Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

Ditch · 07-03-2011 06:04PM

There's an old maxim; " Beer and cider feels good inside yer. But, cider and beer will make ye feel queer. "

Long, long time ago I was living on the middle floor of a house. I'd been much of the day at the pub, where I'd decided to try some of the rough cider, before deciding to stick with my usual ale. I'd drunk a Lot.

Came home. Opened my 'front' door and flopped straight onto my bed. Out like a light.

Woke up with the forty second warning! :eek: My loo, believe it or not, was in the downstairs hallway. My kitchen ~ with a bath in it ~ was six foot the other side of my 'front' door. No Way was I gonna make it down the stairs.

I threw my front door open and launched myself out, trying for the bath ..... just as umpteen pints of liquid slurry launched itself out of my bowels. Right there, on the landing

Ten minutes later, there's me, sh!t all down my legs. On my hands and knees in this wide spread pool. Scooping it into a bucket with a dust pan. And my upstairs neighbour comes home, with a friend. His front door being right next to mine.

Thankfully, I owned a Dog .....

admiralofthefleet · 07-03-2011 06:06PM

about four years ago. i was chatting up a stunner in the pub and had 99% of the cock work done when i felt a fart coming on. it was loud in the pub so i thought i would gamble on the fart lottery; i lost spectacularly. i could feel it running down my leg and getting cold so i made a beeline for the toilet.
it was right down to my socks so i cleaned up and left, making ny excuses to the bird on the way out
after that i made a promise to myself not to drink smithwicks on an empty stomach

karlog · 07-03-2011 06:06PM

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

krissovo · 07-03-2011 06:07PM

Not including sharts 3 times:

1. Got dysentery in Kenya which was a savage dose, I would cool feel drips of **** down by ankle and that was the only warning that I **** myself. I used to **** myself at least 4 times a day and sleeping at night for a week or so.

2. Driving home from shopping and felt the urge, it came quicker than I expected 5 mins away from my house. I speed up and was screaming with the pain of trying to hold it in. I reached my estate and hit a speed hump at the entrance without slowing. The second my arse lifted off the seat I erupted, the relief was awesome but it was embarrassing walking funny into the house with the misses laughing at me.

3. I once had zip jam on me when I was in a sleeping bag, after hoping out of the tent and trying to squeeze through the head section I forced out a big turd by mistake. Not a pleasant experience 200 miles from the nearest town.

RichieC · 07-03-2011 06:07PM

karlog wrote: »

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

At least, and a shower to be sure to be sure.

admiralofthefleet · 07-03-2011 06:11PM

karlog wrote: »

You can always hold a sh*t if it's a log but the diarrhea type sh*t is almost impossible. You always need at least half a roll of toilet paper after taking it aswell.

there is nothing worse than an arse twitching like a rabbits nose

dulpit · 07-03-2011 06:17PM

This is not the thread to be reading at work when you're supposed to be writing up some boring ass reports/test scenarios.

Trying my darndest not to laugh, pretty tough going tough...

dulpit · 07-03-2011 06:17PM

Oh also, I haven't been caught like that since I was a smallie, but I don't partake in the alcohol

so that might have something to do with it...

Links234 · 07-03-2011 06:19PM

once when I was in primary school

Captain_Generic · 07-03-2011 06:29PM

dulpit wrote: »

Oh also, I haven't been caught like that since I was a smallie, but I don't partake in the alcohol so that might have something to do with it...

Its worth it for the occasional, casual soiling

Gummy Panda · 07-03-2011 06:35PM

I don't wear pants

Wolfe Tone · 07-03-2011 06:56PM

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

derfderf · 07-03-2011 06:58PM

In a restaurant in tenerife while out with two other couples. I was wearing white shorts and no boxers at the time.
I made my excuses and left. Everyone knew what had happened though because the previous nite i was lyin on my bed in the nip after a shower and Sharted on the sheets.

TheMilkyPirate · 07-03-2011 07:01PM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

I've heard this a few times now what exactly happened?

Aidric · 07-03-2011 07:02PM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

I didnt, but some lad did during the DCU exams there in Jan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOyxm5R63RM

darkman2 · 07-03-2011 07:06PM

this is arse wrote: »

Had to get off one stop early cause the luas guys were checking tickets.

Why don't you pay for your luas tickets yeh scumbag scrounger. Adequate punishment tbh.

-Corkie- · 07-03-2011 07:14PM

I have done twice and I am after a few close calls but I have ulcerative colitis so I cant help it.

:(

skipz · 07-03-2011 07:14PM

A lad i worked with had stomach problems for a while and when he had to sh1te that was it!
Anyways we were up scaffold building a chimeny one day and he got the urge big time, it was deadly there was no ladders and he's higher then the pitch of the roof! He scattered down the scaffold and fell the last metre and sh1te himself when he hit the ground.
He just sat there for a few minutes while we fell about the place laughing, ah man!:D

FlutterinBantam · 07-03-2011 07:15PM

Was strolling briskly down Camden circa 0330 of a Sat nite. Good intake of spicy grub,and a chunky little Asian on my elbow,fizzing for cock.

Anyways, opposite Whelan's,got a bad signal from the 'council' which indicated unstable round in the chamber and looked for a ditching area fairly sharpish.

Little Asian was pumped up and leaking, so I thought I could hold the load on the clutch till Cuffe St.where I was parked.

Just passing the phone boxes there on the corner, she 'went off' in a shower of ripe scutther,coating the strides totally.I had to make a run for cover but never got to 'top out' the little Asian.

bad bad experience.

Zebra3 · 07-03-2011 07:16PM

Must get well messy for a bird wearing a thong.

Wolfe Tone · 07-03-2011 07:20PM

baraca wrote: »

I've heard this a few times now what exactly happened?

There is a few rumors going around,he either shat himself or he sat on his bag of sh!t(cant remember what they are called, your crap goes into a bag rather than out your arse) but either way there was sh!t all over the lads chair, someone took a pic.

gungun · 07-03-2011 07:33PM

Had one of them gasy smooth farts (you know the ones) just before I got into the bed one night, pulled down the jeans, and well, turned out it was the shcuts:o

blockedPaT · 07-03-2011 07:40PM

i havn't but have come close to it

W.Shakes-Beer · 07-03-2011 07:51PM

Nothing worse than being on that borderline of laying a massive loaf when you're driving.

I remember coming down the malahide road like a freight train one night when there was some fresh dough on its way out of the oven. I didn't care about anything around me. My eyes could only see the gleaming white bowl and cistern of the jax at home.

Screeched the car out the front, probably never locked it, and ran across the front green with a turtles head between my ass cheeks.

Galloped upstairs like a feckin eejit, mam and dad thinking i've gone mad, ran into the jax and pummeled the bowl, pretty sure there are still skidmarks left.

I looked at my jocks and not a mark. But by god I feared the worst, it was like a demon was trying to escape me.

So I guess the answer is no.

MyKeyG · 07-03-2011 07:54PM

September 11 2001 (yes that infamous day) me and my friend went to Galway. He was starting college in a week and wanted to get some new clothes. I had a day of work and no joke my first thought was 'there'll probably be feck all on telly' so I agreed to go with him.

Anyway we had a kebab in some shop before getting the bus home and I asked for no sauce. The idiots behind the counter were watching replays of the twin towers collapsing so ended up giving me sauce. I said 'feck it' and ate the lot. Galway to Ennis was one of the single most excrutiating experiences of my life. I was standing up and sitting down and some serious leakage was in progress. I prayed to every god I could think of.

We got to Ennis and some stupid old hag who should have been dead ages ago ambled off the bus while I stood behind her clenching my buns with one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever seen stood behind me. Two important questions came to mind 1. Can she smell my undies and 2. Did she hear me tell my mate I was going to just go ahead and shít my pants while we were passing through Gort. I just about made it though I hear they had to change out the bowl.

bryaner · 07-03-2011 07:56PM

It's not sh!tting your pants, but I think leaving it in them would be better..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iKFn8dlxX8

Cybertron85 · 07-03-2011 08:07PM

Once, when I was a kid of about 5-6 when I was kicking a ball around with friends.

It was made all the worse by me calling my friends around to hear the deadly fart I was going to let.

I aquired the moniker ****typants for a few years after that and my poor granny was left to scrub my ****ty underpants

admiralofthefleet · 07-03-2011 08:09PM

gungun wrote: »

Had one of them gasy smooth farts (you know the ones) just before I got into the bed one night, pulled down the jeans, and well, turned out it was the shcuts:o

please elaborate

bryaner · 07-03-2011 08:11PM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

please elaborate

He sh!t his pants end.

admiralofthefleet · 07-03-2011 08:13PM

bryaner wrote: »

He sh!t his pants end.

is that the bit down at the ankles?

Did you ever Sh1t your pants?

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