Social etiquette that you can never figure out.

liah · 23-12-2010 12:38PM

Oh, I've got one.

Why do we have to put up with so much pure, utter bs?

Seriously? Bullsh!tting on about the weather, x-factor, the latest iPhone, anything to avoid actually communicating with one another on a human level because that's "gay."

I'm so tired of bullsh!t. I really am. I would love it if people could just talk to one another like normal human beings about what they REALLY think and feel about serious stuff without all this social construct gossipy lying oh-lets-out-do-each-other bullsh!t.

It really bothers me when people tell me that they like talking to me because they finally feel like they have someone to open up to about anything without fear of being judged-- it's lovely that they trust me but why has it come to this at all? Why shouldn't everyone have a load of people they can do this with? Why is everyone so focused on pretending to be invincible and superior?

Your job title doesn't make you better than anyone else, it's just a string of words. Your hate speech dressed up in 'acceptable' language is not better than my sailor's mouth preaching respect and love. Your musical or movie taste isn't better than someone else's, you just like/don't like it for different reasons. The woman who had a child out of wedlock isn't a hussy, she just has a different life plan than you do.

Why the hell does everyone have to be so insecure all the time? Why does everyone have to be so focused on proving themselves to be "better than the rest?" What on earth is wrong with just being human?

I'm going to continue being open and honest from the get-go, if people can't deal with it, fine, but I'm done dancing around pretending like people shouldn't feel or be vulnerable or that I should think less of someone for it. It's useless, so much of life is wasted on hate and judgment.

Bah. Angry day. :mad: I'd better stop now.

Pace2008 · 23-12-2010 01:01PM

So-called table etiquette.

Right, some of it makes sense, say chewing with your mouth open - there are natural reasons why this is universally frowned upon.

But some of the social constructs we’ve built around our eating habits are just absurd and I challenge their proponents to actually qualify why they’re so important - and I‘d like something a little more substantial than some variant of “just so.”

I’ve been chastised more than once for eating “like an American,” ie. fork in right hand, knife in left. It’s just a more intuitive way for me to dine and I honestly don’t understand why people would why people would look down on me for doing so just because I was born on a particular side of the Atlantic. I was reading an interview with some fat **** of a chef in the paper the other week, who actually listed this particular habit as his bête noir. Stop making a conscious attempt to be offended by something that has no effect on your wellbeing – when it comes to failings in the eating department, you have no right to look down on me, you obese prick.

Ditto resting your elbows on the table. I thought dinner was meant to be a time for relaxation, so I don’t see why I don’t see why I have to be sitting there in an uncomfortable position, big stiff back on me, holding my cutlery like a spastic because I’m not predisposed to using it so, just to please a bunch of people with nothing better to do than take umbrage at the most minor of perceived foibles.

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 23-12-2010 06:27PM

checkyabadself wrote: »

That's a shame but it doesn't bother me much as altruism is seldomly reciprocated these days.

What does bother me is when a stranger holds a door for me and I say "thank you sir", the reply is all too often, "You don't have to call me sir". To which I reply, "Would you prefer madam?".

I'd feel uncomfortable if somebody called me 'Sir'. It would make me feel like I should be riding my carriage through the cotton plantation.

Dubh Geannain · 23-12-2010 06:38PM

Turtyturd wrote: »

Teaching children to respect their elders.

They should be taught the treat them the same way they are treated cos most old people are horrible.

Ah yes. Unfortunately in the past where parents failed to teach their childer respect they usually received a clout in the but of the lug from the older folk they bothered. They now know they can't be touched.

Here's my addition though:
I don't know how people use the toilet for a s**t and don't put the seat down when they flush. If they only knew the amount of airborne particle that arise from flushing.

phantom_lord · 23-12-2010 06:39PM

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

Do I sit up front or in the back of a taxi if i am the only passenger?

I always sit in the back it never occurred to me before that that might be odd

On reflection, most people seem to get in the front. meh.

TimeToShine · 23-12-2010 06:48PM

The word rape. When will people let go of it's negative connotations? It's genuinely the perfect word, it can be used to describe any form of winning/victory/destruction/hammering/beating/annihilating in 4 glorious letters.

de Lehman Bruddars · 23-12-2010 06:53PM

liah wrote: »

Oh, I've got one.

Why do we have to put up with so much pure, utter bs?

Seriously? Bullsh!tting on about the weather, x-factor, the latest iPhone, anything to avoid actually communicating with one another on a human level because that's "gay."

I'm so tired of bullsh!t. I really am. I would love it if people could just talk to one another like normal human beings about what they REALLY think and feel about serious stuff without all this social construct gossipy lying oh-lets-out-do-each-other bullsh!t.

It really bothers me when people tell me that they like talking to me because they finally feel like they have someone to open up to about anything without fear of being judged-- it's lovely that they trust me but why has it come to this at all? Why shouldn't everyone have a load of people they can do this with? Why is everyone so focused on pretending to be invincible and superior?

Your job title doesn't make you better than anyone else, it's just a string of words. Your hate speech dressed up in 'acceptable' language is not better than my sailor's mouth preaching respect and love. Your musical or movie taste isn't better than someone else's, you just like/don't like it for different reasons. The woman who had a child out of wedlock isn't a hussy, she just has a different life plan than you do.

Why the hell does everyone have to be so insecure all the time? Why does everyone have to be so focused on proving themselves to be "better than the rest?" What on earth is wrong with just being human?

I'm going to continue being open and honest from the get-go, if people can't deal with it, fine, but I'm done dancing around pretending like people shouldn't feel or be vulnerable or that I should think less of someone for it. It's useless, so much of life is wasted on hate and judgment.

Bah. Angry day. :mad: I'd better stop now.

Stop judging people.

RussellTuring · 23-12-2010 11:14PM

The toilet thing above reminded me of something. Why do some men, when in a public toilet, wizz in the cubicle with the door open instead of using a urinal? If it's a matter of shyness I don't see why they leave the door open.

pickarooney · 23-12-2010 11:15PM

RussellTuring wrote: »

The toilet thing above reminded me of something. Why do some men, when in a public toilet, wizz in the cubicle with the door open instead of using a urinal? If it's a matter of shyness I don't see why they leave the door open.

Unless someone was using a periscope they'd be unlikely to able to leer at his wang?

RussellTuring · 24-12-2010 02:38AM

Yeah I was thinking it might be something like that but if it were me, I'd close the door so I didn't look so strange.

Victor · 27-12-2010 10:14AM

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

Do I sit up front or in the back of a taxi if i am the only passenger?

Sit where you and the driver will be comfortable.

Female passengers should always sit in the back - sitting in the front makes the driver fear accusations of impropriety.

Male passengers should never sit behind the driver - it makes the driver feel insecure.

Ideal location - rear seat, diagonally opposite driver.

In other countries, it is not normal for passengers to sit in the front.

thefireinside · 27-12-2010 04:19PM

Tigger wrote: »

front unless yer a poncer

or if you're a girl on your own... I've had one too many bad experiences with creepy taxi-drivers after a night out. Definately the back.

Larianne · 27-12-2010 04:37PM

Victor wrote: »

Sit where you and the driver will be comfortable.

Female passengers should always sit in the back - sitting in the front makes the driver fear accusations of impropriety.

But then ya can't have a proper chat with them!

Is there really that many creepy taxi drivers out there? Least if you're in the front you can use the horn if you have get attention to or pull the hand break.

Herb Powell · 27-12-2010 04:46PM

Dubh Geannain wrote: »

Ah yes. Unfortunately in the past where parents failed to teach their childer respect they usually received a clout in the but of the lug from the older folk they bothered. They now know they can't be touched.

Here's my addition though:
I don't know how people use the toilet for a s**t and don't put the seat down when they flush. If they only knew the amount of airborne particle that arise from flushing.

no

Mr. Manager · 27-12-2010 04:50PM

Larianne wrote: »

Is there really that many creepy taxi drivers out there?

**Insert horrendously racist remark about 'the blacks' being dodgy**

....ashamed of some peoples attitude when it comes to getting in a taxi

Nevyn · 27-12-2010 04:56PM

TimeToShine wrote: »

The word rape. When will people let go of it's negative connotations? It's genuinely the perfect word, it can be used to describe any form of winning/victory/destruction/hammering/beating/annihilating in 4 glorious letters.

I will be totally ok with that use of the word, when people are no longer raped.

liah · 27-12-2010 05:02PM

Something bothers me about the fact that the meanings "winning/victory" were derived from and are associated with the meaning of "raped."

Who first made that connection in a positive way, anyway?

I don't really care if people use it colloquially in that context and as a gamer I've done so myself, but if I think about it too much it's a bit.. unsettling, tbh.

Life's so much more enjoyable and carefree when you don't try to get to the bottom of everything.. Stupid brain.

Neyite · 27-12-2010 05:08PM

Wine Tasting: You are supposed to taste the wine to see if it has been corked, not to 'see if you like it'. By turning to the waiting staff and doing your Oh-So-Funny "No, I don't like that one" makes you look like a dork.
Taste the wine. If its Corked, it will taste disgusting. If it is not, then just tell the waiter to pour, and thank them. I cannot stand the twat that trots out this lame joke in a restaurant.

Waiting for all to be served before you eat. If some are waiting on dishes, and others are served the correct etiquette rule is simple: If it is a cold course served, wait. If it is hot, begin to eat. It is actually bad manners to leave hot food to go cold.

HeadPig · 27-12-2010 05:10PM

Gary4279 wrote: »

I don't get why most women wont approach a guy they like.

I also don't get why a lot of women will brandish a guy a pervert if he approaches them.

Yeah, it's very unfair, and also terrifying when a woman brandishes a pervert at you.

Conor Bourke · 27-12-2010 05:23PM

TimeToShine wrote: »

The word rape. When will people let go of it's negative connotations? It's genuinely the perfect word, it can be used to describe any form of winning/victory/destruction/hammering/beating/annihilating in 4 glorious letters.

Clearly you've never been to Sligo. I've heard as a description of any/all of the above on more than one occasion.

Herb Powell · 27-12-2010 05:26PM

checkyabadself wrote: »

I think etiquette should be taught in school. The majority of people in my experience seem to have learned how to interact with each other through embarrassing trial and error.

It bothers me too see how manners have died a death with so many people these days. Holding doors, table manners and the art of conversation are lost on the majority of people I would meet in a day.

I find it saddening to see people wearing hats indoors, ordering dessert while others are still having dinner and not offering someone a drink upon entering their house..."help yourself", seems to be the replacement.

I was embarrassed when someone once criticised my diction for using the word rape outside of their limited understanding of the words multiple uses.

What the hell is the art of conversation? I can't find anything wrong with anything else you mentioned

thefireinside · 27-12-2010 05:33PM

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

**Insert horrendously racist remark about 'the blacks' being dodgy**

....ashamed of some peoples attitude when it comes to getting in a taxi

Yep Larianne I genuinely have come across a fair share of them in my 10 or so years of getting taxis home after nights out... Enough to make me vow never to sit in the front again if I'm alone... And every single one of them that creeped on me was Irish.

t0mm13b · 27-12-2010 05:48PM

Dubh Geannain wrote: »

Ah yes. Unfortunately in the past where parents failed to teach their childer respect they usually received a clout in the but of the lug from the older folk they bothered. They now know they can't be touched.

Here's my addition though:
I don't know how people use the toilet for a s**t and don't put the seat down when they flush. If they only knew the amount of airborne particle that arise from flushing.

@Dubh Geannain:

Have seen guests who use the toilet (am the host btw) and they do not flush the toilet and when I go for a pee, I naturally look down to pull down the zipper and lo and behold, the eye starts to wander naturally within peripheral vision...- a floating cadburys in the bowl, I go ffs, FLUSH FLUSH.... :mad: then I get annoyed because it is embarrassing for me to raise the delicate matter to the guest in question - how the fcuk do you say it diplomatically...

"Oi you, remember to flush ya fcukin twat", or "cough cough... clear throat... the loo... cough cough, clear throat, please flush after use... clear throat", cast nervous glances... made to feel like a prick or a dork... one way or the other - cannot win on this one....

27-12-2010 05:49PM

t0mm13b wrote: »

@Dubh Geannain:

Have seen guests who use the toilet (am the host btw) and they do not flush the toilet and when I go for a pee, I naturally look down to pull down the zipper and lo and behold, the eye starts to wander naturally within peripheral vision...- a floating cadburys in the bowl, I go ffs, FLUSH FLUSH.... :mad: then I get annoyed because it is embarrassing for me to raise the delicate matter to the guest in question - how the fcuk do you say it diplomatically... "Oi you, remember to flush ya fcukin twat", or "cough cough... clear throat... the loo... cough cough, clear throat, please flush after use... clear throat", cast nervous glances... made to feel like a prick or a dork... one way or the other - cannot win on this one....

"go to fcukin Paul's to poo next time you filthy creature"

pickarooney · 28-12-2010 10:37AM

Herb Powell wrote: »

What the hell is the art of conversation? I can't find anything wrong with anything else you mentioned

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MVESWB1CBg

Blisterman · 28-12-2010 11:35AM

Talking to people with a facial disfigurement or deformity.

I don't want to be rude and not look at them. So I end up having a fixed stare right into their eyes.

Then I think Oh no, I'm making too much eye contact. So I look away.

Then I think Oh no, I'm being rude.

Meanwhile I've completely lost track of the conversation.

PlayGirl · 28-12-2010 11:46AM

When (usually quite old) women sit beside you on the bus when your listening to music through earphones, and you then realize they'd asked you a question, so you take out the earphones and answer, go to put then back in when they start chatting about weather or something..that's all grand, a little chit chat, but then the conversation sort of fades out, at what point is it not rude to continue listening to your music and seem like your ignoring her??

bigneacy · 28-12-2010 11:48AM

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

Do I sit up front or in the back of a taxi if i am the only passenger?

I don't know what a tracker mortgage is....

Dionysus · 28-12-2010 12:17PM

Herb Powell wrote: »

What the hell is the art of conversation?

Surely the 'art of conversation' is evident, and that like anything else we do the less we practice the less good our skills become in it? With internet fora, for instance, many people are probably better writers than they would have been, but it isn't doing much to improve their skills in verbally expressing themselves, persuading somebody of their view, listening, picking up on body language and changing their conversation accordingly, and so forth.

Good, engaging conversation is definitely an art form.

Social etiquette that you can never figure out.

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