wore a black suit (I'm female) with a purple shirt and silver shoes- I was a bit nervous of wearing balck but TBH I couldn't afford to buy anything else and I don't wear dresses (I feel really stupid in them). In the end there were lots of girls wearing black, so it was ok.

One thing I was completely shocked at though was the amount of girls wearing white or ivory! Like, not a white with a coloured pattern, but pure white, or white with a white design! :eek::eek::eek: I was flabbergasted. It was a traditional church wedding too, so not like anyone thought the bride would be wearing a different colour or anything...

vicecreamsundae · 25-08-2011 02:00AM

I would wear black accessories (jacket, tights or shoes shoes) but no, I wouldn't wear black dress/main outfit to a wedding. It's funny because I'm really not a traditionalist when it comes to weddings, but I guess I do associate black as a formal/grieving colour. I'm surprised so many people on this thread say they'd wear black without giving it a second thought. Of course it's only a colour, and only an outfit, so it's no big deal in the grand scheme of things, but personally I wouldn't, and weirdly I do think it comes across as a bit rude!

Abi · 25-08-2011 03:26AM

I would wear black too. You could wear a bolero or shawl to the church in a different colour to break it up. Then it can disappear for the afters

Penny Dreadful · 25-08-2011 10:32AM

Lady Chuckles wrote: »

I find this discussion has been very intriguing

I've learned that you love your black dresses and that brides who have opinions on your black dresses are selfish/not very good friends.

I don't see myself wearing black to a wedding, but that's just out of my own principles and culture. I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think I'm keen on having plenty of people dressed in black at my own wedding (if I am to ever get married) as I associate it with grief and would want my wedding to be a colourful feast. But if so, I guess I'd specify it on the invitation cards... Be decent about it like

I wouldn't do it because I'm a selfish bride or a poor friend, but simply because where I'm from we don't wear black dresses to weddings

Being told what you can or can not wear to a wedding on an invitation is (IMHO) very rude and annoying.
Bringing it down to brass tacks your wedding should be about a celebration with your loved ones and what they wear shouldn't matter a damn really. The fact that they've made the effort to be there and celebrate with you should be enough. What your guests wear to your wedding does not make your marriage.

Lady Chuckles · 25-08-2011 10:39AM

Oh, so you're saying you don't write dresscodes on wedding invitations in Ireland?

Toto Wolfcastle · 25-08-2011 10:42AM

Some people do, mainly if it's a black tie wedding. There are even stories of people writing 'No Coast/Karen Millen dresses' on invitations. Most people don't though. Personally I think it's a bit obnoxious.

Lady Chuckles · 25-08-2011 10:53AM

The thing I can't grasp is how so many of you seem to think it would wreck your entire life if someone said "Actually I'd prefer it if you didn't wear black to my wedding, please."
That doesn't automatically mean "go out and buy something new and expensive". It doesn't mean that they hate you either or that they think your clothes matter more than anything... Everyone's different and I, who personally wouldn't like an army of friends dressed in black at my wedding, deserve the same respect I treat you with. It's not obnoxious to wanting to have your wedding done your own way. Is it?

Would you wear black at a wedding?

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