Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Moving in with girlfriend and deadbeat son?

2»

Comments

  • #32
    okiss
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 699 ✭✭✭okiss


    I would not bad mouth her son to your GF as you won't win.
    I would have a chat with him and ask where would he like to be in 2 years time, what company would he like to work for or would he like to travel?
    If he does not know it will tell you that mammy is his meal ticket and he wants to stay at home long term. When you know his answers chat to your gf then.Tell you gf what her son has told you and decide between you what you want to do next.
    Not everyone is good in school but if he is just drifting along with your gf supporting him and letting him away doing nothing it won't improve when you move in. You will end up having rows with him and life will be unhappy for you all. If her son is 20 he should be cooking his own dinner, doing his washing and doing jobs in the house. He should have a part time job or by looking for one.
    If you move in with your gf you should not be moving in to become her sons meal ticket.


  • #33
    Caros
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Caros


    Hi Yourman, I read thru this thread last night and decided to sleep on it before giving you my thoughts.

    I moved in with himself over a year and a half ago. I am in my mid 40's and childless. Himself has two children, a 24 year old son for whom he has a barring order due to addiction problems but who would be back in a heartbeat, and a 21 year old daughter who lives with us full time but she's in college Sunday evening to Friday evening - thank goodness! here full time during college breaks/holidays.

    I will tell you I was naive when I moved in. I had no real experience of the parent/child relationship. Yes I was once a child and had parents but in those days we were much more independent, I left home at 18. In my head I was moving in with my partner and another adult, the daughter being 20 at the time. I wasn't prepared for a third cog in the relationship and indeed a cog who seemed to get a lot of love and returned very little. I moved into my partner's house and I'm still here but in retrospect I would tell you if it is at all possible get ye're own place, bring your gf's son with you if necessary but at least ye will be starting from a neutral base and one in which yours and your gf's rules will hold more sway that they would if it were just your gf's house.

    Like yourself, if it were just me and himself in the relationship all would be rosy, and from Monday to Friday it generally is. I've too often been told that I don't understand because I'm not a parent, ya probably I don't but I do understand having respect and regard for others and too often I don't see a whole lot of it in the parent/child dynamic, unless there's something that can be of benefit to the child.

    I, too was naive in thinking there would be light at the end of the tunnel, that she would be moving on after college. In this economic environment I don't think that's going to happen. I suppose I had thought that when children reach some age, say 21, that they stop being children, needing their mammies and daddies. from what I see Mammies and Daddies always are needed and in some way like to be needed too.

    I suppose what I am trying to say to you is think long and hard about moving in. It's not easy living your life with the one person you love, never mind living it with them and a person for whom they have unconditional love, and whom you may not necessarily like too much. People did say to me about blood being thicker than water and all that and I kinda said ya right, unfortunately it's all too true.

    On the plus side I do think you'd find it easier living with the son, males are generally not as manipulative as females.

    Whatever you decide, good luck! Do please let me know how it goes. It is worth it if you want to be with the one you love but it's bloody hard work!!! Oh and a great learning curve!


Advertisement