Funerals - how should they be done?

KnifeWRENCH · 05-06-2011 05:40PM #1

Cheerful topic, I know. But having gone through the whole rosary/removal/funeral mass business recently it got me wondering how people want their funerals. Personally, I hate the aforementioned rosary/removal/funeral mass business; it feels so drawn out and not worth the hassle. The whole social aspect of it puzzles me too, as does the expense involved. And I wouldn't feel comfortable with being given a "Catholic" burial, since I stopped identifying with the Catholic church a long time ago.

So with all that said, I know I'd hate that kind of funeral for me. But, on the other hand, I'll be dead so I won't be around to despair at it. And I know it's what my family would want to do if I died in the morning, so if it would bring them comfort having that kind of funeral for me should I just shut up and not raise my objections to it all now while I'm still here?

So this leads me to the point of the poll; would you rather your funeral be done the way you want it, and not be given a send off which you yourself would despise? Or does it bother you at all, do you just want whatever funeral your family/friends would be comfortable with? Should it be the wishes of the mourners or the mournee (that's not a word, is it?) that take precedence?

Einhard · 05-06-2011 05:42PM

Preferably post-mortem.

kfallon · 05-06-2011 05:42PM

I want to be burnt to a crisp so there's no chance I'll wake up 2 days later and find myself 6 foot under!!!

Nodin · 05-06-2011 05:43PM

gargle and ganga, few sounds/removal/funeral/boozer(or gaff preferably) for more gargle, ganga sounds.

Hookah · 05-06-2011 05:44PM

A Viking send off, to the accompaniment of a New Orleans jazz band, with fireworks.

That'll do me.

3hn2givr7mx1sc · 05-06-2011 05:44PM

Beer, beer and more beer.
Stories and songs are nice too.

strokemyclover · 05-06-2011 05:45PM

Everyone should say goodbye like Hunter S. Thompson

alwaysadub · 05-06-2011 05:46PM

I think if the person has left wishes of how their funeral shoud be, that their wishes should be met.
if someone dies suddenly and has never talked about it, it's different.
We talk about death a bit in the family, so we know what everyone wants, that way there should hopefully be no problems about what should and shouldn't be done.

KnifeWRENCH · 05-06-2011 05:48PM

Hookah wrote: »

A Viking send off, to the accompaniment of a New Orleans jazz band, with fireworks.

That'll do me.

See now, that sounds wonderful in principle. :pac:

But if your loved ones insisted that they will give you a traditional Oirish Catholic send off, would that bother you? Or would you just go "meh, so what? I'll be dead." and let them off?

ballsymchugh · 05-06-2011 05:50PM

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Cheerful topic, I know. But having gone through the whole rosary/removal/funeral mass business recently it got me wondering how people want their funerals. Personally, I hate the aforementioned rosary/removal/funeral mass business; it feels so drawn out and not worth the hassle. The whole social aspect of it puzzles me too, as does the expense involved. And I wouldn't feel comfortable with being given a "Catholic" burial, since I stopped identifying with the Catholic church a long time ago.

So with all that said, I know I'd hate that kind of funeral for me. But, on the other hand, I'll be dead so I won't be around to despair at it. And I know it's what my family would want to do if I died in the morning, so if it would bring them comfort having that kind of funeral for me should I just shut up and not raise my objections to it all now while I'm still here?

the expense involved is crazy. some undertakers really take the piss with vulnerable people who just want to get the thing over with. down to charging a euro for a crappy bic ballpoint pen so people can sign the book of condolences. and there's always 10 of them.
the hearse is probably the most expensive taxi you'll ever get too, it's just a pity you can't enjoy it.

the co-op group in the uk have funeral directors that have massive discounts for members.

Matthew23 · 05-06-2011 05:51PM

it is the choice of the person who is dead it is there funeral so it should be done in the way they would have wanted if they could say how.

Hookah · 05-06-2011 05:56PM

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

See now, that sounds wonderful in principle. :pac:

But if your loved ones insisted that they will give you a traditional Oirish Catholic send off, would that bother you? Or would you just go "meh, so what? I'll be dead." and let them off?

The Catholic thing would have me spinning in me grave, I'd much rather be put to practical use; like giving my body to science and such stuff.

It came up recently with a group I know, none of whom are religious, to record how you'd like to be buried, and leaving a copy with the group and one with your family, so that your final wishes be acted upon. This would also give time for the family to digest how you ant things done and to reach compromise on any unsavoury aspects of one's burial.

My mother actually vetoed the firing of rockets from my exposed bum.

UsernameInUse · 05-06-2011 05:58PM

Preferably thrown overboard into the ocean, minimal hassle, quick and discreet - even if you're a known terrorist.

Einhard · 05-06-2011 06:07PM

I want to be cremated, and have my ashes mixed into a keg of the finest ale in the world, Smithwicks, and then have it inbibed by everyone at the reception after. That way, a little bit of me will live on in everyone for a while, and later, when they flush their toilets, thet can stand in salute, with a tear in their eye, as they flush me away to eternity!:pac:

January · 05-06-2011 06:09PM

My uncles funeral was two weeks ago on Tuesday... he was waked at home, with everyone around him remembering him and drinking away, we carried him to the church from the house (you could throw a stone at the church so it wasn't too hard) with a guy playing the bag pipes leading the way... church funeral and then to the crematorium... where the first song was his favourite... Rhythm is a Dancer

was played... the poor priest didn't know where to look!

Ghost Buster · 05-06-2011 06:11PM

I know several pagans (Wiccans, Druids etc) not because i believe in that stuff remotely but due to a hobby i have (Traditional archery) which attracts many of those lot. Many of them (and their families) opt for the party / wake at home with what ever memorial ceremony they are into followed by cremation.
I have also been to a few atheist / humanist funerals which follow a similar pattern as the above but with less robes and candles!

krudler · 05-06-2011 06:12PM

I dont want a sorrow filled funeral, I want people laughing their asses off at mine (not at the fact I'm dead although there'll probably be a few people laughing maniacally at that concept). No Catholic burial for me, fire me in an oven and set to well done, or donate my body to science, try find the sarcasm gene.

Redlion · 05-06-2011 06:16PM

Einhard wrote: »

I want to be cremated, and have my ashes mixed into a keg of the finest ale in the world, Smithwicks, and then have it inbibed by everyone at the reception after. That way, a little bit of me will live on in everyone for a while, and later, when they flush their toilets, thet can stand in salute, with a tear in their eye, as they flush me away to eternity!:pac:

A tear in all three eyes more like

bluto63 · 05-06-2011 06:19PM

I want my body to be shot out of a cannon. And I want it to be like the bride throwing the bouquet at a wedding. Whoever I land on is the next to go.

brummytom · 05-06-2011 06:21PM

I don't like the 'I don't want people to be upset' thing. I want people to be having to be picked up off the floor screaming because they're so inconsolable.

If I'm dead, people better be bawling their eyes out or they're getting a haunting.

KnifeWRENCH · 05-06-2011 06:22PM

Matthew23 wrote: »

it is the choice of the person who is dead it is there funeral so it should be done in the way they would have wanted if they could say how.

See, this is the attitude I've always had. But my Dad is of the opinion that funerals are not for the dead person but for those left behind; he's very much of the "funerals should be done according to what the family want" school. He thinks if it brings more comfort to those left behind, then they should have whatever funeral they want, even if it goes against the dead person's wishes. And I can see where he's coming from, even though I don't necessarily agree.

This is what made me think about it more and made me wonder what the general consensus amongst the population was. (And as we all know, AH is the best place to get that consensus! :pac:)

@ January - sorry to hear about your uncle. But may I say "Rhythm is a Dancer" is an inspired choice!

I have Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me" picked as my funeral song, but I'm not sure the family will agree with it.

dizzywizlw · 05-06-2011 06:23PM

Funeral Pyre, Big Session, darth vader style.

The Princess Bride · 05-06-2011 06:23PM

Should be a celebration of the life lived, not the stressful 'come dine with me' debacle it usually is in Ireland.
We had a family funeral(sudden unexpected death) recently,and everyone was exhausted afterwards.We didn't have enough time to deal with our own grief as we had to entertain the dozens who came to the house.
What with the tea making and sandwiches etc...not to mention people sympathising with us,who genuinely never ever met the dead person in their life.
As pour moi, body to science,then cremation,then ashes to compost.....that way I'll live on and on and on....

Celly Smunt · 05-06-2011 06:29PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8HPk26gdW0

the verse at 1:55 is pretty much the way i want to go

January · 05-06-2011 06:46PM

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

See, this is the attitude I've always had. But my Dad is of the opinion that funerals are not for the dead person but for those left behind; he's very much of the "funerals should be done according to what the family want" school. He thinks if it brings more comfort to those left behind, then they should have whatever funeral they want, even if it goes against the dead person's wishes. And I can see where he's coming from, even though I don't necessarily agree.

This is what made me think about it more and made me wonder what the general consensus amongst the population was. (And as we all know, AH is the best place to get that consensus! :pac:)

@ January - sorry to hear about your uncle. But may I say "Rhythm is a Dancer" is an inspired choice! I have Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me" picked as my funeral song, but I'm not sure the family will agree with it.

Thanks, we were all packed into Glasnevin crematorium and when the music started we all just looked at each other and laughed... half way through we realised that it was the extended version... which made it even funnier...

I don't care what they do with me after I die... my dad said he wants to be brought straight to the crematorium and if the priest even tries to come near the house we're to run him haha

Princess Peach · 05-06-2011 06:49PM

I'm compiling a list of people who aren't allowed come to my funeral and giving them to a close friend who is going to run the door.

And my funeral song will be Electric Six- Gay Bar. If you knew me, you will understand. If not, get out of my funeral.

mstan · 05-06-2011 07:13PM

I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. Buck naked! Yeah! Its going to be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies.

Scarinae · 05-06-2011 07:34PM

The nicest funerals I've ever been to have been Quaker ones. Anybody could contribute - if you wanted to share a memory of the deceased, all you had to do was wait for a gap, stand up, and speak. Both of the Quaker funerals I have attended were filled with memories and anecdotes that showed a side of the person you may not have known, and were often very funny meaning that everyone smiled and laughed through them. I thought it was lovely, and I'd like my funeral to be the same, just not religious.

Show Time · 05-06-2011 07:46PM

kfallon wrote: »

I want to be burnt to a crisp so there's no chance I'll wake up 2 days later and find myself 6 foot under!!!

Same here.
My plan is to cook me up and scatter my ashes in a place dear to my heart.

gcgirl · 05-06-2011 07:55PM

I do think the actual dead person should have the final say as i myself have, im getting cremated and my song is going to be AC/DC high way to hell totally non religious and that's what im getting then the ashes are getting scattered of the black castle !

Patriciamc93 · 05-06-2011 07:57PM

Well that depends....... Personally I would like to be cremated and be put somewhere that I would have like, probably the sea (sound weird talking bout it).

But if I were to die young then I would like to buried what ever way my parents want. They would be grieving (well I hope they would) and it would be nice to know that they were comfortable with where I was burie it is hard loosing somebody. But I have said it to my mam (in a morbid disscussion) that if I die young ever that my iPod and phone and a bottle of water would be burried with me just incase I woke up. Well we all have nightmares about waking up inside a coffin...... But I do suppose mine stem from reading Emily dickinsons "I felt a funneral in my brain" for the leaving cert!!!!!

Funerals - how should they be done?

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