would you dump your fiancé if he refused to pay more than 2,000 for a wedding?

ArtSmart · 18-01-2011 03:04AM #1

welll?

halpin17 · 18-01-2011 03:11AM

Most materialistic nosense I have ever heard, marriage is meant to be about love not the size of your wedding if I was your Other half I'd get the hell out of dodge now, if this is the tone your marriage is starting on!!!!

katy39 · 18-01-2011 03:18AM

Why is there a sexist assumption that the man should pay ?

How Strange · 18-01-2011 09:47AM

No I'd hope he'd have enough cop on and self respect to dump me for being so selfish to expect him to pay and for putting a minimum spend on our wedding.

Dempo1 · 18-01-2011 09:52AM

The fact the OP is asking such a question does not bode well for a long and fruitful marriage me thinks.

This said, what is the fiancé expecting? the wedding party to collectively drive through a Mc Donald's? I know there are lots of bargains out there, €36 PP for meals etc but i doubt 2k Would cover much.

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 09:55AM

2k? you hardly get the dress for that!! lol,

30k is prob a good ball park figure!

gerryk · 18-01-2011 09:59AM

30K? What planet are you on?
I got married last year in a lovely little hotel in Connemara. Party of 65, beautiful menu we selected ourselves. Everything covered, food, wine, dress, suit, bridesmaids, flowers, rings the lot for 9k.

Oh, and we shared the cost.

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 10:12AM

gerryk wrote: »

30K? What planet are you on?
I got married last year in a lovely little hotel in Connemara. Party of 65, beautiful menu we selected ourselves. Everything covered, food, wine, dress, suit, bridesmaids, flowers, rings the lot for 9k.

Oh, and we shared the cost.

i suppose it all comes down to your disposable income.

30k come from my fiancé and myself having quiet large families 20 aunties and uncles on each side. being very close to our cousins and having large groups of friends. it all ads up and soon enough your sitting with 200 people to invite. We also wouldn’t settle for a small hotel so its 5 star all the way, 90 a head or so that gives you 18k already roll in all the rest and you'll easily hit 30k.

but each to their own if you have the money spend it if not do it on the cheap.

we will be sharing the cost too with a bit thrown in from the brides father(he's old school and wants to pay for it all but i dont think that fair)

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 10:15AM

oh and in response to the OP. yes i would dump him, if he cant afford more than 2k then i would have high expectation of him providing a stable future for you and you family in the future

Walls · 18-01-2011 10:15AM

Our wedding was quite small, but it did come well over the 5k mark. Expecting to pay 2k for a wedding is really going to be, frankly, hard, if it is to be a traditional wedding of church, white dress, hotel reception and honeymoon suite. If it is to be kept to under 2k then a lot of this has to be done away with. Some folks are fine with that, some aren't. I forecast a delightful period of discussion, negiotation and compromise.

D3PO · 18-01-2011 10:16AM

seanmc1980 wrote: »

2k? you hardly get the dress for that!! lol,

30k is prob a good ball park figure!

you can get beautiful dresses for a fraction of 2k. Good to see the bubble mentality still exists though.

OP A wedding is supposed to be about love and a commitment to one another not about ice sculptures, rolls royces etc

If you can afford a big wedding with all the trimmings fine, but if not so what.

You need to get your priorities straight. If you dumped himfor this hes got a lucky escape if you ask me.

bohsfan · 18-01-2011 10:19AM

Personally, I have never seen the point of spending a huge amount of money on one day. Especially when a large chunk of it gets spent on people I, quite happily, wouldn't see from one year to the next. My ideal would be to go abroad, spend my money on the holiday and get a nice little service on a beach somewhere. Give your nearest and dearest plenty of notice so they can cover their own costs. But that's just me.

Back to the OPs question: In a word, no. There must be a good reason why your other half is reluctant to spend the money. You need to sit down together and work out what this is, rather than be thinking of ultimatiums straight off the bat

D3PO · 18-01-2011 10:21AM

seanmc1980 wrote: »

i suppose it all comes down to your disposable income.

exactly yet you immeidatly scoff at the OP's fiance because he wants to set a 2k budget. you dont know his circumstances proportionally that could be a larger amount of his income than your spending.

you have no right to pass judgement on somebody elses wedding budget. Just like I have no right to comment on yours.

celticbest · 18-01-2011 10:23AM

you should be dumped for asking this question............

ElleEm · 18-01-2011 10:29AM

Spending a fortune on one day is very silly if you can't afford it. Even if you can afford it, there are a lot of sensible people out there that would rather keep their cash for more important things.

The amount you love each other is not refelected in the cost of your wedding. I think a lot of people miss that point.

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 10:35AM

D3PO wrote: »

exactly yet you immeidatly scoff at the OP's fiance because he wants to set a 2k budget. you dont know his circumstances proportionally that could be a larger amount of his income than your spending.

you have no right to pass judgement on somebody elses wedding budget. Just like I have no right to comment on yours.

quiet true oh wise one!!! i appoligies to OP for my off the cuff remark. i do think 2k is on the extreme low side all the same though.

gimmick · 18-01-2011 10:40AM

Maybe they should take a loan :eek:

theteal · 18-01-2011 10:40AM

i had to check that this wasn't actually AH before I responded, OP.

The idea of dumping someone that you're supposed to love over something so frivolous is actually quite sickening, it's just a bit of a shindig at the end of the day.

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 10:43AM

ElleEm wrote: »

Spending a fortune on one day is very silly if you can't afford it..

very ture

[/QUOTE] Even if you can afford it, there are a lot of sensible people out there that would rather keep their cash for more important things..[/QUOTE]
Well what constitutes a more important thing?? if you take this attitude to everything in life you end of dying with plenty of money in the bank and plenty more Regrets

[/QUOTE]The amount you love each other is not refelected in the cost of your wedding. I think a lot of people miss that point.[/QUOTE]

True but you can spend a fortune on a wedding and be every bit as in love as someone who spends very little. its seems to be view of some people that if you have a cheap wedding you are more in love than someone who has a large extravagant wedding. This isn't the case at all

D3PO · 18-01-2011 10:48AM

seanmc1980 wrote: »

quiet true oh wise one!!! i appoligies to OP for my off the cuff remark. i do think 2k is on the extreme low side all the same though.

it is on the low side if you were to rank it in the average wedding cost. That doesnt mean they cant have a romantic memorable day with the people they love for that amount.

I happened to be in town last Thursday night and a wedding party arrived into the bar I was in.

There was about 20 of them. I only know they were a wedding party because at one point the house band in this bar congratulated them.

The bride wore a white dress, not a traditional wedding dress by any stretch of the imagination, but they were having a great time with friends taking photos of them and the group of friends dancing etc.

I can easily imagine that this couple could have had a civil ceremony a nice meal, and into a bar where they had a free band to dance to coming in at under 2 grand.

They looked very much in love and were having a great time. I say fair play to them and I wish them well.

seamus · 18-01-2011 10:52AM

It depends on what kind of wedding you want to have.

If you want to have a celebration with all your family and friends, then 2k might be a bit on the frugal side.

By the time you've paid for a venue and something nice to wear, there'll be very little left out of that €2k.

The problem is one of expectations. Some people want to have the ballroom with 200 guests, a four-course meal topped off with a band and dancing. Others simply want to get married and have a nice meal with their family and closest friends. 2k is a deposit for the former, but will pay for a good time in the latter.

I think it would be a bit silly though to dump a fiancé because you disagree on the scale/format of the wedding celebration. Although that said, if you consider it to be a dumpable offence, then the fiancé has had a lucky escape, because the wedding is one of the more minor life experiences that you will row about...

ElleEm · 18-01-2011 10:53AM

More important things?

Saving for a deposit for a house, having kids, kid's college, allowing you to have a more "comfortable" life. These are more important than spending loadas of money on one day.

I'm not saying that people who have a cheap/ expensive wedding love each other any more or less than the next couple, but it appears that some couples feel the need to invite everyone they have ever met to their wedding in an attempt to show how much they love each other to the world.

My response to the OP is that if you got engaged to a man that you loved, and wanted to spend the rest of your life with, then this shouldn't change just because he wants to spend what you deem as a low amount of money on one day.

the_syco · 18-01-2011 11:00AM

katy39 wrote: »

Why is there a sexist assumption that the man should pay ?

She's a gold-digger.

Not everyone can afford a huge wedding, and it seems he's trying to put a cap on it.

seanmc1980 wrote: »

This isn't the case at all

So unless you spend €30,000 on the wedding, and put yourself into debt for the first few years of your marriage, it's not a "real" wedding?

=-=

Suppose it depends if you're marrying for love, or for money...

ixoy · 18-01-2011 11:18AM

I actually felt a twinge of revulsion on reading that question.
Firstly, what is the OP contributing? If she wants a bigger wedding, why not dig into her own pockets? I'm assuming she's all about the equality.

Secondly, can he put his money to better use? Is he pushing towards buying a house, or items, that will keep you more comfortable for the next twenty years or would you rather just push it all on one day.

And finally: Why are you getting married? Is it truly a celebration of your love and commitment to one another, or is it more about having your day in the Church and a fancy hotel with everyone fawning over you?

bytheglass · 18-01-2011 11:20AM

bohsfan wrote: »

Personally, I have never seen the point of spending a huge amount of money on one day. Especially when a large chunk of it gets spent on people I, quite happily, wouldn't see from one year to the next. My ideal would be to go abroad, spend my money on the holiday and get a nice little service on a beach somewhere. Give your nearest and dearest plenty of notice so they can cover their own costs. But that's just me.

...so you have an ideal wedding abroad & in theory if your nearest & dearest dont want to/cant afford to, then they dont have to go? In reality this would end up costing your nearest & dearest waaaay over the odds (than if you were to have your ceremony here for instance, but you get away without spending much)

I went to a family wedding abroad, sure they gave us 18 months notice but we still spent in the region of €1,500 on 1 week away in a location which wouldnt be on our top holiday choice list. The bride & grrom had a great time but we had to wait nearly 2 years before we could afford to give them a gift! I would have prefered NOT to go... but then we would have been the only couple (immediate family) who didnt make it - peer pressure?? I just dont think couples who descide on weddings abroard really think about the bigger picture...

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 11:24AM

ElleEm wrote: »

I'm not saying that people who have a cheap/ expensive wedding love each other any more or less than the next couple, but it appears that some couples feel the need to invite everyone they have ever met to their wedding in an attempt to show how much they love each other to the world....

SOME couples feel a need to have a small wedding to show the world how much they love each other.
SOME couple have BDS&M wedding cos that what their into,
my point is you cant judge someone who has a large wedding and assume its all for show and no substance. every couple are different in what they want

the_syco wrote: »

She's a gold-digger.

Not everyone can afford a huge wedding, and it seems he's trying to put a cap on it.

So unless you spend €30,000 on the wedding, and put yourself into debt for the first few years of your marriage, it's not a "real" wedding?...

i dont think anybody remotley said that its not a "real" wedding if you dont spend 30k
why do you assume if some spend 30k on a wedding they'll be in debt from it? saving, parents ,money lieing around could easily cover 30k.

=-=

Suppose it depends if you're marrying for love, or for money...[/QUOTE]

thats a ridicules statement to make and really you come across a quiet bitter and a be grudger. So you saying if you have a big wedding your marrying for money and not love. idiot

bohsfan · 18-01-2011 11:38AM

bytheglass wrote: »

...so you have an ideal wedding abroad & in theory if your nearest & dearest dont want to/cant afford to, then they dont have to go? In reality this would end up costing your nearest & dearest waaaay over the odds (than if you were to have your ceremony here for instance, but you get away without spending much)

I went to a family wedding abroad, sure they gave us 18 months notice but we still spent in the region of €1,500 on 1 week away in a location which wouldnt be on our top holiday choice list. The bride & grrom had a great time but we had to wait nearly 2 years before we could afford to give them a gift! I would have prefered NOT to go... but then we would have been the only couple (immediate family) who didnt make it - peer pressure?? I just dont think couples who descide on weddings abroard really think about the bigger picture...

First of all, it's my ideal, and I fully understand it wouldn't be for everybody. Yes- there is the potential for it to put some strain on your immediate familys pockets. It would definitely be something that would need to be considered. But at the end of the day you can only worry about other people so much, and in the end would have to go with whatever was going to make you happy.

Just as people who go abroad might be putting some financial strain on their friends and family, having a wedding at home (so their friends and family get a free day out) could be putting an even bigger financial strain on the couple.

Weddings are never easy!

bytheglass · 18-01-2011 11:43AM

bohsfan wrote: »

Weddings are never easy!

Hear hear!

seanmc1980 · 18-01-2011 11:55AM

bohsfan wrote: »

Weddings are never easy!

BOOM, +1 to that!

18-01-2011 11:58AM

surely weddings are an individual affair? if you want to spend 30k, whos business is it? if you want to spend 3k? whos business is it? whether you have 300 at your wedding or 30 at your wedding, its the business of the person footing the bill and nobody elses.

Threads like this invite the self righteous, the OP only asked a yes or no answer - i would answer the OP's question with a simple "no" and i wont attach a lecture.

Malari · 18-01-2011 12:00PM

I think to dump your fiance for any reason related to the size or value or cost of a wedding, unless you have already had protracted discussions about it and realise you cannot come to a compromise of any description, is crazy.

However, if you come to the conclusion that you cannot agree on how you want to spend the first day of your married life, and have gotten engaged before you ever discussed the possibilities of different types of weddings, then perhaps it's better you don't get married in the first place.

would you dump your fiancé if he refused to pay more than 2,000 for a wedding?

well? 12 votes

Comments