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Difficulty with mothers views on rape

LegacyUser · 2011-04-23 16:18:58

This all came up talking about the coronation st thing, where someone was almost sexually assaulted. For the record i haven't seen it but saw little bits in the newspaper which led me to believe the girl was almost raped. Anyhow my mother was talking about it last night saying that it wasn't a big deal at all, that he…

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#32 12-05-2011 11:15PM

LegacyUser

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OP, I hope you are doing ok.. just wondered if your mother is having a denial type reaction to what happened to you? My mother had a similar reaction when she found out I had been attacked (I was lucky I got away but was stalked afterwards)...many years later she apologised for her reaction, she just couldn't deal with the trauma years before, and she had got angry with me and blamed me at the time but I found out later that this is a common reaction of victims' parents.
At the time I was hurt terribly, until I had understood that she loved me and just wanted it to "go away".
You are her little girl, it is easier for her to absorb that is was an unfortunate misunderstanding than the thought of you being raped ( I am in no way trying to down play what happened to you because my heart goes out to you).
I hope you can get support from trained counsellors and start to look after yourself. I was advised to not resent my mother for her reaction and concentrate on myself and healing.
She is doing what a lot of victim's mothers do in reaction to assault, it does not mean she does not love you, she just has her own coping mechanism. However you need help from someone who is not affected by what happened. The rape crisis centre can also help.
Take care of yourself.

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