Are you fully over a specfic ex?

Seaneh · 22-03-2011 04:30AM

there's one girl who I was involved with who ended up having borderline personality disorder, factitious disorder and a few other mental health problems. its not that I'm not over her, its just sometimes the sheer volume and depth of the lies she told me and other people on her life hits me and I have a serious 'wtf' moment. When I figured out all the lies I was in her house in asshole nowhere, washington state, up a mountain with no escape. I had some serious panick attacks for a few days after I finally got out of there as well as feeling physically ill and vomiting a few times.

She ****ing lied about the most weird ****, and in such insane depth, I couldn't process it all. She lied about having survived breast cancer, being stalked, having an affair with a professor who she claimed then died. Said professor was alive and happily married. She told stories about speaking at his memorial service on campus etc, really messed up ****. She lied about her father not being her biological dad. loads of messed up ****.
The way I figured it all out was ****ing surreal.

Involved google, an open gmail inbox, 3 phone calls and me freaking the **** out...

I'm not 'not over' her... I just still get shudders sometimes when I remember it all.

ToniTuddle · 22-03-2011 09:28AM

Bloody hell :eek:

Here's me thinking I attract ones with issues....you are in a whole other minefield!

pow wow · 22-03-2011 10:23AM

I'm over all of them but they pop into my head from time to time, not always for entirely pleasant reasons

Gunsfortoys · 22-03-2011 10:48AM

Pretty much over them quick enough. I believe in moving on quickly after a relationship has ended especially if it has ended badly.

An ex I went out with for a year was the most difficult one to get over I think and the only one I probably really cared about to be with that long.

blaze1 · 22-03-2011 10:51AM

my ex was angry, we used to fight about everything, but when it got down to it, she was an absolute slut in all the places it counted.... Im sure you couldnt even get half of the stuff she did if you paid for it :cool:

kfallon · 22-03-2011 10:59AM

Still best mates with an ex who I speak to pretty much every day, we've gone from 'love' to 'mates' and it's been like that for about 4 years now.

Still see her 2 or 3 times a year when we basically go out and get pissed!

wild_cat · 22-03-2011 11:12AM

Seaneh wrote: »

there's one girl who I was involved with who ended up having borderline personality disorder, factitious disorder

She ****ing lied about the most weird ****, and in such insane depth, I couldn't process it all. She lied about having survived breast cancer, being stalked, having an affair with a professor who she claimed then died. Said professor was alive and happily married. She told stories about speaking at his memorial service on campus etc, really messed up ****. She lied about her father not being her biological dad. loads of messed up ****.
The way I figured it all out was ****ing surreal.

Involved google, an open gmail inbox, 3 phone calls and me freaking the **** out...

I'm not 'not over' her... I just still get shudders sometimes when I remember it all.

I'm sure the non bunny boiler folk that have BDP will be delighted to know what people think of them.

Its far from factitious....

Out of the emotionally unstable people I know she just sounds like a ****ing compulsive liar and I'm sure people who spend hours depersonalised/having panic attacks/cutting the **** out of themselves/feeling numb/taking overdoses to numb the numb/feeling like they are evil or horrible person/not being able to stick at anything/feeling like a constant failure/constantly screaming on the inside will be delighted about your post. Oh I completely forgot about psychosis to top it all off.

And I'm pretty sure if you said she had depression people would be on you like a tonne of bricks.

Bruthal · 22-03-2011 12:23PM

blaze1 wrote: »

my ex was angry, we used to fight about everything, but when it got down to it, she was an absolute slut in all the places it counted.... Im sure you couldnt even get half of the stuff she did if you paid for it :cool:

Whats her number

Bruthal · 22-03-2011 12:25PM

Seaneh wrote: »

She lied about having survived breast cancer

So she didnt survive,,, some lie she managed there:eek:

jackiebaron · 22-03-2011 12:28PM

One in particular. Looked like Raquel Welch including the tits. Scouse bird. Absolute SAVAGE ride. Filthy mind, filthy laugh, dressed like a whore. Yep! Still dream about that tart from time to time.

listermint · 22-03-2011 12:30PM

kfallon wrote: »

Still best mates with an ex who I speak to pretty much every day, we've gone from 'love' to 'mates' and it's been like that for about 4 years now.

Still see her 2 or 3 times a year when we basically go out and get pissed!

Chakka bawwwowwww

Seaneh · 22-03-2011 12:53PM

wild_cat wrote: »

I'm sure the non bunny boiler folk that have BDP will be delighted to know what people think of them.

Its far from factitious....

Out of the emotionally unstable people I know she just sounds like a ****ing compulsive liar and I'm sure people who spend hours depersonalised/having panic attacks/cutting the **** out of themselves/feeling numb/taking overdoses to numb the numb/feeling like they are evil or horrible person/not being able to stick at anything/feeling like a constant failure/constantly screaming on the inside will be delighted about your post. Oh I completely forgot about psychosis to top it all off.

And I'm pretty sure if you said she had depression people would be on you like a tonne of bricks.

Build a ****ing bridge, yes she was sick, but shes still hurting people with her lies.

And the reason I said BDP and factitious is because that is how a close friend of hers, whom is a psychologist, described the problems to me.

The girl refuses to get help, I tried, her friends tried, her sister tried, she wont acknowledge the issue. There is being a compulsive liar and then there is actually believing, or projecting the lies (or image of yourself) you wish were reality.

I'm one of several people who tried to hel,p get her to seek help, to help herself, who couldn't get through to her, who then decided enough was enough and just cut her off.

Her two best friends, one of 20 years (since they were 6) and one of 10 years (the psychologist) have done the same. Her best male friend, done the same, half of her family, the same.

[edit]
revisiting some emails between the psychologist friend and myself, post the fact and the other diagnosis that was made, by more than one person, was she tended to have "destructive narcissistic patterns" aka narcissistic personality disorder, aka, she lived in her own little self invented world which she projected onto the people around her.

The only problem is she couldn't remember which lies she told to which people as the details varied on depending on whom the stories were told to, taylor made as it were, for the situation. So when she was in social situations she would do everything in her power to make sure anybody but herself was the focus of conversation. So any questions asked were deflected onto a third person and the focus shifted.
[/edit]

I'm not being a dick here, I'm being realistic.

Also, she is does have depressive episodes where she pretty much becomes a recluse, these happen every now and then when her lies are found out and people cut her out of their life.

But then it's back on the road and lie to more people.

wild_cat · 22-03-2011 01:25PM

Seaneh wrote: »

was she tended to have "destructive narcissistic patterns" aka narcissistic personality disorder, aka, she lived in her own little self invented world which she projected onto the people around her.

There you go. Don't tar emotionally unstable people with that bitches brush. The stigma around it is bad enough with out you confusing things. I think your understanding of "factitious" is wrong.... In the context of BDP it means that someone is perceiving something and thus acting out on it as they think it exists not that they've made the whole thing up.

Seaneh · 22-03-2011 01:30PM

wild_cat wrote: »

Don't tar emotionally unstable people with that bitches brush. The stigma around it is bad enough with out you confusing things.

I didn't.
I posted a specific instance of a specific person who is a ****. But she's not a **** for the sake of it, she's a **** because she's very, very sick and won't recognise it or seek help.

Also, I just want to stress I'm not having a go at you here, I know people who have some serious emotional mental health issues, I have a good friend who cannot function in groups of more than 4 or 5 and it has got worse in the last few years, and got to the stage were he needs regular residential treatment and basically never leaves his house. He's one of the nicest, sweetest people you'd ever meet but when his issues come to the fore he's extremely hard to deal with, get's very aggressive etc but the difference between someone like him and someone like here is that he is trying to deal with his problems, he is making an effort, he is in therapy etc.

I have a family member who is bipolar, again, can be very hard to live with, they can be quite hurtful, but again they are in therapy and trying to deal with it.

There is a world of difference between the two cases above and the girl I mentioned in my original post.

wild_cat · 22-03-2011 01:45PM

Seaneh wrote: »

I didn't.
I posted a specific instance of a specific person who is a ****. But she's not a **** for the sake of it, she's a **** because she's very, very sick and won't recognise it or seek help.

I suppose your lucky you got out then, but don't throw that term around without a formal diagnosis (psychiatrist) being put on a person. It can be hurtful to people who are actually going down the right avenues.

Latchy · 22-03-2011 02:46PM

I used to sometimes think about an ex of mine and then about 12 months ago while flicking through some names on facebook, I came across this other old friend who gave me the ex's profile on facebook .

So I'm looking at what I think is her in a group family photo ( we had last seen each other 20 years ago ) until I realized the younger girl in the photo sitting next to my ex was her daughter who was the spit of her .

It was weird seeing her again slightly older now of course , wearing glasses and remembering that it was various circumstances that split us up ,one being my family moving out of our neighborhood further away to another part of the city , then I moved abroad to work . So being out of touch ( no mobiles or internet back in early 80s ) it was easy to see how we drifted apart . But it gladdened the heart to see her photo again after so long ,we cared enough about each other and we stay in touch by email .

Ledger · 22-03-2011 03:07PM

There is an ex i think about constantly, but it's because of a different reason.

We remained good friends after we broke up, however she passed away suddenly in college about 15 months ago, i feel like I never properly got to say goodbye, and so think about her all the time. I like to think of this as a good thing though, keeping her in mind that is.

Cupcake_Crisis · 22-03-2011 03:15PM

There's 2 ex's that I think about a lot. One almost every day. I'm not still in love with her or anything but there's a lot of unsolved issue's and i still care and worry about her.

And the other I still think about a lot because we have mutual friends and his name is brought up a lot.

Others.....meh!

gargleblaster · 22-03-2011 03:39PM

wild_cat wrote: »

I suppose your lucky you got out then, but don't throw that term around without a formal diagnosis (psychiatrist) being put on a person. It can be hurtful to people who are actually going down the right avenues.

bit presumptuous of you to think you understood the situation based on one forum post, don't you think? also he didn't tar anyone with any brush, just shared his experience.

just because someone isn't getting help for their mental disorder doesn't make them any less ill than someone who is.

BraziliaNZ · 22-03-2011 09:27PM

Ledger wrote: »

There is an ex i think about constantly, but it's because of a different reason.

We remained good friends after we broke up, however she passed away suddenly in college about 15 months ago, i feel like I never properly got to say goodbye, and so think about her all the time. I like to think of this as a good thing though, keeping her in mind that is.

Condolences. That's really sad

PeterIanStaker · 22-03-2011 09:36PM

Yeah fully over them all, but does it count if you're not over a crush that you never actually got off with?

stateofflux · 22-03-2011 10:30PM

ive never been friends with any ex's...its either they become obsessed or turn into a manupulative controlfreak:pac: contact severed completely every time.....damn!

Ledger · 23-03-2011 10:39AM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Condolences. That's really sad

thanks.

it's not so bad now, but at the time it was very hard for us all to get over it.

XcupcakeX · 24-03-2011 05:49PM

there is one Ex that crosses my mind from time to time...... More due to guilt over how I treated him than not being over him I think.

He was the ultimate mr nice guy......and I dumped him to get back with a previous ex

Poor Craythur · 26-03-2011 12:41AM

Over them all.

The first dude I never thought I would get over him. I thought about him constantly (and I mean constantly) for two years then within a matter of days it just lifted and I didn't care any more.

The second one, I thought about him for a long time but handled this break up much better. I have no romantic feelings for him but I wish we were still friends, he's an amazing person and I messed things up royally.

The third - not a bother.

Long Time Reader · 26-03-2011 06:21PM

she is still the best sex i've ever had... and that was three years ago

Are you fully over a specfic ex?

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