First day on the job.....the definition of awkwardness!

Homer · 31-03-2011 02:29PM

Heard this one before..

Give the new guy a saw and ask him to return it to the workshop. Off he went on his merry way when he was stopped by another lad, given a letter and asked to give it to the boss before going to the workshop. He arrived at the bosses office and gave him the letter and being a polite chap he waited for a reply. The look on his face was a picture as the boss asked him to explain the contents of the letter he had just geen given. It read:

'Sir if you dont take your wallet out of your pocket and give me all your money I will saw your desk in half'

YFlyer · 31-03-2011 03:12PM

Sc@recrow wrote: »

On my electronics course one particular lad wasn't paying attention and asked what equipment were we supposed to get for creating circuitboards, soldering etc.
We sent him off with list "Sonic screwdriver and for soldering "electric arc welder".
The electric shops in his hometown ended up sending him all over the place
He arrived in Monday and told the lecturer that he couldn't find a sonic screwdriver anywhere and that the welders he was looking at were not powerful enough for soldering circuit boards...
From then one he was marked out as the most gullible person I've ever met in my life..and that was 20 years ago.
Someday I might tell ye the story of how he applied for the position of Marine Electronics Officer.......on Mars

Was the guys name Barry Downes?

Krusader · 31-03-2011 03:17PM

A mate started as a lounge boy when he was 13, 1st task was to run to the supermarket to get the barman a packet of clitoris fruits

AskMyChocolate · 31-03-2011 03:23PM

When I first started working as a loungeboy I got bounced around every pub in Stillorgan looking to see if they had a spare case of Britvic Banana Juice til the weekend.:o Seemed plausible.

On my first day working for First Active, I arrived in really early (about 8.15 as I didn't want to take any chances, bus breaking down etc.) and went to the canteen to wait 'til nine. There was one table of executives there, obviously having a power breakfast, but apart from that the place was empty with all the chairs still up on the tables. I took a chair down and then took off my coat which was a sort of hoody type thing that you take off over your head. Whatever way I swung the sleeve as I was taking it off, it caught one of the chairs on the table which started off a chain reaction. I just stood looking at the execs as they were looking at me, while behind me the carnage went on for about five seconds. I didn't even turn around to look. I just waited for the crashing to stop, and then asked "Is that all of them?"

Mortifying.

saintsaltynuts · 31-03-2011 03:33PM

Sitting in the local one evening having a pint when the Chinese lounge boy from the pub across the road comes in and asks the barman.."Do you have any bubbles for the Budweiser?"Had the whole bar in hysterics!

ShooterSF · 31-03-2011 03:41PM

Yawns wrote: »

A lounge girl felt sorry for him and brought him back inside

Fecking women and their empathy

The amount of quality pranks ruined in my last job because one of the girls explained to the newbie what was going on. That said I wish there was one to warn me when I started

I was only a lounge boy and was taking orders for an open toast at a wedding for the first time and was told I had to get each customers name as it was a more personal touch. Handed up my list of tables to the barstaff who pissed themselves laughing!

2 waterbottles on my desk · 31-03-2011 03:43PM

once got sent to get a bucket of steam by a real twat who had a problem with a girl working in a kitchen - said no prob went to the chiller filled the bucket with ice and brought it back to him - he asked what the story was I said the steam had to defrost -

last time I was asked for any of that ****

Einstein · 31-03-2011 03:50PM

Homer wrote: »

Heard this one before..

Give the new guy a saw and ask him to return it to the workshop. Off he went on his merry way when he was stopped by another lad, given a letter and asked to give it to the boss before going to the workshop. He arrived at the bosses office and gave him the letter and being a polite chap he waited for a reply. The look on his face was a picture as the boss asked him to explain the contents of the letter he had just geen given. It read:

'Sir if you dont take your wallet out of your pocket and give me all your money I will saw your desk in half'

I'd thank that twice if I could :P

hardCopy · 31-03-2011 04:01PM

Deise Dolly wrote: »

First day in a new job I asked where the toilets were. They were outside by the lifts and were shared with the section at the front of the building. I was going in the door when a guy opened it from the other side. "Sorry, I thought this was the ladies," I explained. "It is the ladies," replied the very masculine woman. I cringed every time I saw her for about a week. Thank God she worked in the other section.

I had a similar one. Me (male) walking into the toilets, girl walking out, she steps aside to let me in. As I walk past her we both cop that I'm walking into the wrong jacks and I quickly scurry away.

Loopy · 31-03-2011 04:08PM

Got caught out when I got a job as a Receptionist at 18.
The Manager asked me to page ‘Mike Hunt to reception’.
About 300 people working in the f’in company too.
I’ll never forget the howls of laughter.
I got 'how's yer cunt' for a long time after that.

Dravokivich · 31-03-2011 04:11PM

Used to work as a lounge person in a hotel... one day true as my word... i saw someone washing the ice...

Dancor · 31-03-2011 04:19PM

Working in a pub years ago while doing the stock we got a lad to count the ice cubes.

EL_Loco · 31-03-2011 04:32PM

Farm work as teenagers:

not me personally but lads being sent to the shop for "4 skin oil".

'nother one, lads egging on the new fella to ask Jimmy does his Da like his new bicycle, Jimmy in on the joke replies "me Da has no legs ya fookin prick" and go on a bit of a rant at the new fella.

All the old standards thrown in too, long stand etc.

clived2 · 31-03-2011 04:50PM

I never miss a wire clip opening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlJh0HwSFZg

Vinta81 · 31-03-2011 05:18PM

clived2 wrote: »

I never miss a wire clip opening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlJh0HwSFZg

Such a quality show.

EverEvolving · 31-03-2011 05:21PM

Once when working in a cafe we used to prepare boiled eggs for sandwiches. I was shelling them and went to crack one when bam - gooey egg everywhere. One of the girls had put a raw egg in the pile. Oh how they laughed! It was funny though!

eilo1 · 31-03-2011 05:48PM

I was working in a very busy bar one night when a new floor girl from the bar next door came in and asked for the manager. I spent a good 10 mins finding him for her thinking they needed to borrow something. Anyways turns out she was looking for cappuccino froth! poor girl lol

Another time I was working in a horse riding stable and the new lad was asked to "water the yard" which normally mean top up all the horses water buckets. The poor fella started literally through buckets of water on the yard!! Got a good laugh out of that one!

mariaf24 · 31-03-2011 06:17PM

First day of a new job I wrote on the whiteboard (A huge whiteboard mounted on wall)with a permanent marker...i think i was about 4 lines down when i went to wipe a mistake and Oh **** :eek:. Some idiot had left permanent markers instead of whiteboard markers at the base of board. I nearly cried

Always always double check now...

auditek923 · 31-03-2011 07:02PM

i was working in a shop when a young lad around 12/13 came in and handed me a note. on it read
a pack of durex
an elastic band
and a 20 pack of benson

how i laughed

Daniel S · 31-03-2011 07:29PM

On phone: "Hello? Is this Anita Gohfradump?"

'Nuff said.

MGMTea · 31-03-2011 07:46PM

" go into the shop beside us and get a lend of the air stand would ye".... bastards

merro10 · 31-03-2011 08:51PM

Working in a pub and needing a bottle of Bushmills to make a Black Bush, ask for a bottle of Shirley Bassey

blaze1 · 31-03-2011 09:11PM

I worked in a chicken factory for 3 days....

My first day someone broke into my locker and stole my runners.

I had a fantastic pair of white wellies to wear instead

sam34 · 31-03-2011 09:36PM

not a practical joke but an embarrassing first day moment:

I was with my new boss(who I had already decided I fancied) and a nurse and we were seeing a male patient who was really manic and disinhibited. in the middle of things the patient stopped, looked at me and said "my god your tits are really big" and then continued to talk about something else.

Jesus I nearly died! I didn't know where to look or what to say. I went bright red and my poor boss was clearing his throat and looking everywhere other than at me.

not a nice thing to happen on your first day.

and before anyone asks, yes my tits are really big and no I won't put up a pic:pac:

Big Nasty · 31-03-2011 09:38PM

sam34 wrote: »

not a practical joke but an embarrassing first day moment:

I was with my new boss(who I had already decided I fancied) and a nurse and we were seeing a male patient who was really manic and disinhibited. in the middle of things the patient stopped, looked at me and said "my god your tits are really big" and then continued to talk about something else.

Jesus I nearly died! I didn't know where to look or what to say. I went bright red and my poor boss was clearing his throat and looking everywhere other than at me.

not a nice thing to happen on your first day.

and before anyone asks, yes my tits are really big and no I won't put up a pic:pac:

Pics, NOW!

(Then, GTFO!):)

Ledger · 31-03-2011 09:38PM

sam34 wrote: »

not a practical joke but an embarrassing first day moment:

I was with my new boss(who I had already decided I fancied) and a nurse and we were seeing a male patient who was really manic and disinhibited. in the middle of things the patient stopped, looked at me and said "my god your tits are really big" and then continued to talk about something else.

Jesus I nearly died! I didn't know where to look or what to say. I went bright red and my poor boss was clearing his throat and looking everywhere other than at me.

not a nice thing to happen on your first day.

and before anyone asks, yes my tits are really big and no I won't put up a pic:pac:

Pics or..............ah ****

edit: damn too late

inforfun · 31-03-2011 09:40PM

sam34 wrote: »

and before anyone asks, yes my tits are really big and no I won't put up a pic:pac:

Aww... go on.
For the victims of first day pranks??

sam34 · 31-03-2011 09:41PM

nope, no pics!!

Ledger · 31-03-2011 09:42PM

sam34 wrote: »

nope, no pics!!

Your no fun.:(

sam34 · 31-03-2011 09:44PM

am just a tease!

First day on the job.....the definition of awkwardness!

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