Breaking contact with girl who rejected me for a friend

LegacyUser · 08-06-2011 03:48PM #1

I just want peoples opinions on the choice I'm making, I reckon it's the best
way to move on but I just want to hear what people think

A girl who's been probably my best friend over last two years split from her
possessive and controlling boyfriend last week and has now moved onto someone I was close friends with and who I pretty much introduced to and got her to be friends with

It's not a case of unrequited love, I won't go into the full details but
we were very close when we'd time together over the last two years and she has admitted to having feelings for me

At first she said it was my timing but she admitted that by choosing him over
me that she taught we'd still be close friends as we'd a lot more to lose, but the rejection has hurt me a lot, more then taking a chance with me ever would have

I was never totally comfortable playing the 3rd wheel on nights out with
friends and her ex who was very suspicious of me but that feeling of rejection
from her and betrayal from a guy who knew how I felt about her I've decided I
don't want anything to do with them anymore on a personal level and I definitely don't want to be the 3rd wheel in this situation

Ive decided to totally cut them out of my life, which is complicated by the fact
we all work together and I will see her on Saturday, I will talk to her as I've a
few things to clear up about how I reacted but I am prepared to only talk to
her in a professional manner rather then a personal and keep it at that

I haven't said anything other then how I felt about her and why I was reacting
the way I did since I learnt of it, so there isn't any bad blood at this time plus I don't think she want's to lose me but her decision has consequences

Emme · 08-06-2011 05:55PM

male23 wrote: »

A girl who's been probably my best friend over last two years split from her possessive and controlling boyfriend last week and has now moved onto someone I was close friends with and who I pretty much introduced to and got her to be friends with

It's not a case of unrequited love, I won't go into the full details but
we were very close when we'd time together over the last two years and she has admitted to having feelings for me

At first she said it was my timing but she admitted that by choosing him over me that she taught we'd still be close friends as we'd a lot more to lose, but the rejection has hurt me a lot, more then taking a chance with me ever would have

I was never totally comfortable playing the 3rd wheel on nights out with
friends and her ex who was very suspicious of me but that feeling of rejection from her and betrayal from a guy who knew how I felt about her I've decided I don't want anything to do with them anymore on a personal level and I definitely don't want to be the 3rd wheel in this situation

Ive decided to totally cut them out of my life, which is complicated by the fact we all work together and I will see her on Saturday, I will talk to her as I've a few things to clear up about how I reacted but I am prepared to only talk to her in a professional manner rather then a personal and keep it at that

I haven't said anything other then how I felt about her and why I was reacting the way I did since I learnt of it, so there isn't any bad blood at this time plus I don't think she want's to lose me but her decision has consequences

She sounds like she's confused. It's usually unwise to go straight into one relationship after another at the best of times, but in her circumstances (controlling possessive ex) it could be a recipe for disaster.

This girl needs to heal from her ex, not get into another relationship straight away be it with your friend, with you or with anybody else. Maybe her ex was threatened by her closeness to you but that's no excuse for his behaviour.

By all means distance yourself from both of them for the moment but don't cut them off altogether. Don't ever be a third wheel on nights out.

What about moving on yourself and going on dates while staying friends with this girl? She sounds like she needs some stability in her life and good friendships.

Talk to her when you see her and tell her that you will be giving her and her new bf space but that you will be there for her as a friend if she needs it. In future don't be so easily available to her - let her make an effort to contact you, she will respect you and your time more.

S23 · 08-06-2011 06:02PM

That's good advice. As hurt as you are she's clearly on the rebound. She's in a fuc**d up headspace more than likely. Your friend isn't exactly being a champion about this as he surely knows that shes vunerable and should really know (unless you're all kids) that he's taking advantage of the situation.

I wouldn't cut all contact with either but by all means take a big step back. She doesn't owe you anything but you can't help how you feel. If you have deep feelings for this girl and it hurts to see her with your mate then time to take a step back jack!

Go on a few dates yourself. Hang out with other mates. Stay away from them as a couple. Like Emme said be a friend but don't be silly about it. You're not at her beck and call 24 hours a day. Don't be there. If she has a serious problem that you can be there for her about then fine. If she thinks she can ring you everyday and talk about her new relationship tell her to get a grip.

Theres a difference between being a friend and being an emotional doormat. Shes probably not feeling great at the minute. That doesn't mean you have to put your own feelings at risk though. You have to look after yourself.

Anyway don't do anything OTT or make and final and sweeping statements about never seeing them again or whatever. It's not all or nothing. I'd hit a middle ground if at all possible.

A big step back for a few months is what I'd go for if I was you. There are other friends, other places to go and other girls to date. You might not feel like it at the minute but this girl is not the be all and end all in life.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 08-06-2011 07:56PM

Yeah best just keep them in a professional capacity. She's bonkers if she thought you'd remain close friends whilst she's seeing your mate.

don't hold a grudge though. she cant help that she likes him better

LegacyUser · 09-06-2011 06:08PM

I wouldn't be convinced that this girl doesn't like you. She's quite possibly in a rebound relationship with this new guy and given that you are good friends and she has said that she has feelings for you perhaps she knows she's just not in a good enough headspace to make things work with you right now. What she is doing is hurtful nonetheless and if she's really that good a friend why not just tell her so?

Breaking contact with girl who rejected me for a friend

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