I love my girlfriend, but my body doesn't

LegacyUser · 05-03-2011 09:32PM #1

Anonymous for this, thanks. I'm going out with the best girl in the world. She is gorgeous, very good to me, we get on like a house on fire, we are perfect company for each other, she loves me to bits, and I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

So why can't I get an erection with her? There is an element of maybe us getting used to each other, and the novelty going out of it a bit, but to be honest, as gorgeous and sexy as she is, I never really got the kind of sexual buzz I did in previous relationships.

I'm not sex mad at the best of times, I'm quite contented as things are, but I know she is noticing the lack of sexual interest on my part, and did ask once or twice if I still liked her or found her attractive. The thing is, I can see a girl on the street and feel the buzz, and the rumblings, that I dearly wish I felt at home in bed with my partner.

I am afraid there is a problem storing up for the future. I love this girl, I just wish my body would demonstrate it a bit more for her. Has anyone else been through this?

Overheal · 05-03-2011 09:54PM

I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

The thing is, I can see a girl on the street and feel the buzz

I'm not qualified to put a finger on it, but the key to your problem is somewhere in-between those two statements.

How did the relationship start? Was there a lot of sexual excitement in the beginning that now as you've gotten so serious with her has gone into hiding?

flowerchild · 06-03-2011 12:08AM

Maybe you love her as a dear friend. Not as a sexual being.

Nothing wrong with that. I've had that kind of relationship with a guy, and its a beautiful thing.

Wompa1 · 06-03-2011 12:21AM

flowerchild wrote: »

Maybe you love her as a dear friend. Not as a sexual being.

Nothing wrong with that. I've had that kind of relationship with a guy, and its a beautiful thing.

But could that kind of relationship really be sustained in the long term?

If you find her gorgeous and can't get an erection I'd say you should go to your GP buddy! Or maybe try and build it up a bit..take her to a nice hotel and pay over the odds for a hotel suite with a jacuzzi...the surroundings might help kick start things

flowerchild · 06-03-2011 02:14AM

Wompa1 wrote: »

But could that kind of relationship really be sustained in the long term?

If you find her gorgeous and can't get an erection I'd say you should go to your GP buddy! Or maybe try and build it up a bit..take her to a nice hotel and pay over the odds for a hotel suite with a jacuzzi...the surroundings might help kick start things

Absolutely, just not as a marriage - as a different kind of relationship. Just because you love her, or like her a lot, doesn't mean you need to be sexually attracted to her.

If you feel interest in other women then it is not about you, per se (physically at least). Either you and she do not have a 'charge' or maybe you have an aversion to settling down and it reduces your physical attraction. Either way I wouldn't marry her.

kjl · 06-03-2011 05:32AM

The problem is that you are too used to her, simuar to the way you get used to porn. Which brings me to my first question and please dont take offence, are you watching internet porn a lot? If so you might be spoiling your sexual desire, I would recommend taking a break from porn completely and try having role play with your wife. Do things like meeting up in a bar and pretending to be strangers who are having an affair. Just try to bring back the nautyness in your own sex life and it will come back.

Just so you know, lots of relationships take dips in sexual activity, but you need to be open and honest with each other and explain any kind of stress you are feeling.

flowerchild · 06-03-2011 06:02AM

kjl wrote: »

The problem is that you are too used to her, simuar to the way you get used to porn. Which brings me to my first question and please dont take offence, are you watching internet porn a lot? If so you might be spoiling your sexual desire, I would recommend taking a break from porn completely and try having role play with your wife. Do things like meeting up in a bar and pretending to be strangers who are having an affair. Just try to bring back the nautyness in your own sex life and it will come back.

Just so you know, lots of relationships take dips in sexual activity, but you need to be open and honest with each other and explain any kind of stress you are feeling.

Very perceptive question, but I would give different advice.

If you are interested in internet porn, don't run away from it. Study closely what you like and most react to. Then go out and find a real life woman who best fits with that 'give it to me baby' model.

Put aside any guilt and use your reaction to actually understand and accept who and what you really are. That way you can cease finding your girlfriend less than perfect. You can choose a sex buddy who is the perfect 'match' for your aspirations and dreams.

It takes the pressure off your girlfirend as well. Surely she must be cognisant of your signals that she doesn't have what it takes to elicit your sexual interest. Special as you are.

cantdecide · 06-03-2011 10:27AM

I suspected internet porn too but I would advise giving it a miss, if that's the case. The Internet allows you to browse for your ideal woman/ scenario. In reality, we all learn to compromise with our preferences and appreciate our partners for who they are. If you are looking at her with a laundry list of unrealistic personal requirements, of course she will disappoint. Most girls will.

Ickle Magoo · 06-03-2011 10:33AM

OP,

It's not your body that doesn't love her, it's your head that doesn't find her sexually attractive...now why you would find her gorgeous and not sexually attractive is a puzzler - are you being honest with yourself about how you feel?

SugarHigh · 06-03-2011 06:47PM

Maybe you just find her objectively beautiful but not subjectively. In that you recognise she is good looking and the vast majority of people would find her good looking but you don't find her attractive so why push it?

It is possible to realise someone is good looking but not find them attractive just the way it is possible to realise someone isn't that objectively good looking but still find them very attractive.

LegacyUser · 06-03-2011 10:54PM

Concretejungle wrote: »

I never really got the kind of sexual buzz I did in previous relationships.

To be honest op, I think if your girlfriend doesn't do it for you like your previous girlfriends did then whats the point? If you know you can get that 'buzz' with other girls then you deserve to have that, life is too short. But also, your girlfriend deserves to be in a relationship with someone who feels the same about her as she does about him, you shouldn'd deceive her about how you feel because that is not fair to both of you.

Hope you figure it out.

I love my girlfriend, but my body doesn't

Comments