MAWS

Sunday, October 31. 7:02am texts:

Anne > Mags: You up? Naas CC must be hardcore.
Mags > Anne: Just awake…is it pelting?
Anne > Mags: I’m no Gerry Fleming but yeah tis fairly consistent rain fall out there. Might be better though come 9am. Tough call. Next week is 95km with hills. So I’m just anxious to get the practise in. Only for that I’d happily say MAWS has been rained off.
Mags > Anne: Oh here let’s go….might be fine at 9 – am bringing FULL change for after.
Anne > Mags: Grand so.

8.05 MAWS leaves Dublin in the LASHING (pelting is too soft a word) rain with both of us praying it will be called off when we get there. What the hell are we thinking after taking out Orwell’s women’s beginners spin on 60km yesterday? Doing another cycle the next day is not a good idea. Doing another cycle the next day in the rain is stupid. But it’s pencilled in that we’re to meet Naas Cycling Club outside the courthouse at 9am, so that’s where we’re headed. Tour three of MAWS is going to decide once and for all whether we’re fair weather cyclists or unhinged hardcore!!!

Despite the rain things get off to an exciting start when a Garda presence (meters of yellow tape and three squad cars) greets us at the cycling meeting point (yes, it’s still LASHING). Fortunately the Garda presence is not to greet us (Mags’ car tax may not be fully uptodate) but an incident in the town, which means the entire main street is off limits. One detour later and we’re up the other end of the main street, parked up, eyeing any slowing car suspiciously - ‘don’t slow down and magic a bike out of the back’ – if no one shows there is no cycle!!

8.55 Our contact in Naas CC, Lorcan, rings Anne – cycle is off, it’s too wet. Woo hoo x lots!!!! We’re both delighted – no one can call us whimps – we turned up etc etc So, what do we do for the day? Well, we can get some breakfast, change out of this ridiculous lycra, and maybe then go to Wheelworx and check out their women’s bib leggings selection – we really need to invest in some decent winter cycling gear if we’re to attempt cycles in this (still) LASHING rain. Natter, natter, natter. Oh god, why didn’t Mags just drive off straight away when she had the green light from Lorcan?
Pleeeeeeeeeeease let this be a Garda bike. Nope, that’s a proper cyclist pulling up across the road….and another. Crap, within five minutes there’s five or so cyclists all togged out in rain gear and looking very much like they’re going for a cycle in the LASHING rain. Seeing as we’ve a bike strapped to the back of the car and both faces are pressed against the window in despair (and they’ve seen us) we have to get out and see what’s going on (read: if they’re really hardcore and are going to cycle in the LASHING rain).

9.10 We’re off with 12 or so of Naas CC (no Lorcan though – not hardcore enough it seems or else had the sense to dive back under the duvet) in the LASHING rain. There’d better be a decent coffee stop soon. Mark, who sponsors the club jersey seemed destined for the hills, but thankfully Brian was on a fixie which gave the rest of us an excuse to keep it flatish – but we should have copped that a response of ‘fair enough, we’ll just get some miles in instead’ does not mean we’re going to be home within 60k.

Without Lorcan we’re a little lost initially to be honest, as we explain the whole MAWS concept – yup, bit of a blog, tired of Enniskerry, yeah we’ll be writing about the coffee stop, that kind of thing.
Anyway, we’re off at a speedy pace around Kildare. At least it’s flat – as we whizz through puddles and entirely flooded roads. Within minutes everyone is soaked, but no one seems to mind – it’s actually not that cold out.
Within 20 minutes we’ve dropped one member and continue towards Dunlavin, head into Wicklow. But things seem to be getting out of hand when we see a sign for Waterford….errr, Waterford? But it’s ok, we’re just heading towards Carlow before swinging back up to Athy (let’s keep it to one county people).
By this stage we all ‘know’ each other, with ‘roll over’ being the local slang for ‘up and over’ and Joe has offered MAWS Sunday dinner – albeit ‘offered’ is probably a misnomer! Some people (Alan) seemed to get a dispensation from the roll over and we’re still trying to figure out how to achieve this status – maybe he has serious dirt on the rest of the group?

At one point, going along some very nice smooth road – it’s new seemingly – Mags has the audacity to ask if there’s a coffee stop. Now, she only said it to Brian, but did kind of say it loud enough (intentionally) for the rest to hear. However, Mark, our group leader, put it to the group by way of a shout (he really should have made an ecumenical decision on the positive side) and Mags was forced to scream ‘no’ to save face and ignore the fact her toes and fingers are numb at this point – it hasn’t stopped LASHING rain since we started btw.

But they’re a great gang, with some very experienced cyclists in the group. Naas CC has swelled over the past few years and on ‘better’ Sundays there is usually three or so groups heading out. Today, of the hardcore crew, two cycled L’Étape du Tour and have great tips about their preparation (MAWS is still considering going international you know!). Others have raced for years and the rest are just getting back into cycling after a few years off the bike, and they do their best to distract from the LASHING rain as they regale us with stories like the time Joe arrived at the Tour of Kildare with no helmet – it could happen to the best of us, but how he managed to cycle there without noticing it missing off his head is interesting!

The only let up in the rain comes when we’ve stopped at a cross roads outside Monasterevin waiting for two of the group to catch up with us, and even though we’re taking up half the road, Mark informs us that he lives near here so it’s ok! (See pictures for road possessiveness). Anne’s not convinced though, and reckons we’re actually potential road kill for the neighbours. Moving on it’s quite harrowing as we pass another Topaz and know we weren’t stopping for coffee – but, in fairness, it was probably for the best as MAWS would have abandoned the cycle and phoned a friend to collect us! As we went into a headwind at this point this is actually the most miserable either of us has been on a bike – and it’s not for the lack of great company – Naas CC are great craic – it’s the LASHING rain and lack of decent winter cycling gear for us. Did we mention it rained?

It wouldn’t be fair to comment on the Naas cycling kit as we saw very little of it through the oilskins, but red, white and black seems to work! Kildare is a beautiful county, there may have been scenery but we didn’t see it with the LASHING rain. Although the Japanese Gardens look pretty – and probably were if we could see, but by this time Anne’s face was covered in too much grit to see anything and Mags’ glasses had long fogged over….

Cross roads seemed to cause some confusion for the group, as right was substituted for left and then back to right at one point! Then, when two dropped off the group for a toilet stop, there was more confusion (they ended up on a dirt track) despite clear instructions – seriously guys it was take the NEXT right, nothing more than that!
Nonetheless, we push on and the pace picks up another notch and the talk quietens down as we head towards the Curragh Camp – a couple of ‘speedy pants’ in the group are determined to either get us back to Naas in record time or drop everyone off the back!

Coming out of the Curragh Camp MAWS were in front, and clarification was required on directions. ‘Look left, go right’ is not that clear when there is LASHING rain beating off the ground! The Hallowe’en theme surfaced through the Curragh Camp where a pretty impressive bon fire was being constructed, although Brian’s ‘that’s where we bury our dead’ comment was slightly disconcerting to us non locals. At this point we were offered the ‘hilly’ route home, but we all pointed at Brian and said ‘not fair on the fixie’!!! But if the flat route is their idea of flat it’s not a funny joke people – there were two hills!

Straight onto Two Mile House – so called as it’s two miles from Naas (seemingly it’s actually three – Kildare humour!). By the time we get back to Naas half the group has peeled off heading home, and we roll back into town to be greeted by a local minor with ASBO potential, who’s cycling in the opposite direction on the foot path! The tracksuit and white runners-clad dude, who was on some kind of BMX, then roars across the road: ‘I’ll race ya’. Fortunately, Brian was more than quick off the mark with his retort: ‘I would, but I’m in a hurry’, and we all snigger, having outwitted him. But, as the lights change (he so knew the sequence) he sped past us laughing his head off, while his mates cheered him on. Fair dues.

Soaked through we were happy to be finished the 92k, and a big thanks to Naas CC for allowing us to join them for the morning. Along with seeing most of Kildare through the rain, we learnt new cycling jargon – lake on left, pond on right, river in middle. However ‘grid’ (as in cattle grid) still managed to get a ‘what?’ reaction from the two of us (despite MAWS’ agricultural backgrounds!). For a group that weren’t expecting us, they were very welcoming and we were invited back and coffee stops will be scheduled!!! Massive thanks to Pio, Mark, Brian, Brian (fixie), Dave, Hugh, Cathal, John, Alan, Joe and Mark.

A change of clothes, coffee to warm us up, we head to buy our bodyweight in winter gear.

Next MAWS stop is Dundalk, but in-between we’ve the Orwell weekend away in Nenagh – looking forward to hanging out with the regular crew for a few days on the bike and at the bar!!!



Distance: 92km
Speed: Awaiting clarification as Mags’ Garmin died in protest before the cycle.
Petrol: 133.9c/L
Coffee: ???

‘Dick and Dirk’s Cocktail Hour’ took place at a super Orwell cycling weekend away in Nenagh recently. However, one bottle of rum does not equal cocktail in MAWS’ books, but who are we to turn our noses up at free booze? No sireeee, but we will mutter about the lack of selection.

So, when it transpired through MAWS’ trip to cycle with the Marble City Wheelers (MCW) this weekend that Captain Havoc was a MCW member and a Boards’ moderator, a splinter group of DirkVoodoo, El Tonto and Lumen decided to tag along for the Kilkenny spin. The stakes were set high: MAWS would raise Dick and Dirk’s cocktail hour a glass, or many, and the gauntlet was laid down – Dick & Dirk’s Cocktail Hour v. MAWS Cocktail Hour…we were quietly confident.

MAWS prepared for this cycle cocktail hour like never before. For the first time since MAWS’ inception, both Mags and Anne swore off the booze for the week preceeding the cycle. This was SERIOUS winter training.

To accommodate the MAWS/Boards visitors Pat Tobin, secretary of MCW kindly put back the Saturday cycle start to 10am, increased the distance by 40km (why?) and included a first time ever, and never to be repeated, coffee stop!!!

Kilkenny may be renowned for the influx of creative hen and stag parties every weekend but MAWS’ were convinced the DTs had finally set in, after a week of sobriety, when they spotted the shocking pink lycra-clad Boardsies in a car park in Kilkenny at 8.30am Saturday morning. Oh hell, all we could hope for is that locals would assume they were some type of weird and wonderful stag party….on road bikes!

Off we set for our 10am meet up at Kilkenny Castle and found one cyclist waiting for us. Enthusiastic handshakes all round and five minutes into introductions, and mentioning of ‘we were talking to Pat Tobin’, our cycling friend eventually got a word in and told us we were in the wrong spot, and group, as he pointed to his mountain bike. Err…apologies and vacant looks all around we sheepishly headed 40 yards around the corner to the actual meeting point.

One by one Pat and the rest of the regular MCW crew arrived with Fiona pulling up, sharply and exclaiming: “What the hell are ye wearing?” as she pointed at the shocking pink-clad trio…..as MAWS shuffled off to the right in a bid to create as much distance as possible, all the while nodding their heads vigorously in agreement with Fiona.

Route and coffee stop location decided 12 of us set off. But where was Captain Havoc? Mags had heard rumours of a cape and was very excited! However, he’d booked the wrong day off work and could only make the apres cycle!

As we headed for Bagenalstown we met a number of other cyclists – including someone in an Usher jersey. Were they lost? On for Borris and the picturesque village of Graiguenamanagh, the group split – with most of the MCW having to cut the cycle short due to the late start. During this short pause Lumen and Dirk discussed dismantling Pat Tobin’s bike, in a bid to get rid of the ‘unsightly’ pie plate, but when they spotted the number of reflectors on his spokes they realised it was far too time consuming a job and, in fact, it was deemed ‘euro’ it was so wrong.

We waved adieu and with Pat and Mick Burke leading the motley crew from Dublin we headed for Inistogue. Rumour has it that serious racers don’t do coffee and cake stops – we have evidence to prove otherwise. In fact Lumen (pavalova), El Tonto (apple crumble) and DirkVoodoo (biscuit cake) all got seconds while MAWS and MCW got a chill waiting outside the café, tapping their cleats eager to cycle – that’s why we’re here people – to cycle!!!

Back on the bikes and full of sugar, with Pat’s jacket securely held together with safety pins – too much cake? – we upped the tempo to Thomastown and Bennetsbridge. Luckily the Kaiku-clad trio are not down with the local lingo/accent and were unaware of the threatening taunts coming their direction from an ominous looking bunch of youths outside a chipper in Thomastown.

We finally landed back in Kilkenny at 3pm – much later than usual for a spin of this distance due to the extended coffee stop. Unfortunately Kilkenny city town was much busier at this stage as Christmas shoppers and tourists alike all pointed at the trio in the shocking pink Kaiku get up…. again MAWS thought it best to create some distance and hung back while considering alternative, less populated routes back to base.

Some 98km later, at an average speed of 27km/hr, it seemed the Boardsies had dragged the MAWS average speed down!!! Looks like MAWS won the cycling competition (did they not know that part was a competition too?). Boardsies only hope of redemption lay in Dick and Dirk’s Cocktail Hour. Din, din, din – ominous music plays……

At 7pm MAWS headed for room 101 (we kid you not) discussing the rumours of pink flamingos, imported sand and hula skirts which had leaked from the Boardsie camp during the week. Fear not – we were greeted by an inflatable palm tree, an industrial size pack of party poppers, the signature one-cocktail menu and a disastourous play list (seriously, whose ipod was that?). MAWS knew victory would, once again that day, be theirs. Supping up as quickly as possible and suggesting to the impartial judges (Captain Havoc and Lumen) that we all move to room 63 where the MAWS cocktail extravaganza was ready to kick off.

MAWS party = a large selection of drink (mojitos, vodka, gin, rum, red wine, whiskey, triple sec), home made Gingerbread MAWS (complete with black jerseys with pink ‘M’), pink cocktail shaker, pink and black balloons, cocktail umbrellas, swizzle sticks, hibiscus flower drinking straws, and MAWS posters. Entertainment = TWISTER. Piece de resistance = multi-coloured, shiny disco ball!!!! Need we say anymore? MAWS are serious competitors on and off the bike! MAWS 2 – Boardsies O

Thanks to Pat Tobin and the crew for organising a great weekend and joining up with us that night in Kilkenny for dinner and drinks. Not sure Captain Havoc will be allowed back into Langtons though and may have to spend all future weekends in the Denis Menchov Cycling Centre of Excellence.

Weary from three weeks in a row of MAWS, Mags & Anne have decided they are entitled to some R&R and are off to Monart Health Spa in Wexford next weekend. However, now that our serious winter training has started in earnest we’re incorporating a spin with Slaney Cycling Club on Sunday, November 27.

PS – Seeing as Swizzle sticks and balloons come in packs of 40 - MAWS are now available to cater at private functions, weddings, christenings etc