What is your reason for getting married?

emmabrighton · 29-07-2011 10:46AM #1

I don't think this is appropriate question for the relationships forum because, well, its a quandry more so than a real relationship issue... but then, maybe I am wrong.

Anyway, a friend asked me the other day why I was getting married... my response was because I am in love with my OH and want to be in a committed relationship and share this with family and friends...

But thinking back, that seems a bit shallow. I can love someone without marrying them, after 8 years its obvious that were committed and isn't it a tad bit insecure that you have to share your union with your family and friends... I mean, you never have in the past...

So, because these aren't good enough answers, I want to know what the right answer is

Cheers

29-07-2011 10:47AM

emmabrighton wrote: »

I don't think this is appropriate question for the relationships forum because, well, its a quandry more so than a real relationship issue... but then, maybe I am wrong.

Anyway, a friend asked me the other day why I was getting married... my response was because I am in love with my OH and want to be in a committed relationship and share this with family and friends...

But thinking back, that seems a bit shallow. I can love someone without marrying them, after 8 years its obvious that were committed and isn't it a tad bit insecure that you have to share your union with your family and friends... I mean, you never have in the past...

So, because these aren't good enough answers, I want to know what the right answer is

Cheers

"because we want to"

mathie · 29-07-2011 10:47AM

For the presents?

Dyr · 29-07-2011 10:48AM

Won't somebody please think of the Mammies?

biko · 29-07-2011 10:49AM

To jinx a wonderful relationship.

L'prof · 29-07-2011 10:49AM

You're getting married because society says it's a natural progression and you desire social acceptance of your relationship, moreso from your elders rather than your peers.

FatherLen · 29-07-2011 10:49AM

i am not married....

29-07-2011 10:50AM

Tax breaks.

mcdoogle · 29-07-2011 10:51AM

Tax purposes....

CardBordWindow · 29-07-2011 10:51AM

So I can stay in the country!

Frank Black · 29-07-2011 10:52AM

So you can claim a portion of your partners tax credits if one of ye isn't working obviously.

YouTookMyName · 29-07-2011 10:52AM

Pregnancy?

pebbles21 · 29-07-2011 10:52AM

Her father threatened to stop sending the cheques!

py2006 · 29-07-2011 10:53AM

Heteronormativity

mcdoogle · 29-07-2011 10:53AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Tax breaks.

If only I'd been logged in already I'd have been the smug one and not looking like a tool!

py2006 · 29-07-2011 10:56AM

who said romance was dead?

watna · 29-07-2011 10:56AM

because I love him - I want to stand up in front of our friends and family and vow to love and look after each other. Also, we liked that there is a day to celebrate your relationship, there's so much badness in the world, weddings are happy, joyous occasions and I like that you get to share the day with your friends and family. I understand that not everyone feels that way though and I get why.

On a more practical note, I'm in NZ on a partnership visa, we're classed as de facto and we don't need to be married for me to be allowed to live and work in NZ. It's not so easy to get that in Ireland (although they have recently introduced a de facto visa). So if we want to come back and live in Ireland it'll be easier if we're married. I'm also a US citizen so again, it makes it easier for him to live and work in the US with me, if we want. That's not why we're doing it but it is a factor.

Angeles · 29-07-2011 10:58AM

I'd do it for the legal obligations and security. It wouldn't change a thing about the relationship or love i have for my partner, it would just provide the knowledge of knowing should something happen to me, all my possessions would go directly to my wife without complication and as the current system in play, marriage is the best way to do that.

FloatingVoter · 29-07-2011 11:01AM

...because you're hoping her daddy won't pull the trigger on the shotgun.

orourkeda · 29-07-2011 11:04AM

Marriage is for suckers

Happyzebra · 29-07-2011 11:12AM

I agree with Angeles. it gives your partner and you more legals rights over each other and your possessions. Romantics may say that's shallow but I think allowing someone to have the right to determine 'turn off the life support it's what she would have wanted' if you were after a serious accident for example is a profound statement of trust and commitment. My example is a tad dramic I know but all I can think of at the mo!

emmabrighton · 29-07-2011 11:17AM

Happyzebra wrote: »

allowing someone to have the right to determine 'turn off the life support it's what she would have wanted'

Awwwwww! that ones made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Tho, that and the tax breaks seem like the most sensible reasons IMO

wild_cat · 29-07-2011 11:18AM

Happyzebra wrote: »

I agree with Angeles. it gives your partner and you more legals rights over each other and your possessions. Romantics may say that's shallow but I think allowing someone to have the right to determine 'turn off the life support it's what she would have wanted' if you were after a serious accident for example is a profound statement of trust and commitment. My example is a tad dramic I know but all I can think of at the mo!

Yeah I don't think a lot of people are aware of that.

borderlinemeath · 29-07-2011 11:29AM

The legality of everything is the main reason for me.

I'm with my OH over 10 years, and everything we do is shared, ie we're personal and business partners. At the moment we have a lot of our dealings tied up with solicitors in deeds of trust but even our solicitor says we should get married for our own sake. There's a coldness about it but if one of us dies suddenly there would be a lot of red tape.

I'm not the type of person who wants to stand up in front of everybody I know and tell them how much I love my OH, as long as we both know then it doesn't really matter. So much so we were thinking of going abroad with immediate family of about 10 people and just getting it "over and done with".

Caraville · 29-07-2011 11:38AM

I don't get why there's so much negativity towards marriage. It's probably a bigger (or at least as much of a) commitment to buy a house with someone but people don't seem to bad mouth that.

I know you don't need it to tell someone how much you love them, but I would (for legal reasons, as well as other reasons) want the person I love most to be my family officially. Even if we were never to have kids, I would want to have a husband rather than a "partner" (plus I hate that word and there's only so long you can call someone your boyfriend)

I totally understand why people give out about the cost of weddings or not wanting the traditional church wedding or hating the idea of a big wedding not knowing half the people there- but there's nothing stopping 2 people just going away and getting hitched without the big fuss. But yeah, I really don't know why marriage is looked down upon by so many.

Guill · 29-07-2011 11:41AM

We were going out 10 years, had a baby and a mortgage already.
We got married for us and also to throw a party for our family and friends who helped us along the way.

Caraville · 29-07-2011 11:46AM

borderlinemeath wrote: »

we were thinking of going abroad with immediate family of about 10 people and just getting it "over and done with".

Can I just ask (personal reasons for asking this, no worries if you don't want to say)- why abroad? Is it a case of just wanting to go somewhere nice and making a holiday of it?

I sometimes feel in Ireland if people want to have a small wedding, there's almost this feeling of "we have to go abroad to avoid Aunty Mary getting offended or feeling like we've to invite all the neighbours".

I dunno, maybe I'm particularly patriotic but I just think there are so many beautiful places in Ireland, it's a shame for people to feel that abroad is their only option for a small wedding. (Not saying that's the situation with you, but I have heard these reasons from other people).

emmabrighton · 29-07-2011 11:49AM

Caraville wrote: »

I would (for legal reasons, as well as other reasons) want the person I love most to be my family officially.

That one makes the most sense to me, you are already close but you want to be closer and i hate the term partner too. Thats my reason from now on.

Thanks!

Craven99 · 29-07-2011 11:50AM

Myself and my partner had never any thoughts to get married. Never saw the point in it one way or the other for us. In the end when we had our first child and I started to look into the leagal side of things I found as a fathr I would have been in a very precarious position in relation to guardianship if anything had happened to my partner. Also the solicitor we went to said to us that she would never advise anyone to get married for tax reasons but......
And since we had no objection to it and really didn't think it made any difference to our relationsship we decided to get married. €13 or so at the registery office I feel was money well spent!
We still don't celebrate the anniversary of that (we are 6 years married now I think but 20 years together) we celebrate the day we met instead as we always did.

borderlinemeath · 29-07-2011 11:54AM

Caraville wrote: »

Can I just ask (personal reasons for asking this, no worries if you don't want to say)- why abroad? Is it a case of just wanting to go somewhere nice and making a holiday of it?

I sometimes feel in Ireland if people want to have a small wedding, there's almost this feeling of "we have to go abroad to avoid Aunty Mary getting offended or feeling like we've to invite all the neighbours".

I dunno, maybe I'm particularly patriotic but I just think there are so many beautiful places in Ireland, it's a shame for people to feel that abroad is their only option for a small wedding. (Not saying that's the situation with you, but I have heard these reasons from other people).

Absolutely so as not to offend extended family on both sides. We both have a lot of extended relatives and friends that would expect an invite if we got married at home. If we snuck away and literally had parents/siblings then that would be more than enough.

Caraville · 29-07-2011 12:22PM

borderlinemeath wrote: »

Absolutely so as not to offend extended family on both sides. We both have a lot of extended relatives and friends that would expect an invite if we got married at home. If we snuck away and literally had parents/siblings then that would be more than enough.

But would they not be offended anyway that ye went away and didn't have the big wedding at home? I just think that it's sad that people have to feel almost chased out of the country to avoid offending people- f**k the begrudgers I say, and do what ye want to do!

Now having said that, I was at one wedding abroad in Italy and it was fabulous, really remote, food was gorgeous. The older I get, the more the idea of a smaller wedding appeals to me- but I just wouldn't go abroad myself personally.

What is your reason for getting married?

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