How would you want to be "knocked back"?

Scanlas The 2nd · 23-02-2011 04:21PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Politeness is gently exiting a conversation you do not wish to participate in, IMO.

Agreed. Telling someone to F%^k off would be impolite, refusing to enter a conversation in a respectful manner is polite.

DeVore · 23-02-2011 04:32PM

One of the main reasons I dont date is the incredibly childish and toecurlingly embarrassing approach most adults, male and female, take to dating. Its like being back at school.

DeV.

TouchingVirus · 23-02-2011 05:17PM

DeVore wrote: »

One of the main reasons I dont date is the incredibly childish and toecurlingly embarrassing approach most adults, male and female, take to dating. Its like being back at school.

DeV.

Would you care to elaborate on that DeV, not sure I get what you're at. Also don't get the alternative to dating, maybe I'm just having an off day.

PK2008 · 23-02-2011 09:10PM

If you take a look at any of the threads about approaching the opposite sex you'll see most women will say they wont approach men but also encourage men to approach women.

It puts men in a tricky position because they know its really up to them to take that chance- no risk no reward. Its not right or wrong its just the way it is.

Regardless of whatever way you get shot down at least you gave it a shot- life is short, brush it off and move on

Eve_Dublin · 23-02-2011 09:43PM

Just a thought and speaking for myself...I've approached men in the past for definite and I've always found it easy to do in Ireland or at least in the pubs I frequented when I lived there but perhaps there's a lack of women approaching men because women aren't attracted just to looks as men at the initial stage. Speaking from a personal opinion, I'd never target the good-looking guy standing at the bar, for example. I´d look at him but not much more. I suppose it takes a little bit more to get our attention at the initial stages. Women have to LOOK physically attractive at that stage but men need a bit more. Perhaps a man doing the approaching and showing a little bit of his personality is what draws our attention initially. It shows he´s confident and depending on what he says, that he has some personality. Men would be more inclined to go up and talk to the good-looking girl at the bar because that´s what does it for you at that stage. This is all backed up by science as we know. I just don´t think we see each other the same way in a bar setting. I´d be more inclined to talk to the guy who was carrying a guitar (I predictably love musicians) or making his friends laugh or something...in fact that´s the only kind of men I´d go for. Men standing around showing nothing of themselves or giving no clue about what their like more than likely won´t get any attention from the ladies. It´s worth thinking about...

Logical Fallacy · 24-02-2011 01:13AM

DeVore wrote: »

One of the main reasons I dont date is the incredibly childish and toecurlingly embarrassing approach most adults, male and female, take to dating. Its like being back at school.

DeV.

Plus, you ugly.

cantdecide · 24-02-2011 01:35PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

...I´d be more inclined to talk to the guy who was carrying a guitar or making his friends laugh or something...Men standing around showing nothing of themselves or giving no clue about what their like more than likely won´t get any attention from the ladies...

Peacocking, you mean!! So those of us who might be just quietly excellent are screwed!

Malari · 24-02-2011 01:48PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Peacocking, you mean!! So those of us who might be just quietly excellent are screwed!

Only screwed if you go for girls like Eve Dublin I would think.

Any guys I have approached in the past was more likely to be that I caught his eye when something subtle or funny happened. Example: Girl telling story in a pub with big elaborate movements of her arms, not realising someone was trying to pass behind her. I was silently amused at this and noticed a guy on the other side of the room smirking too and not really talking to his friends. That's the guy I'd be interested in talking to.

cantdecide · 24-02-2011 01:59PM

Well, my dear, I was that guy... the guy trying to get past, that is

Her story wasn't as much good as long.

Malari · 24-02-2011 02:00PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Well, my dear, I was that guy... the guy trying to get past, that is Her story wasn't as much good as long.

Were you knocked back? Physically that is

cantdecide · 24-02-2011 02:03PM

It was a new experience to be knocked back by a girl by way of an elbow in the ribs. I always thought that emotional pain was the worst. I was wrong

Eve_Dublin · 24-02-2011 02:47PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Peacocking, you mean!! So those of us who might be just quietly excellent are screwed!

Carrying a guitar or having a laugh with your buds can hardly be put down to peacocking! I personally don´t like show-offs but I do like funny men who play instruments. The point I´m making is I don´t just go up and talk to the really, really, REALLY good looking guy at the bar. I probably wouldn´t fancy him. Men are more visually turned on than women. That´s a fact.

This is just my theory anyway...

Eve_Dublin · 24-02-2011 02:51PM

Malari wrote: »

Any guys I have approached in the past was more likely to be that I caught his eye when something subtle or funny happened. Example: Girl telling story in a pub with big elaborate movements of her arms, not realising someone was trying to pass behind her. I was silently amused at this and noticed a guy on the other side of the room smirking too and not really talking to his friends. That's the guy I'd be interested in talking to.

The guy has given a bit of his personality away (our imagination fills in the rest in fairness). It shows he´s probably laid back and has a sense of humour about a situation that some people might be annoyed by...or probably not. Were more likely to take a gamble because we know SOMETHING. This would attract me as well, even if the guy was nothing much to look at. He´s not peacocking.

Eve_Dublin · 24-02-2011 02:54PM

cantdecide wrote: »

Peacocking, you mean!! So those of us who might be just quietly excellent are screwed!

You don´t think women who get dressed up to go out at weekends are peacocking? They´d get more attention than me dressed in jeans and a jumper...just being my quietly excellent self. We peacock in different ways and men need to realise what it is that attracts us instead of classing themselves as the quiet, nice guy who every woman ignores.

cantdecide · 24-02-2011 03:09PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

...I do like funny men who play instruments...

You're spoiled for choice

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You don´t think women who get dressed up to go out at weekends are peacocking? They´d get more attention than me dressed in jeans and a jumper...just being my quietly excellent self. We peacock in different ways and men need to realise what it is that attracts us instead of classing themselves as the quiet, nice guy who every woman ignores.

Of course they're peacocking. Outrageous girls in tiny skirts don't appeal to me, personally and the jeansy girls are usually nowhere to be found.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

...We peacock in different ways and men need to realise what it is that attracts us instead of classing themselves as the quiet, nice guy who every woman ignores...

The problem is trying to balance who you are with the guy the girls want you to be. To my detriment, I'll never try to misrepresent myself as the life and sould of the party. When everyone wants to dance, I just want to talk :rolleyes:

Raekwon · 24-02-2011 07:18PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Men would be more inclined to go up and talk to the good-looking girl at the bar because that´s what does it for you at that stage.

I think alot of men would be fairly hesitant at approaching a really good-looking girl who was standing alone at a bar because 99% of the time they would be instantly shot down. Of course there are always those guys that enjoy a challenge and would try chatting to them regardless of the consequences but in most cases blokes wouldn't just throw caution to the wind when there is a massive chance they will be totally blown out (unless alcohol was involved of course).

I compare Ireland to other counties alot because I have lived abroad and have been in relationships pretty much exclusively with foreign women since my early twenties. But when I was single, in my late teens and early twenties, I learnt very quickly that approaching women in Ireland was an often daunting and sometimes humiliating experience and not something I really enjoyed. When I moved abroad I still held this belief until I actually approached a few women and was surprised at the positive reactions. It almost felt like I was on the same wavelength as these women, which might sound ridiculous to some people but it was a breath of fresh air to me and it actually changed my whole out-look on dating.

I've been back in Ireland a good while now and in a long term relationship but I can see still the frustration of some of my single mates trying to approach women and I really don't envy them. In all honestly if my relationship ended tomorrow I would seriously consider emigrating. That might sound drastic but I'm at the age now where I would hate to be single in Ireland as it all seems like such hard work with very little reward. I know everybody is different and people have different tastes and opinions but I find that alot of single Irish males around my age group (30) share the same views as me. I even know guys that are in unhappy relationships but are too scared to breakup because they hate the Irish dating scene so much. IMO there is something fundamentally flawed in our society when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and it really needs to change.

Red Hand · 24-02-2011 08:07PM

Raekwon wrote: »

I compare Ireland to other counties alot because I have lived abroad and have been in relationships pretty much exclusively with foreign women since my early twenties. But when I was single, in my late teens and early twenties, I learnt very quickly that approaching women in Ireland was an often daunting and sometimes humiliating experience and not something I really enjoyed. When I moved abroad I still held this belief until I actually approached a few women and was surprised at the positive reactions. It almost felt like I was on the same wavelength as these women, which might sound ridiculous to some people but it was a breath of fresh air to me and it actually changed my whole out-look on dating.

You don't think that rather it might have something to do with you being a foreigner in their country, that they find you interesting, that you are have a story to tell? Cause that is the thing I see on boards...lots of males saying that foreign women are more approachable when in fact a foreign fellow over here might say the same of Irish women? Why? Because the foreign fellow over here is exotic, has a story to tell and would be seen as something out of the ordinary.

Tldr: people hear a foreign accent from a stranger and strike up a conversation with them. It's happened to me, but I didn't put it down to people being more approachable or anything.

I've been back in Ireland a good while now and in a long term relationship but I can see still the frustration of some of my single mates trying to approach women and I really don't envy them. In all honestly if my relationship ended tomorrow I would seriously consider emigrating. That might sound drastic but I'm at the age now where I would hate to be single in Ireland as it all seems like such hard work with very little reward.

It does sound drastic. But I guess if people emigrate to find work in their field, then why not a suitable girlfriend.:pac:

I know everybody is different and people have different tastes and opinions but I find that alot of single Irish males around my age group (30) share the same views as me. I even know guys that are in unhappy relationships but are too scared to breakup because they hate the Irish dating scene so much. IMO there is something fundamentally flawed in our society when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and it really needs to change.

I agree that many people stay in relationships because they are scared of being alone, but I would think that was a universal thing...men, women, foreigners, Irish...

Eve_Dublin · 24-02-2011 08:35PM

cantdecide wrote: »

You're spoiled for choice

Of course they're peacocking. Outrageous girls in tiny skirts don't appeal to me, personally and the jeansy girls are usually nowhere to be found.

The problem is trying to balance who you are with the guy the girls want you to be. To my detriment, I'll never try to misrepresent myself as the life and sould of the party. When everyone wants to dance, I just want to talk :rolleyes:

I fancy Bill Bailey. Funny and plays guitar and fairly hairy and older than me. My cup of tea.

Eve_Dublin · 24-02-2011 08:46PM

Raekwon wrote: »

I compare Ireland to other counties alot because I have lived abroad and have been in relationships pretty much exclusively with foreign women since my early twenties. But when I was single, in my late teens and early twenties, I learnt very quickly that approaching women in Ireland was an often daunting and sometimes humiliating experience and not something I really enjoyed. When I moved abroad I still held this belief until I actually approached a few women and was surprised at the positive reactions. It almost felt like I was on the same wavelength as these women, which might sound ridiculous to some people but it was a breath of fresh air to me and it actually changed my whole out-look on dating.

I´m sorry that was your experience. What can I say...I´m a polite and reasonably sound Irish woman who has no problems talking to anyone. I never saw myself as the exception back home.

The one thing I don´t miss here in Spain is everyone being absolutely baloobas. The point in the night when everyone is incomprehensible. I realised fairly early on after my move here to Spain how unattractive in both sexes it is. That much drink suits nobody...if any nationality drank as much as we do, they´d probably react the same way (men acting like drunken pissheads and women being snooty cows). I still miss the banter with randomers though (both men and women). Usually when I go out I´m not necessarily on the pull (I´m 30 too by the way) but when I talk to a guy here, they presume that´s my intention. I think Ireland is the only country where platonic banter takes place, at least out of the countries I´ve lived in and at least in the pubs I went to.

How would you want to be "knocked back"?

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