Restaurant Jerks

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 10:57AM

Agricola wrote: »

God, middle class dilemmas up in da big schmoke....

I headed down to Jamsies' in the village and got 2 battered sausages and a curry chip. In and out in 7 minutes.

Middle class? MIDDLE CLASS??????

That's one corner, counter revolutionary thinking my friend. Wihtout knowing me, you have placed me squarly into the deep underbelly of the decaying strata that is our class system. Well let me tell you, I belong to no class. There is no box, no group and no case that you will place me in. Like my hero Michael Scofield, I will break free from any of societies constraints with the fury of god's own thunder. And let me also say this Agricola, that if you must place me, if I must be defined, if I must be locked in a box so rotten the smell of death and despair fills my nostrils. I will be placed only in the one box that counts. Only in the box of the working man, the criminal, the vagabond and the roustabout will I be placed. Because, as my hero Michael Scofield once read somewhere; if there is a criminal element I am of it, if there is a lower class I am in it and as long as there is a man in prison, I am not free. My hero Michael Scofield knew that - and it helped him achieve his greatness.

You know, I've realised something. The reason that guy was rude to me. He is the capitallist elite and he saw me as only profit. His brain and vision don't work like normal god fearing people like you and Michael Scofield. He weighs things up as a series of checks and balances that will result in the most profit for him and his fat cat restaurant owner friends. No longer is a trip to a restaurant about enjoying food in the company of the ones you love. Now, its a dance, a display, a whirlwind, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury that signifies nothing.

This is the capitalist dining experience and somehow I've lost my apetite.

gosuckonalemon · 21-03-2011 11:03AM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

Hello,

so I was hungry after watching a bunch of prison break (like 18 hours worth or whatever, it only felt like a few minutes) and I was celebrating having finished writing my Prison Break mystery novel (How does Michael break out this time?).

I decided to go to a restaurant. So I go to one of my faveourite places in town (Dublin Town that is) and I ask for a table. The dude behind the little podium thing who shows people to their tables, says it'll only be a half an hour for the next table. So I tell him I'll take a seat at the bar (literally three feet away) and he says he'll call me.

So 45 minutes later, I go up and ask what the story with our table is. And he says he called me loudly for five minutes a while ago and he was screaming his head off looking for me.... Then he asks my name. So I give him the old "whatever" look and head on out.

Has this ever happened to you?

Why the fcuk would anyone be arsed to queue for 45 mins in a restaurant to eat alone? Very strange.

Kinetic^ · 21-03-2011 11:07AM

feelingstressed wrote: »

So you went on your own?

Forever alone....

biko · 21-03-2011 11:09AM

http://lh6.ggpht.com/_2HdDMbQEOVE/SFDY7RlUj0I/AAAAAAAAAGg/ULa4lTy53s0/funny-picture-pardonay-mwah-cat.jpg

pickarooney · 21-03-2011 11:17AM

I can't wait to hear what The Birdman of Alcatraz' best mate gets up to in Eddie Rockets or how Papillon's cellmate got on with his septic tank cleaning.

kfallon · 21-03-2011 11:17AM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

You should have said "Fair enough maitre,I just have to use your facilities and be on my way."

You should then have gone to the privvy,surveyed the scene, done the mental calculation, doffed the kex, pointed the rusty teatowel holder at a 45 degree angle and scudded out a sludge of soft scutter which contaminated as many fittings and blanketed as much bathroom furniture as possible.

If possible, block the crappers with paper and flush.

That might put manners on the little fcuker, when he had to clean that up:mad:

Jumped up gimps!!

Yeah I mean what a fool the OP is for not thinking about that :pac:

pebbles21 · 21-03-2011 11:22AM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

Middle class? MIDDLE CLASS??????

That's one corner, counter revolutionary thinking my friend. Wihtout knowing me, you have placed me squarly into the deep underbelly of the decaying strata that is our class system. Well let me tell you, I belong to no class. There is no box, no group and no case that you will place me in. Like my hero Michael Scofield, I will break free from any of societies constraints with the fury of god's own thunder. And let me also say this Agricola, that if you must place me, if I must be defined, if I must be locked in a box so rotten the smell of death and despair fills my nostrils. I will be placed only in the one box that counts. Only in the box of the working man, the criminal, the vagabond and the roustabout will I be placed. Because, as my hero Michael Scofield once read somewhere; if there is a criminal element I am of it, if there is a lower class I am in it and as long as there is a man in prison, I am not free. My hero Michael Scofield knew that - and it helped him achieve his greatness.

You know, I've realised something. The reason that guy was rude to me. He is the capitallist elite and he saw me as only profit. His brain and vision don't work like normal god fearing people like you and Michael Scofield. He weighs things up as a series of checks and balances that will result in the most profit for him and his fat cat restaurant owner friends. No longer is a trip to a restaurant about enjoying food in the company of the ones you love. Now, its a dance, a display, a whirlwind, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury that signifies nothing.

This is the capitalist dining experience and somehow I've lost my apetite.

Andrew Maxwell? Is that you?

mikemac · 21-03-2011 11:28AM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

Middle class? MIDDLE CLASS??????

That's one corner, counter revolutionary thinking my friend. Wihtout knowing me, you have placed me squarly into the deep underbelly of the decaying strata that is our class system. Well let me tell you, I belong to no class. There is no box, no group and no case that you will place me in. Like my hero Michael Scofield, I will break free from any of societies constraints with the fury of god's own thunder. And let me also say this Agricola, that if you must place me, if I must be defined, if I must be locked in a box so rotten the smell of death and despair fills my nostrils. I will be placed only in the one box that counts. Only in the box of the working man, the criminal, the vagabond and the roustabout will I be placed. Because, as my hero Michael Scofield once read somewhere; if there is a criminal element I am of it, if there is a lower class I am in it and as long as there is a man in prison, I am not free. My hero Michael Scofield knew that - and it helped him achieve his greatness.

You know, I've realised something. The reason that guy was rude to me. He is the capitallist elite and he saw me as only profit. His brain and vision don't work like normal god fearing people like you and Michael Scofield. He weighs things up as a series of checks and balances that will result in the most profit for him and his fat cat restaurant owner friends. No longer is a trip to a restaurant about enjoying food in the company of the ones you love. Now, its a dance, a display, a whirlwind, a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury that signifies nothing.

This is the capitalist dining experience and somehow I've lost my apetite.

Spot the angry young art student who knows everything but realy knows nothing and is in for a shock when they have to go working

gosuckonalemon · 21-03-2011 11:42AM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

You should have said "Fair enough maitre,I just have to use your facilities and be on my way."

You should then have gone to the privvy,surveyed the scene, done the mental calculation, doffed the kex, pointed the rusty teatowel holder at a 45 degree angle and scudded out a sludge of soft scutter which contaminated as many fittings and blanketed as much bathroom furniture as possible.

If possible, block the crappers with paper and flush.

That might put manners on the little fcuker, when he had to clean that up:mad:

Jumped up gimps!!

Yes, because it's the maitre'd who cleans the toilets..

Good aul Flutts!!

Plazaman · 21-03-2011 11:43AM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

I literally and truthfully had my Michael Schofield cut out with me.

So you go into a busy restaurant with a cardboard cutout and ask for a table and then wonder why they are relucant to serve you. Perchance you didn't carry on a conversation with said cutout whilst you were waiting......

Restaurant discrimination to paper based lifeforms if ever I saw it.

kippy · 21-03-2011 11:50AM

I am surprised that this hasn't been mentioned already.............

JERKS???? You are watching away too much American T.V

Krusader · 21-03-2011 11:54AM

Who says Jerk in Ireland anyway

AnonoBoy · 21-03-2011 11:59AM

Crosáidí wrote: »

Who says Jerk in Ireland anyway

Jerks mostly.

The Waltzing Consumer · 21-03-2011 12:55PM

OP, was your Prison Break mystery based on the moon? I always thought they would end up in a prison on the moon...did they?

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 03:03PM

Plazaman wrote: »

So you go into a busy restaurant with a cardboard cutout and ask for a table and then wonder why they are relucant to serve you. Perchance you didn't carry on a conversation with said cutout whilst you were waiting......

Restaurant discrimination to paper based lifeforms if ever I saw it.

I'm not wondering why they were reluctant to serve me. I was wondering why they lied.

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 03:04PM

feelingstressed wrote: »

Spot the angry young art student who knows everything but realy knows nothing and is in for a shock when they have to go working

I think you have to do the leaving cert to be an art student. I work in a news agents.

Big Nasty · 21-03-2011 07:15PM

Taxi pulls up outside restaurant with a jerk, jerk gets out.

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 07:40PM

Taxi pulls up outside restaurant with a jerk, jerk gets out.

Are you suggesting I am the jerk who gets out of the taxi? I took a bus to the restaurant.

He didn't have the right to lie to me. That is not how people should behave to each other. If he had told me he was waiting to see if he got a better offer, that would have been perfectly reasonable. We live in a society that must function under arbitrary rules, and so the only decent form of communication is through honest means.

I hope one day to see him in my newsagents. Then he will see the true meaning of honest service. If he wishes to buy his faveourite magazine, we will give it to him unless its out of stock. If it is out of stock we will order it for him and should anything go wrong - I will be up front about how we lost his magazine and hope he understands. The world as it should be.

Big Nasty · 21-03-2011 07:44PM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

Are you suggesting I am the jerk who gets out of the taxi? I took a bus to the restaurant.

He didn't have the right to lie to me. That is not how people should behave to each other. If he had told me he was waiting to see if he got a better offer, that would have been perfectly reasonable. We live in a society that must function under arbitrary rules, and so the only decent form of communication is through honest means.

I hope one day to see him in my newsagents. Then he will see the true meaning of honest service. If he wishes to buy his faveourite magazine, we will give it to him unless its out of stock. If it is out of stock we will order it for him and should anything go wrong - I will be up front about how we lost his magazine and hope he understands. The world as it should be.

It was just a cheap wise crack TBH.

About as sad as this thread is.:p

cassid · 21-03-2011 08:13PM

If looking to utilise 2 at a table, you could always say a table for yourself and your friend "Harvey"- worked for Jimmy Stewart.

One thing that I never liked was a time limit on your meal, you had 2 hours to eat all your food and then get out, depending on the company 2 hours could be an eternity but its the principle of taking your money and telling you how long to eat your food- I am a bit of a moan I know !

NeedaNewName · 21-03-2011 08:15PM

pebbles21 wrote: »

Andrew Maxwell? Is that you?

I was thinking more a person with the head of a pig.

Like RTE anonymous but Internet stylie.

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 08:21PM

cassid wrote: »

If looking to utilise 2 at a table, you could always say a table for yourself and your friend "Harvey"- worked for Jimmy Stewart.

One thing that I never liked was a time limit on your meal, you had 2 hours to eat all your food and then get out, depending on the company 2 hours could be an eternity but its the principle of taking your money and telling you how long to eat your food- I am a bit of a moan I know !

Not a moan brother. You are part of a revolution. In our revolution, niceness is our currency, and politeness our bread and butter.

The first place I went was to a different restaurant and they said they could give me a table but I'd have to eat my meal in less than an hour. No, thank you. I like to savour my food. I like to converse after every mouthful, I like to talk about my day. But more than that - I like to have several deserts as most deserts are nice.

I will tell you this. If I had a can of pepsi, and that can of pepsi was my last can of pepsi. And there were two dogs of war fighting for this can. I would give my can of pepsi, my last can of pepsi to the guy who offered me a table and told me I had to eat in less than an hour. He was honest. And that is, above all else, my main gripe with the other dude.

McChubbin · 21-03-2011 08:22PM

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Thread title is misleading

(I thougt it was about dangerfapping)

Danger Fap? Man, Danger Mouse seemed so innocent when I was a wee one...

al28283 · 21-03-2011 08:30PM

Roman Scary Crap wrote: »

I like to converse after every mouthful, I like to talk about my day.

But... you said you were alone. Alone, in a restaurant, conversing with yourself, talking to yourself about your day, after every mouthful. After 18 hours of watching Prison Break??? I think you are not telling the truth about something

pvt6zh395dqbrj · 21-03-2011 09:14PM

al28283 wrote: »

But... you said you were alone. Alone, in a restaurant, conversing with yourself, talking to yourself about your day, after every mouthful. After 18 hours of watching Prison Break??? I think you are not telling the truth about something

I like to form opinions and ideas out loud while I eat. I enjoy how and idea looks just before its fully formed. In the fore of your mind, shining like a guitar in the delta of the missippi. If I am alone while doing this. All the better. Some times I discuss the particulars of my day to myself. It helps my ideas form.

I had a day off from work, so I spent it watching prison break. I had a cardboard cut out of Michael Schofield with me but that is only because I had collected it just before I went to the restaurant. From now on it gaurds my bedroom doorway.

Restaurant Jerks

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