Have you ever shat yourself in public?

sink · 08-08-2011 02:13PM

One time I had to go for CT scan in hospital. They make you fast for 12 hours before and then make you drink a litre of this aniseed tasting shit and inject you with radio active dye, no biggie.

Anyway after the scan was done I was starving. I decided to stop at a Micky D on the way home and pick up a big mac. While I was standing in the queue I felt I fart coming on so I let it out gently, a few second later I felt this warmness running down my leg. I ran to the bathroom and found my entire kaks swimming in faeces. The boxers were beyond saving so I disposed of them in the sanitary towel bin (it was a unisex disabled jacks), and cleaned up my jeans as best I could but there was still a clearly visible brown stain on them. I made a run for my car and got the hell out of there. Lesson learned never go anywhere for a good few hours after having a CT scan.

spurious · 08-08-2011 02:16PM

When we were kids, an uncle of my father's considered it great gas altogether to jam all five of us kids into a Hillman Imp close the doors and let an unmerciful rasper, gassing us all.

One time he raised himself as usual to give the fanfare, but instead did a massive shart and had to run inside. The stench was horrific and we all ran from the car, at the same time laughing at his brown streaked trousers hurrying into the house.

He never did the fart trick again, mind you.

As for myself, I had a food poisoning 'event' on a Bus Éireann coach, which I am trying to forget. Even the thought of it now, years later, can bring me out in a sweat.

HornyDevil · 08-08-2011 02:16PM

sink wrote: »

One time I had to go for CT scan in hospital. They make you fast for 12 hours before and then make you drink a litre of this aniseed tasting shit and inject you with radio active dye, no biggie.

Anyway after the scan was done I was starving. I decided to stop at a Micky D on the way home and pick up a big mac. While I was standing in the queue I felt I fart coming on so I let it out gently, a few second later I felt this warmness running down my leg. I ran to the bathroom and found my entire kaks swimming in faeces. The boxers were beyond saving so I disposed of them in the sanitary towel bin (it was a unisex disabled jacks), and cleaned up my jeans as best I could but there was still a clearly visible brown stain on them. I made a run for my car and got the hell out of there. Lesson learned never go anywhere for a good few hours after having a CT scan.

:D:D:D:D

stephen_k · 08-08-2011 02:19PM

sink wrote: »

One time I had to go for CT scan in hospital. They make you fast for 12 hours before and then make you drink a litre of this aniseed tasting shit and inject you with radio active dye, no biggie.

Anyway after the scan was done I was starving. I decided to stop at a Micky D on the way home and pick up a big mac. While I was standing in the queue I felt I fart coming on so I let it out gently, a few second later I felt this warmness running down my leg. I ran to the bathroom and found my entire kaks swimming in faeces. The boxers were beyond saving so I disposed of them in the sanitary towel bin (it was a unisex disabled jacks), and cleaned up my jeans as best I could but there was still a clearly visible brown stain on them. I made a run for my car and got the hell out of there. Lesson learned never go anywhere for a good few hours after having a CT scan.

Or don't ever eat anything from McDonalds!!

sink · 08-08-2011 02:21PM

stephen_k wrote: »

Or don't ever eat anything from McDonalds!!

I didn't even get that far, I was still in the queue waiting to order.

iPlop · 08-08-2011 02:24PM

sink wrote: »

I didn't even get that far, I was still in the queue waiting to order.

That happened to me but I was back home when it did, barium meal is what the stuff is called and it's very heavy so it goes straight through your guts really fast.

Dan133269 · 08-08-2011 02:24PM

I fcuking love After Hours!

PseudoFamous · 08-08-2011 02:28PM

dirtypanties wrote: »

no.

b-b-b-b-but your username...

vampire of kilmainham · 08-08-2011 02:34PM

what a sh1t thread have you nothing better to do but sit and think of such crap it stinks

Heathen · 08-08-2011 02:34PM

I was standing at the urinal in the temple bar music center a few years back at the vibe for Phil Lynott and the bang of crap in the jax was unreal... everyone in the queue was looking around in disgust for the culprit when some lad opened the door of the cubicle and announced "holy sh1t, someone cacked themself and left their jox in here" low and behold there was a pair of jeans on the ground in there completely covered in the brown!!

What was worrying... how the hell did that chap get home from town in the middle of the night in his jocky y-fronts?? haha

iPlop · 08-08-2011 02:46PM

Heathen wrote: »

I was standing at the urinal in the temple bar music center a few years back at the vibe for Phil Lynott and the bang of crap in the jax was unreal... everyone in the queue was looking around in disgust for the culprit when some lad opened the door of the cubicle and announced "holy sh1t, someone cacked themself and left their jox in here" low and behold there was a pair of jeans on the ground in there completely covered in the brown!!

What was worrying... how the hell did that chap get home from town in the middle of the night in his jocky y-fronts?? haha

Saw something similar in the temple theatre about 15 years ago.I went to the cubicle and opened the door to find some guy with his jocks around his ankles and he was covered in shít, his shirt, face, legs and toilet were all covered in shít.He was lying on the ground mad off his face sucking his lips in and out like a fish.

I remember the bouncers saying "here's another one, too many pills, look at him ,he hasn't a clue"

They turfed him out to the ambulance outside.

Gummy Panda · 08-08-2011 02:49PM

Reminds me of a party when I was a teenager. One of my friend's parents are away so he decides to have a party. He (lets call him Steve) invites all the usual lads and girls over. One of the lads was going out with this girl from another area and she brought a load of her mates over.

Later on in the night one of her male friends goes in to use the toilet. He is in there for ages. Steve is outside waiting to use the toilet. The lad from the other area comes out and there is a woeful smell of him. Steve goes in to find the lad had shít all over the bath, got sick all over the toilet and floor. To make matters worse, he drew a smiley face in the shít.

Well that was a red flag to a bull and it took three of us to pull Steve off him. The guy left with his friends and we noticed he was wearing his jeans back to front :pac:

krustydoyle · 08-08-2011 02:51PM

Bit of a funny story so here goes...

Got onto the bus in waterford heading for carlow... had a few pints and a bit of grub beforehand so i was just gonna sleep on the way home..
so just outside of the city my stomach starts to cramp and im getting the sweats.. sweet jesus i was in a terrible state... fart after fart... i dunno how i didnt explode.. so an hour or so later i arrived in carlow... sprinted to abra and didnt leave the jacks for a good 20 mins...

Finally got the energy to get off the toilet in abra and headed to tescos to grab a few bits.. bout 5 mins after leaving tescos i get cramps again.. oh god.... there was no holding this in.. i had to run up a back alley and drop me jocks.. but in all the rush i couldnt hold it anymore and you can probably guess the rest.... and theres no shame wiping with a handful of leaves...

Moral of the story is to always use the jacks before you take a long bus journey...

:o:o:o:o:D

Feeona · 08-08-2011 02:52PM

Sink The Banana wrote: »

Saw something similar in the temple theatre about 15 years ago.I went to the cubicle and opened the door to find some guy with his jocks around his ankles and he was covered in shít, his shirt, face, legs and toilet were all covered in shít.He was lying on the ground mad off his face sucking his lips in and out like a fish.

I remember the bouncers saying "here's another one, too many pills, look at him ,he hasn't a clue"

They turfed him out to the ambulance outside.

Paramedics do not get enough money for the job they do :eek:

Feeona · 08-08-2011 02:56PM

Emmy Polite Gearshift wrote: »

The bar owner was nearly crying, he got the stool and fired it into the town river

This is one of those times when the richness of the English language causes confusion

Monty Burnz · 08-08-2011 03:01PM

Feeona wrote: »

This is one of those times when the richness of the English language causes confusion

...if a plethora of terms for sh!t can indeed be considered true wealth...

Witchie · 08-08-2011 03:03PM

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep.

I feel ill. :mad:

Captain Darling · 08-08-2011 03:10PM

I heard about this guy in work who plays a lot of rugby. He's a really big fellow, does a lot of weights, eats like a horse. He was going into hospital to get some form of reconstruction surgery on a damaged ankle and was supposed to be fasting the night before the operation.

Obviously, he knew better then the Doctors and went for a massive curry the night before. He sh1t the bed in the Operating Room when he was under and made a total muck of the whole place.

I've always thought the fasting was to stop you puking. It must not have been too pleasant for the doctors to be literally operating under scuttery curry conditions.

Toots · 08-08-2011 03:17PM

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep.

I feel ill. :mad:

If I were you I'd be moving the TV into the bathroom and camping out on the jax for the day.

I've never shat myself in public (aside from in nappies as an infant) but legend has it that you poop yourself while giving birth so I could be back on this thread in a few weeks with a different answer

Toby Take a Bow · 08-08-2011 03:18PM

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep.

I feel ill. :mad:

Don't leave your house, whatever you do!

HornyDevil · 08-08-2011 03:26PM

Used to know a bird who couldn't use a toilet properly, so would just crap anywhere.

Ghandee · 08-08-2011 03:34PM

In a pub in Bundoran many years ago.

An old bloke at the bar (you know the type, cap, grey stubble, glasses etc) with a strong poohy aroma wafting from him.

A few of the patrons made a few remarks about the stink, when finally the barman twigged, walked over and shouted, Ah for fücks sake Barney, did you shiite yourself? Aye was Barneys answer!
the barman then (as politely as possible) asked him to go home and change! Barneys replied by saying 'howl on would ye, I haven't finished yet!'

We drunk in a different pub the next night we went out!

stovelid · 08-08-2011 03:34PM

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

what a sh1t thread have you nothing better to do but sit and think of such crap it stinks

Let's faeces it, you're guano get a lot of those puns on this thread.

HornyDevil · 08-08-2011 03:46PM

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep. I feel ill. :mad:

For the uninitiated:
best bits at the bottom (no pun intended)

Each sachet of this medicine contains macrogol (polyethlene glycol '3350'), which is a type of medicine known as an osmotic laxative.

Before taking the Klean Prep & Senna

Please read the back of the Klean Prep packet and contact the screening nurses on the telephone number on the back of this leaflet if you answer yes to any of the following questions and they were not discussed at your pre-assessment appointment:

• Are you allergic to any of the ingredients listed on the packet?
• Are you taking Warfarin or Clopidogrel tablets?
• Are you a diabetic on insulin or tablets?
• Do you suffer from any kidney disease?
• Do you suffer from Phenylketonuria?

When do I start to prepare for my colonoscopy?

7 days before your appointment
• Stop taking Iron tablets - Iron makes everything inside your bowel black, making it difficult for the Doctor examining your bowel to see everything.
4 days before your appointment
• Stop taking any medications that may cause you to be come constipated for example Lomotil, Loperamide, or Codeine Phosphate. Continue to take all other usual medications.
2 days before your appointment
• Stop taking Fybogel or any other fibre products
1 day before your appointment
You are advised not to go to work on this day. You should expect frequent bowel actions starting within 3 hours of starting your bowel preparation. Some abdominal cramping is normal, stay within easy reach of the toilet.
• At 8 am take all 6 Senna tablets with plenty water.
• Between 8-10am have your breakfast. (this will be your last meal, no more solid food until after your examination)
• You may drink black tea, black coffee & soft drinks throughout the day. You can add sugar if you like but No milk in any form. No alcohol.
• If you take any other oral medication please make sure you take it at least 1 ½ -2 hours before starting your Klean Prep otherwise it may be flushed out of your system before it has had a chance to work.
• At 12 Midday
1) Fill a jug with 1 litre (1 and ¾ pints) of water.
2) Empty the contents of 1 sachet of Klean Prep into the water.
3) Stir until the solution is clear.
4) Drink 1 glass full (1/4 litre or ½ pint) of Klean Prep about every 15 minutes until you have drunk it all. You can take your time with this; it should take you 1 – 2 ½ hours altogether.
• 2.30 pm Make up and take the next two sachets in the same way. You can store the jugs of Klean Prep in the fridge whilst you are drinking them. You should be starting to have watery bowel motions so stay near a toilet.
• By now you should have taken 3 sachets. When you next go to the toilet look and see if there are any solid bits in what you have just passed. If there is only clear liquid there is no need to take the last sachet. If you can see solid bits, or you are not sure, make up and drink the last sachet following the same instructions above as above as you did at 12 noon.

What do I do on the morning of the colonoscopy?

You are allowed to drink clear fluids only until 2 hours before your appointment time. You may receive sedation during your colonoscopy examination, it is therefore important that you stop drinking fluids 2 hours prior to your procedure. Attend the Endoscopy unit at your appointed time.

What can I expect?

Klean Prep can begin to work within 1- 2 hours of taking it. You will open your bowels frequently and eventually your motions should change from soft to loose and lastly to watery. Stay close to a toilet all day as you will use it regularly. You may experience some abdominal cramp – this is normal in some people.

The skin around your bottom can become red and sore due to frequent diarrhoea. A barrier cream such as Vaseline or nappy rash preparations can protect the skin. The soreness is temporary and will disappear in a few days.

Are there any side effects from Klean Prep or Senna?
You may experience headaches, nausea and sometimes vomiting. Abdominal bloating can occur and, less frequently, abdominal cramps. If you feel bloated or get stomach cramps, try taking the Klean Prep more slowly. You may get itchy skin (nettle rash or hives). Please inform the nursing staff on your arrival if you are not passing clear liquid as you may require an enema prior to your procedure.

prinz · 08-08-2011 03:54PM

HornyDevil wrote: »

I once crapped myself from laughing hysterically at a practical joke.

Double whammy for the practical joker.

In answer to the question no, but I have had a few near misses. Eddie Rocket's chili used to be ridiculous. Have seen a few others **** themselves, usually drink related.

mathie · 08-08-2011 03:59PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Well that was a red flag to a bull and it took three of us to pull Steve off him.

Thank God you said "him".

twistedsoul · 08-08-2011 04:48PM

on a daily basis

lorebringer · 08-08-2011 04:58PM

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep.

I feel ill. :mad:

May god help you - the prep is worse than the colonoscopy!

Hope you have a good book, soft toilet paper (this is not the time or place for the cheapo stuff) and lots of vaseline.

Samich · 08-08-2011 05:00PM

Nope never happened to me. Once got jocked on a bus and they got wedged up my hole but I thought I'd look queer if I went to unwedge them so I left the jocks like a thong up my hole for the rest of the bus journey.

HornyDevil · 08-08-2011 05:17PM

Samich wrote: »

Nope never happened to me. Once got jocked on a bus and they got wedged up my hole but I thought I'd look queer if I went to unwedge them so I left the jocks like a thong up my hole for the rest of the bus journey.

Lost 50p worth of your poundland specials up your ring-piece then :pac:

Have you ever shat yourself in public?

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