The dreaded splashback

Im recovering from a heavy night out, there is only one thing I want and need to do.. that thing is to unleash an unholy amount of pre-session bowl movement.
The last thing I want to see first thing on this blurry.. hazey.. aching morning is your stagmant fuking p!ss glowing in the depths of my throne.

Often the splashback from this, the most porcelain of all the drinking holes on God's green Earth is almost welcome and seen as a bonus cleaning mechanism.
The fact that it will be tainted by the kiss of your rotten.. day old, bacteria infested skip leak is almost as infuriating as when I were to find your freshly trimmed pubes on my matress.

Flush the toilet after you use it you cretin, lest I don the yellow rubber gloves, soak a ball of toilet paper in it.. and in my still drunk and eternally hungover state.. stuff it down your throat.