Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

JupiterKid · 07-03-2011 08:16PM

Considering that I suffer from colitis, I've been relatively fortunate.

I've had a couple of drink induced minor sharts a couple of times over the years, but thankfully I've been sober enough to know what had happened and get myself to a bathroom where I proceeded to dump my jocks.

The worst incident happened in a Superquinn about 2 years ago when I farted and it all came out. I left my shopping behind me, hobbled to the jacks of a nearby pub where I got rid of my kacks, cleaned myself up as best I could and and threw my jeans into the washing maching the minute I got home.

Because of my bowel problems I'm super-paranoid about being "caught out" anywhere which is probably why I haven't had too many " accidents."

helimachoptor · 07-03-2011 08:25PM

Last year, heading to tenerife with the other half. The night before we were flying out i felt very odd. Heading to bed early. Up the next day drove out to the airport. Parked the car headed over to the terminal and went through security. This is where things get interesting.

Where the BK/Starbucks is i got a sudden urge so proceeded to tear up the escalator but got distracted as a woman got her handbag caught in some and nearly got pulled down. Once i was sure she was ok i kept on going. Spent a good 20 mins on the toilet with the OH wondering where fcuk i was!

So think im finally ok.. walking down the big long corridor towards the ryanair gate. Get about halfway and realise somethings on the way and i drop my bag tell the OH im off and sprint to the toilet. There's about 4 people in the Q for the cubicle and just as i get there i jump into one where a lad is coming out i scream my apologies just as i get onto the toilet bowl in time!

So 20 or so minutes later i reappear and the GF is wondering what is going on.. we sit by the gate and then we start to get into the Q where again the $hit proceeds to hit the fan.. I run to the nearest toilets and all occupied so i run to the next set and thanfully get a free one. At this stage i'm feeling like ive no insides left.. 30 mins go by and i get the call " can mr helimachoptor please come to gate 39..." the GF is on the plane txting me like fcuk. I'm replying like i barely think i can make it back to the gate never mind sit on a plane for 4 hours.

So i get to the gate and get on and thankfully the OH is sitting near the back.... where after about 2 minutes i have to go again. I get to go to the toilet and its locked as we are taxiing back from the gate. The stewardess says i have to sit down.. i tell her i know the rules but its a real emergency, she says sit down til after the safety demo and then i can. Sweet i can hold it for 60 seconds, im sitting beside someone else at this stage i apologise for my fidgeting i say im not feeling well, i'd say she well knows there could be an appearance of a chocolate howitzer..

So as the safety demo finishes i go to get out of my seat, the attendant says not a hope and i need to stay seated til we get airborne and the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign. At this stage things are getting rather urgent... So i get blunt enough that half the plane hears I tell her i understand her concerns but i'm not crapping on myself, so either she lets me use the toilet, i take a scuttery dump in the galley or on my seat or they turn the plane back to the terminal. I tell her i'll hold it aslong as i can but if it has to come out it has to come out and she may not appreciate working with that smell for 4 hours.

So i sit back down beside a girl and she throws me a very worried look... I tell her dont worry if it comes to it ill go to the galley.

So i basically clench for dear life for the next 10 minutes, the seatbelt sign goes off and i literally bound into the toilet, 20 mins later i emerge and one of the other passengers tells me better out than in!

I apologised to the stewardness for my rudeness but told her it was a genuine emergency.

gcgirl · 07-03-2011 08:44PM

Right who has IBS ?

JupiterKid · 07-03-2011 08:47PM

gcgirl wrote: »

Right who has IBS ?

I have colitis which is like IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) multiplied by 10.:(

storm2811 · 07-03-2011 08:53PM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

There is a few rumors going around,he either shat himself or he sat on his bag of sh!t(cant remember what they are called, your crap goes into a bag rather than out your arse) but either way there was sh!t all over the lads chair, someone took a pic.

pics or gtfo

:pac:

JupiterKid · 07-03-2011 09:03PM

helimachoptor wrote: »

Last year, heading to tenerife with the other half. The night before we were flying out i felt very odd. Heading to bed early. Up the next day drove out to the airport. Parked the car headed over to the terminal and went through security. This is where things get interesting.

Where the BK/Starbucks is i got a sudden urge so proceeded to tear up the escalator but got distracted as a woman got her handbag caught in some and nearly got pulled down. Once i was sure she was ok i kept on going. Spent a good 20 mins on the toilet with the OH wondering where fcuk i was!

So think im finally ok.. walking down the big long corridor towards the ryanair gate. Get about halfway and realise somethings on the way and i drop my bag tell the OH im off and sprint to the toilet. There's about 4 people in the Q for the cubicle and just as i get there i jump into one where a lad is coming out i scream my apologies just as i get onto the toilet bowl in time!

So 20 or so minutes later i reappear and the GF is wondering what is going on.. we sit by the gate and then we start to get into the Q where again the $hit proceeds to hit the fan.. I run to the nearest toilets and all occupied so i run to the next set and thanfully get a free one. At this stage i'm feeling like ive no insides left.. 30 mins go by and i get the call " can mr helimachoptor please come to gate 39..." the GF is on the plane txting me like fcuk. I'm replying like i barely think i can make it back to the gate never mind sit on a plane for 4 hours.

So i get to the gate and get on and thankfully the OH is sitting near the back.... where after about 2 minutes i have to go again. I get to go to the toilet and its locked as we are taxiing back from the gate. The stewardess says i have to sit down.. i tell her i know the rules but its a real emergency, she says sit down til after the safety demo and then i can. Sweet i can hold it for 60 seconds, im sitting beside someone else at this stage i apologise for my fidgeting i say im not feeling well, i'd say she well knows there could be an appearance of a chocolate howitzer..

So as the safety demo finishes i go to get out of my seat, the attendant says not a hope and i need to stay seated til we get airborne and the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign. At this stage things are getting rather urgent... So i get blunt enough that half the plane hears I tell her i understand her concerns but i'm not crapping on myself, so either she lets me use the toilet, i take a scuttery dump in the galley or on my seat or they turn the plane back to the terminal. I tell her i'll hold it aslong as i can but if it has to come out it has to come out and she may not appreciate working with that smell for 4 hours.

So i sit back down beside a girl and she throws me a very worried look... I tell her dont worry if it comes to it ill go to the galley.

So i basically clench for dear life for the next 10 minutes, the seatbelt sign goes off and i literally bound into the toilet, 20 mins later i emerge and one of the other passengers tells me better out than in!

I apologised to the stewardness for my rudeness but told her it was a genuine emergency.

Flying can be a nightmare for me because of the times when you can't use the toilet. I take a ready supply of powerful anti-scuts tablets which work a charm and block you up for 5-6 hours. But once they wear off...it's all hands on deck!

doolox · 07-03-2011 09:27PM

I had a very loose bowel on the way home from the States one time and regretted very much that the toilets are situated at the far side of passport control. I couldn't go on the flight as the seatbelt signs were on for about 2 hours of the flight and had to wait. I couldn't fart as I suspected I would spray the inner part of my pants with excrement and had to hlod on for dear life. After a 30 min queue for passport I ran to the toilets......

They heard the fart in Ennis.........

mahamageehad · 07-03-2011 09:34PM

So.... have all the replies in this thread been male then?? Apparently this shítting in your pants phenomenon only affects males after children have been potty trained!!!

kfallon · 07-03-2011 09:39PM

mahamageehad wrote: »

So.... have all the replies in this thread been male then?? Apparently this shítting in your pants phenomenon only affects males after children have been potty trained!!!

Men shit their pants, women gick their knickers! If you start a "Have yopu ever gicked your knickers" thread you'll get all the female replies :pac:

Metallitroll · 07-03-2011 09:50PM

indeed it'll probs get more replies than here. not.. :rolleyes:

i did this pant-shít thing once, sometimes you get preoccupied n put it off. one more minute, one more minute.. one more big mistake.

or maybe the distance was just longer than you anticipated; as a penguin. was the only time i'll have waddled in my life

JupiterKid · 07-03-2011 09:51PM

mahamageehad wrote: »

So.... have all the replies in this thread been male then?? Apparently this shítting in your pants phenomenon only affects males after children have been potty trained!!!

Nah - women just wouldn't admit to such doings. It wouldn't be lady like.:pac:

Girls definitely do have accidents - I well remember back in my college days at a party seeing this absolutely wasted drunk girl who stank of sh*t and whose hands were covered in the stuff.:eek: Needless to say, no guy tried to score her that night.

Metallitroll · 07-03-2011 09:54PM

JupiterKid wrote: »

Nah - women just wouldn't admit to such doings. It wouldn't be lady like.:pac:

whats a bigger turn-off, that she's dishonest or that she shíts her bags

haydar · 07-03-2011 09:56PM

Sharted in mass one Sunday mornin. Sat there for about 5 mins trying to convince myself i just had a wet arse but it wasnt.

I was so paranoid having to get up and pass everyone in their seats and then had to make the twenty minute walk home, squelching all the way.

terenc · 07-03-2011 10:04PM

Stuck in traffic after having a few egg sandwiches , wasn't pleasant and it was a mini phew:o:o:o. It took weeks to get rid of the smell

Alter-Ego · 07-03-2011 10:08PM

Never happened me yet.

I've come close many times, but I have bumhole on me that's stronger than a sailors knot.

Jumpy · 07-03-2011 10:10PM

JupiterKid wrote: »

Nah - women just wouldn't admit to such doings. It wouldn't be lady like.:pac:

Girls definitely do have accidents - I well remember back in my college days at a party seeing this absolutely wasted drunk girl who stank of sh*t and whose hands were covered in the stuff.:eek: Needless to say, no guy tried to score her that night.

http://images.memegenerator.net/challenge-accepted/File/277291/Challenge-accepted.jpg

MagicMarker · 07-03-2011 10:11PM

Never, but I've came so so close numerous times.

It always seems to creep up on me when in traffic with no means of pulling over or turning around!

chillywilly · 07-03-2011 10:13PM

helimachoptor wrote: »

Last year, heading to tenerife with the other half. The night before we were flying out i felt very odd. Heading to bed early. Up the next day drove out to the airport. Parked the car headed over to the terminal and went through security. This is where things get interesting.

Where the BK/Starbucks is i got a sudden urge so proceeded to tear up the escalator but got distracted as a woman got her handbag caught in some and nearly got pulled down. Once i was sure she was ok i kept on going. Spent a good 20 mins on the toilet with the OH wondering where fcuk i was!

So think im finally ok.. walking down the big long corridor towards the ryanair gate. Get about halfway and realise somethings on the way and i drop my bag tell the OH im off and sprint to the toilet. There's about 4 people in the Q for the cubicle and just as i get there i jump into one where a lad is coming out i scream my apologies just as i get onto the toilet bowl in time!

So 20 or so minutes later i reappear and the GF is wondering what is going on.. we sit by the gate and then we start to get into the Q where again the $hit proceeds to hit the fan.. I run to the nearest toilets and all occupied so i run to the next set and thanfully get a free one. At this stage i'm feeling like ive no insides left.. 30 mins go by and i get the call " can mr helimachoptor please come to gate 39..." the GF is on the plane txting me like fcuk. I'm replying like i barely think i can make it back to the gate never mind sit on a plane for 4 hours.

So i get to the gate and get on and thankfully the OH is sitting near the back.... where after about 2 minutes i have to go again. I get to go to the toilet and its locked as we are taxiing back from the gate. The stewardess says i have to sit down.. i tell her i know the rules but its a real emergency, she says sit down til after the safety demo and then i can. Sweet i can hold it for 60 seconds, im sitting beside someone else at this stage i apologise for my fidgeting i say im not feeling well, i'd say she well knows there could be an appearance of a chocolate howitzer..

So as the safety demo finishes i go to get out of my seat, the attendant says not a hope and i need to stay seated til we get airborne and the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign. At this stage things are getting rather urgent... So i get blunt enough that half the plane hears I tell her i understand her concerns but i'm not crapping on myself, so either she lets me use the toilet, i take a scuttery dump in the galley or on my seat or they turn the plane back to the terminal. I tell her i'll hold it aslong as i can but if it has to come out it has to come out and she may not appreciate working with that smell for 4 hours.

So i sit back down beside a girl and she throws me a very worried look... I tell her dont worry if it comes to it ill go to the galley.

So i basically clench for dear life for the next 10 minutes, the seatbelt sign goes off and i literally bound into the toilet, 20 mins later i emerge and one of the other passengers tells me better out than in!

I apologised to the stewardness for my rudeness but told her it was a genuine emergency.

That gave me a genuine ROFL, and for that I thank you.

clikityclak · 07-03-2011 10:20PM

Can I just thank those who have contributed to this thread... Whether intentional or not in the posts, I've had a mighty laugh!

ICE HOUSE · 07-03-2011 10:24PM

Not yet, this thread is scaring me

Truley · 07-03-2011 10:42PM

Being a girl and not a big drinker it's never actually happened to me. There was a legend story of a guy who shat himself at the Rory Gallagher fest last year. There was even a facebook group dedicated to him, with pictures of him passed out in his tent, crap running down his legs. Poor f*cker...

gloobag · 07-03-2011 11:34PM

It's happened to me a couple of times, but those stories are nowhere near as funny as what happened my mate a few years back.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, early summer 2003. Having been on the complete raz the previous evening, myself and my mate arose from our cave sporting hangovers of biblical proportions and craving pizza, followed by a "cure or two". So, off we went to purchase a couple of grease boxes.

Upon aquiring the aforementioned provisions, we decided that, because it was such a splendid day, that we should find ourselves a bar with outside seating, so that we may bask in the suns soothing warmth while suckling on some nectar (Bulmers).

It was quiet in town that afternoon. We were the only two people in the establisment we eventually decided on, not including the (hot) female barmaid, whom I could tell had taken quiet a fancy to my friend, despite his haggered appearance. Beverages in hand we strolled outside and took a seat.

Not five minutes had passed, as my friend debated with himself about how to handle the young ladys attentions, I noticed a grimace drape across his face, soon after followed by a look of pure unadulterated shock.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I think I just shat myself!" He replied.

As I literally ROFL'd, he penguin walked back into the bar, which had a tiny bathroom.

After about 20mins he emerged, with what I can only describe as a proud look on his face.

He then explained, that it was "all good". He had removed his "heavily soiled" undergarment, and stuffed it behind the toilet bowl in the one cubilce bathroom. We laughed about it and recommenced drinking.

Another twenty or so minutes had passed, and we're still the only two punters in this bar as it came to be my friends round. Reaching for his wallet, he now had a confused look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Can't find my wallet, or my keys!" He replied.
"They must've fallen out of your pocket when you where cleaning the **** off yourself in the jacks." I said.

He agreed, and with that, off he went, back to the bathroom to collect his belongings.

Five minutes pass. He then emerges, with an even more confused look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"They're not in there!" He siad.

Hmm, this was quite the pickle. He definitely had them earlier, as he had originally tried to buy the first round, but got distracted trying to chat up the pretty barmaid. Anyways, at this point the Bulmers was doing a number on my bladder, so off I went to the jacks myself, assuring my friend that I would carry out a thorough search myself when I got there.

Into the Jacks I go. I look around, clean as a whistle. In fact, a little too clean.

I return to my friend.
"I thought you stuffed your ****ty jocks down the back of the toilet bowl?" I asked.
"I did." He replied.
"Well, they ain't there now!" I said, smirking.

My friend, in his hungover state, still hadn't deduced what had transpired, as he asked me for a loan to buy the next round. I obliged, and off he trotted to the bar.

Upon arriving at the bar, the previously "gamey" barmaid, now greeted my friend with a look of disdain, and disgust. Two pints were ordered, and with his change, came his keys and his wallet

Benito · 07-03-2011 11:48PM

gcgirl wrote: »

Right who has IBS ?

The diagnosis or non-diagnosis that is IBS, yes? This is going back years. One of the first really painful episodes. Was on my hands and knees for hours with the most awful pain that wasn't cramp or, at least a cramp I'd never experienced up to then. Eventually I went to A&E. It couldn'd have been a weekend as it wasn't that full. Around 9pm.

Not a busy place but I was waiting a very long time. Eventually got to see a young male Doctor who sent me for an X-ray. Nothing to see on this so, after some consultation he decided to give me an anal exam. The first (of many since) I had ever gotten. I was asked was I constipated and said no for I had passed fine big turds for a while, said I. There was a look of distaste when his gloved fingers. I wasn't impressed either.

I was sent back to the main area ( If anyone remembers the Mater years ago, a waiting room with benches, a corridor and then the main area with a couple of tables, benches in the middle and curtained cubicles on either side) I sat on the last bench furthest from the corrider, by another corrider looking to the way I came in. (bad choice) There were about 12 walking wounded, like me, bored. Any movement attracted your eye.

So, when the nurse came around from behind the tables, made eye contact with me and made to come straight over every eye followed. She had a large plastic jug, some tubes and at least two bags of water(?) Even in my innocence, new what was comming and I assume so did everyone else.

Into this little side room, pants down, in a fetal position, warm water in the jug and the bags of saline or something atached to the tubes going up my arse.

A good enema would require me to hold all this fluid in for 15 minutes, so she said. I should remain standing or walking for this amount of time. When I could hold it in no longer ther's a toilet in the waiting room ore one just down this corridor. 15 F*****g minutes! I needed a smoke so buttocks fimly clenched I duck walked out. Some of the people has the generosity to break eye contact with me as I passed them. Though some were audible in their giggles.

I was outside smoking with my eyes glued on the toilet in reception, if anyone made a move on it I was prepared to get there before them whatever the effort or rudeness and if I failed, to somehow make it post haste to the other one.

I lasted about 7 1/2 minutes. How I don't know! No one had made a move on the nearest toilet. The relief was wonderful but I had to keep flushing as it was forming a kind of wet cone in the pot and I thought it might over flow. I sat first but soon had to hover. I was in there for more than 7 minutes but I lost track of time and I can't remember how noisy I might have been ( Randy Marsh comes to mind)

Eventually I felt confident enough to leave the loo. God help anyone who went in after me but, I was beyond caring. Half an hour later I was discharged with advice to go to my GP as soon as.

Sorry this was so long.

admiralofthefleet · 07-03-2011 11:50PM

i just had a pancake that was a little goo-ey in the middle so i think i might be posting in this thread again before the night is out

Aoifey! · 08-03-2011 12:52AM

In my secondary school, a female teacher must not have been feeling very well, but decided she was still going to teach her class. I wasn't there so I can't saw exactly what happened, but the poor woman shat herself in front of the entire class, then waddled out looking ashamed.

kfallon · 08-03-2011 01:00AM

Aoifey! wrote: »

In my secondary school, a female teacher must not have been feeling very well, but decided she was still going to teach her class. I wasn't there so I can't saw exactly what happened, but the poor woman shat herself in front of the entire class, then waddled out looking ashamed.

In Waterford? Which school? And I want names

gcgirl · 08-03-2011 01:02AM

I know your pain have been an Dignosed suffer of IBS for over 15 yrs some cramps have been worse than Labour even got caught on the M50, park car jump over fence job and hopefully nobody notices my White ass.
It's possible one of the worst things ever, one min your fine next your clucting your tummy in agony and rushing to the jaxx and hoping you make it!

Benito wrote: »

The diagnosis or non-diagnosis that is IBS, yes? This is going back years. One of the first really painful episodes. Was on my hands and knees for hours with the most awful pain that wasn't cramp or, at least a cramp I'd never experienced up to then. Eventually I went to A&E. It couldn'd have been a weekend as it wasn't that full. Around 9pm.

Not a busy place but I was waiting a very long time. Eventually got to see a young male Doctor who sent me for an X-ray. Nothing to see on this so, after some consultation he decided to give me an anal exam. The first (of many since) I had ever gotten. I was asked was I constipated and said no for I had passed fine big turds for a while, said I. There was a look of distaste when his gloved fingers. I wasn't impressed either.

I was sent back to the main area ( If anyone remembers the Mater years ago, a waiting room with benches, a corridor and then the main area with a couple of tables, benches in the middle and curtained cubicles on either side) I sat on the last bench furthest from the corrider, by another corrider looking to the way I came in. (bad choice) There were about 12 walking wounded, like me, bored. Any movement attracted your eye.

So, when the nurse came around from behind the tables, made eye contact with me and made to come straight over every eye followed. She had a large plastic jug, some tubes and at least two bags of water(?) Even in my innocence, new what was comming and I assume so did everyone else.

Into this little side room, pants down, in a fetal position, warm water in the jug and the bags of saline or something atached to the tubes going up my arse.

A good enema would require me to hold all this fluid in for 15 minutes, so she said. I should remain standing or walking for this amount of time. When I could hold it in no longer ther's a toilet in the waiting room ore one just down this corridor. 15 F*****g minutes! I needed a smoke so buttocks fimly clenched I duck walked out. Some of the people has the generosity to break eye contact with me as I passed them. Though some were audible in their giggles.

I was outside smoking with my eyes glued on the toilet in reception, if anyone made a move on it I was prepared to get there before them whatever the effort or rudeness and if I failed, to somehow make it post haste to the other one.

I lasted about 7 1/2 minutes. How I don't know! No one had made a move on the nearest toilet. The relief was wonderful but I had to keep flushing as it was forming a kind of wet cone in the pot and I thought it might over flow. I sat first but soon had to hover. I was in there for more than 7 minutes but I lost track of time and I can't remember how noisy I might have been ( Randy Marsh comes to mind)

Eventually I felt confident enough to leave the loo. God help anyone who went in after me but, I was beyond caring. Half an hour later I was discharged with advice to go to my GP as soon as.

Sorry this was so long.

Aoifey! · 08-03-2011 01:12AM

kfallon wrote: »

In Waterford? Which school? And I want names

Sorry, it was in Wexford

Ev84 · 08-03-2011 01:59AM

Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

No thank god. Had a good few turtles heads though.

Metallitroll · 08-03-2011 02:03AM

Ev84 wrote: »

turtles heads

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaKNUrT2UUg

Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

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